Gosh! Some people just don't know when to quit calling! grrrrr - A rant of sorts

[Ava]

I swear. I have a friend who calls me on the phone every day, and he IM's me every time i've gotten online(it's gotten so bad that i usually use the "invisible" status now.) Not only do we talk on the phone every day, but i swear he just calls and calls and calls. He'll call me at the very least 4 times a day, and the worst thing is that when i don't answer he just keeps trying and trying. GOD! BACK OFF DUDE! I don't want to just be a b*tch and say "quite calling me so much!" but something has got to change. First of all no one should call me after 10 at night, and second when i don't answer i'm either away and not able to answer or else i don't want to answer the damn phone! i love my friends, but that doesn't mean i want to talk to them on the phone for hours at a time several times a day!
GAH!!!!!

[Ava]

1. am i a horrible person for getting annoyed at this?

and not screening calls

[Cabcere]

2. No, you're not a horrible person.

That would drive me nuts, too. I don't really know what to tell you...except maybe ask this person not to call you after a certain time (10 PM, or whatever works for you)? That won't solve the whole problem, but I guess it's a start. I wish I had better advice for you, Ava, and I hope this person stops bugging you so much! Peace.

[Ava]

3. we're good friends but i just get so annoyed sometimes

i don't have the time to spend an hour on the phone with him every time he calls and calling me once(or even twice) a day is enough. it's not like we never see each other either! we see each other at least once a week. i feel sort of bad for getting this frustrated about it and i know i'm bad about being a pushover and not telling someone something is bothering me if i think it might hurt their feelings, but this is just literally driving me insane!

*le sigh*

[Cabcere]

4. Oh man, I'm totally the same way.

I'm pretty much incapable of telling someone to stop doing something that annoys me if I think it will hurt their feelings, so I know where you're coming from. I hope it all works out for you!

[Ava]

5. thanks, me too

i guess for now i'll just keep screening the calls

[libodem]

6. Of, course you aren't horrible

Maybe he has a crush on you. It sounds rather obsessive. You may be forced to speak up and put some limits on his calls. Even if this fella isn't publicly professing his undying love for you he could be infatuated with you. The best way for someone to get over that kind of a crush is for you to cut them off completely. Any sign of affection, or even just friendliness, will lead them on and to expect more. I just don't think a guy would put so much effort into thinking about you and calling so much if he is thinking of you as 'just a friend'. Sometimes if a guy was pursuing me too intently I was turned off by the desperation. You must be feeling suffocated.

[Ava]

7. nah, he's like another brother to me

we are good friends and that is it and i haven't done anything at all to make him think otherwise. also i don't believe he is interested in me that way. i'm not sure why he calls me so much though. he's got other friends, maybe it's just that there a few mature teens in this town - i don't know. but it's driving me INSANE!

[libodem]

8. Back in the olden days

when we all had land lines and no computers, I had this doofy guy calling me every evening. He was nerdy and homely. I so didn't want to hurt his feelings, especially because he wasn't popular or cool. Being tied to a line in the kitchen for an hour was just too much time to waste. I don't even remember how I handled it. I just remember, feeling like you, wanting to be nice but avoid the disruption. Ava, you are a nice teen-ager. It's a tough age to be. Oh, btw, your last video was so touching, and made a hopeful point with the protesting after all the disheartening Iraq footage. Well done.

[Ava]

24. thanks libodem

[unpossibles]

17. he still probably has a crush on you

I was shy as a teenager with a lot of female friends, and sometimes I had crushes on them and they never suspected it. Maybe not, but... just my take on it. He may not have a crush on you, but it does sound a lot like it, although it's hard to say for sure - maybe he calls his other friends this much too.

Also, we guys are not so good at taking hints, and sometimes guys misinterpret "nice" for "interested" if you know what I mean. Just because you have never made him feel otherwise, does not mean he might not have an infatuation with you.

I've also been on the receiving end of that too strong attention as well, and I tend to try to take the "nice" route and it doesn't usually work so well. And sometimes, crush or not, people just get clingy with friends without realizing it.

Here's my advice: plan on how you're going to say it, and say it as nicely as you can, but firmly lay down some rules for calling, like no calls after 10, respect it if you don't answer and don't call back, etc. I know it's not easy, but in the long run your friendship will be better for it, as he won't feel like you're blowing him off and you won't feel annoyed. As for the online thing, I'd say either continue to use the "hidden" setting or bring that into it too - just tell him that sometimes you're too busy to chat or just that you don't feel like it, and to not take it personally.

He may have his feelings hurt by it, but tell him the truth - that it's not personal, that everyone needs a little space, and that he is making your friendship uncomfortable for you by constantly calling, IMing, etc.

Good luck!

[DarkTirade]

16. No, you're a horrible person for completely different reasons. :P

I keed, I keed. Some people don't know when to quit. Try telling this person straight up to stop calling you so damn much, see what happens. It's better to hurt someone's feelings a little right now than to wait until you get so pissed off that you blow up in their face later.

[Ava]

22. i'm a wonderful person thank you very much!

some dude named Lucifer told me so!

yeah, i feel like i need to tell him to stop before i blow up in his face, i just don't want to hurt his feelings. damn... i'm such a liberal. GRRR

[DarkTirade]

25. I know that problem well, it's a big problem in the geek community (of which I am a member.)

Because geeks are usually 'outcasts' until they manage to find their own group, they find it hard to cast someone else out. Invariably in a group of geeks you'll find at least one person that NOBODY likes, but nobody wants to tell them.

[BreweryYardRat]

9. I had an ex like that.

You need to set limits, since you've got a similar basic problem but different circumstances surrounding it. For starters, tell your friend that you need some alone time.

I solved my problem by breaking up with her, but that's not really valid for your situation.

[Roon]

10. Before the Internet and caller ID

I used to have a friend that called every day, all day. I finally quit answering because I knew it was him because he was about the only one who called at that time. He would let the phone ring, ring, and ring. It wore out my cordless phone because he called and would just let it ring. He finally got the message and only calls 2 or 3 times a month now. I hate the telephone.

[Ava]

23. i don't like the phone much either

but i don't want to talk to him just 2 or 3 times a month, but not 2 or 3 times(or more) a day. and like i said, it's not like we never see each other! we usually hang out on the weekends.

[Danger Mouse]

11. tell him to die slowly in a vat of acid.

that'll show him.

[Ava]

20. yeah, and it won't hurt his feelings at all!

[JVS]

12. people call, that's life

[CaliforniaPeggy]

13. That is very inappropriate.

She's a teenager, for chrissakes.

[JVS]

14. You're right but it's true advice. I'll change it

[CaliforniaPeggy]

15. Thanks for changing it...

True or not...

[Ava]

19. and people have lives - and don't want to waste them on talking on the phone with the same person

3 HOURS a day. i have things to do and i just can't stay on the phone that long plus i don't want to! when i have spare time i like to spend it chilling out, not talking on the phone nonstop.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. sounds real annoying.

[Ava]

21. it is, and i feel bad for being so annoyed

but i mean damn! how much time am i expected to stay on the phone with him? sheesh!

[Book Lover]

26. Kid, cowgirl up and tell him the truth

He's not at a subtle stage in his life; he's not going to get it until you speak to him in clear and simple declarative sentences. And so what anyway? Is having to pretend you are invisible online the way you want to live your life?

[Orsino]

27. Yes, ask him nicely to back off...

...and if that doesn't work, block him.