"Suck it, Jesus. This award is my god now." Props to Kathy Griffin!

[Arugula Latte]

OMG, this is too funny.

Kathy Griffin spoke for all of us who role our eyes whenever some idjit trots out the "Thank You Jesus" idiocy after winning an award.

"Can you believe this shit? I guess hell froze over. ... A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus," an exultant Griffin said, holding up her statuette. "Suck it, Jesus. This award is my god now." :rofl:

[Orsino]

1. Up in heaven, Jesus is spraying coffee...

...and laughing his ass off.

Lousy picture of Kathy; she's looking like Joan Rivers.

[Name removed]

2. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Mojambo]

3. The joke wasn't aimed at regular Christians.

The joke was riffing on those INCREDIBLY vain and self-centered people who have to loudly praise Jesus for every accolade or accomplishment they achieve.

[Lethe]

4. what the fuck are you talking about?

if something is important to a huge number of people, we especially need to lampoon it.

she is making fun of these people that think God somehow had a special hand in their acting careers as to allow them to win an emmy. Wow, God personally helped me get an Emmy award, yet somehow he failed to help the 17,000 children who die every day in on Earth.

and why are you bringing the N word into this? wtf?

[Skittles]

14. THANK YOU

these people who THANK GOD for their good fortune while thousands of children starve to death daily - they need to be f***ing TRASHED

[MysticalChicken]

30. That's one of the reasons...

...that I don't believe in God.

Another one is wisdom teeth. Why would God make a human jaw too small to hold all our teeth?

[Nevernose]

8. I get your point, really.

Be respectful, right?

But your metaphor is way off base.

[Skittles]

13. no one respects the feelings of people who don't care for religion

we are bombarded constantly

[Arugula Latte]

16. Amen, Skittles.

So to speak ... :)

[sarge43]

26. Yes ma'am. Thank you. n/t

[Blue-Jay]

15. .

[Danger Mouse]

5. She won't be laughing when SATAN IS ROASTING HER ON A SPIT IN THE DEEPEST FIRES OF HELL

AND DEMONS ARE PEELING HER EYEBALLS LIKE GRAPES AND HER LEGS ARE USED FOR BASEBALL BATS AND HER HAIR IS USED FOR TOILET PAPER AND LET ME TELL YOU THAT DEMON SHITS ARE THE WORST SHITS YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE MULTIPLIED BY 100000000 AND GOD WILL BE THE ONE WHO LAUGHS LAST.

true.

[Nevernose]

9. I've never peeled a grape?

I either buy the seedless kind and eat them, or buy the seeded kind and spit the seeds out. But I've never peeled one. Will that be the kind of service I can expect in Hell? Is it like having a butler?

[Danger Mouse]

12. The demons of hell will gladly peel your eyeballs for you...

[zanne]

18. Concord grapes are "slip-skin"

All you have to do is lightly aqueeze at one end and the skin comes right off. The result is a grape that doesn't look anything like an eyeball.

[Nevernose]

31. I used to take a lot of psychedelic drugs...

You should REALLY be more careful of posting shit like "lightly squeeze at one end and the skin comes right off. The result is a grape that doesn't look anything like an eyeball."

Mental images like that could trigger some kind of horrific flashback... Genuinely creepy. I'm impressed.

[Jamastiene]

23. Woah, that's pretty heavy.

I eat my grape skins though. Hell, sometimes, I eat the seeds too. :evilgrin:

[sarge43]

27. Elrond, you gotta stop hanging around Freeperville aka Mordor n/t

[pokerfan]

6. Jesus made me drop the ball!

And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes, who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose. Not a word. You never hear them say, "Jesus made me drop the ball. The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage." According to these guys Jesus is undefeated, meanwhile these assholes are in last place.

George Carlin, Napalm and Silly Putty

[Kutjara]

7. The bible belter backlash is already under way.

http://www.voanews.com/english/Entertainment/2007-09-12-voa13.cfm

<snip>

"Kathy Griffin's offensive remarks will not be part of the E! telecast on Saturday night," the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences said in a September 10 statement.

In her speech, Griffin said that "a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus." She went on to hold up her Emmy, make an off-color remark about Christ and proclaim "this award is my god now!"

<snip>

Don't be surprised if she never works again. We're about one step away from a House Unreligious Activities Committee.

[Mojambo]

10. Somehow I suspect that Griffin didn't alienate much of her core audience. n/t

[Kutjara]

11. True, but it doesn't take much of a boycott by fundies to get her...

...advertisers nervous. Modern witchhunts down have to do anything so gauche as creating blacklists. They just call on the power of the almighty (dollar).

[Orangepeel]

24. besides, Kathy's whole shtick is that it's hard for her to get work

I love Kathy, but, funnily enough, if she ever got off the D-list, she wouldn't have an act!

Hell, being boycotted by people that her core audience thinks are nuts might be great for her career.

[idgiehkt]

38. Too bad they left out the "suck it, Jesus" part.

That part was my favorite.

[Arugula Latte]

17. Aw, crap. I see I made a stupid spelling mistake in the OP .. Who "roles" eyes? Could it be ...

SATAN?

.
.
.

Editing window expired ---> I blame Jesus.

[Lionel Mandrake]

41. Let whoever has never misspelled a word cast the first stone.

Then Satan can do all that bad stuff that fundies love to talk about. They seem to gloat over what's in store for their enemies. Sometimes I think they worship Satan more than they worship the God/Jesus/Holyspirit triumvirate.

[Jamastiene]

19. Score one for the good guys.

I could never thank Jesus either. He has tried to impede my progress in life from day fucking one. If anything, I wish He'd make it better already or move the fuck outta the way so I can make it better myself. :rofl:

[Arugula Latte]

20. You know that bumpersticker: "Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole."

Well, maybe you're the one person Jesus thinks is an asshole, and that's why he has willfully and rudely impeded you. :D

[Jamastiene]

22. lol.

That's probably true. He certainly makes damn sure I don't get any prayer answered ever. If anything, he's got one sick sense of humor and sends the opposite of what I want routinely. I have a bone to pick, some real grievances, when I get to judgment day. :rofl:

[Lionel Mandrake]

36. another bumper sticker: "Nothing Fails Like Prayer"

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

21. Kathy, will you marry me?

:loveya:

[kay1864]

25. The most excellent Kathy Griffin, in an interview in OutSmart magazine:

I interviewed you a few years ago and this is something I didn't cover -- that you were brought up Catholic, where homosexual acts are considered a mortal sin and will get you trotted off to hell. How did you learn about homosexuality?

First of all, I am a complete militant atheist at this point. If you don't believe in God, <even though> you don't try to inflict your atheism on anyone, people get furious. And yet we have to listen to everybody's "God this" and "Jesus that." I'm sorry it bothers you that I don't believe in God. I don't care what you believe in. Whatever.

But I was a fallen Catholic very early on. I remember in high school I got in a huge fight with my parents because I was like, "The Catholic Church is stupid." I wanted to become a Unitarian... You know, I'm not really sure what that is, but it sounds better. Less judgmental.

It's sort of got the word "unity" in it.

Unity is always good. I fell away from the Catholics before I even knew how they felt about the gay issue. The gay issue, I gotta tell you, it's one of those things that when I hear... when I hear Patricia Heaton from Everybody Loves Raymond talking about her bullshit about Jesus, and Mel Gibson--that big fucking homophobe--and Star Jones saying it's not in the Bible that gay people should be together... those are the pieces of information that I can't forget about somebody once I hear it. I used to think Patricia Heaton was funny on Raymond , but now I'm just grossed out by her.

I can't get beyond it. I know that that's judgmental. I feel that if you're ignorant about this, what else are you ignorant about? It's the hypocrisy. Patty Heaton has the gayest makeup person you've ever seen--gay, gay, gay, out of the closet--flew out of the closet, never wants to go back in. So what is it like when they're together? Does he just have to keep a lid on it?

[idgiehkt]

37. I love her

I love that she has made a career out of bashing those folks that need to be bashed.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

28. Christians and their God

This whole "Thank You Jesus" thing that some Christians have going on is basically suggesting that God has a hand in our everyday lives, and he's somehow deciding on a microcosmic level (microcosmic for him, anyway) who's going to win and who's going to lose. Jesus wants me to get that big promotion, so he puts some mind-mojo on the boss that caused him to hire me. Jesus wants the home team to beat the point spread, so the field goal attempt by the other team sails wide to the left.

On a more grotesque and barbaric level, we have people who claim that their prayers to Jesus were what healed their sick child. Meanwhile, right across the hallway in the pediatric unit, there were equally believing parents who prayed equally hard, and their child died. So what are the theological implications of this? Sometimes Jesus gives a crap and sometimes he doesn't? What kind of god are they worshiping?

These people are basically practicing a pagan form of Christianity that requires a act sufficiently pleasing to the gods in order to receive favor. Pray long and fervently. Make offerings to the church, either of money or burned animal flesh. Next thing you know, a virgin is being tossed down the mouth of a live volcano.

As a Christian, I found Kathy's response to be a) a fair commentary on the warped relationship that some people have with their god and b) really funny. I love Kathy.

[Arugula Latte]

29. Right. ... My favorite is always the airplane crash with a few survivors.

One will say: "God/Jesus saved me." Of course the logical implication is that their deity really had it in for those other bastards on the plane and really stuck it to them because they weren't worthy of saving.

Arrogance to the hilt!!!

[Mythsaje]

40. I know what you mean.

That's a REAL big pet peeve for me.

[Ariana Celeste]

43. On a similar note..

Often as a child, in response to my father and brothers deaths, I was told... "God has a plan for all of us."

So, God had a plan to kill my brother at 15 and father at 27? I'm sorry, but that doesn't comfort me in the slightest. Thanks though, for caring.

[elshiva]

32. Thank God for some originality.

I'd like to apologize for being a Christian and talking too much about my religion around here.

[Arugula Latte]

33. Hey, it's cool, as long as you don't thank Jesus if you get a DUzy ...

;)

[elshiva]

35. Thank you Oregonian.

Of course I won't thank Jesus for a DUzy because I'll never get a DUzy. I'll have to confess that I did thank God for an award that I got once, but not out loud.

[TK421]

34. .....

:spray: and that was beer, not too pleasant!

[DarkTirade]

39. Your poor keyboard. :)

[LibraLiz1973]

42. She RULES

Best acceptance speech EVER

[mark414]

44. awesome

not much of a fan of hers but FINALLY somebody said what i've always wanted to say if i was in a situation like that...good job kathy, i'm a fan now

[Ariana Celeste]

45. Good for her!

:rofl: