Urban Families: What do you know about them?

[Sugar Smack]

I'm becoming attracted to the idea of living in a house with a group of people. I think it would be excellent, especially with the economy not spiraling downward, but taking a nose-dive. If you found the right people with similar temperaments, would you join one? Are you already part of an Urban Family?

OK- Here's my ideal situation regarding this. (I haven't read much about it, but what I've read sounds really good.) There are about ten or twelve people, each holding down jobs but also having a trade. Carpools, etc. The house has a library and communications center. There's a way of growing veggies outside & a bread-maker in the kitchen. Wine and beer making supplies in a basement to produce "currency" in case of economic crash.

Personally, I'd love to live with people with a lot of imagination, curiosity and kindness. Have you ever considered something like this? Also, please don't go bustin' my bubble this morning. I can dream, right?

[mzteris]

1. you're the second person today

that's mentioned this. Only the other one called it a co-op family. . .

I dunno.

I have a hard enough time tolerating my relatives for very long, I'm not sure about others' quirks and foibles. Or them, mine!

[Sugar Smack]

3. Really?!? Who else mentioned it? I'll go read the thread!

THANK you.

I think a thing like this may possibly solve more problems than it creates, but I don't know.

[mzteris]

6. I'm sorry, it wasn't on here.

It's another loop that I'm on. Some homeschoolers in North Carolina.

They already belong to a "farm co-op" where they go work on the farm in exchange for vegetables; and they belong to a raw milk "group".

Several of them already barter goods/crafts/services and raise chickens/eggs in their backyards.

[Sugar Smack]

13. Hey, that sounds nice.

Thanks for that. I think I should look more on the web about this sort of thing. Have you ever thought about what your trades are?

[mzteris]

19. My trades?

in a post-apocalyptic type world?

I know a lot. That sounds weird, I know. But I'm one of those repositories of everything you didn't know you needed to know until you need it. lol.

I'm good with kids. I can teach. I was a musician. I'm a good cook. In my youth (and pre-vegetarian days), I was a pretty good hunter. I grew up helping out on a farm.

Doesn't sound like much, does it?

Oh - and I'm good at improvising and "making-do" with what's on hand.

[Sugar Smack]

20. WOW, that sounds really good.

Hmmm, I could learn to make wine & beer,
I can bake
Be a masseuse
Care for animals & children
Paint portraits (lol)
Do work on a house

and I'd have to really think of other things I could do to be useful.

[LynneSin]

2. No, but I have a spare bedroom you can use and there is a winepress in the basement

[Sugar Smack]

5. Oh, good on ya. Do you use it?

The winepress? Have you come up with some brilliant achievements? Dismal failures?

Seriously, in my area there are huge 3-story houses around that look like they could accommodate several families. I cringe when I think of only 2 or 3 people inhabiting such a place. CH is getting overcrowded as it is.

[LynneSin]

7. The wine press was built when the house was built back in the mid-30s

I'd be a lil scared to drink anything that came out of there - but it's built into the foundation of the house

[Capn Sunshine]

17. two fer two!

I'd move there if was was still a young hippie.

[supernova]

4. Sounds like an update of a commune

except it's in town and with modern conveniences.

I don't see anything wrong with it if you like all the people you're living with.

I've thought of similar arrangements, more like cohousing, for my extreme elderly years, just so there is someone always around.

[Sugar Smack]

8. That's what it is.

I've read some really good things about the people who live together. I don't remember if they started out as friends, or if they sort of "advertised" it.

[supernova]

46. Seems to me they evolve

over time. You might have to go through several people to get a group that can work and live well together without a lot of unnecessary strife.

[Gormy Cuss]

9. Cohousing is a great idea.

This "urban family" sounds like a variant for renters and exactly what a number of my college classmates did in their first few years out of school.

[supernova]

15. Yeah, my niece and her friends

did that for a while too in the early 90s while they were in school.

[zingaro]

10. This is my dream.

Seriously.

I come from a large family but my siblings are significantly older than I am so I was raised on this odd edge of collectivism and individualism. I much prefer the collectivism. I find that I think better, operate better, feel better, AM better when I am part of something larger than I. It's the service, I think, that gives me purpose.

Don't get me wrong - I can see the downside of communal living. Personality clashes, etc, but I think that like everything else in this life, it's a choice. You choose, you DO. What a better place to really come to grok coping skills and the whole ebb and flow of life than in the midst of a heap of other people.

Who knows...maybe this is merely the product of my stay-at-home-mom loneliness? It could be but I don't think it is. I have always had better Life Experiences when I was part of a greater whole and, truth be known, I am not finding that Bliss as the female pole of the nuclear family.

I think your idea is an excellent one. Consider single moms who could work and know that their children were cared for by people that were part of an extended, albeit chosen, family. Consider someone with chronic illness. Consider merely the cameraderie, the peace of knowing that you're not all alone, the simple joy of knowing that if I love to grocery shop or do dishes and you love to cook - well - we've got the whole thing aced then, don't we? Perhaps I'm a utopian at heart but I'm all for a living arrangement like that. I must have been one happy hippie or a kibbutzer in a former life.

I'd explore it if I had the option. At this point in my life, I just don't.

[Sugar Smack]

16. "Chosen Family"

is a wonderful concept, I think. Of course, I'd always choose my brother & dad as they are, but I have some friends that are family.

I remember asking Redstone if I could "adopt" him as my honorary cousin. He said yes, & I've talked on the phone with him before. It was really nice. My friends here are the type of people to hold their own, as well. The people I immediately work with, ditto. Thank you so much for your reply. It was really thoughtful.

PS- Have you ever read "AShe's Come Undone"? That was a powerful book.

[zingaro]

21. I haven't read it but

am, just today, in the market for a new read. Guess I have my pick. Thank you.

And I would be nowhere without the love and mostly unfailing support of my blood family. However I am lucky, as you are, to have chosen a few family members along the way. It's comforting to find that outside the spectrum of the "you're stuck with your relatives" especially since I'd choose most of my relatives as friends. (wow, did I just say that out loud?) And, as you said, most of those were people with whom I had the instant knowing that they were mine and I, theirs.

That's so cool, isn't it?

[Sugar Smack]

23. I'd nominate your post if I could. You have such a sound outlook.

PLEASE consider She's Come Undone. It started out slowly for me, so I put it down at first. Then, I read it again & found it snowballing faster and faster. I ate the whole damn thing in one night. I refused sleep. I couldn't even be tired. I had to get another copy because I'd read the first so much the spine tattered.

Don't get me started.

[KG]

25. oops

[IndianaJones]

11. don't do it. nt.

[Sugar Smack]

14. .

[skygazer]

12. I think it could be a good situation with conditions

I'd be concerned about people who don't pull their weight or maintain their end of the financial obligations. You'd have to be pretty selective (it seems to me) who you chose to try it with. But it could certainly be an interesting and positive experience, though not for me. I'm a loner - it's hard enough for me to live with myself, let alone other people.

[Sugar Smack]

18. I know. The work would also be in the maintaining of patience

with regard to irritants. And I'm someone who likes her privacy, too. I'd need a room to myself in such a house, that's for sure.

[Capn Sunshine]

22. Right people and property, it's great.

wrong people or place, it's a circle of hell.

[Sugar Smack]

24. That sounds about right to me.

[no name no slogan]

26. That's funny, that idea is becoming attractive to me too

especially after this last episode. I often wonder if I could have averted it if I had been living with other people and not alone. In fact I've done some investigation of group home settings for this very reason. I like the way you think, Sug.

[Sugar Smack]

28. YES. The imposition of private rules for each setting would lend stability

to the household. For example, the library and communications center would be a place where you're not allowed to fight or be loud. Whoever doesn't clean up after him/herself in the kitchen gets hung on a curtain rod by thier ankles & beaten with oaken riot batons. People have respect for each other's privacy & schedules.

Etcetera.

[KG]

27. i was thinking about a SS + KG collective myself.

i think great things could result of our collaborations!

anyway, about one other person is all i think i could handle sharing a home with.

[Sugar Smack]

29. How about a VERY LARGE room in a

VERY BIG house? You know, when things really crash. Otherwise, hell yes, sign me up.

[Deja Q]

47. Good luck.

[AngryAmish]

30. I could not do it

People are just darn peculiar.

[Sugar Smack]

31. They are, and sometimes it takes a while

for their peculiarities to emerge, fully-developed & frothing at the mouth.

[AngryAmish]

44. I am trying to not rain here, but

Take food for example. People eat things I find disgusting and vice versa. I don't like fish cooked in the house - to me it smells. Most people love fish. One person cooks fish and then I have to leave.

Some people would be offended by my meat eating. I love duck but that can smell. Imagine if you didn't like the smell. Meal planning would be a nightmare. What if it was someone's turn to cook and you think their food sucks.

Then there is sex. Loud sex, sexual jealousy, etc. etc.


There I go raining...

[Sugar Smack]

49. We could make the people who burn microwave popcorn go

sit in the corner. Oh, I'm with you on the whole sexual jealousy thing. Realistically, there'll probably always be a male or female Community Babe. And the worst-case scenario is that it could turn into Andy Warhol's Factory scene without the "art".

[grace0418]

32. I'm much too private for that. But would love to live in a building where everyone

had their own space but there were also lots of community spaces like a commercial grade kitchen, art studio, movie theater, small concert hall, garden, gym, swimming pool, lounge. Naturally, I would have to hand-pick everyone who moved in.

[Sugar Smack]

34. OMG-

That sounds SO COOL. You know, you just made me think of another idea. A lot of people living on saiboats and moored to the same area. I'd personally go for that.

And hand-picked family, of course.

[grace0418]

54. Two friends and I used to talk about "Our Building" all the time. We'd discuss the

people we'd invite to live there (who would all naturally be thrilled to be invited and would accept immediately), the amenities we would have, the things we'd do, etc.

We decided the building would be super eco-friendly and we'd have a big organic garden. I know I specifically requested David Sedaris as my next-door neighbor, with the guys from They Might Be Giants on the same floor as well. The list of inhabitants got quite large, and with all the musicians, artists, writers, chefs, etc. living there, just imagine all the wonderful parties and events we'd have.

[Lady Freedom]

33. Hum...

Their family that are Urban, right?

[Sugar Smack]

35. Yes, that's what they seem to technically be called,

but I've heard of the same practices in other environments. Hey, congratulations on your upcoming graduation, by the way!

[Lady Freedom]

36. Thank You!

[SallyMander]

37. I'm in!!

Oh wait, that wasn't an invitation???

[Sugar Smack]

39. w0000t, Yes it is!!!!

*dance o joy*

That would be smmmarvelous. You have the right kind of energy, m'dear, and we all know your fiancee's a lucky guy. *sis*

[SallyMander]

41. Seriously, tho

i do have a friend (former college roomie) currently living with her husband and at least 2 friends. Not as big as what you're envisioning, but it works for them. I always thought it sounded like fun. B and i have people over all the time anyway, they might as well live here.

Aforementioned friend though, also recently told us that she and hubby are in an "open marriage"... which sounds like it could complicate living arrangements no end, among other things!

[Sugar Smack]

53. Oh yeah. That kind of thing could get really messy, so to speak.

I posted my personal worst-case scenario somewhere on this thread: The Andy Warhol Factory Scene without the "art".

[Deja Q]

38. I sincerely have. I know people who used to; albeit some 12 years ago.

I liked the idea.

[Sugar Smack]

40. I like the idea of people in their twenties upward

taking up a sort of "frat house", but with several areas of true production.

[Deja Q]

42. Logical. The more rounded the "facility", the better.

[datasuspect]

43. y'all come to chicago

with about 30 people we could afford to rent a warehouse or something.

i think the idea is pretty awesome.

[Sugar Smack]

45. Oh, YEAH.

I like the number of people you posted, too. It would be harder for people to get in each other's way, and would actually be conducive to more privacy. You have my wheels turning right now. And this sort of thing will give me something interesting to think about at work tonight.

[Deja Q]

50. Just remember the one sad truth in life:

Dreams and reality are two far different concepts.

Never stop thinking of venues; but don't let them get the upper hand. The reality of dreams is never the same as the reality of reality.

[Sugar Smack]

52. .

"Also, please don't go bustin' my bubble this morning. I can dream, right? "

[supernova]

48. That sounds interesting actually

more like a small village.

I'm someone who could definitely do communal activities, as long as I have a private space to be for my required daily reflection and battery recharging.

[IndianaJones]

51. too cold and windy. nt.

[grace0418]

55. I'm in Chicago!

But I worked in a former warehouse building and it was FREEZING in the winter.

[TK421]

56. I live with three other people right now...and I can't wait to have

my privacy back again. That's the thing I miss the most. I understand what you're trying to say, but I would not do it.