Best Method of Freaking Out Potential Roommate?

[Lethe]

OK. So I heard I may be getting a roommate that is moving in tomorrow. My rent is on a separate lease, it is the same whether someone lives in the other bedroom or not. What is your advice on how to scare this person off?

edit: besides show them my posting history at DU (yeah i know u thinkin it)

[JVS]

1. get drunk, yell, fall down. repeat as necessary

[Lethe]

6. wow that is so my MO

i can do that easily

[ruiner4u]

2. take a sharpie and put your name on evey food item...

e-v-e-r-y food item.. on each egg...on each individually wrapped cheese slice... etc...


rent a set of bagpipes and say you practice an hour a day...

make a shrine to charles manson

always refer to yourself in the third person

[fizzgig]

3. ...

:rofl:

[ruiner4u]

4. Be like howard hughes!...

Save toe nail clippings, etc...:)

[fizzgig]

5. ewwwww

:puke:

i was thinking you'd make a good roomie til that :P

[JVS]

7. refer to yourself in 2nd person, that's much wackier

[Lethe]

8. dude, u gotta be vigilant

u scratch my nonstick pans, you will pay the price amigo.

i am taking photos of my leather couches and anything else i own, before this yahoo moves in. Retribution shall be swift and relatively painful.

The bagpipes....excellent suggestion.

[krispos42]

9. Keep getting 'caught' masturbating in the living room

while looking at your family photo album.







And leave residue.

[Lethe]

10. lol that is gross

first off, i don't have a family photo album.

Second, the only time i was naked in the living room was when i got really drunk once. I still don't remember why. I think my old roommate didn't see me, or at least he pretended that he didnt the next day. (i am too sexy, he would have to confront his gay lust fantasies)

Residue, well, sometimes that is just the side effect of happiness.

[krispos42]

12. Thank you

My mind, like the minds of all men, is a filthy filthy pit. I try to keep the landscape around it nice, though. :-)

It does not have to be a real photo album. Just print out some pictures off of Google Image Search of people that COULD be your family and toss them in an album.

This way you don't have to actually whack off to your sister, too, which is probably a good thing.

You can be clothed. Just have Mr. Happy waving in the breeze. And a big giant bottle of Jergens nearby.



Ooo, ask your new roomie if he can perform self-fellatio. If he says yes, grab a camera and ask him to show you. If he says no, offer lessons.

[Yukari Yakumo]

16. Don't use family pictures... USE COWS! {nt}

[ruiner4u]

13. Oh!.. Hang up a sling in your bedroom doorway...

[fizzgig]

11. this should be a good lesson plan

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/164219542.html

[kay1864]

35. Oh dear ghod.

"Or maybe I’ll just put it under your pillow." :rofl:

[Maraya1969]

14. Go into her room when she is sleeping, get close to her face and stare at her until she wakes up

[Yukari Yakumo]

15. My idea

Find out where in the political spectrum the roomy sits. If it's left enough, act like you're a bible-thumpin', "W should be president for life" freeper.

If it's significantly on the right side, do the opposite.

Or turn goth and act all emo.

There's got to be something that annoys the piss out of roomy, FIND IT!

[rug]

17. Tattoo your head and sleep with a harpoon.

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. Tampons everywhere! Because it "calms you down". And suck your thumb.

And if the roomy moves a tampon, immediately sit down and start rocking back and forth quickly.

[Haole Girl]

19. Bring home a different lover every night of the week....

... make noises all night long... (yeah, those kind of noises). Walk around, in front of all their guests with no clothes on. Oh, oh... yeah... there was also the roommate who used to catch everything on fire... it started with just a pot holder/dish towel...but later progressed to burning up towels in the bathroom (she swore it was an accident). :eyes:

[AllegroRondo]

20. keep goldfish crackers in a goldfish bowl

complete with the fake seaweed, little diver, etc. exactly as if they are real fish.

then feed them daily.

[Connonym]

29. that made me laugh!

[AllegroRondo]

31. its actually from a Friends episode

where Joey moves out and Chandler gets a freaky new roommate.

He eventually gets the new guy to leave by changing the locks and claiming they never met.

[Squatch]

21. I actually did this in college.

I just went to bed and turned the lights out when my roommate walks in, gets undressed, crawls into his bed and starts jerking off.

I sat there for about a minute just to make sure he was beating meat and not just scratching his ass before I got up, grabbed my comforter and a pillow and slept in the common area.

The next day, I took one of these:



And used it to stick a note to the wall over the bed. I forgot what the note said, but my roommate moved out shortly thereafter.

[EstimatedProphet]

22. I did this one once

Get a bunch of toothbrushes. Put some tack on the backs of them and stick them to the wall. Every day, move them around a little, make patterns, etc. Be seen staring at them and taking notes, nod your head as if you are hearing things from them, laugh, etc.

[Dragonbreathp9d]

23. "Honestly! I was just helping the cat out the doggy door!"

[AllegroRondo]

24. put on a XXX video, crank the volume, leave and lock the door.

[DS1]

25. Inject a tranq into their toe

then wake them up with a stimulant after you've nailed them to their ceiling by their skin




what?
:yoiks:

[begin_within]

26. Chalk outline of person on floor in bathroom, yellow police tape across doorway

When they see it, say, "Oh, that'll be gone by the time you move in."

[BlueIris]

27. In the middle of your first coversation, stop, turn around, and speak to an empty corner

as if another person is there. When you've finished, turn back to potential roommate and ask innocently, "Now, what were you saying?"

[Fire Walk With Me]

28. Wear nothing but diapers.

Wait.. Add dress shoes to that.

[sarge43]

30. Rent several bee hives and place around the room

Install a loped tape of angry bee sounds. Dot your face with band aids. If potential roommate doesn't do an immediate about face, refer to your "little girl friends".

[gmoney]

32. Leave copies of "Single White Female" and "Pacific Heights" lying around

and have "Fatal Attraction" playing on a loop at top volume 24/7

[styersc]

33. Use the bathroom without the door closed and talk to him/her

while you're on the crapper.

[Jimbo S]

34. Tell this person you are a nudist.

[amitten]

36. This one really happened to me:

Stay in the bathroom for really long periods of time.

When you exit the bathroom, be sure that all your many toiletries (20+) are displayed on the counter top around the sink.

Cover each item with a small, square piece of white muslin-like material, about 4" X 4".

Repeat about every three weeks. Never explain yourself.

:wtf: :wtf: :wtf:

[Neshanic]

39. Excellent advice. Never explain. I suggest starting small with the kleenex boxes on feet.

[amitten]

42. Yes. Excellent idea. n/t

[Ikonoklast]

37. Shave all the hair off your body

including your eyebrows.
Smear mustard all over your naked body and watch tapes of Barney the Dinosaur at full volume for hours on end, with a soft pretzel on your head.
Ask your roommate if he stole your shadow, as yours went missing.
For no apparent reason, randomly jump up and run out of the building, screaming, and then walk back in like nothing happened.
Take apart a Ford 351 c.i.d. Cleveland engine and rebuild it in the front room.
Take up the accordion and practice, practice, practice.
Pick your nose and look at it when he's trying to talk to you. Wipe it on his shirt.

[Taverner]

38. Start snorting Ajax and making Windex cocktails

Ask him if he wants one

[AllegroRondo]

41. Drink blue gatorade from a Windex bottle

[TommyO]

40. Talk to yourself, answer yourself, and most importantly...

interrupt yourself!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

43. take some colored tape and put a divide in the house. tell them they cant step over it

because this half is yours.

worked for someone in college. they got declared 'unable to have roommate' and always got the single rooms.

[sarge43]

44. Guaranteed to send anyone screaming into the night.

"Hi roomie! I sell life insurance."

[Bjornsdotter]

45. Start out with having a nice chat

...at the end of it, turn to your imaginary friend (give them a name) and ask what they think about the subject. Nod and agree...turn to your roommate and say "I just love (imaginary friend)they always look at things in a different light, I'm sure we'll all get along great."

Make sure you label some things with you imaginary friend's name and set a place for them at dinner.

Good Luck