have you ever cheated on a SO?

[Rising Phoenix]

Poll question: have you ever cheated on a SO?

I, for one, never have. No judgements on those that did, however. Just curious.

[ohiosmith]

1. Don't mind me. Just making a list.

:popcorn:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. yes.

[Rising Phoenix]

4. thanks for the honesty

:loveya:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. its true aside from lisa i have cheated on all my so's.

in fairness they were all warned that i would cheat on them.

[Burma Jones]

59. If you warn, it isn't cheating.......

And for Pete's sake, I would never think of you as Evil....unless you cheated on me ;)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

62. i am evil. evil will get ya

:hug:

[cobalt1999]

144. LOL

I'd have loved to seen the reaction to that warning.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

150. i tell everyone on my second or third date, that i have cheated on all MY so's and probably

will cheat on them too.

[cobalt1999]

155. Yes, but how do they react?

I have no idea what my face would be doing if someone told me that, nor what I would say. I think it would be hilarious to watch though.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

156. they shrug mainly.

[Guava Jelly]

3. Nope

..

[Shell Beau]

5. Maybe in high school. But never a real relationship!

Although my husband and I started dating in high school, but I have never ever cheated on him.

[KitchenWitch]

7. Yes, about 15 years ago

I was a coward, I wanted to end the relationship but did not have the guts to end it.

[Dulcinea]

45. Same here.

Not something I'm proud of.

[raccoon]

145. Same here, about 30 years ago. nt

[QueenOfCalifornia]

8. What is a SO?

I feel so lame.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

9. significant other

[QueenOfCalifornia]

11. Yes

but I had to... over and over

[KitchenWitch]

10. Significant Other

[mainegreen]

12. Symphony Orchestra.

I cheat on my Orchestra all the time.

Sometimes even with *gasp* bands!

[JTG of the PRB]

13. You hussie!!!

:rofl:

[Gormy Cuss]

32. I'm telling!

They're gonna be so PSO'ed at you.

:P

[mainegreen]

56. You've probably been waiting years to use that one, haven't you?

:rofl:

:thumbsup:

[swimboy]

98. Band sex means no strings

[IndianaJones]

14. Sierra Oscar. Some military lingo. This place is weird. nt.

[EstimatedProphet]

68. Storm Organ

[hfojvt]

117. I thought you were joking

I am lame because I have never had an SO to cheat on. So I am like 'what is an SO?'

[MissHoneychurch]

15. No

never have. Never will (or so I hope).

Doesn't mean the so-called bf didn't cheat on me though x(

[NewJeffCT]

16. No, I have not - I've only lusted after Priyanka in my heart

But, alas, it's unrequited lust.

:nopity:

Besides, I'd probably faint dead away if the opportunity really did arise.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

17. thats really funny

:rofl:

[NewJeffCT]

26. I'm not really joking

the part about fainting dead away... Leaving aside the fact that you're a lesbian, and while I don't think I'm ugly or anything, I've not had much experience with women putting the moves on me - and I married the first woman that did put the moves on me. So, in reality, if that did happen to me, I'd probably have some sort of panic-induced heart attack.

[billyskank]

18. That would be putting the cart before the horse.

[MissMillie]

42. horses and carts... jeez! you're a kinky one!

:silly:

[Midlodemocrat]

19. No. It is the highest form of betrayal.

Too many families are being destroyed near me because one person didn't do the right thing and leave the relationship prior to cheating.

It's disgusting to humiliate someone like that.

[Shakespeare]

20. Hey, you!

Haven't seen you around in a few days--glad to see you!! :hi: :loveya:

[Midlodemocrat]

23. Check your PM.

[IndianaJones]

24. It is sometimes a little more complicated than that. nt.

[Midlodemocrat]

25. Sorry. No, it isn't. If you are done with the person enough to

cheat on them, do the honorable thing and leave the relationship so that the person can maintain their dignity and not wonder every day when the other shoe will drop.

There is no excuse for cheating. Leave the relationship, THEN do whatever you want. Take the high road.

[Gormy Cuss]

41. ...

:applause: although for some it's easier to cheat than face up to the facts.

It's also not cheating if you make it clear to your partner that the relationship is not exclusive.

[Midlodemocrat]

43. Why, thank you, darlin'.

Yet another of my neighbors just had her life ruined by a cheating spouse, so maybe I'm a bit more sensitive to this issue.

I know I would never, ever cheat on my husband. If it came to the point where I wanted to do so, I would tell him the relationship was over so he could retain his dignity. I think that is the least one should do for a person who at one time was special enough to be the 'SO'.

[IndianaJones]

49. lots of relationships survive infidelity. they are no less valid than any other. nt.

[Midlodemocrat]

51. Which isn't the topic. The topic is whether or not someone

cheated on their SO. Not whether or not a relationship is able to survive infidelity. :shrug:

[IndianaJones]

58. Your response seems to me to attach a simple explanation for infidelity...

when it is sometimes a much more complicated situation. Not everyone that engages in infidelity is evil or morally bankrupt.

[Shakespeare]

63. She didn't say that everyone who cheats is evil or morally bankrupt.

Just that the act itself is inexcusable. Forgiveable, if both parties are willing, but still inexcusable.

[IndianaJones]

66. see below. nt.

[Shakespeare]

70. Again, she's talking about the act, not the person.

There's a difference.

[IndianaJones]

74. And my point is that life is not merely good and evil acts....

there is some nuance to every situation. All infidelity is not evil, just as it cannot be characterized as good. Each case is different.

[Midlodemocrat]

75. Can you give us an example of good, productive infidelity?

:shrug:

[IndianaJones]

77. I believe I said that it cannot be characterized as good.

Are all situations in life good or evil to you?

[Midlodemocrat]

78. Well, the opposite of good is evil and since you indicated that

not all infidelity was evil, I was looking for an example of 'good' infidelity. :shrug:

[IndianaJones]

81. That would assume that I subscribe to your black and white view of the universe.

I look at situations on a case by case basis.

[Midlodemocrat]

83. LOL. My universe if far from black and white.

Again, can you elaborate on a non evil case of infidelity?

[IndianaJones]

86. black is the opposite of white. I thought there was no nuance in the universe.

Or do you apply this only to selected acts, such as infidelity?

[Midlodemocrat]

89. Dude, you are totally talking in circles.

You indicated upthread that not everyone who engages in infidelity is evil when that was never said. People who believe that infidelity is wrong are indicating that the ACT is wrong, not the person who committed it.

I happen to believe that people who commit infidelity are also callous and selfish, but that is JMHO.

Describe a case of non evil infidelity. Tell those of us who feel it is wrong why we should change our minds and think it is okay.

[IndianaJones]

93. I may talk in circles, but I don't engage in broad brush characterizations of millions of people. nt

[Midlodemocrat]

95. Wow. you travel in some pretty wild circles.

Broad brushed to say that people who cheat are selfish? Wonder how YOUR SO feels about that?

[IndianaJones]

106. callous, disgusting, evil (the act...not the person...gotta keep repeating that one)

I won't discuss my SO, but I can talk about the neighbors all day.

[Midlodemocrat]

108. Yup. That's what I think.

I never said that everyone who commits infidelity is evil. You said I did, but I was referring to the act.

I DO believe that anyone who engages in infidelity is callous, thoughtless and selfish and I defy you to prove differently.

Why not discuss your SO? How would s/he feel about your stance on infidelity? That is sometimes acceptable?

[IndianaJones]

110. 'Cause then it would be too easy to just make some crap up to verify my own views. ya know? nt.

[Midlodemocrat]

112. Right. Because in the 'burbs, no one ever cheats on a spouse.

:eyes:

You just indicated that millions of people cheat, do you think there is a remote possibility that one lives here? In my neighborhood of over 5,000 people? And, maybe, just maybe I saw her moving out last week?

Probably not. :eyes:

[IndianaJones]

113. I believe it. Just as I am completely sure that you are not familiar...

with the circumstances surrounding the millions of other cases.

[Midlodemocrat]

114. Then enlighten me.

What is an acceptable reason to cheat on your spouse? Or your SO?

[IndianaJones]

118. to conceive the Messiah. nt.

[Midlodemocrat]

120. OMG. You ARE kidding, right?

If not, I would suggest re-reading Matthew or Mark on how Mary was informed that she was carrying a child.

Infidelity didn't come into play in this instance, but you knew that. And, if you're not a believer, why bring it up at all?

[IndianaJones]

121. If your SO is sterile. nt.

[Shakespeare]

87. All infidelity is not evil?

Yeah, we'll have to disagree there.

[Midlodemocrat]

91. I'm still waiting for an example of non evil or good infidelity.

I think I should have packed a lunch.

[IndianaJones]

111. which moral code? judeo christian? ummm....Mary. nt.

[IndianaJones]

92. which standard of morality are you using for your definition of evil? judeo-christian? nt.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

101. hindu gods cheat in their stories. damn evil gods.

[IndianaJones]

103. this is obviously the judeo-christian moral code evil we are discussing...

oh yeah, forgot about David.

[Midlodemocrat]

71. Once more, with feeling.

Infidelity is evil. The act. People recover from it and can survive it if they have the desire, but it doesn't lessen the evilness of the act. Cheating on an SO is thoughtless and selfish. Leave the relationship first.

[IndianaJones]

76. The problem with such black and white thinking is that any case given that shows...

it not to be "evil" shatters the perception.

[Midlodemocrat]

79. What are some non evil cases that you know of?

[IndianaJones]

84. Is there any case I could actually state that would cause you to reconsider your world view?

Obviously we disagree.

[Midlodemocrat]

85. Possibly. I'm just asking you to elaborate on any examples

of non evil infidelity. You apparently believe that they exist, so let's have them.

[IndianaJones]

88. Since you use the term evil, define the boundaries for me....

so that I may formulate my own neighbor story.

[Midlodemocrat]

90. Actually, you are the one who used it first.

[IndianaJones]

94. I simply implied it, quite correctly, from your own insults. nt.

[Midlodemocrat]

96. Insults?

:rofl:

Have a nice day.

[IndianaJones]

102. thoughtless, disgusting, callous, evil...of course all directed at the act...not the person.

the person is true neutral. later playa'.

[Midlodemocrat]

104. And, you think committing infidelity is none of those things?

Hokay, then, dude.

Maybe read the posts from people who've been hurt by infidelity and then decide it's not selfish, thoughtless or callous.

[Puglover]

159. Really not cool pal

to call someone a "beach" I understand you're getting your ass handed to you but no need for name calling. I also believe it's against DU rules to name call. In English OR Spanish.

[Midlodemocrat]

64. No excuse for cheating.

Leave the relationship first. Infidelity is evil and can destroy entire families. No excuses. Leave.

[SacredCow]

119. In theory, I agree with you....

In practice, it just didn't work that way for me. In hindsight, I certainly WISH I had done it the way you outlined but when you're in the middle of a crumbling marriage sometimes you don't think so clearly.

I'm not making excuses, mind you. I've made my peace with my contribution to the divorce.

[Fading Captain]

161. Your "form of betrayal" meter stops too short

I can think of worse forms of betrayal

[MissMillie]

21. I kissed someone else once

that's it though.

[Burma Jones]

22. If you cheat, they ain't significant

[Taverner]

27. BS

I judge no one on these kinds of issues amd to say the person is not significant if you cheat is pure crap.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. there are no shades of grey on the internet tav, its always all or nothing

its kinda funny to me :hi:

[Taverner]

30. I know, huh?

For me, the only place where there's black and white is math

[IndianaJones]

50. its not even a case of black and white. People seem to make it good vs evil. nt.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

53. well its a well known fact that i am evil. which is fine, because all my ex's are friends with me

even the ones i cheated on. :shrug:

evil pri will come get ya!

[IndianaJones]

55. you are evil. may I suggest prayer? nt

[La Lioness Priyanka]

57. sure.

:P

[Burma Jones]

35. If you cheat on someone, that someone isn't significant anymore

I think "cheating" kinda takes the "significant" out of Significant Other.....that's all, wasn't a judgment on so-called cheaters.

I've cheated I guess, but I wasn't Engaged or Married to the supposedly wronged party, so they weren't significant enough in the sense of significant other.......

[Taverner]

39. How so?

Would telling a lie make that person no longer significant?

Would going behind their back to talk to someone make that person no longer significant?

Would cheating on that person, then deciding that it wasn't a good idea make that person no longer significant?

Pretty black and white there - real life isn't so binary. You learn that after you go through your 20's.

[Burma Jones]

47. Once you're near 50, you learn some things are indeed binary

and I believe this is one of those things that I get to choose, yes? I mean it is a standard I place on myself. If I were to cheat on someone to whom I had vowed not to cheat then I would be breaking a bond that represents significance.

[MissMillie]

54. I think that's a very appropriate way to put this argument

:thumbsup:

[raptor_rider]

28. Do not believe in it and do not condone it

I have never cheated on anyone. It's a deal breaker for me. I have been cheated on, once I found out, I was gone. My husband knows my feelings on this and he knows that if he ever cheats on me, the kids and I are out of there.

[Deep13]

31. No, I would be afraid that Sweetie would take it as a personal rejection...

...like she wasn't good enough or something. Either that or I would have to carry around that secret forever. Neither would be worth it. My relationship with Sweetie is perfect even if it seems like the adults are not in charge :-). Our house is a duocracy.

[johnnie]

33. Nope

It's tough enough to deal with one person, why the hell would I add another into the mix? Seriously though, I have never cheated on anyone because I don't like it when it happens to me. These days I don't even cheat on myself so....

[Withywindle]

34. Yes.

Horrible thing to do, but sometimes my libido just used to run away with me.

It's why I prefer non-exclusive forms of LTRs now, even though in my current one I've been default-monogamous for seven years. I give all my partners fair warning that I'm a total slut, but I'm trying my best to be an ethical one.

[Zavulon]

36. No. I wouldn't do that for any reason or dollar amount.

A former buddy of mine cheated on his wife and gave her HIV. If I were to learn she killed him, I'd never call the cops.

[redqueen]

37. Yup.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

38. i love you my dearest hussie

:P

[redqueen]

40. hehehe

:blush:

[Lethe]

44. no

no

[Shakespeare]

46. Nope. It's the ultimate act of dishonesty in a relationship.

Midlo already said it best upthread. And having been cheated on twice, I know I would never, ever voluntarily inflict that kind of emotional pain on another person.

[Midlodemocrat]

48. Like I said to Gormy, another neighbor just discovered her husband

was cheating on her. I can't imagine being that callous that I would ever do that to another person.

The pain she is going through is almost palpable. She is totally taking the high road and not trashing him for the kids' sake, but she is a shell of herself right now.

I don't get the cheating thing. Is it worth destroying something that was once beautiful for sex? Or is the cheating thing emotional? I don't get it at all.

[Shakespeare]

52. I don't, either.

If you've reached a point where you want to be with someone else, just end the relationship. That's the most minimum amount of respect you can show the other person, even if you don't want to be in the relationship anymore.

[jobycom]

80. You never can get it.

That's why cheating ends the relationship, even if you stay together. You never understand why they did it, and you never trust them again. They aren't the same person to you, the one you committed to, the one you believed loved you. They are someone else. And you become someone else. You become an "other" to the person you thought you were special to, and that destroys everything you think about yourself, as well as them.

It's not about the sex. I've known swingers who sleep with dozens of others, and have wonderful marriages, and I've known people who have an open relationship, spoken or unspoken. It's about the betrayal of the partner's belief in you. It takes that person out of their place, and puts them somewhere else. It makes everything they've done a lie, or a joke.

Why people do it, I don't know. Love, sex, acceptance, power, need to belong, selfishness... Probably different for everyone.

[Midlodemocrat]

116. I'm sorry jobycom.

I know you've posted before what happened to you and I am truly sorry you had to go through that.

[jobycom]

130. Thanks. I didn't know people even read my drivle, much less remembered it.

:)

Worse things have happened, and good can come out of anything. Thanks.

[bicentennial_baby]

124. Well said!!

:applause:

And, :hug:

[LadyoftheRabbits]

60. No

I could never do it. If the desire was that strong, I would get out of any existing relationship first and *then* move on. Inflicting that kind of humiliation and pain on someone else would make me uncomfortable to live with myself.

[john_jons]

61. Once

In a lot of years of marriage. I've got to say it was both the most exciting and destructive thing I've ever done. I had good reasons too.

[TreasonousBastard]

65. Isn't that what they're for? I mean you can't...

really cheat on someone you're not attached to.

Can you?

[Burma Jones]

69. Agreed........

I tried to say the same thing but I like your way better.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

72. You are lucky number 69

and on this poll, it means a lot

[Burma Jones]

73. It's a position I'm willing to take

Someone has to take this laying down

[eyepaddle]

67. No, and at this point I don't I ever can.

I've been so devastated when I've been the rejected party, I just don't think I could stand myeslf if I became a hypocrite on such matters.

But it's weird, I usually (yes, it's happened more than once) find out as part of the breaking up process. It is generally along the lines of "this is my new boyfriend--we're finished, but I still want to be friends." So in that light, I've never had an SO cheat on me--and then stay with me, they are in the process of moving on.

This thread is making me melancholy.

[LaraMN]

82. No. It's a definite deal-breaker.

In the case of instances where I WANTED the deal broken, I took care of that before I got involved with anyone else.

I've seen all sorts of people cheat for a wide variety of reasons- some of which I could more readily understand than others. It never seems to turn out well, but it's often an irrational action on the part of those involved. What makes a person feel better for a brief period of time results in a lot of pain in the long term.

[Amaya]

97. yes

nt

[Midlodemocrat]

99. Not just cute, extremely cute!

Congratulations!

[Amaya]

133. thank you!

:)

[xchrom]

100. this thread exemplifies why i intensely dislike monogamy.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

105. hello princess

[xchrom]

107. La Lioness!!!

:loveya: my very, very best to you and rockit!

[annonymous]

109. Yes, that's how I knew the relationship was over

I had a committment phobic boyfriend so I thought if I had a fling with another man he would try to salvage our relationship. It didn't turn out that way because he had gotten back together with his former wife and didn't want to tell me. I broke it off with him after he refused to attend my college graduation.

I'm married to another man and in my dozen years of marriage, I have yet to cheat on him.

[SacredCow]

115. Yeah...

The marriage was long over though; she had cut me off 2 years prior because I wasn't providing her with the lifestyle that she required.

It was a shitty thing for me to do, but it was a catalyst to some very big (and very emancipating) life-changes for me, including the dissolution of the marriage.

[Crabby Appleton]

122. No

[ceile]

123. I voted "yes" but it was over 10 years ago.

I was in college and hung around musicians. Basically, I had no business having an SO at that time.

[DarkTirade]

125. TECHNICALLY yes. It was one of those situations where we both wanted to break up

but we hadn't the nerve to tell the other one, because we didn't realize that the other one wanted to break up too. :P

[Pushed To The Left]

126. Nope. And if somebody were to cheat on me, that would be the end of the relationship. n/t

[Pacifist Patriot]

127. I don't think so.Geez, it's bugging me that I cannot say so with 100% confidence.

I've certainly only had one sexual partner since I started dating my now husband. But I honestly can't remember if I cheated on a steady boyfriend or not. I can't imagine myself cheating since it goes against my values, but when I was a randy young thing....Yikes. I'm getting old!

[City of Mills]

128. Not Yet

Hopefully soon...

[Deja Q]

129. If one says 'yes', does that mean one has no SO?

:hide:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

131. no i said yes, and i do have an SO

and i she loves me.

[IndianaJones]

132. it means you lack the ability to discern morality...or don't care. nt.

[RiffRandell]

134. I am so fucking appalled..

I cannot even believe some of you "liberals" are getting all pissed off about cheating. I don't condone it, but the shit other peeps have pulled on this site condemning it is so hypocritic.

What a joke!

[SammyWinstonJack]

147. ...

:evilgrin:

[Pushed To The Left]

160. Actually, I think being against cheating is very progressive!

Part of being liberal/progressive is being compassionate towards other people, and cheating on somebody is not a very compassionate thing to do. One of the reasons that Americans are so angry at the Bush Administration is because we feel they betrayed our trust. As a hardcore liberal, I don't like it when my government does that, and I certainly wouldn't like it if an SO did that.

[Inchworm]

135. Nope

:hi: Rising Phoenix!

:)

[Danger Mouse]

136. yes i have. many times.

it is my shame. :hide:
not on sara. never on sara.

[fizzgig]

148. ...

:*

[La Lioness Priyanka]

152. evil

:P

[WritingIsMyReligion]

162. You manwhore.

:P :P

:hi:

[BarenakedLady]

137. Aye

I'm evil incarnate.

[Danger Mouse]

138. then we're both evil.

:hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

151. me first. you second.

[SPKrazy]

139. nope

no judgments here either

[enigmatic]

140. No

I watched how cheating on a spouse or SO destroyed many relationships and lives, my parents being one of those. I don't wish that on anyone, and I never want to do that to another human being, no matter how much I justified it in my own mind.

No way.

[bluedigger]

141. Was my boss an SO?

His wife wes smokin' hawt!:evilgrin: :shrug: :beer: :beer: :evilgrin:

[Roon]

142. Yes I have

but in the gay world, it's different. I was sick, he needed some...he got his...and i got mine...that is all I am going to say about that......

[LostinVA]

146. No -- it's not different in the gay world

People are different, that's it.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

153. sorry you were sick

:hug:

[Orsino]

143. Nope.

I'm male-insecure enough to want to think that I could have an opportunity, but no, I'm too blissfully wed.

[huskerlaw]

149. No.

I never would, and I demand the same respect from anyone that I date. Cheat on me and it's over. Period.

My parents got divorced because my dad cheated. It was a horrible thing to do, and Midlo's right. The relationship was over before that, and he should have had the balls to break it off. Instead, he allowed the cheating to do it for him.

That said, I'm thankful that they DID break up. In the end, it turned out ok. He even married the woman he cheated with. She's been my stepmom for over 20 years and I love her and we get along very well.

But even the happy ending doesn't justify the cheating. I do wish he had "manned up" and ended it in a FAR less painful way and THEN moved on with my now-stepmom.

There is no "good" cheating. Period.

[Midlodemocrat]

154. And you call yourself a liberal.

:sarcasm:

:loveya:

Sorry you had to go through that. I remember my mom talking about how some couples went through periods of cheating, kind of like a mid-life crisis if you will, and now that I am that age, I see it for myself. I think it is just incredibly sad.

[huskerlaw]

157. I know, I know.

Those of us who dare draw a moral line and hold people to a standard are obviously repuke. Apparently, we should be accepting of all behaviors. :eyes:

Anyway...

I didn't really go through it. Not in real time, anyway...I was only about a year old. I had no idea that it happened until I was 13 and my stepmom (of all people!) told me, and apologized for her role in it. I don't hold it against anybody now, that would be pointless. But that doesn't mean I think what happened was right, or ok. And I'll never put up with it in my own relationships.

[bridgit]

158. no...

[nini]

163. No. Being in a committed relationship means just that

I don't break the trust between me and my partner. To me it's basically a 'do unto others' view. I would be crushed if he cheated on me (and that has happened in the past).

IF someone feels the urge to cheat on their SO I would wonder why - they should look at the relationship and see what is lacking and work on it, or be honest and let it go for the sake of their partner.


If a couple is in an open relationship, and it works, then good for them. However, for relationships where the partners to not agree to that, I do think at times it's a copout for one to cheat - they want the comfort of a committed relationship, but still want the thrill of a litle excitement on the side.


I know things happen and an occasional slip-up if the relationship is struggling is one thing. My real issue is with the habitual cheaters - they're fucked up and their actions are abusive IMHO.