The BAD Advice Thread

[Parche]

ALWAYS cook your bacon in the microwave


:hi:

[Greyskye]

1. Never taste before adding salt.

Because when it rains, it pours!

[Drum]

2. That pan doesn't get very hot...screw the potholder.

:hi:

[datasuspect]

3. mess with jim

[quip]

11. Tug on Superman's cape

[appal_jack]

95. spit into the wind!

well, now I've got my earworm for the next 4 hours...

-app

[quip]

105. Pull the mask off that ol' Lone Ranger

You got it! :hi:

[triguy46]

4. Don't worry about that test tomorrow, its open book, have another beer.

So I made a 30/100 on a quant methods class. I'm glad that was 1974.

[Writer]

5. If you ever, by chance, happen to slice between your toes with a serrated blade...

then apply copious amounts of tabasco sauce.

[AlCzervik]

6. if you deep fry something, fill the pot all the way to the top with oil.

[lost-in-nj]

7. Listen to

Parche....

he is right about everything.....
and so smart.....


lost

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[BlueIris]

8. Look for emotional support on the Internets.

Never the real world. INTERNET IS ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTAND.

[BurtWorm]

9. Taste the kitty litter before you change it.

[Bunny]

27. .

:spray:

:rofl:

:hi: BurtWorm! Long time, no see!

[BurtWorm]

31. .

:hi:

Bunnele!

[Robeson]

10. ALWAYS use your hairdryer, while standing in the bathtub.

[Xipe Totec]

12. Cook your hot dogs in a microwave

:popcorn:

[Gold Metal Flake]

13. Clorox is a suitable substitute for motor oil.

If you don't have any drinking water, try antifreeze. It's used with water, right?

[Steven_S]

14. Kitty litter is perfectly flushable...

so go ahead and flush it.

After you taste it, that is. :)

[Kutjara]

15. It is perfectly fine to...

...touch your genitals shortly after chopping up hot chilis.

[Arugula Latte]

16. Vote for Hillary

:hide:

[madinmaryland]

20. Nice post, Barack

[Jamastiene]

83. Nice post, Hillary

:P

[sakabatou]

17. Fox News is THE best news channel out there!

:puke:

[madinmaryland]

22. Nice post, Orielly!

[Ikonoklast]

18. To get those stubborn stains out, use a mixture of

Ammonia and Chlorine bleach, and make sure the room you're in is tightly shut.

It works quicker that way.

[Gonzo Gardener]

19. It is very important to trust and never question...

the motives of politicians.:patriot:

[Generic Brad]

21. You don't need that chunk of plastic to push down stuff in your food processor

Your fist will suffice.

[bluetrain]

23. So, she's a cokehead and she's in a cult and she reminds you of the girl who broke your heart ten

years ago who you still haven't really totally gotten over and the most fucked up person you've ever met in your life called her "a piece of work" and was amazed you'd been able to stand spending an entire weekend with her, so, what? Go for it! What could go wrong?

[Jamastiene]

85. Have you been spying on me?

That could be me so easily.

[Heidi]

24. If the fire in your fireplace is going out, denatured alcohol is a great way to kick-start it.

:yoiks:

[Hardrada]

25. Don't scrape any ice off your windshield except a small hole

since once you get going the defroster will take care of everything!

[mwooldri]

72. Credit Cards make great ice scrapers.

Well they work better than bare hands but an ice scraper is well... so 1990's.

[Jamastiene]

86. Yeah, only wimps use ice scrapers.

Psshaw...

:P

[puerco-bellies]

26. Macing a highway patrolman will get you out of a ticket.

They have a great sense of humor.

[Guava Jelly]

28. If you run out of KY..Ben Gay works just fine.

Also always remember that it is proper to use metal spatulas in Teflon pans.

[MonkeyFunk]

29. Order the chicken vindaloo!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

64. the chicken vindaloo is an abomination. it should always be pork

[FloridaJudy]

30. Vote Republican

[NewJeffCT]

38. It's a sad day on DU

when it takes this many posts for Vote Republican (or Rudy, Mitt, Huckabee, etc) to come up...

[Lyric]

32. Tell a GLBT person why they're stupid for being upset about Obama

Them them how their concerns are irrelevant, how they're beating a dead horse, drag out the old "Oh no, not this shit again" graphic, and accuse them of being a closet racist! 'Cause that's gone over SO well on GD and GD: P lately.

/bitter much

[LynneSin]

35. And that they could be straight if they try - just like Larry Craig and Ted Haggard

:hide:

[Perry Logan]

33. Do what the Bible tells you.

[Deep13]

62. Yup. I stoned a guy for tying his shoes on the sabbath. nt

[Catbird]

34. Posting on DU will

increase your GPA, improve your sex life, and cause you to lose weight.

[mwooldri]

97. Really? I thought posting on message boards rots your brain and renders you impotent. nt

[Evoman]

36. If a girl says "I just want to be friends" it secretly means she loves you and

you still have a shot. In fact, the best way to get a girl is to become her friend first.

:hide:

[ironflange]

37. Spend most of your spare time in GD

Especially the day after a primary vote.

:scared:

[Throd]

39. Acetone is GREAT for starting a barbecue

My hair eventually grew back

[sarge43]

51. Lighter fluid is even better.

That sheet of blue flame is quite pretty.

[MAGICBULLET]

40. smack the guy/gal on the cell phone next to you

[NewJeffCT]

41. Give your underage student a blowjob in the classroom

WTF...

http://timworstall.typepad.com/timworstall/2008/01/shannon-kay-hro.html

[BarenakedLady]

42. Go out on a date with me.

Very bad bad advice.

[Inchworm]

44. Pick you up at 8?

:evilgrin:

[BarenakedLady]

46. ok.

:D

Don't say I didn't warn you.

[Inchworm]

48. I'll even bathe and brush my tooth!

Weee! Look for a pick-up truck with tennis balls on the antenna.

:P

[BarenakedLady]

56. Why is there tennis balls on the antenna?

Is that some hillbilly thang?

:P

[Inchworm]

66. yup

Well, I think it's more redneck than hillbilly.

The hillbilly thing to do would be pick you up on a mule.

Are ya gettin all gussied up? Only a few hours left. By the way, maw is comin with. Something about bare nekkid ladies and first dates...

:rofl:

[BarenakedLady]

69. But tell me,

What is the purpose of putting tennis balls on your antenna? I really want to know.

[Inchworm]

81. I am not real sure

so they don't get hit by lightning?

It's just something I see a lot :)

:hi:

[Jamastiene]

88. Cause someone else did it.

:shrug: I don't know either. If you find out, let me know.

[sarge43]

108. I heard so you can spot your p.of s. in a crowded parking lot.

Of course, the fact every other p.ofs. has an antenna ball too rather negates the effect.

[Parche]

58. I would go out on a date with you

But we are about 2300 miles apart............:hi:

[BarenakedLady]

67. Darn...

It's always sumthin', isn't it?

:(

[billyskank]

70. ...

:cry:


:hug:

[seemunkee]

43. Day old sushi is a bargain, two day old sushi is even more so.

[LeftyMom]

45. You've got plenty of time, airport security won't take that long.

:sigh:

[MAGICBULLET]

47. add an alka seltzer to your guiness

[hunter]

49. Poor a little gasoline in with your wash to remove tough grease stains.

Matches can be used to pinpoint gas leaks.

A blasting cap, ammonium nitrate fertilizer and diesel fuel will make quick work of an old tree stump.

You can find instructions for building your own large rockets on the internet.

Dynamite is useful for removing dead whales from beaches:

http://theexplodingwhale.com

[sarge43]

50. Try to please everyone.

Drive down that flooded street at speed, especially if you see a downed electric pole. It's only water.

We humans are the dominate species on this planet, so it stands to reason that a tiger, bear, mountain lion, alligator, string ray or ostrich posses absolutely no threat; so go ahead, fuck with them.

If one is good, two has to be better. Screw the directions.

[Akoto]

52. The Olive Garden is great for breastfeeding and chain smoking.

[Catbird]

53. Trust us. The voting machines work. nt/

[Coyote_Bandit]

54. Go to school.

Work hard. Get good grades. So you can get a good job.

Nothing wrong with getting en education, working hard or getting good grades. However, none of them guarantee getting a good job. Or any job for that matter.

[Rambis]

55. Always leave the electricity on

even when you are wiring the light standing in a bucket of water.

[Bake]

57. It's not necessary to thaw your turkey before deep-frying it

Oh, and go ahead and do that in the kitchen.

Bake

[Tommy_Carcetti]

59. If you come across a Nicole Kidman fan...

...tell them that you think she hasn't aged all that well in the past 10 years.

[Deep13]

60. Vote for Huckabee. What's the worst that could happen?

Cool! Is Jesus back yet?

[Tektonik]

61. Go to this site

http://www.internetisseriousbusiness.com/

[Deep13]

63. When hiking in bear country, be sure to dress like a meatloaf. nt

[krispos42]

65. Trust the Nigerian emailer who wants to give you money

Police officers work long hours wearing body armor and heavy equipment. An unsolicited backrub is greatly appreciated.

Russian roulette is far more fun with an automatic pistol.

Your computer will run faster if you keep the processor cool. Balance an ice cube on your CPU.

Stop that chainsaw with your hand before turning it off.

100 psi in your car tires will give you awesome gas milage!

Liquid mercury is fun to play with.

Post-It notes suck. They don't stick. Use regular paper and a powerful magnet to really fix to those notes to your PC.

Hot buttered toast is great while bathing. Keep a toaster by the tub.

The microwave is great for warming up aerosol cans.

Fabric is an insulator and blocks Tasers.

Steer out of the skid.

:evilgrin:

[The Magistrate]

68. Demand His Badge Number

[mwooldri]

71. Vote for Margaret Thatcher. Make her US President. (nt)

[NoPasaran]

73. You're never too drunk to post!

[cabraverde]

100. or drive

[cabraverde]

101. your ex-girlfriend wants you to call her at 3AM when you are drunk

[LeftyMom]

74. DU is a good place to post rightarded bullshit. nt

[youthere]

75. M&M's found on the floor of any public transportation vehichle are safe to eat.

[texas1928]

78. That's what the hard candy shell is for.

I thought everyone knew that.

[youthere]

76. Sushi from a truck stop just makes good sense.

[FloridaJudy]

99. Try the fugu.

It's tasty!

[texas1928]

77. When flying in a plane and it hits some rough air...

Scream as loud as possible "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!" Then punch the steward, and scream you have a bomb. They like people to do that.

[Hugin]

79. Schematics are only a suggestion...

Feel free to experiment. :)

[Merrick]

80. Drop some acid before your first day at the slaughterhouse

[Jamastiene]

82. Strike up a conversation with someone sitting next to you on a

plane. Talk to them for the entire trip too. People just looooove that. :evilgrin:

[GoneOffShore]

84. Upgrade to Vista

:rofl:

[Merrick]

87. Take a plane ride with a major league baseball player

[lonestarnot]

89. Always hang your toilet paper out the back of your pants after coming out of the plane's toilet.

[Hardrada]

90. Tell your feminist friends that Hillary cried to get more votes.

That really worked.

[Zornhau]

91. Get the clam chowder at the fair...

:puke:

[Perry Logan]

92. Use your feelings, Luke.

[Inchworm]

93. Get married right out of highschool

and don't worry about birth control. Trust her. She is on the pill.

:hi:

[Merrick]

94. Slingshot junk at the zoo tigers

[Dukkha]

96. When she asks "Do I look fat in ths" make pig sqeal noises

you'll both enjoy the laugh

[sarge43]

98. Another answer that works well

"It's hard to tell. You're blocking all the light."

[deucemagnet]

102. Do taunt Happy Fun Ball. n/t

[otherlander]

103. If you meet an old woman herding goats on the mountainside

you can totally trust her not to send the FBI after you.

[UrbScotty]

104. Y'know Prescott Bush, you shouldn't remain celibate. (nt)

[chknltl]

106. Wear a Hillary '08 shirt in a Yelm Tavern

Trust me, you never want to go to Yelm!

[Robeson]

107. Eating at El Chico, will NOT give you the shits.

[NC_Nurse]

109. Start a game of peek-a-boo with a toddler on a six hour flight.

[DeeDeeNY]

110. Log onto Democratic Underground during primary season

and read all posts in GDP