Horoscopes

[Renew Deal]

Aries (March 21 - April 19) You are the pioneer type and hold people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are an asshole.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination to work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You're nothing but a damned communist.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you're bisexual. However, you're inclined to expect too much for too little, meaning you're cheap. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 22 - July 21) You are sympathetic and understanding to others problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off, and that is why you will always be on welfare, and never worth a shit.

Leo (July22 - August 21) You consider yourself a born leader, while others see you as pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and can't tolerate honest criticism. You are arrogant and disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards.

Virgo (August 22 - September 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to all your friends. You are cold and unemotional, and often fall asleep while making love. Virgos make excellent bus drivers and pimps.

Libra ( September 23 - October 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you're a man, you are most likely queer, if a woman a whore. Chances of monetary gain are excellent. All Libras die of VD.

Scorpio ( October 23 - November 21) You are a shrew in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the pinnacle of success due to your lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a bitch. Most Scorpions get murdered.

Sagittarius ( November 22 - December 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal because you are always getting screwed.

Capricorn ( December 22 - January 20) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You can't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. They are notorious for farting in church.


Aquarius ( January 21 - February 19) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. On the other hand, you lie a great deal. You tend to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are stupid.

Pieces ( February 20 - March 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA and FBI. You have minor influence over your associates, and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a coward. Pieces people screw small animals.

[terrya]

1. I realize I certainly have my faults, but....

I'm an Aries.

And I'm an "asshole"???

Well, there's something to talk about with my counsellor.



Terry

[ewagner]

2. I'm a Pices

...and, actually, I prefer bigger animals........

[terrya]

6. My partner is a Pisces....

And he'll be surprised that he likes to "screw small animals!"



Terry

[bigwillq]

24. I'm a Pieces

and I don't "screw small animals" and I don't "lack confidence nor am I a coward"
usually mu scope is right one but not this one. However, I take it these are suppose to be joke scopes.

[Superfly]

3. Did the Meeting Room

get full?

[GOPisEvil]

4. LOL - I'm an incestuous bisexual?!?!

ROFL!!!

[KCDem]

7. well, I sure am!

Glad I clicked on this thread... I thought it was going to be something sappy.

[Lizz612]

8. bisexual, yes actualy I am, but incestuous!

I had no idea, thanks for telling me!

[ScreamingMeemie]

10. Me Too!!!

I knew I was cheap, but that other stuff...Whoa!

[KCDem]

11. hey... MrsGrumpy... you're a gemini, I'm a gemini...

and you know what THAT means.

so... whad'ya say?

[ScreamingMeemie]

20. Hey KCDem...if MrGrumpy keeps working all these hours I'll be

hopping a flight!

[GOPisEvil]

21. Make sure to bring the kids...

...JUST KIDDING!!!!

[TXlib]

23. Hamada hamada hamada

I'm trying to come up with a witty reply, but having a really "hard" time typing one-handed...

[Rabrrrrrr]

25. Well, look at it positively - you enjoy the whole family

How tender and loving and downright democratic of you.

[mac2]

5. Pieces are cowards?

Was George Washington a coward. Is this post a joke?

I'm a easy going, understanding Pieces...who thinks this is a distraction.

[jus_the_facts]

9. Most Scorpions get murdered.....yikes....

[populistmom]

12. But I'm cusp

(February 18th) and I recently learned that because of that whole cusp thing, I'm almost as influenced by Pisces as Aquarius. (Fitting since I tend to be much more the sentimental Pisces than the hardened, wild Aquarius. Or perhaps a battle between the two?)
But this? Holy Cow! I'm actually a terrible lier and would never screw small animals.

It was funny though. I'm married to a Sagitarian and his was surprisely fitting except he does have talent on some levels.

spelling edit (as usual)

[jus_the_facts]

15. I'm a cusp too....

.....Nov. 21st makes me Scorpio/Sagittarius!

[DS1]

13. everyone cough up a sign >> Leo

I only steal things that want to be stolen

[Bunny]

14. Well, I'm an Aries and I AM an asshole!

No conflict here! No siree! Cause I'm an asshole, ee yo ee yo ee yo, I'm an asshole, ee yo ee yo ee yo! (thanks Dennis Leary!)

[KCDem]

16. so, which DUers fart in church?

No one's owned up to being a Capricorn yet.

[TheMightyFavog]

18. I do!

Well, I did, before I deconverted. I used to sit way in the back and let 'em fly. And for some reason, the hard wooden pews were like the perfect flatuatory sounding boards. The would amplify the slightet parp so that it could entire congregation coult hear it.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

17. I miss Carl Sagan. (nt)

[Bronco69]

19. WOOHOO!

I'm nothing but a damned communist.

[TXlib]

22. Does everybody think I am stupid?

Aquarius ( January 21 - February 19) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. On the other hand, you lie a great deal. You tend to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are stupid.

---

Full of shit, perhaps; but stupid? Probably not.

[jus_the_facts]

26. awwww does that make your *brown eyes*...blue....

[camero]

27. Well I am a Taurus

That explains everything.

[Mass_Liberal]

28. heh

Leo. Yup, sounds just about right.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

29. I'm always getting screwed?!?

Please, Lord...When?!

[CrownPrinceBandar]

32. I feel your pain....

I never knew how hard it was being a Saggitarius.

[CrownPrinceBandar]

30. I think we have a new sig line.... n/t

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