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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:30 AM
Original message
Married People: Advice for Newlyweds?
I thought this could be an entertaining exercise... :D
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:31 AM
Response to Original message
1. Stop posting on DU and start getting busy
I hope it was a great wedding!
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:35 AM
Response to Reply #1
5. The honeymoon isn't for 2 weeks...
Real life gets in the way, y'know... :P

It was lovely! Here's one pic:



Thanks!
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:37 AM
Response to Reply #5
12. You guys look lovely
Where is the honeymoon?
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:41 AM
Response to Reply #12
16. York Beach, Maine
And thank you :)
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Debi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:14 AM
Response to Reply #1
35. NEVER throw away his old:
Edited on Mon Jul-16-07 11:18 AM by Debi
__________________
(insert word here) They get really angry when you do that! :rofl:




Doh! Put this in the wrong place! x(
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:16 AM
Response to Reply #35
36. Ha!
Edited on Mon Jul-16-07 11:19 AM by bicentennial_baby
I wouldn't do that!! Oh, and check your PM in a few minutes :)
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DS1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:32 AM
Response to Original message
2. Maintenance Spankings
It's the Christian Way
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:36 AM
Response to Reply #2
6. Ha! I read that! Scary stuff!
:scared:
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:36 AM
Response to Reply #2
8. I thought that was hiring prostitutes to live out your diaper fantasy
:shrug:
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:37 AM
Response to Reply #8
11. Dealer's choice!
:rofl:
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Sock Puppet Donating Member (624 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:35 AM
Response to Original message
3. No
...advice here, just a hearty congratulations.
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:36 AM
Response to Reply #3
7. Well thank you!
:hi:
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:35 AM
Response to Original message
4. Stay away from these letters: GLBT
From what I hear, they're ruining marriage and families in general. Or at least they're trying to.

Oh, and recruiting children.

Destroying the fabric of our nation.

Uh, what else...

Something about going to hell. I dunno.
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:37 AM
Response to Reply #4
9. I heard that they have an 'agenda'
:o
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:38 AM
Response to Reply #9
14. Yes you need to "Pray Away the Gay"
Or one of you might end up like Ted Haggard - buying meth and a blow job from a male prostitute

:hide:
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MrCoffee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:37 AM
Response to Original message
10. Never ever never never NEVER
argue about money.

MrsCoffee and I agreed before we got married that we'd never argue about money. Even when things get tight, we never have broken that promise.

Congrats, by the way!
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:38 AM
Response to Reply #10
13. Yeah, we don't do that...
Frankly, we don't really argue about anything... :shrug:

Thanks! :hi:
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jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:27 AM
Response to Reply #10
41. One of you has the other well trained, then!
:rofl: 'Fess up, which one?
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Katina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:39 AM
Response to Original message
15. after 33 years
the best advice I can give is to make each other laugh, don't go to bed angry at each other and if you have children, remember your partner still comes before the kids.
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:42 AM
Response to Reply #15
17. Thank you!
And congrats on 33 years! Awesome! :D
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Katina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:43 AM
Response to Reply #17
18. and I forgot to say
Congratulations to you both..you look wonderful and happy. :toast:
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:44 AM
Response to Reply #18
19. Awww, thanks!
We're pretty happy, yes. :D
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MissMillie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:50 AM
Response to Original message
20. I'm not married, but I'm going to chime in... if you don't mind
My parents are still in love after 56 years of marriage.... this is what I have witnessed.

It is truly about wanting the same things, and working toward the same goals, both being willing to make the same sacrifices, and deriving your happiness from what makes your spouse happy.

In 56 years, I have never seen either one of my parents say "no" to each other. Neither one will make an unreasonable request and neither one will say "no". Not once. (oh, and it's 57 years in September)

My mother is truly happy when she is making my dad happy. My dad is truly happy when he is making my mom happy.

Obviously, there's something to be said for marrying someone who shares your goals and dreams... but I think when little differences arise, if both people are willing to put their spouse first, then you've got what it takes.

(For the record, my mom met my dad when she was 12 and he was 15. Four years later, they got pregnant, and therefore married. They are still married, and as I said, still in love. I think part (not all, just part) of why I'm not married is because I witnessed the most remarkable marriage on the planet, and I am convinced nothing I have will ever measure up.)

I hope your marriage is EVERYTHING you want it to be.

And btw, the pictures are beautiful. Thank you for sharing them.

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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:52 AM
Response to Reply #20
23. Great advice!!
And I'm glad you liked the pics :)

:hug:
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tigereye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:50 AM
Response to Original message
21. be patient, be kind and laugh a lot
and try not to forget why you like and love each other, no matter how difficult it gets. It's worked for me for more than 25 years!


oh and wipe the damn crumbs off the counter....


congratulations! Nothing like a wedding by/ or near the ocean..
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:53 AM
Response to Reply #21
25. Ha! I wipe the counters in this family!
:rofl:

Thank you :)
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Burma Jones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:51 AM
Response to Original message
22. First Of All, Congrats
Let's see, advice:

Do not procreate for at least three years, you will cherish the time it's just you two. We waited and we are glad we did.

Have respect for your spouse's profession and pride in their accomplishments.

Save Money

Buy as big a bed as you can afford both money wise and room wise

Go see Concerts and Movies and do as much stuff as you can together (that's if you are planning Children)

Try to be kinder to your spouse than you may be to yourself

and have lots and lots of sex, lots.



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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:54 AM
Response to Reply #22
28. Thank you very much!
Hehe, especially that last part :D
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DS1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:52 AM
Response to Original message
24. 5 squares is enough. If you end up with anything other than 5 squares
or no squares near the end of the roll, someone is cheating. This is a slippery brown slope. Do not cheat on each other.
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:53 AM
Response to Reply #24
26. Oh jeebus...
:rofl:
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Fleshdancer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:53 AM
Response to Original message
27. be nice to each other
I know it sounds overly simplistic, but many couples get into a comfort zone with their spouse and they think this allows them to say crappy things to the person they love. If you would never say something to a stranger, then have enough respect for your relationship to not say it to your spouse, no matter how angry you are.

:)

Oh, and if you're wrong, apologize.
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 09:55 AM
Response to Reply #27
29. Oh, we're very kind to each other...
We're both sensitive people, so we try not to hurt each other, as much as possible :)
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unpossibles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 10:02 AM
Response to Original message
30. Congrats!
advice?

* remember to always support and stick up for each other in public as much as possible

* be best friends and enjoy spending time together, but do not neglect your own life as well, and do not even begrudge your spouse's friends/life.

* communicate as much as possible, but be reasonable about it too

* jealousy is not worth it. If you bust your spouse checking someone out or someone else checking them out, as long as no one is acting on it, no harm. be flattered and accept it happens.

* be honest with each other, but also remember diplomacy with that honesty - in other words, don't lie, but be nice when telling the truth.

* be fair with each other and appreciate the things the other does right instead of dwelling on the things they do wrong or don't do (obviously within reason)

* on a related note, share responsibilities and tasks when possible.

* don't take each other for granted. It's too easy to do, and is related to the last two points.
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AllegroRondo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 10:02 AM
Response to Original message
31. when in doubt, she's right.
always worked for me.
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Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 10:08 AM
Response to Original message
32. Don't expect anything to change because of your new legal status. nt
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 10:09 AM
Response to Reply #32
33. We don't
In fact, it's quite the same, save for the rings and the new appelations of Husband and Wife. :P
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SarahB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 10:28 AM
Response to Original message
34. Don't be afraid to fight, but fight fair.
If something's bothering you or your spouse, talk about it. My first marriage failed largely because I just gave up trying to discuss the things that bothered me that needed to be changed(until it was too late). My ex was "always right" and liked to tell me how he thought I should feel, but on the other hand, I was a wimp about things for much of our marriage. Finnfan and I can have some real arguments at times, but we're never upset for more than a few hours because we don't hold things in and we respect the feelings of the other, even if we don't always understand them right away.

And after the kids come, make time for yourselves as a couple.
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TheProphetess Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:18 AM
Response to Original message
37. Such great advice in this thread that it's hard to add much more
Other than my little motto: Always remember you are on the same team, even when you argue. Remember you are partners and always behave out of genuine love and concern for the other.

Congratulations to you both! :toast:
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:20 AM
Response to Reply #37
38. Us against the world
:D

Thank you!!! :pals:
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Debi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:20 AM
Response to Original message
39. Never go to bed hungry
Edited on Mon Jul-16-07 11:21 AM by Debi
Or is that angry? :shrug:

I don't know!

Be kind to each other and remind yourself WHY you married, be supportive outwardly as well and reminging yourself WHY you married, when in doubt or at the end of your rope remind yourself WHY you married. Sometimes it's cloudy and stormy, but that little bit of sunshine should help you look for the rainbow!

:loveya: Congrats!
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:22 AM
Response to Reply #39
40. Thank you sweetie!!
We're foodies, so the hunger thing isn't an issue :D

Check your PM! :D
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rbnyc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:41 AM
Response to Original message
42. It's too late.
The best marriage advice I've ever heard is "Marry someone you can stand." I hope you did that.

Otherwise, I would say one ddep long kiss every day.
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:42 AM
Response to Reply #42
43. Hehe, I can more than stand him
He's awesome :D

Thanks! :hi:
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northzax Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:50 AM
Response to Original message
44. remember: porn: it's not just for singles anymore
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Mz Pip Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:52 AM
Response to Original message
45. Respect each other's differences
of opinions and likes and dislikes.

Mr Pip & I have been married 32 years. We don't like all of the same things or agree on everything. His hobbies are not my hobbies and visaversa. But we give each other plenty of space to enjoy the things we like to do separately. It makes us enjoy the things we do together even more.

And when you have have kids, present a united front because the offspring will do whatever they can to divide and conquer. They are innately good at that.

Congratulations! Have a beautiful life together.

Mz Pip
:dem:
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Shakespeare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:53 AM
Response to Original message
46. Never, EVER treat each other with disrespect, especially in anger.
Everybody's going to fight from time to time, but never take cheap shots at each other, and never EVER try to degrade or insult each other in anger.

It's the one lesson my ex could never learn, even though I never responded in kind. :-(
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July Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 11:53 AM
Response to Original message
47. Forget that adage "never go to bed angry."
Tomorrow IS another day. I'm usually in a different mood by the time I wake up, and I've also avoided escalating an argument by just going to sleep. I wasted way too much time trying to "resolve" things with long discussions when we were both tired back in the early days of marriage.
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no name no slogan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 12:46 PM
Response to Original message
48. Don't trust whitey
nt
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Left Is Write Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 12:47 PM
Response to Original message
49. Hold hands often.
Sometimes just that little physical connection can deepen the intimate emotional connection.
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BlooInBloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 12:49 PM
Response to Original message
50. The only useful thing I've ever heard Dr. Phil say....
Edited on Mon Jul-16-07 12:49 PM by BlooInBloo
"Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?"

Choose your battles wisely.


EDIT: And congratulations!!
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BlackVelvet04 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 12:57 PM
Response to Original message
51. You can be right or you can be happy
but you can seldom be both.

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Maestro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 12:57 PM
Response to Original message
52. Already some great advice given so I'll give some
Edited on Mon Jul-16-07 12:58 PM by Maestro
specifically for Sniffa.

Just say "Yes, dear." It makes things a lot easier! :rofl:

And congrats!
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Gormy Cuss Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 12:59 PM
Response to Original message
53. Remind everyone for the next two years that you're newlyweds.
You'll get lots of free advice.

}(
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 01:20 PM
Response to Reply #53
57. Haha!
:rofl:
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OneMoreDemocrat Donating Member (548 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 01:15 PM
Response to Original message
54. Talk....
Always, always, always communicate with each other...about EVERYTHING.

Also, keep in mind how beautiful it is that the two of you have vowed to be the other's partner for
the remainder of your lives. It is an awesome concept, that two people will share all of life's slings, arrows and otherwise as long as you both shall live...you'll never be alone to face the World. It's an amazing 'Us' that you've created.


Nifty.
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 01:21 PM
Response to Reply #54
58. Wow....great advice, thanks!
And yes, we are master communicators at this point :)
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truebrit71 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 01:18 PM
Response to Original message
55. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON'T DO IT!!!!
.....Run away as FAST as you can....don't look back....just keep going....Trust me, you'll thanks me later....
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 01:20 PM
Response to Reply #55
56. Whoops! Too late!
:o
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leftofthedial Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 01:22 PM
Response to Original message
59. for the groom: screw your brains out now, because it will all be over soon
for the bride: (a la linoleum) lay him properly now and you can walk on him for years

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davsand Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-16-07 01:25 PM
Response to Original message
60. Treat them EVERY day like they are dying.
All joking aside, after a heart attack and a stay in the ICU unit afterward, I realized how very dear to me Kevsand really is. When I got him home from the hospital I just laid next to him and held his hand glad to be with him still. The recycling piled in the garage, the lawn being a bit shaggy, the computer parts strewn on his worktable--NONE of it mattered. What mattered was that he's still alive and I still have him with me.

We still disagree sometimes, but it is different somehow because we both realize how finite and precious our time together really is.

Best wishes to you two! Be happy, be healthy!




Laura
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Dastard Stepchild Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-17-07 04:09 PM
Response to Original message
61. Many disagreements are because you both assume you've been very clear...
when in fact you've not really explained yourself well. It's the best insight I've stumbled upon in the 7 years we've been together. I was saying this, he was hearing that. He was saying this, I was hearing that. Or I was sharing 85% of my thoughts, keeping private the most vulnerable and true reason behind my beliefs. He was doing the same. But taking the risk and sharing the true, the vulnerable and the genuine in our hearts and minds always seems to work best, though it can be humbling, embarrassing and sometimes painful.

When the husband talks now, I make sure to repeat back what he says and also my interpretation so that he can correct any misconceptions I might have. I make him do the same with me.

I also make it a point of taking risks with him in sharing myself that I won't do with others. Actually, we challenge each other to do this. It took some getting used to, but it opened up a level of communication that we didn't previously have.

Best of luck to you both!
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SarahB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-17-07 07:40 PM
Response to Reply #61
69. Incredible, insightful post.
:thumbsup:
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SPKrazy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-17-07 04:37 PM
Response to Original message
62. Wait...
oh, too late

Be open, and honest, and never fail to talk about whatever is bothering you.

Put each other first.

Don't have kids if you plan to until you feel you are ready to do it.

Do better than I did, and you will surely make it.

:pals:
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Dyedinthewoolliberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-17-07 06:14 PM
Response to Original message
63. I have some advice;
worth what you paid for it! :)
1)Let your partner be who they are
2)Do not take your partner for granted

Spoken by a man who tried it twice and struck out both times! :shrug:
Sadly, I realized this AFTER the second marriage broke down............
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seemunkee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-17-07 06:24 PM
Response to Original message
64. Support each other in public, disagree in private
Be best friends to each other.
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DrDan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-17-07 06:31 PM
Response to Original message
65. get away from everyone - so you have to solve problems together
My wife and I will have been married 40 years this November. I think the best thing we ever did was to move to Europe for 3 years when we initially married. We had to solve problems together - and work things out.

Sure there have been rough spots - but we work together in raising our children, solving financial problems, etc.
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laylah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-17-07 06:34 PM
Response to Original message
66. When you have children
NEVER let them see a division between you two. I had a very unsupportive husband for over 20 years, would berate me in front of the kids, disrespect me, and if I handed out consequences, he would just overturn them...in my face. Needless to say, my kids didn't treat me a whole lot better until they were much older. To me, that is the most important of all...mutual support and dissension only out of eye/ear shot of the kiddos.

Have fun on the honeymoon and congrats! :toast:
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NC_Nurse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-17-07 06:36 PM
Response to Original message
67. Listen.
Never try to change the person and don't let them try to change you.
They will change according to who they are and what they need. So will you.
If you both prioritize the relationship, it will accomodate the changes.

Congrats! :toast:
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blockhead Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-17-07 08:25 PM
Response to Reply #67
70. my wife
has spent the last twenty years changing me to the way she wants, but now complains that I'm not the same man she married! ;)
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mainegreen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-17-07 06:42 PM
Response to Original message
68. Yeah, build a budget.
Place it in excel, and design it that each person covers bills based on a sliding scale based on income. Remember that both of your bills are joint bills now, student loans, credit card, whatever. And be sure that both of you have an allowance to spend as you see fit, you know, that the other has *no* say in how you spend it.

This is one of the foundations of a happy marriage, right up there with sex. (no joke IMHO)
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