Oh, Gawd, I just heard about "Family Mission Statements" on NPR. Jesus, how pretentious

[Redstone]

can you be, to write up one of those?

Actually, not that I think about it, it's be easy for me to write one for my family; it would only have to contain two clauses:

1) The Family, collectively and individually, shall refrain from interrupting Dad while he's trying to work.

2) The Family, collectively and individually, shall refrain from trying to talk to Dad when he's not in the same room, because he won't be able to hear you, notwithstanding the house's Open Floor Plan.

That ought pretty much cover all the important stuff.

Redstone

[petronius]

1. That sounds more like a family survival plan than a mission statement

;)

[Ellen Forradalom]

20. ROFL! My family's survival plan was

The Family, collectively and individually, shall in no way disturb Dad while he is grading exams;

No member of the Family shall play any other music while Dad is at the piano, trying to compose;

The Minor Members of the Family shall not make lemonade ice cubes, lest they end up in Dad's Old Fashioned;

The Family shall assemble on Sunday nights to watch Monty Python and forget the woes of the week.

[Redstone]

38. Ours was: The children shall do whatever is necessary to escape the notice of the parents, in

to further the kids' colllective goal of not getting smacked.

Redstone

[bertha katzenengel]

53. LOL "Dad's Old Fashioned"

Dad should'a looked before he cracked.

:hi:

[unpossibles]

2. hm. My family mission statement

1. don't forget to pay the bills

2. have fun

3. learn something new at least once every year.

4. see #2.

[Redstone]

3. Well, I like yours better, but it's too late for me to edit my post and plagiarize.

Redstone

[ThoughtCriminal]

4. We're going to maximize proactive synergy!

If you need help:
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/games/career/bin/ms.cgi

[Redstone]

5. But be sure to do it outside the box of your core competencies!

Redstone

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

6. My family is ISO 9000 certified.

[Redstone]

7. But are they also RoHS compliant?

Redstone

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. Of course. And we're working on Six Sigma certification as well.

We will systematically improve processes by eliminating defects.

[Redstone]

11. Christ, I thought Six Sigma had gone the way of the Baldridge Award! It's really still

out there? What's next, The Return of Zero Defects?

Redstone

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

12. TQM, dude...

:puke:

[Redstone]

14. ARGH! It's TQM! Run for the hills while you still can! God damn, am I glad I never worked

for a large company. The first time they sent me to an "offsite" for that nonsense where you're supposed to fall over backward and let your co-workers catch you, I'd have gone AWOL and headed for the nearest bar.

Redstone

[KatyaR]

16. I have a better one than that--

long time ago at an old job, my supervisor went on a "retreat" with our VP and his minions. She was a large woman and not at all athletic (I tell you this for a reason).

One of the exercises was to break a one-inch thick board with your bare hand--and you had to continue to hit the board until you broke it! The idea was that "if you continue to try, you will succeed." She finally broke the damn thing but nearly broke her hand in the process. She was too afraid NOT to do it to refuse to participate. Her hand was swollen and bruised for weeks, and she wouldn't go see a doctor because she didn't want her boss to think she might have hurt herself.

I'll do all the "team building" exercises you want me to, but crap like that where you could actually get hurt is where I draw the line.

[Redstone]

17. Damn, do I feel sorry for her. Seriously. Being THAT afraid of your boss?

I'm sure she felt that she HAD to put herself through that, which is just sad.

Redstone

[KatyaR]

18. She didn't have a lot of backbone, especially when it came to

standing up to authority figures, which was ridiculous in this situation, because our boss was a corporate marketing wonk. He couldn't have scared a flea.

[TrogL]

61. Be careful who you inflict "team building" exercises on

HR tried it in my shop. We are already a fully working team with no outstanding issues. They decided we'd be the perfect guinea pigs. They'd tried it in their own shop and failed miserably.

We, of course, blurted out all the right answers in the first five minutes then bonded together as a team to sabotage the remainder of the session. At the end the facilitator (picking up a comment I'd made earlier) exclaimed "dealing with you people is worse than herding cats". Gotta love sysadmins.

The team building exercise was promptly scrapped and the materials buried in a very deep hole.

[RetroLounge]

19. Oh, man, My Job DEPENDS on six sigma...

I hope it sticks around.

I write ISO Q/A Software for a living.

:hi:

RL

[LynzM]

23. How did I not know you're a software geek?

Seriously, how did I not know this? And why am I not surprised? :loveya:

[RetroLounge]

25. Been a Code Cowboy for 20 years...

Would love to quit and just sell books...

:hi:

RL

[LynzM]

26. Sweet.

Um, so you would understand the post about why I'm stressed, on my thread... /sigh I know what you mean about wanting to quit, to do a job you love. I'm so chickenshit, I haven't managed to do that yet. Maybe someday... I'm happy for you that you're so much closer to that goal, though!!

[RetroLounge]

28. Yeah. I understand...

and I am SO tired of living from unreasonable deadline to unreasonable deadline...

:gun to head:

RL

[LynzM]

30. Many hugs to you....

:hug: :hug: :hug: Please don't :gun to head:, ok? :hug:

[RetroLounge]

34. Merely a metaphor...

I'm a peacenik ya know...

:D

RL

[LynzM]

40. Glad to hear it.

I hear ya about being a peacenik... I posted about playing Fight Club with Bill O'Reilly, but I've never hit anyone, and not sure I could, unless they physically assaulted me.

[PVnRT]

49. There's nothing wrong with six sigma

when it's actually done correctly. American companies, however, just like to use it as an excuse to cut jobs.

[seemunkee]

71. Are you CMMI level 5 too?

[tigereye]

8. I despise Mission statements! They make me run screaming!

it's a side effect of having been a middle manager for a while, and also of being a person who loves to play devil's advocate.


I like your statements Redstone! :rofl:

I like the smartass version of mission statements, actually.

[Redstone]

13. That's one reason I've never worked for a large company. If asked to write a Mission Statement,

I'd reflexively have replied, "Whadda you, fuckin nuts?"

That would not have given me much job security at, say, GE.

Redstone

[tigereye]

15. I worked for a large non-profit

to my way of thinking, the minute that you start having endless meetings about doing things right, as opposed to simply doing them without benefit of bureaucracy and it's accompanying verbiage, there's a problem.

[datasuspect]

10. the datasuspect family credo:

1. haul ass

2. get paid

[Ellen Forradalom]

22. he Forradalmi Family mission is to Keep Mama Happy, At all Times and at All Costs

Not easy, as what annoys Mommy is mysterious and prone to change at any moment.

[LynzM]

27. Oy, Ellen...

:hug: Sadly, I see myself, there, in terms of being the unpredictable one... :(

[Ellen Forradalom]

31. Ok, then, a better family mission statement:

Don't be the lead on the 6:00 news, unless you get elected President or win an Olympic medal.

[LynzM]

32. LOL

No, the last one was ok, and honest. :hug: I like this one, though, too!

[FloridaJudy]

21. 1) Play nicely with others

2) Clean up your own goddamn messes.

[Redstone]

35. Perfect. No jargon, and concise as well.

Redstone

[Left Is Write]

24. Family Mission Statements?

I've never heard of such a thing. Corporate mission statements always seem like so much BS anyway.

The LIW Family Mission Statement:

We will fly by the seats of our pants and try to stay out of trouble.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

29. Since my family consists of me and a bunch of cats:

Our mission statement mainly involves keeping furniture destruction to a minimum and not horking up hairballs on the living room rug.

[BuelahWitch]

55. If you achieve #2, please divulge the secret

for others owned by cats. Pretty please? :hi:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

57. We are working on the Six Sigma, zero defects thing.

Or maybe I should just stop thinking of cat puke on the rug as a defect, but merely a decorating statement.

[TrogL]

62. ZERO defects?

ARe they fucking nuts??

We live in a chaotic world. Shit happens because shit happens.

You put in place systems with sufficient redundency to pick up the slack WHEN shit happens, not IF.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

68. And that's why these corporate programs like Six Sigma and TQM

are basically scams. As you state correctly, what a good program does is build in enough redundancy and safeguards so that whan shit happens, as it inevitably does, you can control it before something gets badly fucked up. Airlines and some medical organizations are doing a thing called Threat and Error Management, which takes that into consideration.

But either way, I'm gonna get hairballs on the rug.

[BuelahWitch]

64. I'm sure the cats feel that way

At least, something to remember them by...:rofl:

[liberaltrucker]

33. OBL would be proud

:grr:

[Flaxbee]

36. what the hell was the story?

or does NPR want people to send in their mission statements, like their irritating-as-hell "This I Believe" series? Or was it about families putting together mission statements as some sort of empowerment bullshit?

[Redstone]

37. Well, they tried to wrap it in some pretty paper, saying "It's what some rich families do

to make sure that the kids have given "buy-in" to the parents' intentions of giving money to charity, yacketa yacketa, but I suspect the segment was just filler.

They didn't ask for submissions, but I suspect that your skepticism is well-founded. And I'll bet that the word "empowerment" doesn't even produce one cringe in any family who would write a "mission statement." Sad, that, but probably true.

Redstone

[Flaxbee]

39. hm. weird

Can't really imagine that segment on NPR but :shrug: I don't recognize the NPR of today as the same set of series (Morning Edition, ATC, etc.) that I started listening to 15 years ago, though, so I guess I'm not too surprised.

Thanks for the clarification, Redstone. How're you doing these days? Aside from the cigarette/room temperature/porch incident ;-) Did you guys decide which house to buy?

[ChoralScholar]

41. The ChoralScholar and Elfrangel family mission statement

1.) The family, in general, shall keep a two-gallon container of sweet tea in the refrigerator at all times.
2.) The family, in general will watch all occurrences of Scrubs, House, and/or Animal Precinct, as applicable.
3.) Minor members of the family shall refrain from pulling the tails, or riding as a vehicle, Ginger, the yellow dog democrat, and Julie, the ham for the camera.
4.) Dad does not like to be asked about his day until he has had some time to forget his day.
5.) Fish tacos rule

[TankLV]

42. I heard it too - just goes to show - it's always sumpin..

what a waste of electricity...

That explains a lot of repuke thinking - how can I keep it all and take it with me when I'm gone...

[crim son]

43. Why Redstone. You haven't made these precepts the word of law

in your household? I'm v. surprised. Truly. :rofl:

[Redstone]

44. I've tried. God knows I've tried.

Redstone

[crim son]

45. Hah. You're still awake.

No doubt you've tried. To make it happen you need to pull out the big guns, and you haven't done that.

You're a dear man, Redstond. I hope you are well.

[lips]

46. Ours

The Family collectively, as well as with respect to each individual shall eat the carbonized crust of any food first.

Furthermore, there shall be a Round Robin Rotation for the most charred piece of food according to the turn last had and the presence at the last meal.

I likes me some burnt bits.

[BlueIris]

47. Holy shit. "Family misson statements." Because even the family is a corporation now.

[Indi Guy]

48. Sounds like Commandments...

In this context:

Honor thy son and thy daughter...

[PVnRT]

50. My family mission statement

[yellowdogintexas]

51. From the Yellowdog household in Texas

1. The family as a whole will endeavor to maintain a library the size of a small bookstore
2. The Christmas Ornament Collection must continue to expand.
3. All cats are to be petted, coddled and snuggled as much as possible
4. The DVD collection must continue to expand
5. At least one great spicy dish must be prepared and consumed per week
6. All chairs and sofas must have a lamp and a blankie for good cozy reading
7. Each member is wholly responsible for his/her own laundry
8. No one talks during "Last of the Summer Wine", we are paying attention
9. When travelling, all tourist caves must be visited, even if we have seen them before.

10. and this is a special temporary one for 2008: parents shall endeavor to spent as much time as possible with daughter, who plans to move to AZ with her sweetie,until such time as she does move. And takes her dog.

11. No Republican Votes Shall Ever Be Cast from this Household. All unopposed Republicans are ignored on the ballot except my friend who is a judge and isn't really a Repub just pretended to be one to get nominated. So he is a R**

It's too early in the morning for anything else.

[Redstone]

58. We also do #1, 2, 5, 6, and a modification of your #9. When we travel, side roads are to

be used as much as possible, and anything even faintly interesting or different will be stopped at and checked out.

Redstone

[yellowdogintexas]

66. absolutely and no chain restaurants except for coffee or sodas! nt

[Ellen Forradalom]

69. That could have been ours!

Minus the tourist caves and plus the music.

[bertha katzenengel]

52. Sent instantly to my sisters - welcome to family Harris:

We will always close phone conversations or emails with "I love you" or "love you bye" or "love you nine times" or "love love love" or some similar family phrase.

We will be co-dependent.

We will ask for the flight numbers whenever one of us travels because we worry seriously about plane crashes.

We will make each other laugh hysterically every time we're together (and will carry enough bladder pads to share).

We will tolerate Bertha's whining hypochondria; Harriett's intense, Christ-like co-dependency; Martha's hatred of Gene Hackman and neurotic need to keep her arms bare; Mrs. V.'s hillbilly/southern woman's sayings; Ross's fundamentalism; Keegan's Aspy's; Albert's emo; and Brit's impossible insistence that "but my book's almost finished!" as a way to keep from finding a fucking job.

We tolerate because we love. We love by choice. We're family by choice, not by blood. We choose each other.

[JVS]

54. BFD. I have a personal (I'm a family of one) Five Year Plan that I'm drafting for 2008-2013

[Redstone]

59. A Five Year Plan is worthless without Collectivization, you know. Is that included?

Redstone

[blondie58]

56. you are so right, Redstone

although this brings back memories of my father using duct tape on my brothers and I when we were young. He was studying for his masters and us, being children, could not stay quiet. I still shudder when I see a roll of duct tape.

[Redstone]

60. Duct tape? Holy shit, I'd go to the library to work before I'd do that to the kids.

Redstone

[DemoTex]

63. "Vintage Car-Wash" in Dallas has fancy, multi-point mission statement on wall.

Never once does it mention GETTING YOUR FUCKING CAR CLEAN!

[Redstone]

70. I'm not surprised. Most, if not all, Mission Statements don't have anything at all to do

with what the company should actually be concentrating on doing.

I'd be REAL interested in seeing what that "mission statement" of a car wash actually does say.

And yes, I agree: We're doomed as a country when a CAR WASH has a Mission Statement.

Redstone

[Writer]

65. I had the same reaction. I thought it was nauseating.

What needs to be communicated to subsequent generations needs only a will. Nothing more.

I suppose family "branding" and a marketing plan are next.

[Ikonoklast]

67. I could use one as a single Dad.

#1. Don't ever do anything, at any time, for whatever reason, that would piss Dad off.

#2. The answer to any question, no matter how trivial or important is, "Only if it won't piss Dad off.".

#3. If the circumstance warrants immediate action, always ask yourself, "Would doing this piss Dad off?".

#4. Borrowing Dad's car because 'mine is broke', but then Dad has to wait for a ride home from work until one of you ungrateful buggers remember to pick him up.

Hours later.

Waiting in the dark and cold.

And you had your cell off, because "We were at the movies and I didn't want to be rude and ring while I was there so I turned it off and I forgot to turn it back on. I'm only three hours late. Sorry."

That pisses Dad off.

#5. Drinking all the 'good' microbrew beer that Dad bought, and replacing it with some mass-produced swill. That pisses Dad off.

#6. Just typing #5 pissed Dad off.

#7. Not being able to easily intimidate three college-aged offspring anymore with the threat of 'no ice cream for dessert!'. That pisses Dad off.

#8. I just thought of #5 again. You know the result.