My Dad Stinks

[Lostmessage]

He gets mad at me every time I visit him and I ask him if he has taken a bath.

He is a senior citizen and he thinks that he only has to take a bath twice a week and for some reason I think that he has cut it down to once a week.

If you were me would you call a nursing home and ask them to come out and bathe him more often?

We get into this battle all of the time and I am getting sick of it.
When I walk into his apartment I have to open up the windows and walk out for a while before I can stomach the smell in the place.

His Cat doesn't care and I feel sorry for his Cat.

He has a Harry and Tonto relationship with the Cat that he rescued.

Will insurance pay for a nurse to bathe him?

He served in WW2 and he is very mean but he is a Democrat.

[Stocat]

1. my suggestion

My suggestion, is going to sound a little off the cuff, but I would try to get him on an anti-depressant (like Lexapro). It can do wonders to get some elderly people re-energized about their lively hoods...Granted this is a much bigger battle than the one you described but it might do wonders to make your relationship better, and it might just help him take a bath every once and a while. Then again, him bathing may have nothing to do with depression.

[Lostmessage]

2. He use to be impeccably clean

Kind of like a Felix on the odd couple.

[Droopy]

3. I think this is a sign of some larger problem, also.

Especially seeing as how he has changed. Maybe you could get your dad to go see a therapist with you to help sort out the problem.

[Lostmessage]

5. My Mom has been dead for years

I thought that it could be depression but he has gotten meaner then he usually is.

If I ask him if he has taken a bath he throws things at me and I end up leaving.

I think that it is time for him to go into a home for Seniors but I don't know of one that would take a Cat. I am willing to take his Cat but he needs that Cat and it's only 3 years old.

[heidler]

4. Perhaps it's your view point of justified criticism that stinks.

Does your Dad ask you to visit? Do you tell him a day a head that your going to come by? Have you ever seen any proof that having body oder detracts from life expectancy? Is your concern for your Dad or for you? I too was in WW2.

[Lostmessage]

6. I take him food and clean his apartment

I also do his laundry and he complains about me doing that.

I love him but he needs a private nurse.

It would be nice If I could find him a girlfriend.

[Don_G]

7. Call the VA Hospital In Your Area

To make an appointment and explain the signs and symptoms to the Doctor yourself. The Doc can run some tests to make certain its not a physical problem and should be able to refer you to someone on staff in case a nursing home is necessary.

[Lostmessage]

8. Thanks

It's driving me crazy.

[Red State Rebel]

10. This behaviour can also be indicative of TIA's....

or mini-strokes causing some senile dementia. Contact the nearest VA hospital and explain the situation to them and get their advice. He definitely needs to be seen whether it's depression or the beginning of senile dementia.

I understand how hard this is. Don't give up....

[MercutioATC]

11. A small issue with VA hospitals...

I had a friend who was medically discharged from the Navy with psychological issues. At one point he got so bad that we helped convince him to admit himself to a VA hospital here in Cleveland.

I sat with him during the interview and he got guarantees that I would have access to all of his medical records and doctors.

I went to see him a week later. He had cigarette burns on his fingers because they had him so heavily medded that he'd forget he was smoking and couldn't feel the cigarette as it burned him. He was a complete zombie. I asked for a list of his meds. They refused to provide them. I asked to see a doctor. They said none were available. I asked when one would be and they told me one wouldn't be...the doctors were too busy to deal with "complaints".

I eventually got my friend released. It wouldn't have happened if he didn't trust me enough to just do what I told him to, because his decision-making capability was nil, thanks to the meds.

I know you're not talking about admitting your father, and I'm sure there's a good VA hospital SOMEWHERE, but just keep your eye on things...

[Faygo Kid]

9. My Dad was a problem, too. Beat the sh** out of my mother.

My little brother and I used to cower behind the couch until the police came. He (thankfully) split when I was 9; and Mom raised us alone, no child support. Never saw him, until out of the blue, I got a call from him when I was 22; my brother and I went to see him, in a flophouse. He died of a heart attack two months later, and I got the call to identify him in the morgue. Then made the arrangements to send the body back to his family in Minnesota, who I did not know. That was my relationship with my father, period. So try a little perspective, and do what you need to do to take control of the situation. Can you get guardianship?

[Don_G]

13. Mine Too

Put me through the legal system for an "assault" charge on the occassion of my Mom's first stroke.

Dammed if he didn't convince the prosecutor that "my" potato up the tail-pipe had more to do the situation than the septic shock and cancer he died of a few months later.

Let it die and let it lie.

[Lostmessage]

20. That's awfull guys

:cry: :hug:

[SammyWinstonJack]

12. I would never post to an Internet forum that my Dad stinks

in any way, shape, or form. Somethings are best resolved in private.

[MercutioATC]

15. Well, this is a large forum with people who might have similar experiences

and possibly some insights. I think it's a great place to ask questions like this.

[SammyWinstonJack]

17. Humm? Well okay

Granted, that was just my opinion. My Dad would be horrified if I did that, and rightfully so.

[MercutioATC]

18. I know what you mean, but her dad is most likely never going to know...

...and she may get some advice that helps resolves the problem. I think it's great that people feel comfortable enough here to ask personal questions from time to time.

[greatauntoftriplets]

19. I would ask my mother's primary-care physician

before I would ask DU.

[SammyWinstonJack]

21. I concede to your POV

It just isn't my style. Guess some people are more liberal in asking for help from virtual stranger than I ever would be. Perhaps she could have entitled her post differently then "My Dad stinks?" JMO.

[greatauntoftriplets]

23. I am caregiver to my 92-year-old mother.

Her privacy is paramount. I have posted here about her political views (hates Bush), but never about her health -- or lack of it. It is no one's concern, and her privacy.

On edit: and I work many hours a week at a very demanding job, I am not a stay-at-home caregiver. I employ someone for that purpose.

[SammyWinstonJack]

24. If she needs help with her father I have not problem with that

I just think she should not have disrespected him by stating his hygiene ( or lack there of) habits for all to view. I would never have done that to my Dad.

[Lostmessage]

25. How do you deal with a man that won't listen?

The last time that I tried to clean him up he broke a bunch of things in my apt.

He is 6'1 and I can't pull him off of me when he starts fighting.

[REP]

14. He May Have a Medical Problem

If his behavior and personality have undergone profound changes, he probably has a medical problem, such as stroke or depression. You're right - he needs his kitty, and removing the cat would be bad for your Dad.

Talk the the VA and any seniors program in your area for idea on how to get your Dad to the doc. Perhaps framing it in terms of making sure your Dad is able to care for his cat may make the idea more appealing to him. Good luck to you both.

[UTUSN]

16. Make Sure He VOTES n/t

[nini]

22. We learned to stop 'asking' dad and made the decisions ourselves

He fought us tooth and nail on everything when we asked.. when we just took over, he got over it very quickly and was happier in the long run.

The time just comes where you have to become the parent and in that role you would not allow a child to go unbathed for days at a time. You have to think of it that way... he is now your child.

good luck, this is a tough time to go through :hug:

on edit... we had the best luck with a local Senior citizens group in town that helped hook us up with care givers and all the info we needed to get the help he needed. Check for those type orgs..