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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 10:53 PM
Original message
why do i feel like an asshole?
going into today, my roommate still owed me half of november rent. i have to pay december rent this week and asked him if he could get me a check. he seemed so put off by it, but got me part of it. i can understand being stretched thin, but it fucks me over financially to have to carry his part of the rent (i got a roommate because i could no longer afford this place on my own).

he lives here and needs to pay his part of the rent, so why do i feel like such asshole when i ask for it?
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JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 10:54 PM
Response to Original message
1. *snicker*
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 10:57 PM
Response to Reply #1
5. you're a real help
thanks

any reason you felt the need to shit on me?
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Writer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 11:26 PM
Response to Reply #5
9. What JVS means is...
Edited on Wed Nov-28-07 11:29 PM by Writer
"Gosh, kagehime, I'm very sorry you're having this much difficulty with your roommate. It must be a burden on you to have to deal with his irresponsibility. You shouldn't feel like a jerk when he's the person not paying his fair share...

... Oh, look, a bunny with a pancake on its head! :snicker:"

;)
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JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 11:34 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. Actually I was thinking of what a great send up line "why do i feel like an asshole?" is
Edited on Wed Nov-28-07 11:35 PM by JVS
Think of the snarkiness that could ensue.

I snickered rather than deliver the punchline "because you are one!" And that's because the OP isn't an asshole
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 11:43 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. damn that bunny
makes me giggle just thinking about it
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 10:54 PM
Response to Original message
2. Because deep down you are a nice person.
:hug:

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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 10:56 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. thanks, kitchy
it just stresses me out so badly
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 10:56 PM
Response to Original message
3. My dear kagehime...
You may feel like an asshole, but sweetie, you are NOT...

Your roommate is the asshole!

You have a soul, and a conscience, and he is playing on those...

You need a new roommate!

It burns me to see you hurting...and all because of that jerk! :grr:

:hug:
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 10:58 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. i know he doesn't do it on purpose
at least i hope he doesn't, but that doesn't make it any easier for me

thanks, peggy

:hug:
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ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 11:20 PM
Response to Original message
7. Please ignore that first bit of snark, above.
I'm convinced that some people just don't like people. :shrug:

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. I'm hoping I don't have similary problems with my next roommate. :(

I hope he comes up with the money and doesn't give you any hassle about it.
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 11:24 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. thanks, thom
i guess i'm just stressing out a bit more because of the holidays

i hope you can find a good roommate

:hug:
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SPKrazy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 11:44 PM
Response to Original message
12. i dunno
but you don't have to

:hug:
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 11:52 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. i know
i'm trying

:hug:
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 12:01 AM
Response to Original message
14. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but if you can afford to live somewhere else alone,
it will save you grief in the long run. When I managed an apartment building I hated renting to roommates because they were always trying to pay only their half of the rent, or one would move out and try to get "their half" of the deposit back while the other tenant was still in the place, one would leave and the other would need to downgrade to a cheaper apartment, etc.

Roommates are more headache than they're worth, even when they do pay the rent on time, and usually if they could reliably pay the rent they wouldn't bother having a roommate.

But don't feel bad for wanting him to pay his share of the rent. You wanted somebody to help with the bills, not a new financial obligation. If he's not living up to his responsibilities that's hurting you and you have every right to be upset.
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 12:08 AM
Response to Reply #14
17. that's something i'm going to look into when my lease is up
but that's not until the summer and it's difficult with my budget.

i will say he's better than my first roommate who got pissed at me for kicking her out when she didn't pay me rent for three months.

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VenusRising Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 12:01 AM
Response to Original message
15. Sometimes we reflect the way we feel about others to ourselves.
I have a tendency to do that sometimes.

It's only because you are a truly good person. It doesn't always make sense, and it always sucks, but believe me, you are so NOT an asshole.

Everyone is doing what they have to do to survive right now. You are no different. You have to pay rent because you have to have a place to live. It's his responsibility to take care of his share of the rent. It also puts stress on you if you have to pull his weight and yours. This is all about him being unfair and disrespectful. Don't take any of that on yourself. It can be hard not to do, but it's not worth the negative self-talk.

Hang in there, sweet pea.

:hug:
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 12:11 AM
Response to Reply #15
18. thanks sweetie
i'm nice to a fault and hate conflict but i know i've gotta take care of myself

:hug:
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VenusRising Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 12:13 AM
Response to Reply #18
20. I'm the same way,
It will eat us both up if we aren't careful.

:pals: :hug:
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 12:17 AM
Response to Reply #20
21. maybe we should practice growling in the mirror
rawwwwwwwwr :P

:hug:
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VenusRising Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 12:19 AM
Response to Reply #21
22. And scare ourselves silly??
:rofl:


Okay!

Rawwwwwwwwwr. :hide:


:rofl:
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 12:22 AM
Response to Reply #22
23. eeeep!
:yoiks:

:rofl:
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Der Blaue Engel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 03:20 AM
Response to Reply #21
26. Or you could try using my new favorite smiley
Which shall now follow my every post. :mad:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...

:rofl:

I mean :mad:
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Fire Walk With Me Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 12:01 AM
Response to Original message
16. Out with the roommate, in with the Elrond?
I'm just sayin'. :hug:
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 12:12 AM
Response to Reply #16
19. believe me, i am trying
:hug:
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billyskank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 02:30 AM
Response to Original message
24. Reverse projection
He's the asshole, but it makes you feel like one instead. There is no logic to it. :hug:

:loveya:
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 09:51 AM
Response to Reply #24
29. thanks sweetie
i'm feeling a bit better this morning

:loveya:
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laylah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 02:47 AM
Response to Original message
25. Ya know,
a neighbor of ours in Colorado Springs (you were a baby, so wouldn't remember) once told your Dad I'd give someone a cookie, even if I didn't like them. Stand your ground, kiddo. You are definitely NOT the asshole here. Being assertive is never easy but you have to do it before you let things build and you kill him. :P

He does sound better than your last TWO roomies but that doesn't give him the right to put you on the spot. Stand up for yourself OR tell Dad :rofl: :loveya:
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 09:54 AM
Response to Reply #25
30. can i have a cookie?
pleeeeeeeeeease?

and i'll take care of it...do it self! :rofl:

:loveya:
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laylah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 03:06 PM
Response to Reply #30
37. You can have the whole bag as
long as you don't fall off the counter and chip ANOTHER tooth! :rofl: :loveya:

Hey, wait a minute! I LOVE you, why would I give you a cookie, let alone the whole bag :silly:
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Orsino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 04:49 AM
Response to Original message
27. Because you never wanted to be a landlord...
...and wanted to be on the same side as your roommate.
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 09:55 AM
Response to Reply #27
31. well put
thank you
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kedrys Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 06:41 AM
Response to Original message
28. Because only nice people worry about being assholes
Real assholes couldn't care less - that's in part why they're assholes.

:hug:

Hope your roommate gets a clue soon - or you get a better roommate.
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 09:57 AM
Response to Reply #28
32. sometimes i hate being so nice
i hope i can get this worked out

thanks

:hug:
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laylah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 03:08 PM
Response to Reply #32
38. What I want to know is
where in the HELL did you learn to be too nice? Huh? Huh? Huh?
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DarkTirade Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 10:00 AM
Response to Original message
33. Your roommate should be the one feeling like an asshole... you're the one having to stretch to cover
the bills because he isn't living up to his half.
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redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 10:34 AM
Response to Original message
34. I've been in that same situation.
Edited on Thu Nov-29-07 10:35 AM by redqueen
I couldn't handle it. We were friends before roommates and I hated having to browbeat or beg her for bill money month after month. It was a beautiful apartment and we had lots of fun together, but I couldn't stay there.

Good luck... :hug:
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Roon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 11:25 AM
Response to Original message
35. I hate that
The roommate I have now is the only roommate in my adult life that paid his rent fully and on time every month.Everyone else either didn't pay at all, or were short every month. Screw that, get your rent, and if he is slow to pay it, evict his ass.You aren't running a shelter.
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Flaxbee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-29-07 12:37 PM
Response to Original message
36. because you can empathize with him --
many, many people are low on cash these days and you can certainly understand that, as you got a roommate because of your own financial situation.

But then again, he might just be jerking you around. If you let November go, he might try to see how far he can push you. I think you need to tell him he's got to get you what he owes you for November, too, before the end of the year. DO NOT BEND on this. Because with a lot of people, give an inch and they'll take a mile.

Don't feel like an asshole for asking someone to hold up their end of the bargain. More often than not, women fall into that guilt thing - and I say that as a women who practiced corporate law for 7 years. My father was domineering, and was just awful to you if you asked him a question he didn't feel like answering. All the legal and professional training in the world hasn't helped me get beyond my dread / feelings of guilt for asking for something basic, like, rent.

So steel yourself. Don't back down. You also need to learn to change your behavior. And so does your roommate.
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