daughter just told me she wanted to quit band

[greenbriar]

been in since the 4th grade

plays 3 instruments and now as a Junior after the first week of school she wants to quit

I should say she begged us to let her play an instrument. I did not force her


:grr:

[City of Mills]

1. Does she still enjoy playing?

Maybe she's sick of having a regimented hobby?

[greenbriar]

2. she says she likes playing

hates football season


but she only has 8 games

[Gormy Cuss]

11. I absolutely hated football season

then it was over and the rest of the band year was lots of fun. Freezing in the stands, wearing fingerless gloves, and doing halftime routines in snowstorms were just not fun activities. I don't know how to encourage her to stick with it. The way that I got through football season is not the way a parent would recommend -- don't ask.


on edit: "hates football season" is only the beginning of the discussion. Does she want to give up the whole year just because of it, or is she just frustrated that the fall schedule is cramping her social life (that was the main reason that I hated it)? If that's it, a frank discussion is needed on how adult responsibilities often mean putting up with some things you don't like in order to enjoy those that you do. Does your district extort a fee for being in the band? If so, she needs to understand that by quitting now she's throwing money away and perhaps she should present a plan to pay back that fee.

That said, as a junior if after a heart to heart discussion she's still adamant that giving up band entirely is what she wants, let it go.

[Red State Rebel]

15. This is always the toughest time of the season....

I was involved in our local band program (I taught colorguard/winterguard) for 10 years and I know this is the toughest time of the season. You are stuck in marching in the heat and the dust and there is little or no reward for your efforts.

If your daughters band competes during the marching season, that can help - I know once we started the competition part of the season the kids saw some reward for their work and it made it easier on them. Ours was a "volunteer" band tho. The kids weren't forced to march.

Try to get her to tough it out, if for no other reason than to not let down her band mates - filling her spot in the drill can cause such headaches and it just ticks everyone off.

Good luck!

[noonwitch]

44. My sister quit band because of pressure to be in marching band

The band director was allegedly very manipulative in getting kids to play in marching band. She said that she got a b because she didn't participate (she was in girl's basketball, which is the same season as boy's football).

I was in orchestra and played violin, so it didn't matter to me. I always sat with the band at football games, though, because those were my friends.

[soleft]

47. I joined the band because of football season

Had a crush on offensive lineman

[skygazer]

3. Is that such a bad thing?

That's a long time to be committed to something - maybe she needs a little break.

[SPKrazy]

4. what doesn't she like

does she have to march maybe?

[Lars39]

5. Unless she's going to major in music,

she may have come to realize that there are other classes that she would like to take and needs to take for college. I remember thinking that in the middle of my Junior year.

[LeftyMom]

6. What's so bad about that?

Don't be a stage parent.

[greenbriar]

7. I am so not a stage parent

but this was out of the blue


she has always liked band


and she is decent at it

she just is lazy and doesn't want to march for the football games...

[LeftyMom]

9. She's right to feel that way

Marching is a waste of her time and degrading to her budding art, assuming she doesn't want to do marching band for some crazy reason (really, how much Souza and/or Louie Louie can one tolerate?) It's only high school football, for heaven's sake.

Maybe she should get her bandmates together to boycott the marching and focus on the stuff that interests them and stretches their capabilities, which is what the program should be doing.

[greenbriar]

10. its more the principal of sticking to your committments

and 8 football games are NOT gonna kill her


Hell I marched 4 years and I am still here

[skygazer]

13. You marched four years

You are you. She is she.

Is it her commitment or is it yours? Just because you did it doesn't mean she should. She's old enough to make up her own mind about it - why not let her?

We're stuck in Iraq right now because some asshole thinks he needs to "stick to his commitments." Sometimes it's okay to let a commitment go.

Think about it.

[greenbriar]

14. its HER committment she chose to play no one forced her

AND she chose to re-up for band and she knew it included marching

[skygazer]

19. Well, I saw that in your edited OP

That she asked to play. Which is fine. But maybe she's just a little burned out on it. I don't know - I'm not there and she's certainly not my kid. Nor am I making any kind of judgements on you. Please don't think I am.

But sometimes kids choose to do things because they feel they will please their parents (like if its something the parent did when they were that age). And sometimes they reach a point where they just don't want to anymore. That may not be your kid's motivation but it does happen often. I have a friend who became a vet because she'd said she wanted to as a little kid and then didn't want to let her parents down.

Just because a kid gives up marching band doesn't mean she'll be a quitter all her life. It just might mean she wants to assert her own will and make a new decision. That's all.

I would suggest encouraging her to continue, without getting angry with her but if she really does want to give it up, what is it really going to hurt?

[LeftyMom]

21. She's choosing not to now.

Does this decision really involve you? It's changing a class. At my high school, a form and at most a chat with one's counselor were involved or a signature from a teacher.

I really don't see why you're emotionally invested in this. She knows three instruments. She can start again in college, or next year, or do local orchestra or something if she chooses. There's more to life, and to music, than high school band. :shrug:

[LSK]

76. she committed to do it indefinately till the end of time???

:shrug:

[ChoralScholar]

12. Were you frightened by a marching band as a child, LM?

I'm teasing, don't kill me

:hide:

[LeftyMom]

18. nah, I was on choir. Air conditioning and no carrying heavy stuff on the bus.

:woohoo:

A friend of mine did it all four years and hated. it. with the blazing fire of a thousand suns, but she had to do it to do real band. :(

[ChoralScholar]

22. I did both... I even taught band for a while

but now I'm a choir director.

I loved band and lived for marching season. When you get to the high levels of marching band (drum corps, etc) there is somewhat of an art to it... but your average high school band is not much of an artistic experience from August to November.

[Oeditpus Rex]

29. And no marching

And no performing at stupid football games. :thumbsup:

Some kids came close to fainting while standing on the risers, though.

[-..__...]

8. Band Camp

N/T

[ruiner4u]

23. One time in band camp...........

*cry*

[seemunkee]

16. I quit in HS because of marching/football

I'm also the worst musician in the family.
Can she get into orchestra or jazz band instead?

[greenbriar]

20. I suggested she go to Jazz Band and she said

she would except it is the hour of her favorite class

[Rabrrrrrr]

17. Maybe she'd rather be making music, and not be the willing slave face forced to serve the state

by pumping up the masses with musical propaganda to fuel a sick kind of insipid tribalism at thinly veiled military pageants that seek to make heroes of warriors while simultaneously degrading the status of the intellectual and the artist.

Maybe just let her skip band for the period that they forced to march in worship of their warrior-heroes, and let her go back to band when they're actually performing music. Or jazz band. Or orchestra.

Or maybe she's just realized that she's at a point in life that she has other interests that she'd like to explore.

[ruiner4u]

25. christ....

L fuggin O fuggin L...



:)

[Kali]

33. ...

:spray: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

you are the fucking CHAMP

NO ONE can rant like Rabrrrrrr

[Connonym]

45. No kidding!

We're not worthy! :bows:

[kath]

55. Wow. Just wow.

What a great frickin' post!
"a sick kind of insipid tribalism" indeed, "degrading the status of the intellectual and the artist".

Wow.

[Rabrrrrrr]

69. Thanks to all of you!

Your kudos mean a lot to me.

:thumbsup:


There's just something that smacks of Hitlerjugend in forcing band members to be in the marching/pep band in order to be in the regular band; and a little bit of Hitlerjugend in using instruments and music during a war simulation game.

I await the day when the marching/pep band gets public funding money so that they can also hop in buses and play for the chess team, math team, or debate team.

Or the day that those teams themselves even get public funding and public support.

My vision of America is of a land in which sports have to scramble for money, while the public attend the orchestra concerts, plays, musicals, debate teams, and Model UN, and all those activities get their own daily section in the newspaper and the sports gets a 2-page section once a week at the back of the paper, where science and the arts get their showing now.

ESPN will be relegated to two hours on Sunday morning, and the rest of the week is devoted to public debate, shows about books, and philosophical arguments that people will discuss around the water cooler the next day, and laugh at the people who want to bring up whatever happened in sports the day before.

[Arugula Latte]

75. You, Sir, are my new hero

:applause:

[Rabrrrrrr]

80. Thanks!

[Pierre.Suave]

81. HAHAHAHAHA

Can I recommend a single post?

that post is pure genius.

[idgiehkt]

24. I think it's great that she can play three instruments

I envy that. I would give ANYTHING to have learned something like that as a child, it is an incredible gift for a parent to give a child, to teach them music. But she has that skill, and just because she doesn't want to play in a high school marching band does not mean that those skills disappear and that she can no longer play music. That gift will last her the rest of her life...if I had kids they would absolutely know how to play at least one instrument. You rock for giving her lessons, you really do. I don't see how that has much to do with band, it sure doesn't take away from the gift you gave to her as a child. Maybe she can continue her music outside of band, like with lessons or a local ensemble or something?

[greenbriar]

28. thank you

I am dealing with it...but just hate it

I know she won't play in college but just hate to see it end now

[Karenina]

53. Errraaaa.... Greenbriar....

You DON'T REALLY KNOW that she won't play in college. I mean, suppose she meets some hot horn player? Wanna guess how long it will take her to get back in shape? :evilgrin:

[Fleshdancer]

26. I stopped when I had to march in order to stay in band

I loved band when it was a class that I went to, practiced on my own at night, and had the occasional recital. Once I got old enough to march, I wasn't given a choice and I hated it enough to quit band all together.

Marching during football games never occurred to me when I started. Had someone told me I would have to march if I stuck with it, I probably would have taken orchestra instead.

As for your daughter, maybe she feels she has too much on her plate. I remember how stressed I was during my junior year because the school counselor and teachers constantly hounded students about the SAT's, standardized tests, GPA's, college and how you're suppose to know what you want to major in for college and who you want to be for the rest of your life.

Has she talked to you about the sudden change?

[LynneSin]

27. I hated the fact that my mother forced me to do marching band

HATED IT

I hated the hypocritial christians that mocked me as a satan worshiper because I listened to led zeppelin. I hated marching out there in that hot blazing sun for 2 weeks at band camp (mind you that I'm a fair-skin blonde). I hated it.

But I loved music and I loved playing the clarinet and the saxophone.

Find out what is really bugging your daughter. Perhaps she just doesn't want to do marching band anymore (it is the season) and maybe you can find a medium ground where she can drop what she doesn't like and continue with just the lessons or perhaps jazz band.

As much as I hated marching band some of my best high school memories were from all the great people I met through County & District Band. And to this day I still love playing my instruments

[Rabrrrrrr]

30. Exploring some issues with her could be helpful, too -

her desire to quit band might not just be the "marching". Perhaps she's being teased by someone, or the band leader makes her uncomfortable, or she's gained weight and feels fat in her uniform, or something like that.

It probably (and hopefully) isn't, but something could have happened in class during that first week that has her suffering in some way.

Teens are not very good at letting parents know the real reasons for why they do things.

On the other hand, it very well could be that she's tired of marching in the heat and cold.

[rug]

31. Send her to the principal's office.

This impertinence cannot stand.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

32. People actually march in band?

Shit, I only march in the Memorial Day parade. No fuckin' football games at our school. That's so insane.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

34. Can she get out of marching band?

Is she having trouble with a biased band director?

I never got to the front two stands in orchestra because the director's daughter was usually concert mistress, and she was not that talented. But I always played the violin in tune. That wasn't important. :sarcasm:

If she has problems with the heat and the football, would a doctor's excuse help, so she doesn't get overheated or sick or sunburned?

Could she go into jazz band or concert band? So she doesn't have to deal with the hassle of football games?

I knew a flute player who had a doctor's excuse to not do marching band.

[nytemare]

35. Is it something she has to drop immediately?

If not, I would say that you should tell her to think on it a couple of weeks. She has been at it a while, and it sounds like she is good at it.

I enjoyed marching and concert band, and the rewards were well worth going through all the bullshit of band camp in 98 degree heat. Some of the songs we played still roam through my head once in a while.

Perhaps something has happened in the last week to make her feel this way. It sounds like it is a sudden thing, since you said she has been playing for some time. Sound like half her life she has been in band. That is quite a commitment, quite a bit of investment to throw away over a quick decision. Maybe you could put it to her like that. It may be a decision that would haunt her later in life, not to mention it will help her get into college.

Maybe you might ask her why after so many years of playing she now feels she no longer wants to play? She has done the marching before, I assume. Perhaps she can't see the forest for the trees, and is just moody from the heat of band camp.

In high school, I was in Band and in softball, and I got so obsessed with performing well in softball that it consumed my Jr. year. I wouldn't do my homework, and would throw the softball in a net in my back yard at night, so I could improve. I was a good softball player, but that didn't impress my coach, she just saw that my grades were falling, and offered no encouragement, always negative. She demanded complete commitment to softball, and then yelled for my grades. She resented that I was also in band. If I could do it again, I would have given more to my grades and band, because the efforts I did put out went unrecognized. I ended up not being able to play softball or band for our festival because my grades fell.

Help her to not make a decision she may regret later. Time may be your best ally.

[DarkTirade]

36. Is there any local youth band or orchestra she could join

so she could keep playing, but wouldn't have to sit in the stands during football games and march and whatnot?

*edit* Even if joining costs money that you don't have, you can always look into possible scholarships. That's how I managed to stay in youth orchestra even though my parents were poor.

[MissMarple]

37. It happens...

maybe she needs a break. Just keep an eye and an ear on her.

[Hippo_Tron]

38. Went through the EXACT same thing with my parents sophomore year of high school

I had been playing since 4th grade and was on track to be 1st chair clarinet. We had two band directors, one who I really liked but the other (the one who ran things) was a complete asshole and spent the entire class screaming at us. I couldn't stand playing at football games, especially since they required me to miss cross country team dinners.

By sophomore year I was fed up with it and was stressed out and wanted another free period (it was an elective and wasn't filling any requirements). I stuck it out for another year because I was apprehensive about quitting after being in it for so long. But by the end of sophomore year I had gotten involved in a lot of other things and had made up my mind that I wanted to quit. My parents told me that being first chair would look good when I was applying to college and that I should finish what I started. We had several long discussions about it but ultimately they said that it was my decision.

Looking back, I have no regrets. Band was a very significant experience in lower school and middle school because I learned how to play music and that is a skill that I will always have. By high school I had very little left to learn from band because in a 7th-12th grade band, the music can't get harder from year to year. If I wanted to progress further, band wasn't the place to do it. On the other hand, doing two more years of band wouldn't have been as bad as I made it out to be.

[SoCalDem]

39. Let her quit.

Kids' passions change as they get older. If you make her stay or make her feel guilty if she leaves, she may never come back to it.

In MY day, "band" kids were kind of identified as "geeky".. I don't know if it's still that way, but she may want to try to break out of the "band image".

Let her try. If she wants to go back to it, she surely can..

[HughBeaumont]

54. In my day, they WERE identified as worse than "geeky".

Nearly everyone in our school for whatever fucked-up reason HATED the marching band kids. I'm not just talking the occasional taunt - they threw shit at us, called us faggots and assholes, laughed at us while we marched . . . sometimes it even got physical. None towards me, but others for sure. None of us really ever got to date, unless it was someone in band or from another school.

I should know, because I was one of them.

[carly denise pt deux]

40. Unless she is planning on being a music major in college, let her quit

it's a waste of her time if she doesn't like it anymore, she could be taking another class that could be more fun or more helpful in college.

[wildhorses]

41. let her read this thread and, then discuss the options...

she is growing up and asserting her independence. this is one safe way to let her do just that. especially if she can justify it by taking a comparable college prep course. ~hug

[AllegroRondo]

42. some advice from a former Band nut

Unless she's planning on majoring in music in college, or using music as a way to get a scholarship, it may be best to just give it up.

I played in band from 5th grade on, primarily bassoon, but also clarinet and sax, and percussion during the summer marching season. It was some of the most fun I ever had in high school. But we only did ONE football game per year - the marching season in Wisconsin is during the summer. We would go to band camp as soon as school got out, then do marching competitions every weekend until August. Made some great lifelong friends there, and Im very glad I did it.

But the truth it, its incredibly difficult to turn that into a career. It looks great when applying to a college, but if you major in music, you really only have two options - teach, or join the military band program. I did the second one. It was also an incredibly fun career choice. I got to travel the world, play music, meet all kinds of interesting people, and get PAID for it. Its certainly NOT for everyone, though. And if you want to teach music, teaching positions are few and far between. High school band director openings are rare, and get HUNDREDS of applicants.

Does she enjoy playing music, and the friends she has in band?
Does the band get to do anything special, like travel to contests?
Is she one of the better players?
Does she have a shot at a college scholarship from playing?

[Karenina]

46. Another Band nut here...

AAAAAW, C'MOOOOOON MOM!!! Don't be such a BUUUUMMER! :silly:

Leave your Kid Unit in peace on this one. (Like since yesterday. ;-)) Let her decide and do whatever she wants and quit bein' such a PIA.

Started piano at 4 and clarinet at 7. I cried, begged and pleaded for a '62 Fender Jazzman (can you imagine what that sucker'd be worth today?) but Mom was all like "Girls don't play bass." (She was probably still pissed at my refusal to do the piano thing.)

8th Grade Band had TOO MANY CLARINETS. The director looked at my hands and asked, "How would YOU like to play the BASSOON?" :think: Basso continuo, here we come!!! Poor Mom. Those suckers cost a pretty penny, she popped for TWO. Shoulda left me alone, I could had 10 Fenders for the same amount. :evilgrin:

Now bassoonists are double reeders and WE don't march. (AllegroRondo did YOU and how did THAT work?) So what does the Band Man do? He passes out GLOCKENSPIELS. I was NOT MARCHING and made it my business to make cheerleader. Team busses. Space warmers. Jackets and gloves.
EIGHT GAMES??? Surely you jest...
NO. MARCHING. BAND.

Seriously, if your daughter is a musician in her soul, she WILL PLAY when, where and with whom she wants to. You've done her a great service to have provided her with the experience and education of a musician. :hug: Now BUTT OUT and go listen to some Pink Floyd or something. O8)

[lizziegrace]

48. There are three bassoonists on this board?

:wow:

I played flute and piccolo in marching band. Bassoon in concert band and orchestra. Music (marching band/pep band/orchestra) paid my way for two years of college and I wasn't a music major. I never owned my own bassoon. My parents couldn't afford one and the schools always had one in a closet... I miss playing so much. :(

[AllegroRondo]

50. we need to get together and play some time!

I have some Vivaldi and Mozart trios in the basement!

Every play the Haydn trio sonatas? I can do some quick transcription. Does everyone read tenor clef?

[lizziegrace]

56. Ouch, I learned tenor clef the hard way

"An American In Paris" in Youth Symphony.

Now I want to play more than ever. ;)

[AllegroRondo]

60. the "sink or swim" method?

I got it in high school orchestra - our orchestra director was a Beethoven nut. LOTS of tenor in those parts.

the good part about learning tenor clef, is that you can read clarinet and tenor sax parts with it. Just add two flats.

[lizziegrace]

62. It was the

Vincent deFrank screaming method. He was a difficult conductor...

[Karenina]

66. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

:rofl: Did he throw batons? :rofl:

[lizziegrace]

67. Yeah, and he spit when he yelled

and hated the players who learned with the Suzuki method. ;)

He would sigh and play the part for them...

Good times?!

[Karenina]

70. Foam at the corners of the mouth...

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

SPIT FLYING... AAAACCCK!!!!

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Ms. Harper had this aim where the baton would graze the top of your head. She exhibited it once every two years or so. It was the stuff of LEGENDS!!! Mostly all she ever had to do was to stand "at ease" with THAT LOOK, her hands clasped in front and the baton hanging down. We straightened up faster than a stoned driver seeing the bubble gum lights in the rear-view mirror... She DID teach us proper discipline for which, among other things, I am eternally grateful to her.

[AllegroRondo]

49. alright! another bassoonist!

:woohoo:

I marched with the drum line, either bass drum or cymbals. After I joined the Army Band, I marched clarinet or sax. For some reason, the Army bands are always short on clarinets.
But those summer marching band seasons with the drum line are some of my best memories of high school. what happens on the drum bus, stays on the drum bus......

The good part about double reeds - they will pay for your college if you are decent. You dont even have to major in music.

[Karenina]

64. I went to a conservatory on bassoon

after spending H.S. in intense training; competitions, community orchestras, ensembles, you know the routine. At 14 I was playing 2nd to the Navy guy (25 or so) in our town's orchestra. WHAT A TEAM! He was SUCH a great guy and helped me a lot, taught me how to play second. I LOVED going to rehearsals.

REALLY, I was MUCH HAPPIER on the TEAM BUS in the front seats with the adult supervisors as the jockstraps flew...

[Blue Diadem]

43. My daughter did that her senior year.

She began with Orchestra at a city school, then we moved here and there was only band/marching band. She also was able to play several instruments, violin, cello, clarinet, trumpet. Luckily we only purchased the clarinet and trumpet.

Has she given you a reason? I know my daughter was angry over something..which after this many years escapes my memory, if I ever knew the real reason. I do think though sometimes they experience a sort of burn out and I do remember my daughter saying she was sick of not enjoying the football games and she wanted to be able to enjoy her Senior year.

[dembotoz]

51. anything else going on????

Band is also social
Is she having problems with someone or something?
Anyone she wants to avoid??

Leaving band could be a rational solution to an irrational(to her) problem

[The empressof all]

52. Next to Atheletics...Music is the source of the most college scholarships

She doesn't need to major in music. Band scholarships can be a big chunk of change when paying for the tuition in a few years. She may not be thinking that there may be a life benefit to this. College orchestras also give scholarships. If she's a Junior now...tell her to start checking it out.

[Xithras]

57. Just make sure that band gets replaced with something else.

My oldest daughter dropped band this year (sniff, I'll miss hearing her practice). I'm not going to force my kids to do something they don't want to do, but I DO require that they participate in some sort of self empowering educational activity. She surprised me by replacing band with Student Leadership, which will make her eligible for everything from student government to prom planning, but which will also require her to volunteer time for community service events (last year the SL's fed local homeless, cleaned up some litter filled parks, and spent a lot of time volunteering at senior centers). I'll miss watching her perform, but I'm happy that she's found something else to empower her.

Did I mention that she single-handedly formed her schools first Environment Club last year, and that her club raised enough funds to convert 15 classrooms to fluorescent lights and turn down the thermostats on the water heaters to reduce greenhouse emissions? :proud:

It can be sad watching your kid abandon something they once enjoyed, especially if it's something you enjoyed with them. Our job as parents is simply to ensure that those energies are channeled somewhere creative and helpful, and that they aren't just wasted in front of the TV.

[skygazer]

58. While I agree that sitting in front of the tv is a waste

I disagree that everything they do has to be so structured. The rest of their life is going to be structured, with college and work and families and kids of their own. What ever happened to letting kids be kids for a while?

You know, "channeling their energy" leaves very little time for them to come up with creative things to do on their own. Man, we put them in kiddie soccer groups when they're tiny and that's it - they're shuffled from one structured activity to the next until we bundle them off to college. No wonder kids in high school get burned out.

What's wrong with letting a kid relax and be a kid for a while?

[Xithras]

61. We knocked off the structured stuff in the 5th grade.

I didn't advocate filling 100% of her day with pre-planned activities, but there is nothing wrong with requiring your kid to do something useful, educational, or empowering a few days a week. I don't think my daughter is going to be harmed because she has to spend 2 hours at a soup kitchen next Saturday, or because she spends one weekend a month helping out at the animal shelter. There's a difference between filling your kids lives with inane activities to keep them busy, and requiring that they spend a little bit of their "kid time" improving themselves and their communities.

Trust me, my daughter still has plenty of time to hang out with her friends or gab endlessly on her cell phone, and my son still has time to play WAY too many video games. I just make sure that's not all they do.

[Left Is Write]

59. Did you pay a boatload of band fees just before school started?

If so, I wouldn't be too keen on her quitting!

[Silver Swan]

63. It's up to her, but

I was in band fourth grade through twelfth grade.

In our small school, the cool kids were in band so there was no stigma, and it was fun!

Looking back now, of all the things I learned in grade school and high school, I value music the most.

[Fran Kubelik]

65. I refused to play in the marching band.

I would bring my instrument and sit with the pit band in the stands, though. :)

[Karenina]

68. What do you play?

[Fran Kubelik]

71. No double reeds for me

;)

I played the saxophone.

[Karenina]

72. And you REFUSED???

:yourock:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

73. Does your daughter audition for any honors bands ?

I started playing music when I was in the 4th grade too but by my junior year I hated band ... and I figured out years later because I forgot why I did it in the first place. I replaced my love for music for competition ... it became all about competing and nothing else. And it sucked. If I did'nt make an honors band I would get the silent treatment from my band director and it hurt. I played the clarinet to the point that I did not travel without my clarinet. By my 12th grade year I said to hell with the competitions and I just concentrated back on playing from the heart but everything all around me was still competitive and I was still soured. No matter how many music scholarships I was offered (Berklee and UNCG ... two of the best music programs in the country) and also a school in Philadelphia , I did'nt have the heart anymore once I graduated ... but I don't think she should give up music , she does not have to do it at school. Music is a gift,and she should not completely stop.Just do it in a different way like trading sides and writing music. That's what I do.

Maybe thats what happened to her ... competition wearing down.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

74. Marching Band was the WORST!

Screws up your chops for a month afterward.

My position was if it's so important to have a band at the football and basketball games then EVERY DAMNED MEMBER of those teams AND their parents better show up at our real concerts. With smiles on their faces! Never happened.

[last_texas_dem]

77. I'd encourage her to think it through

w/o putting any undue pressure on her to stay or anything, of course. It's just, I was someone who quit band, later regretted it, and decided (and was permitted) to rejoin. I was in band from sixth through eighth grade, quit during "summer band" at the beginning of ninth, and rejoined and stayed in from sophomore year until graduation.

For me, much of it was a social thing. I was never a great player (I was a percussionist who was something like fourteenth chair out of twenty!) but most of my best friends were in band. I didn't realize how much I would miss not getting to hang out with my best friends; band is such an involved activity and, during the year I was in it, it seemed like I was losing my "group" as they were getting closer and closer. Social reasons may seem like a silly reason to participate in an activity, but for me rejoining band helped me start feeling like a person again after a freshman year from hell.

I don't know your daughter's situation; she may feel very comfortable socially and wouldn't be effected by leaving band at all. It could have to do with simply not feeling interested in band and all of the time it takes up anymore, or having a major personality conflict with a particular director (many kids quit when I was in school b/c of this). Obviously, it's up to her, but I'd just encourage her to make sure she considers it thoroughly. I'm a very emotional person and have made several impulse decisions in my life that I later came to regret.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

78. Marching band is hard on the embouchure...

unless she's a percussion player.

What's her instrument? Does her school offer a "symphonic band" or "orchestra" program? Maybe she'd be happier applying herself in one of those instead. If her school doesn't offer those programs, you might investigate community band and orchestra programs or "youth band/orchestra" programs.

I enjoyed playing the trombone in marching band when I was in high school. But while it was a good teamwork experience, it really did nothing for my musicianship. Symphonic band, on the other hand, was a challenge for me, and helped me develop the skills that I now use as a professional violinist.

[bamacrat]

79. Let her, it could greatly improve her life.

I know not all band kids are weird, but the overwhelming majority of ones I have come in contact with in both high school and college are fucking weird, and seem to only have band friends. I mean it's the band, not that there is anything wrong with that.

[JVS]

82. Tell her to tough it out for the next 2 years or she's grounded until graduation

[B Calm]

83. Why are you angry?