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Connonym Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-17-07 07:05 AM
Original message
What's this empire coming to?
Got this in email and it cracked me up -- thought I'd share with my fellow war-against-Xmasites

What's this empire coming to? Now they want us to stop greeting people with "Io Saturnalia!" "We have all these different cultures in Rome," they tell us. "We shouldn't offend anyone," they tell us, "We've got to be inclusive."

We've got the barbarians from the north with their tree decorations and their fire rituals. And the weirdos from Gaul, cutting mistletoe with a golden sickle. And the Mithraists, the Zoroastrians, the Isis cults, and, of course, those characters who hang out in the catacombs. "Hail, Winter!" we're supposed to say. I ask you, what next: we lose the feast? We stop the Solstice parties? No more honoring Ops, goddess of abundance?

I was buying some greenery down by the Forum the other day, and there's old Macrobius with some Visigoth chick, and she goes, "Gut Jule." And I go, "Hey! In this country, we say, "Io, Saturnalia! Maybe you should go back to where you came from." Then Macrobius goes, "She can't, she's a slave."

Whatever.

At this time of year, the Visigoths sacrifice a pig and burn a special log that they dance around, instead of acting like normal people and going to the temple of Saturn.

I swear, I was at this party over at Septima Commodia's house the other day. She always has a Saturnalia party. Anyway, she decorated the place with prickly green leaves. "It's holly," she said, "The latest fashion from Brittania. They all do it in Londinium."

It gets worse.

She had this statue of some goddess from Ultima Thule or somewhere, name of Frigga, sitting right there on the dining room mensa. I mean, this is darned near blasphemous. I'd be scared about what the lares and penates would do if I put that thing in my house. But Septima Commodia just said, "Oh get over it! We're cosmopolitan around here." Cosmopolitan. That's what they call it. Well by Jupiter, I live in Latium. I'm a Roman. And this empire was founded on the principle that the gods, our gods, must be honored at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. None of this foreign heretical nonsense or these strange customs from Germania or Hibernia or Palestine. I say, "Io, Saturnalia!" and if you don't like it, you can leave.
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formerrepuke Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-17-07 07:42 AM
Response to Original message
1. Thats a keeper... !
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mzteris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-17-07 07:44 AM
Response to Original message
2. I love it!
:rofl:

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Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-17-07 08:32 AM
Response to Original message
3. Support our legionnaires!
Tiberius Caesar 8
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sarge43 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-17-07 10:02 AM
Response to Original message
4. What formerrepuke said
By the way, nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
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datasuspect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-17-07 10:09 AM
Response to Original message
5. the average american would have no clue about the historical context implicit in this piece
thus, it has no bearing on their thought.
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Connonym Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-17-07 11:42 AM
Response to Reply #5
6. yeah but you guys are so above average I knew you'd get a laugh
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baldguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-17-07 01:08 PM
Response to Original message
7. Gimme that REAL Old Time Religion!
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Connonym Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-17-07 06:46 PM
Response to Original message
8. Shamelessly self-kicking this for the night crowd
and because I'm a loyal foot soldier in the war against Xmas
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