I am 39 years old and still worried about disappointing my parents.

[alarimer]

Specifically, my dad. I have always felt like nothing I did was ever good enough. Now the latest thing is that I will not be receiving my MS degree this May after all because my thesis is just not ready. Some of that is due to my procrastination but some of it is just that I have been very busy lately, traveling a lot for work and for fun.

Anyway I emailed my dad to warm him not to buy plane tickets. I do not know why they wanted to come to graduation but they did. I did particularly want to sit through that boring thing but anyway. I have not heard back from him yet. I am so afraid he is pissed but I am too scared to call and ask. I guess I am being chicken.

Do we ever get over this stuff or will it go on until one of us dies?

[Iris]

1. You can get over it.

I was forced to because my life was miserable due to the unrealistic expectations of my parents.

[suninvited]

2. what you have to get over

is not the fear of disappointing, but the need of his approval.

I dont have any answers, I havent done it yet.

Good luck on your thesis !

[alarimer]

7. Thanks n/t

[SPKrazy]

3. I'll tell you a story

I got my MSW when I was 27.

I loved my mother dearly.

Until the days when she was just too sick to bring such things up... I would tell her something I had done, or some accomplishment I had made, or something like that in work, or in school, or training.

Her response was always a mixed message. Something akin to "that's wonderful!" "are you sure you are qualified to do that?"

I found that I'd lived my life trying to please my mother and it was impossible to do. As terrible as it sounds, it took her death for me to realize some things personally and professionally and make some decisions.

My only counsel to you would be to be straight with your dad... live your life for you... and even in death, I hear my mother's critic still. I'm working on not listening to it more.

At one time in my life I used alcohol and drugs to block out all things unpleasant to me... totally, until they didn't work anymore.

Good luck, and you'll be fine.

:hug:

[Inchworm]

4. I'm 39 and still disappointed in mine

not the same thing, but I think parents are just that.. parents.

Good luck!

:hug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

5. Don't do it

Please, just don't.

I still find myself trying to please my parents.

My dad died in 1993, my mom in 2002.

Life is short. Really, really short.

Your responsibility is to do what you were brought into this world to do.

Some people will approve. Some will not. Do it anyway.

39 will become 49 and that will become 59.

Make a stand at 39. Do what you feel is right and pay the price.

:toast:

[alarimer]

6. Good advice

Thanks. I am just making too much of this. Even if they had bought their plane tickets, they can still come out.

[Jade Fox]

8. When my parents died.......

there was a period afterward (which did not last) in which all I could remember was what I liked about both of them (which in my dad's case was literally about one and a half things). Other people have told me they had a similar experience. I remember thinking it's too bad we can't experience this phenomenon when our parents are still alive, and relate only to what we like, ignoring the rest of the crap. In that post-parental death phase, it seems like it would be possible to do.

I don't know if this is in any way helpful, but it came to me in response to your post.

[alarimer]

9. I have a pretty good relationship with them

I just feel like I need to work to get their approval, especially my dad's. I never felt like I really had it.

[femmocrat]

10. Maybe he thinks you don't want him to come?

Parents are like that sometimes. If you tell him it's all the university's fault.... he will get that!

Good luck!

[AlCzervik]

11. you should talk to your Dad, tell him how you have felt over the years, he may not

realize it and i'm sure he's proud of you but maybe he's not really big on being demonstrative.

[alarimer]

12. I should

but I am a coward when it comes to stuff like this.

[AlCzervik]

13. try and work up some courage, remember, it's always worse in our imagination

than it is in reality. I've had problems and issues with my Dad until i was about 25 and then something snapped and i decided i was going to try and please people or live up to their standards, quite frankly it was eating away at me and since then and moving 3,000 miles away i've become much more independent and dare i say---liberated?

I bet your Dad has no clue how he's coming across, my Dad never did until i had a talk with him and the funny thing is we weren't even discussing our relationship, we were talking about something else and we just ended up there.