Married People: Advice for Newlyweds?

[bicentennial_baby]

I thought this could be an entertaining exercise... :D

[LynneSin]

1. Stop posting on DU and start getting busy

I hope it was a great wedding!

[bicentennial_baby]

5. The honeymoon isn't for 2 weeks...

Real life gets in the way, y'know... :P

It was lovely! Here's one pic:



Thanks!

[LynneSin]

12. You guys look lovely

Where is the honeymoon?

[bicentennial_baby]

16. York Beach, Maine

And thank you :)

[Debi]

35. NEVER throw away his old:

__________________
(insert word here) They get really angry when you do that! :rofl:




Doh! Put this in the wrong place! x(

[bicentennial_baby]

36. Ha!

I wouldn't do that!! Oh, and check your PM in a few minutes :)

[DS1]

2. Maintenance Spankings

It's the Christian Way

[bicentennial_baby]

6. Ha! I read that! Scary stuff!

:scared:

[LynneSin]

8. I thought that was hiring prostitutes to live out your diaper fantasy

:shrug:

[bicentennial_baby]

11. Dealer's choice!

:rofl:

[Sock Puppet]

3. No

...advice here, just a hearty congratulations.

[bicentennial_baby]

7. Well thank you!

:hi:

[flvegan]

4. Stay away from these letters: GLBT

From what I hear, they're ruining marriage and families in general. Or at least they're trying to.

Oh, and recruiting children.

Destroying the fabric of our nation.

Uh, what else...

Something about going to hell. I dunno.

[bicentennial_baby]

9. I heard that they have an 'agenda'

:o

[LynneSin]

14. Yes you need to "Pray Away the Gay"

Or one of you might end up like Ted Haggard - buying meth and a blow job from a male prostitute

:hide:

[MrCoffee]

10. Never ever never never NEVER

argue about money.

MrsCoffee and I agreed before we got married that we'd never argue about money. Even when things get tight, we never have broken that promise.

Congrats, by the way!

[bicentennial_baby]

13. Yeah, we don't do that...

Frankly, we don't really argue about anything... :shrug:

Thanks! :hi:

[jobycom]

41. One of you has the other well trained, then!

:rofl: 'Fess up, which one?

[Katina]

15. after 33 years

the best advice I can give is to make each other laugh, don't go to bed angry at each other and if you have children, remember your partner still comes before the kids.

[bicentennial_baby]

17. Thank you!

And congrats on 33 years! Awesome! :D

[Katina]

18. and I forgot to say

Congratulations to you both..you look wonderful and happy. :toast:

[bicentennial_baby]

19. Awww, thanks!

We're pretty happy, yes. :D

[MissMillie]

20. I'm not married, but I'm going to chime in... if you don't mind

My parents are still in love after 56 years of marriage.... this is what I have witnessed.

It is truly about wanting the same things, and working toward the same goals, both being willing to make the same sacrifices, and deriving your happiness from what makes your spouse happy.

In 56 years, I have never seen either one of my parents say "no" to each other. Neither one will make an unreasonable request and neither one will say "no". Not once. (oh, and it's 57 years in September)

My mother is truly happy when she is making my dad happy. My dad is truly happy when he is making my mom happy.

Obviously, there's something to be said for marrying someone who shares your goals and dreams... but I think when little differences arise, if both people are willing to put their spouse first, then you've got what it takes.

(For the record, my mom met my dad when she was 12 and he was 15. Four years later, they got pregnant, and therefore married. They are still married, and as I said, still in love. I think part (not all, just part) of why I'm not married is because I witnessed the most remarkable marriage on the planet, and I am convinced nothing I have will ever measure up.)

I hope your marriage is EVERYTHING you want it to be.

And btw, the pictures are beautiful. Thank you for sharing them.

[bicentennial_baby]

23. Great advice!!

And I'm glad you liked the pics :)

:hug:

[tigereye]

21. be patient, be kind and laugh a lot

and try not to forget why you like and love each other, no matter how difficult it gets. It's worked for me for more than 25 years!


oh and wipe the damn crumbs off the counter....


congratulations! Nothing like a wedding by/ or near the ocean..

[bicentennial_baby]

25. Ha! I wipe the counters in this family!

:rofl:

Thank you :)

[Burma Jones]

22. First Of All, Congrats

Let's see, advice:

Do not procreate for at least three years, you will cherish the time it's just you two. We waited and we are glad we did.

Have respect for your spouse's profession and pride in their accomplishments.

Save Money

Buy as big a bed as you can afford both money wise and room wise

Go see Concerts and Movies and do as much stuff as you can together (that's if you are planning Children)

Try to be kinder to your spouse than you may be to yourself

and have lots and lots of sex, lots.

[bicentennial_baby]

28. Thank you very much!

Hehe, especially that last part :D

[DS1]

24. 5 squares is enough. If you end up with anything other than 5 squares

or no squares near the end of the roll, someone is cheating. This is a slippery brown slope. Do not cheat on each other.

[bicentennial_baby]

26. Oh jeebus...

:rofl:

[Fleshdancer]

27. be nice to each other

I know it sounds overly simplistic, but many couples get into a comfort zone with their spouse and they think this allows them to say crappy things to the person they love. If you would never say something to a stranger, then have enough respect for your relationship to not say it to your spouse, no matter how angry you are.

:)

Oh, and if you're wrong, apologize.

[bicentennial_baby]

29. Oh, we're very kind to each other...

We're both sensitive people, so we try not to hurt each other, as much as possible :)

[unpossibles]

30. Congrats!

advice?

* remember to always support and stick up for each other in public as much as possible

* be best friends and enjoy spending time together, but do not neglect your own life as well, and do not even begrudge your spouse's friends/life.

* communicate as much as possible, but be reasonable about it too

* jealousy is not worth it. If you bust your spouse checking someone out or someone else checking them out, as long as no one is acting on it, no harm. be flattered and accept it happens.

* be honest with each other, but also remember diplomacy with that honesty - in other words, don't lie, but be nice when telling the truth.

* be fair with each other and appreciate the things the other does right instead of dwelling on the things they do wrong or don't do (obviously within reason)

* on a related note, share responsibilities and tasks when possible.

* don't take each other for granted. It's too easy to do, and is related to the last two points.

[AllegroRondo]

31. when in doubt, she's right.

always worked for me.

[Deep13]

32. Don't expect anything to change because of your new legal status. nt

[bicentennial_baby]

33. We don't

In fact, it's quite the same, save for the rings and the new appelations of Husband and Wife. :P

[SarahB]

34. Don't be afraid to fight, but fight fair.

If something's bothering you or your spouse, talk about it. My first marriage failed largely because I just gave up trying to discuss the things that bothered me that needed to be changed(until it was too late). My ex was "always right" and liked to tell me how he thought I should feel, but on the other hand, I was a wimp about things for much of our marriage. Finnfan and I can have some real arguments at times, but we're never upset for more than a few hours because we don't hold things in and we respect the feelings of the other, even if we don't always understand them right away.

And after the kids come, make time for yourselves as a couple.

[TheProphetess]

37. Such great advice in this thread that it's hard to add much more

Other than my little motto: Always remember you are on the same team, even when you argue. Remember you are partners and always behave out of genuine love and concern for the other.

Congratulations to you both! :toast:

[bicentennial_baby]

38. Us against the world

:D

Thank you!!! :pals:

[Debi]

39. Never go to bed hungry

Or is that angry? :shrug:

I don't know!

Be kind to each other and remind yourself WHY you married, be supportive outwardly as well and reminging yourself WHY you married, when in doubt or at the end of your rope remind yourself WHY you married. Sometimes it's cloudy and stormy, but that little bit of sunshine should help you look for the rainbow!

:loveya: Congrats!

[bicentennial_baby]

40. Thank you sweetie!!

We're foodies, so the hunger thing isn't an issue :D

Check your PM! :D

[rbnyc]

42. It's too late.

The best marriage advice I've ever heard is "Marry someone you can stand." I hope you did that.

Otherwise, I would say one ddep long kiss every day.

[bicentennial_baby]

43. Hehe, I can more than stand him

He's awesome :D

Thanks! :hi:

[northzax]

44. remember: porn: it's not just for singles anymore

[Mz Pip]

45. Respect each other's differences

of opinions and likes and dislikes.

Mr Pip & I have been married 32 years. We don't like all of the same things or agree on everything. His hobbies are not my hobbies and visaversa. But we give each other plenty of space to enjoy the things we like to do separately. It makes us enjoy the things we do together even more.

And when you have have kids, present a united front because the offspring will do whatever they can to divide and conquer. They are innately good at that.

Congratulations! Have a beautiful life together.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[Shakespeare]

46. Never, EVER treat each other with disrespect, especially in anger.

Everybody's going to fight from time to time, but never take cheap shots at each other, and never EVER try to degrade or insult each other in anger.

It's the one lesson my ex could never learn, even though I never responded in kind. :-(

[July]

47. Forget that adage "never go to bed angry."

Tomorrow IS another day. I'm usually in a different mood by the time I wake up, and I've also avoided escalating an argument by just going to sleep. I wasted way too much time trying to "resolve" things with long discussions when we were both tired back in the early days of marriage.

[no name no slogan]

48. Don't trust whitey

nt

[Left Is Write]

49. Hold hands often.

Sometimes just that little physical connection can deepen the intimate emotional connection.

[BlooInBloo]

50. The only useful thing I've ever heard Dr. Phil say....

"Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?"

Choose your battles wisely.


EDIT: And congratulations!!

[BlackVelvet04]

51. You can be right or you can be happy

but you can seldom be both.

[Maestro]

52. Already some great advice given so I'll give some

specifically for Sniffa.

Just say "Yes, dear." It makes things a lot easier! :rofl:

And congrats!

[Gormy Cuss]

53. Remind everyone for the next two years that you're newlyweds.

You'll get lots of free advice.

}(

[bicentennial_baby]

57. Haha!

:rofl:

[OneMoreDemocrat]

54. Talk....

Always, always, always communicate with each other...about EVERYTHING.

Also, keep in mind how beautiful it is that the two of you have vowed to be the other's partner for
the remainder of your lives. It is an awesome concept, that two people will share all of life's slings, arrows and otherwise as long as you both shall live...you'll never be alone to face the World. It's an amazing 'Us' that you've created.


Nifty.

[bicentennial_baby]

58. Wow....great advice, thanks!

And yes, we are master communicators at this point :)

[truebrit71]

55. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON'T DO IT!!!!

.....Run away as FAST as you can....don't look back....just keep going....Trust me, you'll thanks me later....

[bicentennial_baby]

56. Whoops! Too late!

:o

[leftofthedial]

59. for the groom: screw your brains out now, because it will all be over soon

for the bride: (a la linoleum) lay him properly now and you can walk on him for years

[davsand]

60. Treat them EVERY day like they are dying.

All joking aside, after a heart attack and a stay in the ICU unit afterward, I realized how very dear to me Kevsand really is. When I got him home from the hospital I just laid next to him and held his hand glad to be with him still. The recycling piled in the garage, the lawn being a bit shaggy, the computer parts strewn on his worktable--NONE of it mattered. What mattered was that he's still alive and I still have him with me.

We still disagree sometimes, but it is different somehow because we both realize how finite and precious our time together really is.

Best wishes to you two! Be happy, be healthy!




Laura

[Dastard Stepchild]

61. Many disagreements are because you both assume you've been very clear...

when in fact you've not really explained yourself well. It's the best insight I've stumbled upon in the 7 years we've been together. I was saying this, he was hearing that. He was saying this, I was hearing that. Or I was sharing 85% of my thoughts, keeping private the most vulnerable and true reason behind my beliefs. He was doing the same. But taking the risk and sharing the true, the vulnerable and the genuine in our hearts and minds always seems to work best, though it can be humbling, embarrassing and sometimes painful.

When the husband talks now, I make sure to repeat back what he says and also my interpretation so that he can correct any misconceptions I might have. I make him do the same with me.

I also make it a point of taking risks with him in sharing myself that I won't do with others. Actually, we challenge each other to do this. It took some getting used to, but it opened up a level of communication that we didn't previously have.

Best of luck to you both!

[SarahB]

69. Incredible, insightful post.

:thumbsup:

[SPKrazy]

62. Wait...

oh, too late

Be open, and honest, and never fail to talk about whatever is bothering you.

Put each other first.

Don't have kids if you plan to until you feel you are ready to do it.

Do better than I did, and you will surely make it.

:pals:

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

63. I have some advice;

worth what you paid for it! :)
1)Let your partner be who they are
2)Do not take your partner for granted

Spoken by a man who tried it twice and struck out both times! :shrug:
Sadly, I realized this AFTER the second marriage broke down............

[seemunkee]

64. Support each other in public, disagree in private

Be best friends to each other.

[DrDan]

65. get away from everyone - so you have to solve problems together

My wife and I will have been married 40 years this November. I think the best thing we ever did was to move to Europe for 3 years when we initially married. We had to solve problems together - and work things out.

Sure there have been rough spots - but we work together in raising our children, solving financial problems, etc.

[laylah]

66. When you have children

NEVER let them see a division between you two. I had a very unsupportive husband for over 20 years, would berate me in front of the kids, disrespect me, and if I handed out consequences, he would just overturn them...in my face. Needless to say, my kids didn't treat me a whole lot better until they were much older. To me, that is the most important of all...mutual support and dissension only out of eye/ear shot of the kiddos.

Have fun on the honeymoon and congrats! :toast:

[NC_Nurse]

67. Listen.

Never try to change the person and don't let them try to change you.
They will change according to who they are and what they need. So will you.
If you both prioritize the relationship, it will accomodate the changes.

Congrats! :toast:

[blockhead]

70. my wife

has spent the last twenty years changing me to the way she wants, but now complains that I'm not the same man she married!;)

[mainegreen]

68. Yeah, build a budget.

Place it in excel, and design it that each person covers bills based on a sliding scale based on income. Remember that both of your bills are joint bills now, student loans, credit card, whatever. And be sure that both of you have an allowance to spend as you see fit, you know, that the other has *no* say in how you spend it.

This is one of the foundations of a happy marriage, right up there with sex. (no joke IMHO)