Let me float a conspiracy theory past you

[Orrex]

I'm not a big fan of all that MIHOP/LIHOP nonsense, but I think I've stumbled onto a conspiracy that just might be true.

I am convinced that the television stations available through basic cable conspire to air the absolute worst crap so that people are compelled to buy expanded cable packages (or digital, or satellite, or whatever). I mean, what else could possibly explain TBS choosing to run Encino Man and Mr. Deeds and Legally Blonde 2 yesterday? And it's not as though this kind of crap programming is an isolated incident.

Meanwhile, these networks make sure to tell you all about the cool shows and movies airing on other channels, conveniently owned by the same companies that own the crap-vendors.


Okay, as conspiracies go, it's hardly the Second Gunman on the Grassy Knoll, but I think that I'm realy onto something here. If anything happens to me, you can be sure that Martin Lawrence has murdered me, some time during the latest marathon of Bad Boys II, Big Momma's House, Blue Streak, and National Security.

[ghostsofgiants]

1. That's the most believable conspiracy theory I've ever heard.

[flvegan]

2. When something has been proven, it's no longer a theory.

You notice that we have 2 MTV stations now? Both chock fulla crap.

Encino Man. At least it wasn't Son In Law. Nothing like Pauly Shore calling a square dance.

[Orrex]

3. A while back they ran "Jury Duty" and "In The Army Now" back-to-back

That's when I first began working on my theory.

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. In the case of yesterday, I think it was because of the football games

The networks know that the majority of TV eyes will be on the games, and so they program cheap crap that they don't have to pay much for. That happens every time there's one big giant event that networks know is going to draw the majority of viewership.

On the other hand, yes, I think there is a conspiracy to produce and air the worst crap possible - making shit is cheaper than making something good, and the networks ain't in the business for the artistic potential. They're in it to make money.

[FloridaJudy]

5. What? No Norbit? n/t

[Tuesday Afternoon]

6. If truth is a theory, then this theory is the truth!

It is a racket, I tells ya!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

7. I noticed that a long time ago

The best programming is on the digital cable level, with Independent Film, Sundance, Discovery Science, History International, and other niche channels, plus the premium channels such as HBO and Showtime.

Unfortunately, to get the digital channels, you have to pay for Extended Basic Cable, which has only three occasionally worthwhile channels: MSNBC, the Comedy Channel, and the Weather Channel. It has some formerly good channels, such as A&E and Discovery, but they are just pathetic, idiotic shadows of their former selves.

Furthermore, popular channels are moved up into the digital tier. For example, when AMC just ran obscure movies, it was in the Extended Basic tier, but when it started showing critically acclaimed programs like Hustle or Mad Men, it went into the digital tier.

A few months ago, I realized how much money I could save by canceling my Extended Basic Cable and just going with Basic Basic Cable, since 90% of what I watch is on PBS. There are hundreds of DVDs available even at my little neighborhood library, and even buying a DVD set or two per month is cheaper than buying the upper tiers of cable TV.

I'm saving $40 a month, and sometimes I don't turn on the TV for days at a time.

[LeftyMom]

8. TV will rot your brain.

Load it in the car, take it to goodwill, then drop by the library and pick up some books you've been meaning to read. When you get home, call the cable company and tell them to go fuck themselves. Problem solved.

[YankeyMCC]

9. Amen!

[lizerdbits]

10. Sounds plausible

I want a la carte cable so I can get the 6 channels I watch. I've been thinking for a while about ditching it.