Student Excuses: I Dare You to Top This!

[NJCher]

It is within three weeks of the end of the semester and the student excuses are rolling in. My experience is that they get more and more creative as we count down to finals week. So far this guy is in the lead!

Note: you will love the spelling!


Dear professor K___,

I haven't been in class for some time not of my own free

will. Let me tell you the story. I was walking my dog on

saturdya night, the night is the only time when I am free

to do this, and it started raining out of nowhere. I took my

shirt off in this now wet 19 degree environment and put it

on my dog to try and keep him warm and dry. I walked

the 13 long blocks back to my house, (there's a bike

path I take when I walk my dog that is 29 blocks long on

a rugged terrain, i figure if he can't do his business in

that amount of time, then he never will do it in the

house,) but I moved slower because I was carrying my

dog. You can probably guess what happened, I got

really sick. When I went to the doctor, I found out that I

had lyranjitus, broncitus, and symptoms of amonia. The

doctor didn't want me developing amonia, because that

would be a long term treatment process. I was

hospitalized that monday before thanksgiving and part of

tuesday. I was on medication that had me sleeping 18+

hours a day. I had a horrible thanksgiving, I couldn't eat

anything, and I couldn't even go shopping. I couldn't

leave my room, unless i had to go to the bathroom,

which i needed help opening and closing door. I was

extremely waek and vulnerable in my state, and couldn't

do anything. I am feeling better now, and am almost

done with my medication. I won't be in class on this

coming tuesday because i need to go to the doctor for

hopefully my last checkup, or what i like to call it,

interogation. I know i missed my presentation dates, and

ther's nothing i could do to make up those grades, but if i

could do any extra work, or anything, to give me a

passing grade, just let me know.
thanks for listening and caring, and for being such a

good teacher,
sincerely, J___ O___

Ummm, it doesn't rain at 19 degrees, it freezes. I'm a professor, remember?



Cher

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. This character really NEEDS to go to class

if for no other reason than to learn how to spell.

I teach a college class, too, and I'm often amazed at how many students manage to finish high school and get into college while still being almost illiterate.

[Dr. Strange]

2. I'd have sympathy...

amonia can kill, you know!

I haven't gotten anything that creative yet in my career. Maybe someday...

[Cabcere]

3. This kid's in *college?*

:wow: Holy crap. I could spell better than that when I was in third grade, and I probably could've come up with a better excuse then, too. Well, I suppose it makes your life interesting...right? :shrug:

[AnotherGreenWorld]

11. I'm not so surprised.

Idiots are everywhere in this country. I used to have a doctor who wrote e-mails of that caliber.

[Cabcere]

17. That's just scary.

:scared: I guess I've gotten spoiled by hanging out with fairly intelligent people over the past few years... :shrug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

22. Don't worry

We'll despoil you. :hi:









No, wait...

[Cabcere]

24. Hahahahaha!

:spray: :rofl: You am teh bestest, Oedi. :loveya: :hi:

[NJCher]

4. to top that

What's even more incredible than his spelling is that I saw him on campus last week. He saw me (at quite a distance), covered his head with his sweatshirt hood, and ran the other way.

Come on!



Cher

[Lydia Leftcoast]

5. Shortly after I moved back to Minneapolis the first time

(from the East Coast in 1982), I taught a couple of classes at local colleges.

One student came to me on a Thursday and said that he had to fly to New York for his grandfather's 90th birthday celebration on Friday but he'd be back Monday. Okay, that was fine.

He wasn't back Monday...or Tuesday...or Wednesday...or the whole rest of the week.

When he showed up the following Monday, he tried to tell me that he just couldn't get a flight back from New York.

He tried that excuse on the wrong person. Studying and working on the East Coast and flying back to Minneapolis every Christmas, I KNEW that Northwest Airlines ALONE had 8 flights a day between the various New York airports and Minneapolis. His face fell when I told him that and told him that he was getting zeros for that week for being AWOL. When his parents called and objected, I asked them (as I always did with those kinds of parents) whether they would put up with that kind of behavior in the workplace.

[DarkTirade]

6. Well, he didn't say if it was 19 degrees Fahrenheit or Celcius... :)

[deucemagnet]

7. LOL! I just interviewed for a teaching job at a university.

So this is what I have to look forward to? :rofl:

[graywarrior]

8. At least it's better than "my cat died" over and over and over.

When you're a stoner, you can't think of too many other excuses.

[NJCher]

9. I would have sympathy over the cat

It's the grandmother/fathers, the mothers, the aunts, the cousins. They will stoop at nothing except for their own mother!

Oh and since this is NJ, let's not forget a few buddies killed in gang violence. "Shot right out in front of his house! He was just sittin' on his porch!"

What an unlucky group of students I have.



Cher

[graywarrior]

16. It's amazing how much tragedy strikes college students.

My sister used to call into work with a "bad hair day" or "I have nothing to wear." She got away with it, too...for 4 years.

[Truthiness Inspector]

10. A new twist on "the dog ate my homework"!

But at least he still had the dog playing a role.

[NightWatcher]

12. my old professor had the best one. he was held hostage in Iran for 400+ days

no one could ever top it.

[China_cat]

13. Have you ever read 'Teacher Man' by Frank McCourt?

He inspired classes to write by getting them to write creative excuses for being out of class. Fun read in that section.

[ghostsofgiants]

14. The most glaring issue here, which no one seems to have pointed out...

If that WAS true, why not just get a doctor's note?

[NJCher]

19. it's in the syllabus

Only excuses are with doctor's notes.

However, this student has probably never read the syllabus. Actually, we read it in class. I'd guess he was probably daydreaming.

This student will fail the class because there will not be time for him to complete the two major assignments.



Cher

[distantearlywarning]

21. Yes, but...

He may not be able to READ the syllabus. Cut the kid a break already, would 'ya? It's hard to be functionally illiterate in college!

(For the humor-impaired: the above was sarcasm.)

[petronius]

15. That's a pretty well-developed excuse

:rofl:

My best is the girl who told me she couldn't study for an exam all weekend because she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her and was too upset - could she take the exam at a later date?

[jmm]

18. The dog only gets walked once a week?

You're suppose to believe he'd literally take the shirt off his back for a dog he only bothers to walk once a week :rofl:

[Arugula Latte]

20. Well, the good thing is, if you get "amonia" you can save on cleaning supplies.

:rofl:

[NV Whino]

23. Better be nice to the kid

He's going to be President one day.

[SOteric]

25. If he'd have spent the same amount of energy on the presentation,

he wouldn't have the problem in the first place.


Not likely a sterling grade mind you, but at least a presentation.

[Rabrrrrrr]

26. I can't believe none of you are concerned about it raining out of nowhere. That's paranormal!

That's Biblical! That's fucking spooky weird shit!

[Rabrrrrrr]

27. I think that what I would do is this:

Dear professor K___,

I haven't been in class (which class? A class I'm teaching? A class some other professor is teaching?) for some time ("some" time? All of us are not in class for "some" time - heck, even I am not in class the vast majority of time - what do you mean?) not of my own free

will. Let me tell you the story. (rather forceful of you, isn't it? Generally it's more polite to ask - and, since you went ahead and told the story without ever hearing from me whether I wanted to hear it, you might as well have left that out). I was walking my dog on

saturdya night (interesting night, that - what is it?), the night is the only time when I am free

to do this, ("this"? Don't you mean "that"? And why are you telling me this? Is it pertinent to the story that you are so boldly forcing me to endure?) and it started raining out of nowhere (don't tell me about this - go immediately to the physics department! They'd love to know about rain coming out of nowhere - in all human history, rain has come from clouds in the sky. This is fantastic, and you must go to them immediately!). I took my

shirt off in this now wet 19 degree environment (Celsius? Because if it's Fahrenheit, you are lying) and put it

on my dog to try and keep him warm and dry (you kept your dog dry with a wet t-shirt?). I walked

the 13 long blocks back to my house, (there's a bike

path I take when I walk my dog that is 29 blocks long on

a rugged terrain, i figure if he can't do his business in

that amount of time, then he never will do it in the

house,) (for the love of English, you are in college - why don't you write like a college student? That's some of the worst, most erroneous and awful writing I've seen from anyone older than sixth grade) but I moved slower because I was carrying my

dog. You can probably guess what happened, I got

really sick. (Did you ever learn how to write a sentence? And no, I can't guess, and since this is written communication, not sloppy drunken holiday conversation with your bucktoothed relatives, a more formal tone is appropriate) When I went to the doctor, I found out that I

had lyranjitus, broncitus, and symptoms of amonia. (I can't even begin to tell you how dumb this is, and how horrified I am that you passed our college's entrance exams. I'm horrified that you even made it into high school) The

doctor didn't want me developing amonia, (no, I imagine doctor would want that; it's rather stinky and poisonous) because that

would be a long term treatment process. I was

hospitalized that monday (another day I've never heard of) before thanksgiving (and what is that? "thanksgiving" - do you mean "Thanksgiving"? You're losing me with these fictional days) and part of

tuesday. (another fictional day) I was on medication that had me sleeping 18+

hours a day. I had a horrible thanksgiving, (Eek! There it is again! Rain from nowhere, thanksgiving, mondays, tuesdays, saturdyas - are you from earth?) I couldn't eat

anything, and I couldn't even go shopping. (Oh, my - I was feeling sorry for you for not being able to take sustenance and thus stay alive; but not being able to shop! That's so tragic!) I couldn't

leave my room, unless i had to go to the bathroom,

which i needed help opening and closing door. (Again with the nonsensical psuedo-English gibberish) I was

extremely waek (huh?) and vulnerable in my state, (perhaps if you'd moved to another state?) and couldn't

do anything. (Really? Couldn't do anything? Amazing you are still alive after all that time not breathing) I am feeling better now, and am almost

done with my medication. I won't be in class on this

coming tuesday (Eeek!) because i need to go to the doctor for

hopefully my last checkup, or what i like to call it,

interogation. (Yes, I think a complete 'interogation' is indeed in order) I know i missed my presentation dates, and

ther's nothing i could do to make up those grades, (yes, you are correct) but if i

could do any extra work, or anything, to give me a

passing grade, just let me know. (No, you can't)
thanks for listening and caring, and for being such a

good teacher, (thanks for taking so little care in your writing, and for being such a hopefully understanding very failed student)
sincerely, J___ O___