Oh, goody. I get to encounter my ex on Christmas, aarrgh.

[CTyankee]

This guy was nearly run out of another state due to his shady business practices (along with his now wife, who was his "business manager")and has moved to Mass. to be nearer to our daughter and grandkids. I'm gonna have to see him at Christmas and this is making me crazy. My current husband can't stand him and is only going to Mass. to be with me. I can't say I blame him.

AFter a horrible experience at Thanksgiving, I am at wit's end. Whenever I go up there this guy is always around (he's "retired" -- I'll say, with his business practices!). And his wife just ingratiates herself with my granddaughters shamelessly.

Oh well, Dr. Joy Brown says that in these kinds of family situations, just be "stupid and happy." I guess that'll be me on the 24th and 25th...

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. If things are horrible and are causing you to be at wit's end,

you should either let it go and accept it as it occurs, or lay down the law with everyone involved.

I don't know who you are, but things don't have to be that way. I hope you holidays go well.

I am not Dr. Phil.

[CTyankee]

2. Right now, I am trying to accept it without giving up my self esteem.

I am unwilling to give up my self esteem again to this man. But my grown children want to make peace with their Dad and I cannot forbid him to see his grandchildren, so I would be beating the proverbial dead horse.

If avoidance doesn't work, I will not engage in conversation with him and will discourage him from doing so. I might try the route of speaking to him privately and settling it that way. Above all, I don't want to spoil my grandchildren's Christmas, so there is a certain amount I have to absorb...

Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate it.

[Fire Walk With Me]

3. Geez. I hope that it works out.

[CTyankee]

4. I think a lot of people think that way, because they don'thave to put up with it.

But I am faced with the fact that this guy is an old and sick man. He is 75 and has had several neurological events, including one TIA, and is taking major doses of medicine to prevent stroke (which killed his father). My grown kids are afraid he's going to die soon and I certainly don't want to be the one who is nasty to him on the eve of some calamitous medical problem! I walk a fine line...

[hippywife]

5. Can you divide time

so you aren't there at the same time on those days. If he's ailing that much he can't possible stick around all day.

[CTyankee]

6. He gets around because his wife drives him (he also has narcolepsy).

She's another case, but don't get me started on HER.

I've tried the "dividing time" routine but it works out to mean less time for me with the grandkids, since now they live closer than I do and neither of them works. And it's my daughter's house (mine is too small to accommodate 5 more people; it was OK when there was only one grandchild, but now there are 3) and I can't tell her what to do. My other daughter doesn't want to hear about it, although she knows what a shit he was to me. My son is sympathetic but can't really get into it, altho I think he would argue for my point of view -- he's a successful prosecutor!

[Turbineguy]

7. Whenever I have to deal with a bad situation

I ask myself "How much time is really involved here?"

For me, I found I can deal with 4 hours.

If it's a few hours, make the best of it. Try to be nice. There are others involved who would probably prefer not to see a tense situation. It's their holiday too. If he should die soon, you'll have no regrets. And of course, if he has a narcoleptic episode.... that doesn't stop the clock.

[CTyankee]

8. I try to be nice. He starts needling me or my current husband. He thinks he is being clever.

What gets me is that no one calls him on it. I have literally left the room after one of his remarks and no one says boo to me.

It's a mercy that he DOES have narcoleptic episodes. It means he is asleep on the couch. And often times his wife sneaks off to read my son in law's email (I am not kidding). So then there is a bit of peace and quiet.

I know this sounds like a sit com but no one would believe it if it was. And would you believe that there are 3 Ivy League graduates in this family?

[Breeze54]

9. Ask for separate visiting time and end the madness!

Dr. Joy Brown ? Who tf is that? Is that that RW bitch?

If so, don't listen to that RW nutcase!!

Avoid that bastard and visit separately.

[CTyankee]

10. I don't think Joy Brown is a RW nutcase like Dr. Laura. Brown sounds kinda steady.

I like her. If she were another Dr. Laura I'd have her off my radio in a split second!

It seems in the last 48 hours things have changed somewhat and I think my son might have intervened, bless him. Ex and wife are not coming Christmas Eve, only Christmas Day, according to my daughter. I did ask her to call and encourage them not to come too early...a word to the wise, ya know!