Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

My grandmother died today

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:11 PM
Original message
My grandmother died today
I got a call last night from my mother who said that she had gone downhill a lot in the last week so we were expecting this soon. And it is probably for the best. She suffered from congestive heart failure as well as the effects of her stroke. She could not speak very well but she was clearly "all there." She would have been 90 years old in October so it was a good long life.

She had been in a nursing home since her stroke about a year and half ago. I went up there in July to see her. I hated seeing her there. It was sad.

I don't know if I want to go to the funeral or not. I live a long way away and I don't have a lot of money right now. Airfare wouldn't be that bad, but I just don't know when it is yet so I can't make a reservation. Not sure I want to drive, with $3 gasoline (and the fact that it is 1300 miles one way.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
SPKrazy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:15 PM
Response to Original message
1. ...
:hug:

sorry
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:55 PM
Response to Reply #1
9. Thank you.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Maine-ah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:16 PM
Response to Original message
2. sorry to hear it, alarimer....
:hug:

I missed my G. Grandmothers funeral because a similar situation. I rather regret it now.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:56 PM
Response to Reply #2
10. Thank you
I haven't made a decision yet on the funeral.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
TommyO Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 03:18 PM
Response to Reply #2
28. I missed my cousin's funeral because i was traveling
and I definitely regret it as well
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:17 PM
Response to Original message
3. sorry to hear that
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:56 PM
Response to Reply #3
11. thanks
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
lost-in-nj Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:19 PM
Response to Original message
4. ....
I'm sorry....
I will keep you in my thoughts.....

:hug:

lost
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:56 PM
Response to Reply #4
13. Thank you
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Wcross Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:37 PM
Response to Original message
5. Call the airlines and see if they have a grievance fare.
They often discount tickets for travel to funerals.

I am sorry to hear you have lost your grandmother.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:57 PM
Response to Reply #5
14. I'll do that
Thanks.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SoxFan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 03:04 PM
Response to Reply #5
23. I agree
When my wife's grandmother died a few years ago, she was able to find a bereavement rate on a flight from Boston to Memphis.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Wcross Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 04:55 PM
Response to Reply #23
39. Bereavement! That's the word I failed to conjure up!
I used the term "grievance" fare last time I called for one and the woman was puzzled at what I was trying to say! Thanks for the correct term, I'm gonna have to write that down in case I need to call them again.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
yellowdogintexas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 08:45 PM
Response to Reply #5
42. absolutely you must check out bereavement fares. Depending
Edited on Sun Sep-09-07 08:47 PM by yellowdogintexas
on airlines, they discount significantly. My daughter and I got both our tickets for my mother's funeral for not much more than a normal planned ahead discount fare, and these were of course last minute tickets.

and on edit, condolences on the loss of your grandmother. Both of mine lived to advanced ages and I miss them both a great deal. Good full lives, both of them. Hope you get to the funeral, you will be glad you went.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Catshrink Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:38 PM
Response to Original message
6. I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
:grouphug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:57 PM
Response to Reply #6
15. Thank you.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
havocmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:48 PM
Response to Original message
7. Strength to you and yours, alarimer.
Edited on Sun Sep-09-07 02:48 PM by havocmom
Anytime you need to vent or just want a friendly shoulder to lean on, the crew in the Bereavement Group are really quite kind.

Don't beat yourself up if you really can't afford the trip. Stay in touch with your mom and make sure she knows she has you to talk to.

Do something your grandmother would have got a kick from or something honoring what she taught you or some value she helped instill in you. You don't have to be at a service to honor the departed. Take one thing you really liked/admired about that person, and make a conscious effort to integrate that trait into how you live your life.

Know people are around here to help you when grief needs a witness.

peace, to your grandmother, you and your kin.

hm
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:58 PM
Response to Reply #7
16. Thank you.
I won't make a decision on going until I know the details.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rockymountaindem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:48 PM
Response to Original message
8. I'm sorry to hear that
My condolences
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:59 PM
Response to Reply #8
17. Thank you
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:56 PM
Response to Original message
12. i am sorry to hear that
:hug: to you and your family
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:59 PM
Response to Reply #12
19. Thank you
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Liberalynn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:59 PM
Response to Original message
18. You and your family
have my deepest sympathies. :hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 02:59 PM
Response to Reply #18
20. Thank you
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
wildhorses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 03:03 PM
Response to Original message
21. ~*~*~
Edited on Sun Sep-09-07 03:04 PM by wildhorses
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Erva Donating Member (178 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 03:03 PM
Response to Original message
22. I am sorry to hear that.
I really adored my grandmother and it was terrible for me when she died. Hang in there.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Debi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 03:05 PM
Response to Original message
24. Sorry for your loss
:hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Shine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 03:07 PM
Response to Original message
25. I'm sorry for your loss, alirimer
:hug: I'm glad you at least got to see her in July, even though it was sad.

The airlines typically have a "bereavement fare", for those needing to fly quickly to a funeral. They're usually lower than the regular fares. Worth looking into, if you haven't already.

:hug: I wish you and your family Peace and Comfort during this time.

Blessed be to your beloved Grandmother on her journey. O8)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 03:13 PM
Response to Reply #25
26. Thank you
I will look into it.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ava Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 03:15 PM
Response to Original message
27. i'm so sorry for your loss
:hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
question everything Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 03:19 PM
Response to Original message
29. Deepest sympathies
I hope that, until the stroke, she lived a full life and that you have memories of her of the good times.

As for the funeral - it is for the living, not for the dead. Talk to your mom, see how she feels, whether she would need you there for support.

Otherwise, if you are planning on visiting for Thanksgiving or Christmas, your support perhaps could be postponed for a few months.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 03:22 PM
Response to Reply #29
31. She came to Texas about 2 years ago
This was six months or so before the stroke. She was still a pistol. She used a wheelchair when we were in San Antonio because we walked around a lot but other than that, she was her old self.

My mom has already said I don't have to go but I have not made up my mind. My mother's sister and a couple of my cousins live in Austin. We may carpool or travel together but since I do no know the details, I have not made a decision.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
TommyO Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 03:20 PM
Response to Original message
30. My condolences to you and your family.
It's never easy when a loved one passes, regardless of their age. I can understand your hesitancy to travel, but if you can do it, I would recommend it. I was away on vacation when my cousin died, and regret missing her funeral to this day, nearly fifteen years later.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Nikia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 04:02 PM
Response to Original message
32. I am sorry about your grandmother
I know that it is hard to lose a grandparent. I hope that you can find a way to attend the funeral if you would like.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
UrbScotty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 04:02 PM
Response to Original message
33. (((alarimer)))
:hug:

I would suggest you go ahead and go. You may regret not going. If money is an obstacle, don't be afraid to ask family and friends for help.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
laylah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 04:30 PM
Response to Original message
34. ...
:hug: So sorry for your loss. Grandma's are in the "VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE" category. Mine passed 5 mos before her 100th. I had seen her probably 2-3 months prior. Could not go back for same reasons that concern you. Took me awhile to process that but I soon came to peace. I wish you peace also.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 04:41 PM
Response to Reply #34
35. Thanks
My grandmother was kind of a tough person to love. I was afraid of her when I was little! I don't think she mellowed much through the years.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 04:47 PM
Response to Original message
36. Sorry for your loss. Ah grandmothers...the joys of childhood and life.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 04:51 PM
Response to Original message
37. This is my grandmother a few years ago with her partner, Mike
Mike died earlier this year. I think that took the wind out of her sails, to be quite honest. She had been living with him for about 20 years (I don't think it was living in sin exactly, just that they cared about one another and at least had that in their twilight years). When she was younger (like probably 65 or so!) she played softball and also rode in a hot-air balloon. She went to Italy and met the Pope (the old, now dead Pope). I have a book that she wrote about her life growing up on the farm She had a number of brothers and sister but I think they are all gone now. My cousin digitized a lot of pictures and I will put them in an album on Photobucket to share with the family.



Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Maestro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 04:52 PM
Response to Original message
38. My condolences
It is never easy. She had a long life and that is something to celebrate.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Zoigal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 05:16 PM
Response to Original message
40. My sincere sympathy,

Alarimer. Grandmothers are so special, at least mine were. Does your family understand
why it would be difficult for you to attend the funeral? You will always remember her and
that is what counts IMO. p
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 05:27 PM
Response to Original message
41. I am sorry for your loss.
:hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 09:01 PM
Response to Original message
43. I want to thank everyone for their support
I have decided to go to the funeral which will probably be Friday. My aunt and cousins and I will be driving from Austin, sharing the gas and hotel costs along the way, so no need to fly. I get three days of sick leave for the funeral of a close relative (I think it includes grandparents but I need to check- my boss should let me go regardless). My parents are also driving from where they live.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
RFKHumphreyObama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 09:30 PM
Response to Original message
44. My thoughts, prayers, condolences and deepest sympathies
:hug: :hug: :hug:

It is never easy to lose a grandparent -I know from experience. Deepest sympathies and condolences once again and my thoughts and prayers are with your family
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
GreenPartyVoter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 09:59 PM
Response to Original message
45. I am so sorry *hugs*
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
QMPMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 10:07 PM
Response to Original message
46. I am so sorry.
I'll keep you in my thoughts.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
MnFats Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 10:12 PM
Response to Original message
47. you are NOT obligated to attend the funeral.
funerals are for the living who wish to remember/honor the dead in that way.
for some, it's not the best way to do so.
when my father died my sister came from, umm, a western mountain state. the day of the funeral she was panicking all over.
she finally told me she couldn't handle the funeral, so I said, "then don't go."
she didn't. she got on a bicycle and rode around our little home town to places our dad had taken us as kids. She talked to him at each stop.
it meant more to her than going to a funeral. i might have preferred to go with her but I had to give the eulogy.
as i say, these things are for the living....honor the dead in your own way and don't worry about it.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alarimer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 10:50 PM
Response to Reply #47
49. I have decided to go
We are driving from Texas to Minnesota. If we split the gas 4 ways, it won't be that bad.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
struggle4progress Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 10:48 PM
Response to Original message
48. I'm sorry to hear this.
The only reason to go to a funeral is to support the survivors
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 11:00 PM
Response to Original message
50. My condolences. Losing a grandparent is hard under most circumstances, I think.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LibDemAlways Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 11:15 PM
Response to Original message
51. Sincere condolences.
You took the time to visit your grandmother when she was alive and I'm sure that meant the world to her. Cherish the memories you have of better times. She'll live on in those.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Wapsie B Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-09-07 11:16 PM
Response to Original message
52. I am so sorry.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DeposeTheBoyKing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-10-07 07:28 AM
Response to Original message
53. I'm very sorry for your loss
It's never easy to lose a family member, even when it's expected. My deepest sympathies.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Wed Apr 16th 2014, 09:24 PM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC