Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

I can't keep my dog. :-(

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU
 
Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 03:36 PM
Original message
I can't keep my dog. :-(
I just can't.

My husband-from-whom-I-am-separated and I co-own a beautiful, loving dog. We adore him and he us. The dog stays with me during the week and goes to his dog daddy's most of the weekend.

Corbu is a pointer breed, a classic high-energy 'Velcro dog.' We've done obedience training. We accommodate him as much as we can. We've taken him to the beach, to the mountains for long hikes, to dog-family camping trips. I take him running with me. I've taken him to work with me. But it's not enough.

He has such separation anxiety that I must crate him to prevent destruction. I run home every day from work to let him out and walk him and comfort him. He still gets out and causes problems. In the previous apartment he destroyed $2500 worth of furniture because my idiotfuck husband wouldn't crate or restrain him (this after I moved out). In this apartment, I've gotten a nastygram from the homeowners association over the constant barking. I put a bark collar on him, we've called Barkbusters and train him, and he's still barking all day.

I've been dealing with pissing, shitting, barking, and destruction for four years. His co-owner refuses to admit to what extent it is a problem for me. Since I'm just a wife, my time and sanity is an expendable commodity and my needs come last. I can't take it any more. And it breaks my heart becuase when there isn't a problem, I love the dog so much.

I am going to tell him to take the dog and deal with him (and brace myself for an outburst of whining), or return him to the breeder to be placed in a better home, where there's room and someone is home all day.

Shit.

Yes, I've heard all the lectures about "being responsible"--from my husband. I am far from a party girl; I am home every night, and take the dog everywhere I can. Flame away if you must.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
billyskank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 03:40 PM
Response to Original message
1. Why would I flame?
I assume you got the dog when you and your husband were together; now your situation has changed in a manner you could not have predicted at the time. Only an asshole would flame you for having trouble coping. I hope the animal can be found a new home with people who are able to attend to its needs.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 03:41 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. Just being defensive
I don't usually post personal situations to DU because I've seen how people can pile on.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
MissB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 03:40 PM
Response to Original message
2. You're doing what is best for the dog.
Before handing the dog over to your soon-to-be-ex, ask him if he would object to you taking him back to the breeder. You know he is incapable of providing the dog the home he needs, so why subject the dog to your stbx?

Some dogs need more stimulation than a working person can give. It would've been better for the dog if you'd realized this in the first place, but I would never fault you for getting the dog. Your dog deserves a home where someone can be there with him.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 03:42 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. Our situation has changed.
And to be fair my ex has long experience with pointer breeds. He owned a Weimaraner from age 6 weeks to her passing at 15 years. However, Corbu is far more energetic than the Weim.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 03:46 PM
Response to Original message
5. Why would anybody pile on you or flame you?
If they do, you let me know...

and I'll call up Skittles!! ;-) :hi:

In all seriousness, I am so sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like so much stress, already, in your life... and now this. I wish I had more comforting words for you. Hugs... :hug: :hug: :hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:20 PM
Response to Reply #5
9. remember this? and it was a copy cat too
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:24 PM
Response to Reply #9
13. The family-trouble threads
can bring out the Dr Lauras in our midst, too. Don't think I haven't taken my cue from that. I just hate being alone with this problem, though, so I am taking the risk of posting.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:27 PM
Response to Reply #13
14. some people just enjoy being holier than thou.
:hi:

:hug:

sounds like you really tried.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:49 PM
Response to Reply #9
19. I actually don't remember that
But, as you can see, I had a gap in my posting (yeah, me, believe it or not) for awhile. I don't think I posted anything from the end of Jan. until this post:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...

We all know how successful I was with that. :-(
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:50 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. well i am glad you were unsuccessful. i like having you here.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:52 PM
Response to Reply #20
21. Thanks
I needed to hear that right now. :hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LaurenG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 03:52 PM
Response to Original message
6. I'm with BillySkank...
and I am very sorry about the situation.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 03:56 PM
Response to Original message
7. You have to do what you have to do.
Hold your head up - you are doing what is best for your dog, and you. :hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:13 PM
Response to Original message
8. i couldnt keep my ex's cat for more or less similar reasons
and had to find another home for her

i miss her but i just couldnt deal with it any more.

so i understand and am sorry.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
RetroLounge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:21 PM
Response to Original message
10. Oh, I'm sorry for your situation...
I am in the same.

My STBE talked me into getting the kids a puppy and now a year later I have an 80lb black lab on my hands that she wants nothing to do with.

So I have this mass of energy at my house full time. and if I return him whence he came, the kids will freak on me.

So I am stuck with Max for about 15 more years...

:hug:

RL
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:28 PM
Response to Reply #10
15. The lab is going to calm down some day
and be a fabulous companion.

These breeds stay puppies most of their lives.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Amerigo Vespucci Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:22 PM
Response to Original message
11. What kind of asshole would possibly flame you in a situation like this?
Dear God...I understand there are insensitive people in the world and some who may not feel for what you're going through right now. I'm not one of them, and neither are MOST...repeat, MOST...of the people on DU.

:grouphug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:31 PM
Response to Reply #11
16. Oh, I know that
I guess I was saying that pre-emptively, a kind of "Yeah yeah, I am NOT changing the dog to match the decor, dammit!"

There's no situation so bad that someone on the Internets can't make it worse. :shrug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Wapsie B Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:23 PM
Response to Original message
12. God I am so sorry.
Raising a dog is like raising a kid, only harder because they'll never be able to tell you what's wrong. It sounds like you have no other options here.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
UTUSN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:36 PM
Response to Original message
17. It's heartbreaking, but you've got a good plan, doing the right thing.
In fact, I'd carry it further and hope that you have sole say-so and have the dog placed. It sounds like your ex won't be good for the dog on a long term basis.

Plus, since I'm butting in without it's being my business, what's the prolongation of the "separation" thing? Get you and dog out of your lives.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 04:42 PM
Response to Reply #17
18. Try as I might
I can't get myself out of my life. :P

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
UTUSN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 06:45 PM
Response to Reply #18
30. It was a typo. Wasn't being flip.
I meant, get the ex- out of your and your dog's lives.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
GOPisEvil Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 05:40 PM
Response to Original message
22. No flames. Sounds as though you are being responsible.
I hope for the best for you and the furball.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 05:44 PM
Response to Original message
23. I'm very sorry.
I hope your husband can take the dog and handle these problems. I hope he doesn't have to find a new family. :(

:hug:

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
philosophie_en_rose Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 05:49 PM
Response to Original message
24. No flames. It sounds like you're doing the best you can.
I wonder if you couldn't find someone better than the ex, as he doesn't seem to deserve you or the dog. However, who could flame you this situation?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Rowdyboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 05:59 PM
Response to Original message
25. I hurt for you...they're like children and I know you feel guilt but you shouldn't
You're trying to do what is in the best interest of an innocent soul who is entirely dependant on you for his or her well-being. As long as you do whatever you can to see that he finds a good home you're tops in my book.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Lil Missy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 06:04 PM
Response to Original message
26. No flames here. i think you've made a valiant effort.
I'm so sorry. I know it would just kill me to part with my dog too. ;(
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Inchworm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 06:12 PM
Response to Original message
27. Thank you for caring enough to be concerned
for the pet's well being. There are many of other ways I've seen situations like this go, and often the critter isn't even considered. You are kind enough not to be selfish and also not to look at the dog like a possesion easily discarded.

I'm sure it wont be easy, but from what I read here you will make a decision that is in the dog's best interest. I commend you for that.

:hug: :yourock: :hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Fire Walk With Me Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 06:16 PM
Response to Original message
28. Are you sure that you're not trying to foist Cheney Dog on an unsuspecting do-gooder?


From yoyossarian's site. Sorry for the hot-link (a dog joke! Haha!)

Ellen, I'm sorry to hear that you're not getting the support that you should be getting. I hope that you can find some reasonable outcome.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
grasswire Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 06:29 PM
Response to Original message
29. my dear Ellen
Have you watched any episodes of the Dog Whisperer? Seriously. Very seriously. His technique would teach you a lot and you could learn it in two days by watching video.

This is what Cesar would say. He would say that you are attributing human feelings to a dog. A dog does not have human feelings, and dogs really don't care about being the object of your feelings. A dog is a pack animal that wishes the humans to be the pack leaders and exhibit calm, assertive control. The good thing is that your dog is not what they call a "red zone" dog -- he is not biting people or other animals. He is just a dog being forced to live in an environment that does not meet his needs: a lot of exercise in his human/canine pack, calm and assertive discipline, and the company of the pack. He just doesn't know what to do.

And frankly, it almost sounds as if you and your husband are using the dog to act our your hostility to each other -- your husband's behavior sounds so typically passive aggressive. People do that with their children, too, of course, and it's always unfortunate.

I think you'll have to choose between your feelings for the dog and the dog's feelings and needs. But please, please try watching Cesar Milan and see if you find some insights there.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-18-07 12:04 PM
Response to Reply #29
32. Yes, we have watched him
And that's exactly the problem. I can't give him the company and exercise he needs.

You certainly have the ex pegged as a master of passive aggression.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Mike03 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-17-07 06:50 PM
Response to Original message
31. I would never flame a post like this
Having been through both divorce and loving difficult dogs.

My advice would be to take a few giant steps back and try to get a larger perspective on your situation. The holidays can be a good time for that; I need it as well and am using this next month to just quiet down and try to cope with reality.

The second decision to make, after you allow yourself time to slow down, relax and forgive yourself, is to determine how much energy you can devote to the rehabilitation of your dog.

You can definitely do it if you want to, but do you have the time and intention?

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Sun Oct 26th 2014, 02:07 AM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC