I hate it when people, especially those who don't even know me, ask if or when I'm gonna have kids.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

This happened to me at work today:

Some lady at work who is a temp (I don't care that she's a temp nor d I look down on temps; just adding to the discussion)) and has been there maybe 3 weeks) actually had the nerve to ask, out of the blue, "So, you said you've been married for 10 years. Why haven't you had kids yet?" I was stunned.

I said, "Who are you, my mother?" When I told my mom that, she said, "I'm insulted. I would never ask you and your husband that question (it's true)."

Why do people, especially those who know nothing about me, think they have the right to ask such personal questions. I said, "You know, it's possible that I can't even have them. Plus, I have a stomach condition for which I have to take meds every day." She was like, "Oh."

Actually, I didn't even owe her an explanation. I mean, G-d forbid, I could have had a miscarriage recently (she doesn't know me).

She then proceeds to tell me and another woman how she had 2 kids who were each 10 lbs.when they were born and "I even delivered them vaginally."

OK, lady. Way, way, way too much information...

[SeattleGirl]

1. I absolutely hate that. It IS none of anyone else's business.

And like your mom, I don't ask my daughter when she's having kids. If she and my SIL bring it up, I'll talk about it, but otherwise, it's none of my biz.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

4. The other lady was saying how "your whole life revolves around

your kid(s)." I said, "Well, maybe it's easier for me to say since I don't have any, but based on my parents' lives, they always had a life separate from the fact that they are parents." I told her if I did have them, they wouldn't be my whole identity (guess it's the feminist in me).

[SeattleGirl]

6. Good grief! I think kids do better when their parents have a life

that not only includes them, but is also separate from them. If your whole life revolves around them, that would get pretty stifling for the kids, I would think!

[Gormy Cuss]

2. You know, the best reply is

"I don't think that's any of your business."
Following up with that description of her kid birthing proves that she's utterly clueless.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

3. I figured she was not too bright by virtue of her asking that question.

[cynatnite]

5. Yeah, very rude...

A very good friend of mine has been married to her husband for almost six years and they don't have kids. Her and I have been friends for a while when the discussion came up and they had decided not to have kids. Never would I have asked it like that. Hell, I wouldn't have even brought it up. Not my business.

[AlCzervik]

7. i have one child and when she was little people would always ask "When are you having another"

like all the time, "Don't you think she'll be lonely?". It's none of anyone's business and people can be really stupid.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

9. I also said, "You know, we're the ones who would have to raise them."

She was like, "You're right, and not everyone is cut out for kids."

Oh, and then she proceeds to say how I'm really hyper and I'd get along well with her daughter who is also high-strung. I said, "I love you, too."

Pissed me off.

[idgiehkt]

13. lol

"yes, but we want her to have this time alone during her childhood because we know she'll be dealing with annoying people like you for her entire adult life."

:hi:

[AlCzervik]

14. no kidding. It amazes that people think that anyone that is married should, no must have children.

WTF is that about anyways?

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

18. Like people don't get married for, say, love and companionship!

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

17. For real!

:crazy:

[LibDemAlways]

28. My one and only child was born just in

time to attend our 20th anniversary party. I was 40 at the time. And people still asked me, "When are you going to give her a brother or sister?" My response, "We're planning to wait another 20 years." That usually shut them up.

[graywarrior]

8. People still ask me why we never had kids.

Unbelievable. I usually say "get fucked." But that's just me.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

11. I wish I could; I haven't been at this company very long.

I told someone I know who also doesn't have them, and she said, "I'd tell her it's because I don't want them to turn out like yours."

Ouch!

[Gormy Cuss]

21. My mother used to tell people that I forgot.

That pretty much shut down the conversation.

[idgiehkt]

10. tell her you had them but you sold them on the black market

made a hefty profit, too...the money was too good to turn down. :shrug:

[cynatnite]

15. That's a good one...

:rofl: Don't know if it'd shut them up.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

16. She might had said, "Really???"

Duh...

[SPKrazy]

12. happened a lot when I was younger

we wanted to have kids at that time.

weren't able to.

made that part harder.

but people say all kinds of things and some of them are just not thought out i guess :shrug:

:pals:

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

19. Maybe I should have said, "That reminds me to take my birth control

pill tonight."

[Missy Vixen]

20. I figured out awhile back

that the best response to someone like this is either super blunt ("I appreciate your concern, but this is not a topic I want to discuss.") or go for broke. If you can work up some tears and a chin quiver, tell the person in question, "I can't." That's all you have to say. Turn away from them and go on with whatever you were doing before their rude question.

Most people will not have the stones to follow up after #2, and I only pull that one out for people that have shown by my first polite request that nothing else will work.

Julie

[Critters2]

35. Tears and a chin quiver!!

The perfect response. :rofl:

[Nikia]

22. That bothers me too

When I first started working where I do know, a couple of employees asked me that when they learned that I had been married more than a couple of years.
In this rural area though, it seems that everyone who is a legal adult have children, except the more respectable people who have them within two years of being married.

[NewWaveChick1981]

23. My husband and I were just discussing this very subject last night.

We're childless by choice, and my family knows that. Nobody in the family gives us any grief about our choice, and in some respects, they're envious. :) However, strangers and/or acquaintances think nothing about taking us to task for not having kids. :grr: I have no desire to hear about their childbirth experiences or the "cute kid" stories they tell. Just because they've made that particular choice does NOT mean it's OK to judge others because they have not.

The reason the subject came up is YET AGAIN my husband met someone for the first time yesterday afternoon, and after the introductory pleasantries, the first question out of his mouth was, "How many kids do you have?" :mad: I love my husband's response: "None. I'm a guy. How many do you think I should have?" :spray: :rofl:

Edited to add: Forgot to say that I got pregnant accidentally in 1999 and decided jointly with my husband to terminate the pregnancy. It's none of their business because that was our choice and not theirs, but I wonder what these people would say about that?

[stuntcat]

24. a reason why I have to avoid people

If I have to I'll ask dummies why they think I'd wanna give my child the year 2095. Most people don't seem to be able to imagine .*.ThE*FuTuRe.*. or I guess they think spawning is most important no matter what?

My mother-in-law is hurt for the rest of her life by not having a grandchild, whenever we're out together and a baby is anywhere nearby she gets all gushy and amazed :puke: she doesn't even know why I don't have a baby, she just assumes I don't like children. The fact that she wants to give my baby this effed up mess of a world makes me not care if she ever knows my reason.

I'm glad I saw this thread, I usually feel so alone.

[sarge43]

25. I wish I had a dime for every time I've been asked,

I'd own Bill Gates.

A few of my answers:

"I can't. (Pause here while gossip gets ready for a medical horror story) Following the incident, a court order was issued."

"I misplaced them at the supermarket and couldn't be bothered to look for them. I did warn them, wander off again and you're on your own."

"I did have a couple once, but we were traveling west and were caught in a terrible blizzard. We got awfully hungry .... should I go on?"

"Mmmm, let's see. Oh yes. Neither my husband nor I want any. Any other rude questions?"

Actual exchange --

Me: I don't think I'd be a good parent.

Gossip: Oh, you'll feel different when you have them.

Me: Uh huh. What if I don't, just too bad for them, right?

Gossip: (Blank stare)

[Missy Vixen]

43. I have the perfect answer for that one

>Oh, you'll feel different when you have them.<

"I'll bet Susan Smith did, too."

There's typically silence, and then they change the subject.

Julie

[sarge43]

47. Excellent

That goes in the keeper file.

What some of these dunder heads can't get through the pie filling that passes for their brains is that a person can like children, but shouldn't be forced into dealing with them 24/7. That can make that person self-destruct and, unfortunately, take the kids with them.

Raising children well is the toughest job on the planet.

[taterguy]

26. I show them my vasectomy scars when they ask that

They never ask again

[raccoon]

27. "Why do you want to know? " was the answer Ann Landers used to suggest for such questions.

Another one I like is, "How does that concern you?" and look at them as if to say, "You big fool."

THere are plenty of yahoos out there who wouldn't let it go at that, I know.

THen give them Julie's answer.

There are some advantages to being in my 50's. :-)

[Pithlet]

29. I have two boys, so now I get:

"Are you going to try for a girl?" I still haven't thought of a good comeback for that one.

[Midlodemocrat]

38. Tell them.

Good Lord, no, I finally figured out how the boys got here.

[Oeditpus Rex]

45. How about this?

"Yeah. Next time, we're gonna try it with me on top."

:headbang:

[billyoc]

30. I LOVE it when people ask me that. I answer, "Never, don't like 'em."

:rofl:

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

31. One of my friends said (on a different subject) that there is a lady

at her workplace who kept saying that she "needed to go to church." Then, when the same lady was bad-mouthing someone, my friend said, "Now, that's not very Christian of you, is it?"

'Nuff said.

[QMPMom]

32. I think questions like those are just plain rude and

don't deserve answers. If I did bother to answer such a personal question like that, it probably wouldn't be very nicely.

My husband and I got nosey questions when we bought our first house because it had 5 bedrooms. People had no qualms about commenting that we must be planning on a big family to have bought such a large house! (OK, we *did* want 4 kids, but the Obstetrician put a stop to those plans after 2 kids.) But, it was no one else's business how many bedrooms our house had or what we planned to do with them all.

I'm sorry you have to put up with such nosey beasts at work.

[Left Is Write]

33. I became a mother very young, so I never had to deal with that question, but...

I've had nosy questions asked of me because of the large age gap between my oldest child and the next two (they are 20, 7, and 5).

I've also had comments on my "perfect" family when out with the younger two, who are a girl and a boy. More than once, someone has said, "Oh! A boy and a girl! You have the perfect family!" When I tell them I actually have three children, they start to sputter. What? My family's not perfect anymore?

I've also had people suggest I need a fourth child to balance things out; never mind that my oldest is an adult already and doesn't need any "balancing."

And, just for good measure: my oldest daughter's name begins with a K. The younger two both have J names. This was not by design; we just happened to like these two names that start with J. It has actually been suggested to me that I have a fourth child and give him or her a K name so that everything will be "even" and so Kayla won't feel "left out." Again, she's 20. She DOES NOT CARE that she doesn't have a sibling with an alliterative name. :eyes:

Isn't that a great reason to have another child?

[GOPisEvil]

44. Tell them that, in Japan, 4 is an unlucky number. Families don't have 4 kids.*

Tell them you're not taking any chances.

*note this is according to my mother, who is Japanese.

[Critters2]

34. I would love to have had children,

but things didn't work out. So, it's especially annoying when people ask why I don't have kids. Not to mention that it's the absolute height of rudeness!!

I just tell them it's none of their business. Sometimes I go so far as to tell them it's rude of them to ask.

Besides, the more children people have, the worse environmental conditions will become. We're doing their kids a favor by not having any of out own. Which still doesn't give them the right to be rude!!

[treestar]

36. Seems an intractible part of human nature

I got "when are you going to get married."

All you have to do is get old enough and it'll stop.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

37. THere's a lady at my company who is very rude to those who can't have kids.

Hurts their feelings by flaunting her fertility at every chance she gets. She has five kids, ages 18 to like 7, 8 months. And she's kept on her baby weight, while trashing others who haven't lost theirs yet. And a friend of mine is about a size 16, and pregnant. She was making fun of her because she didn't show appropriately. It's sickening that people like that are allowed to breathe.
We have been together since 1999, and we got married in 2005. EVERYONE asks us when we're going to poop out a couple. I tell them we're not. I tell them that we're going to adopt the older kids that no one seems to want because they are potty trained and can read. I tell them how selfish I feel people are to bring kids into this fucked up world when there are a ton of kids out there who need love themselves. And then I tell them that it's sad that they feel that they need to pry into my personal life, thinking my life is completely meaningless because I don't have kids. This usually makes people go away. That's the way I like it. I only do this to people who I really don't know. And I don't really think it's completely selfish to have your own kids. I just say it because it's just as rude as the people who are prying.
Duckie

[av8rdave]

39. My response would be...

"I plan on having them approximately 9 months after I get pregnant." I think that's a polite NOYFB

[Connonym]

40. Priest made a comment at my daughter's christening about when #2 was coming

I'm still not sure if he was joking. Seriously though, do you guys think it's insulting to be asked "if" you have kids? Not when are you going to or why don't you but "Do you have kids?" is an insulting question? Certainly some people are just being nosy but part of getting acquainted with someone is finding out things like do they have kids or pets, do they like football games, do they enjoy Cohen Brothers movies. It's part of how the whole process of making friends works isn't it? I'm not saying anyone is wrong if they feel offended and I would certainly be horrified if I ever offended anyone by asking but for me it's just a way of making friendly conversation and getting to know someone. I don't define myself by being a mom but I am a mom and as such knowing that I have that in common with someone else is a starting point.

[azmouse]

48. No, I don't think being asked IF I have kids is insulting.

What I do find puzzling is the assumption that I HAVE kids by people that have never seen me WITH kids. For example, the lady at the deli counter is someone I've talked to casually for about 2 yrs. I've never mentioned kids and have obviously never been seen there with kids because I don't have any. So why does she ask me this week if my kids have gone back to school? And when I tell her that I don't have kids why does she then feel the need to comment about how quiet my house must be? I just told her that having never had kids I've never given any thought to the fact that my house must seem quiet to those that are used to noisy children. My 'quiet' house is all I've known.
I think it's the assumption that everyone has kids that can be annoying to those of us that didn't have children for whatever the reason.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

51. Part of the issue is that there is the assumption by some

that my life, as a woman, must somehow be incomplete because my husband and I haven't bred.

[skygazer]

41. My daughter's response is

"When humans become an endangered species, we'll consider it."

Usually does the trick. (and I gave her that line. :) )

[noamnety]

42. This makes me want to carry a speculum around in my purse

So I can pull it out at appropriate times and offer to let them inspect everything first-hand if it's a concern of theirs.

Only thing holding me back is I don't carry a purse.

[Oeditpus Rex]

46. ...

[WinkyDink]

49. Well, ARE YA?!

[MsKandice01]

50. Some people just don't have a lot of tact...

but I doubt she meant anything by it. Some people are just generally clueless about what's too personal and what's not.

[REP]

52. "I can't. I hate them." - Jane Curtin

I give incredibly graphic accounts of my tubal ligation and uterine ablation if pushed!

[The Straight Story]

53. Tell you had a baby but Hillary ate it

:rofl:

[Ellen Forradalom]

54. Damn. I just don't get that.

It's not like there's a shortage of human beings on the planet, is there?

And I speak as a parent!

[twenty4blackbirds]

55. They're not listening to you, they are just waiting for their chance to talk.

But you already knew that :-)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

56. The best reply is silence

and "the look".