Are you "lonely?"

[Writer]

Do you live through your day believing that no one understands you? That there is no place for you? That you are not accepted or, somehow, hated?

Wikipedia provides a definition of loneliness as:

"...an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than just the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any form of meaningful human contact. Lonely people often experience a subjective sense of inner emptiness or hollowness, with feelings of separation or isolation from the world."

If you are lonely, what do you to develop a greater connection with the world? Or do you even bother? Or do you find yourself in greater states of isolation?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Writer...

Nope, I am not lonely!

I have folks who know me, love me, and appreciate me...

I am far from cut off, or alienated...

What brought this on, sweetie? Are you lonely?

:hug:

[Writer]

3. I think I've always been a bit lonely, yes.

And from a very, very young age. I may or may not have mentioned before but I was born about 10 years after my two sisters and pretty much got along by myself. I never developed much of a connection to others and I became more entrapped within my own imagination. I think much of that has carried on into adulthood.

But I'm glad that you feel a sense of connection to others. :) As I've mentioned before, you have a zenful spirit that brings enlightenment to others.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. Big time connection...

Thank you......:hug:

[GOPisEvil]

7. I'm an only child, and I'm much the same way.

Going outside my comfort zone is stressful for me, so I tend to stay home a lot. At least I find my own company enjoyable. :D

I can be the life of the party; just with people I know well.

Plus, even though I'm not alone - I have the greatest woman in the world in my life - I'm lonely because she's 2000 miles away. Until Tuesday, that is! :bounce:

[Writer]

11. Is she moving in with you?

[GOPisEvil]

13. That is the plan.

However, she is an only child too, and she and I understand each other's needs relative to that.

Oh - to answer your question more fully. She is not moving in for some time due to some obligations she has where she resides now. But I am visiting for the holiday.

[Writer]

15. Hey - that's fantastic. I hope it's not long-distance for much longer.

:D

[GOPisEvil]

16. Me and my bank account hope so too!

Best money I've ever spent though. :)

[Madrone]

43. You're not lonely because I'm 2000 miles away.

You're lonely because you're a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSER! :P


As for me - never lonely. There *have* been times I've felt utterly disconnected, times when I've felt that there was no one around that I could connect with, that understood me ... living in Washington there's been a bit of that. BUT - I loooooooooooove, absolutely LOVE being by myself. I'm a strange mix of extreme loner and social butterfly. I usually click with people of all kinds very well - and I love doing that. But then I want to be left alone. LOL

[GOPisEvil]

44. Well that is true, actually.

I could be at a birthday gathering tonight, but in the end, I decided I just didn't want to be around anyone tonight.

I am a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSER! :P

[Madrone]

50. Well, I just (mostly) mowed the lawn.

How's THAT for loser? :) Trying to cool down now, then getting up to get some more stuff done. It hasn't been a very productive day. Slept in a lot, then Jenn and I took Bodhi to the river (that spot w/ the rock I took you to) and got him swimming and jumping off the rock into the water for sticks. This was after I annihilated a nest of spiders and eggs on the front porch. :puke:

[GOPisEvil]

51. I did laundry and ripped music all day.

What fun I am. :)

I want to go back to the river. Is the water warm enough for humans to swim in?

Ick...spider's nests are nasty.

Edit - check your phone for an important message. :P

[Madrone]

53. House, cell, or VOIP?

The water is effin' COLD. I had to walk out w/ Bodhi far enough to get him to remember he could swim - my likes were on fire, numb, and freezing all at the same time. LOL Bodhi was shaking so badly after awhile that his teeth were chattering. We stopped to check out the level of the lake on the way home and the water there, while cold, was much much better from what I could tell.

Jenn just came in and said to ask you ... she said she left that postcard in the bedroom when we were there and she just remembered it. She is wondering if you would be willing to put it in the mail to Randall before you leave Tuesday?

[GOPisEvil]

55. Whoops.

House.

Figures the water would be freezing. Still want to see the river again. :)

The whoops is because I stuck that card into the box of your stuff I put in the mail yesterday. :(

[Guava Jelly]

2. Everybody gets that way i think

I may be lonely but i'm never alone, and the night may pass me by.. I never cry.. Alice Cooper

I know i'm alone if i'm with or without you..Portions for foxes .. Rylo Kiley


I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry

Words and music by Hank Williams


Hear that lonesome whippoorwill
He sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
I'm so lonesome I could cry

I've never seen a night so long
When time goes crawling by
The moon just went behind a cloud
To hide its face and cry

Did you ever see a robin weep
When leaves begin to die?
Like me he's lost the will to live
I'm so lonesome I could cry

The silence of a falling star
Lights up a purple sky
And as I wonder where you are
I'm so lonesome I could cry
:hug:

[Writer]

4. Yes, I agree. I think most people feel that way from time to time.

I'm reaching out, however, to those few for whom its a constant state of being. I think I'm one of them. :)

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

5. Not by that definition

periods of loneliness sure, but not difficult or impossible to have any meaningful human contact.

Of course that is Wiki, but I'm sure it is a valid definition, just a deeper level of "pathology" than I would have expected for the definition of what is thought of as a common human condition. Of course it is qualified with the word "may", so it is still wide open I suppose.

:shrug:

[Writer]

10. Well I connect with that definition.

It's certainly not a textbook definition (wiki is as wiki does) but I do see some truth to it. I have a large group of friends that I see every week and still I don't feel a deep connection to them. It's simply not a relationship we geeks foster with each other. I think the only person I feel any connection to is my husband, but otherwise I do not feel a connection to anyone - including my family.

[SPKrazy]

17. Sure there is much truth in it

and that one part is the only part that I didn't relate to. I do have connections with friends. I do have connections with family. Yet I can be in a crowd of people and feel completely "alone", or rather lonely. I can sit at home like I often do and think that the internet and people will fill that loneliness, and there is some connection, and some more than others, yet it is the hole in my psyche that isn't filled by others. I have found that being with that feeling is the only thing that brings me closer to accepting the truth of things as I see them. Ultimately we are alone. We are around others, sometimes we might connect, other times we don't. Some are fortunate to connect with lots of people, some don't. Still, in the end, as always, we are ultimately alone inside these bodies.

I'm glad that you have someone that you are able to connect to writer, it is sad to feel disconnected, I know that feeling well.

[Debi]

8. Okay, this is probably a serious thread, but when I read who wrote it

all I could think was that you had been drinking again and Mr. Writer wasn't at home :P

To answer your question, though. I am not lonely even though I have very very few friends and no social life to speak of (unless you count my son's high school gatherings or political events - we never get invited anywhere :shrug:)

[Writer]

12. LOL not drunk today - I promise!

Do you feel like you have a connection to your family, even as an only child?

[Debi]

20. Oh, I'm not an only child

Although my older brother and I are opposites without much in common we still talk (maybe 1x or 2x over a couple of months) and I talk to my folks a couple of time a week AND have extended family here in town. I guess that's part of not feeling lonely - I know I can just pick up the phone and someone will be there.

[supernova]

9. Sometimes

But I've come to understand that its a combo of things that produces this feeling for me:

- I sometimes have difficulty making people understand me. It's not unusual for me to express a thought or opinion and have the lister respond with "Really.... how... interesting." with an accompaning roll of the eyes. That's if they want to be kind. Sometimes it's the incredulous blank stare.

- It's not always possible for me to be in the company of people who understand me. I've come to realize I do see the world differently than most people I know offline. So, I don't know what I'm going to do about that.

[Writer]

14. I can relate.

Especially that second thought of yours. I tend to look at the world in a fairly structured, pragmatic way which at times can seem a bit cold. I am emotional but I hold my emotions inside because I fear being taken advantage of.

[supernova]

23. I am similar

I can appear rather unemotional in social situations. I am really not. It's more a matter of wanting to not be overly stimulated (to the point of feeling like I'd like the drink too much or take drugs to medicate it) in places like a party or a large meeting, anyplace where people are talking and interacting all at once.

Heh. The people I have the greatest conflicts with are people who act out of emotion, rather than reason. They don't get that I need to be rational and practical, and I don't get that they need LOTS of interaction, much more so than I am sometimes capable of providing.

[Writer]

25. I do, as well. Actually I tend to lose patience with that personality type...

I don't like irrationality. Of any kind (note my sig). My husband will "act out" sometimes, perhaps be a little silly, and I'll immediately clamp down and tell him to calm himself. (sigh - it's not my best trait).

[supernova]

26. My ideal situation

socially is one on one or small groups (less than 10). That's about the most stimulation I can stand and still feel engaged and like I'm having a good time.

I guess that's why I like chatting on the 'net so much. :-)

[Writer]

28. Hehe. Yeah, and you can control the level of stimulation when talking on the internet.

:)

[supernova]

34. That's true

But I try to get out of my comfort zone every now and again. ;-)

[Joe Fields]

18. I'm not sure if lonely is the proper word for me...

Miserable would be more fitting right now. My life is a fucking soap opera.

[SPKrazy]

19. Damn Joe!

Days of our Lives, or Passions, or what?

I relate to ya man. Fucking soap operas suck too.

[Joe Fields]

39. Pick one. They're about all the same.

:crazy:

[SPKrazy]

42. yes, they are aren't they

:rofl:

and my life of late seems to be a very boring soap, but a soap nonetheless

:(

[Writer]

21. Wow. I'm sorry to hear that.

If you ever want to PM me for a while, I'd be happy to chat.

[Joe Fields]

40. Thanks!

:toast:

[TZ]

22. I have been so lonely for so long..

I don't think I know what it feels like not to be so. I don't feel not accepted or hated, just really misunderstood...

[Writer]

24. That feeling of being misunderstood is difficult...

I completely understand myself.

:hug:

[Fox Mulder]

27. That would be me.

The only way I connect with the world is when I connect to the internet. I have a job, but I rarely talk to anyone. I try to avoid my coworkers as much as possible. And for some reason, I feel hated even though I don't think there is any reason for anyone to hate me.

[Writer]

30. What is it about your coworkers that makes you feel disconnected from them?

[Fox Mulder]

41. I'm not interested in the things that they are interested in.

They like to go hunting, fishing, and are into racing. I prefer more intellectually stimulating activities. So I can't really talk to anyone about anything. I tried.

[bigwillq]

29. Not lonely at all.

Never have been. I guess I am blessed that way.

[Writer]

31. That's a good feeling to have.

I'm glad that you do.

:D

[DainBramaged]

32. I would answer the op but I'm too damn lonely to bother

Solace; communication with the outside world that keeps me from a dirt nap; DU

[Writer]

33. ...

:hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[AlCzervik]

35. i spend a lot alone but i don't fell lonely if that makes any sense.

my husband is away all the time and my family is 3,000 miles---our choice btw and my daughter is home now because it's summer time but soon enough she'll be back in school and i'll be alone during the day again. In my family i was like the black sheep, someone they put up with really, that was with my parents and my sister btw, my grandparents were wonderful, i always felt like i belonged with them.

Well i'll be 40 in about 10 days and things have changed a lot, moving helped me quite a bit because i didn't feel like i had to try and please anyone to be loved so i think when we moved i gained my emotional independence--once again if that makes sense. Now when i go back to visit it's totally different, i live by my rules and if someone doesn't like---tough shit and i have found it makes for a much better time for everybody.

[Writer]

58. "i live by my rules and if someone doesn't like --- tough shit"

You are truly an independent person. No doubt. Cheers to that. :toast:

[AlCzervik]

74. it took me a long to get there, my husband is so funny, he calls me either

"Morticia" due to my penchant for wearing black all the time and the other is "Ms. don't tell what to do!".

[TOhioLiberal]

36. By the Wiki Definition...

...I'd have to say no. But I feel lonely quite a bit in real life. Not here though.

[Writer]

59. I think that's the case for many DU posters...

they find a connection with others they communicate with online.

I'm glad you're here. :hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

70. Aww shucks...

...Thanks. :blush::hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

37. By "lonely", do you mean, "is Ceiling Cat watching me?"

[SPKrazy]

38. Holy Shit!

my son, when he was old enough to talk would point at the ceiling and say he saw a "kitty cat" and he saw it for 3 years when he'd like in bed. I dunno if he still sees it, but it was funny, i'd say "where's the kitty?" and he'd point to a spot on the ceiling that he was certain had a cat shape and was looking at him.

Ceiling cat :rofl:

I just saw that and went wow!

[Writer]

60. You mean God has whiskers?

Interesting term. I've never heard it before, but I do think many people turn to religion because they can't find a connection through any other means.

[Fire Walk With Me]

75. Haha! You're both right.

[RetroLounge]

45. Well, lets see..

emptiness - check

isolation - check

being cut off, disconnected and alienated - Check, check, check

inner emptiness or hollowness, with feelings of separation - check

:cry:

RL

[Writer]

62. But you have us, and as I understand, someone out there...

who thinks about you a lot.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

But this brings up an interesting angle: My entire life I've always envisioned a person sitting next to me, talking to me, being my friend... no, not an imaginary friend. Typically this person was a real life person who I have co-opted into my imagination somehow, complete with his real traits. This person normally would share my interests and, depending how well I knew him, would become an object of intimate fantasy. Perhaps this was a source of strength during some emotionally/mentally challenging times? I don't know.

I have a person like that even now who I think about constantly. He's not a replacement for Mr. Writer (never!) but he's someone who adds extra polish to my otherwise dull life.

But I'm sorry... I digress. I have been exactly where you are now. But I know you'll find your way through. You have a good heart.

[Darth_Kitten]

46. This is so timely........

after my birthday yesterday, I just lost it. I wanted somebody, anybody, to help me feel special on my birthday. I couldn't believe thoughtless people near to me were, or how I felt they couldn't even begin to understand my reasons for feeling so unwanted, so unnecessary. THAT was what hurt, it wasn't another case of me just being overly emotional or whatever.

Yesterday was the last straw. Just am fed up.

I'm cutting myself off from family and friends for the next while, let them come running to me.

[Writer]

63. God... I understand that so well.

I went through practically the same experience on my birthday. Mr. Writer didn't do ANYTHING for me except plan a small dinner with friends. No cards. No flowers. Nada. For my gift, he had me pick out a piece of furniture online and left me to order it myself. Then he spent the entire day in his office doing crafting. It was HORRIBLE.

No one reached out to me. My father even forgot to call, which was very odd.

I completely relate to what you're saying. :hug:

[Darth_Kitten]

83. I just wanted a phone call wishing me Happy Birthday!

Just wanted to be remembered.......it wasn't about the card or the gift of money (we always do that) it's being more important than a bloody golf game....it's if you say you are going to call back and wish somebody a happy birthday, DO IT......but obviously, people had other things to do more important.

I'm glad you could relate....I bet everybody else thinks I'm nuts....

I haven't cried on and off so much in any day in recent memory than my own birthday.

[Wetzelbill]

47. yes I am, I am also a very dark person

It's not obvious, because out in the regular world, I'm a pretty funny guy and all, but it's there. Some of my isolation is by design, I am a private person, I like to do things that require me to be alone, such as read and write etc. I also often like to just keep to myself. I think a little too much though. At first my greater state of isolation was how I liked it, now it has become larger, so I'm beginning to not like it at all. Right now, these are all things I'm working on, so that greater connection is still a process for me.

[hfojvt]

48. I have

13 posts on DU in the last 12 hours, and only two replies. Actually though, I am too busy to be lonely. I go research for a couple hours, make dinner, play with the dogs, check back on DU, read a few threads, write a few posts, and then back to research. Since I am not bored, I do not feel lonely either.

[querelle]

49. Lonely? No.

But I'm definitely a loner from time to time. I'm surrounded by friends and family that care about me and I truly love and appreciate them but........there are times when I just want to be left alone. People close to me have difficulty understanding this. Why is this so hard for them? Don't they ever feel this way?

Every now and then I just want to be alone with some good music, a book, and a nice hot cup of tea. These are times that I treasure because they are so rare. I guess the rarety makes times that like even more precious for me. I guess. I really don't know.

I just wish people would leave me alone when I want to be left alone.

Q

[BarenakedLady]

52. Yes

I am lonely. Very lonely.

I have online friends who I connect with on an emotional level. People who "get" me and accept me for who I am. If not for that, I would go crazy.

[Inchworm]

56. ..

:hug:

[querelle]

66. Now That Makes Me Sad

It hurts to know that another DU'er is lonely. If I could, I would fly to where ever you are and take you out for dinner, drinks, and dancing. You sound like you need it.

:hug:

Q

[BarenakedLady]

69. That's so sweet

:hug:

Don't be sad. I'm ok. :)

[Lyric]

54. Sometimes.

I don't make friends easily.

[enigmatic]

57. no n/t

[Jed Dilligan]

61. Not really, but as I get older

my true friends are farther apart and we see each other less. People who used to be fully engaged with life have fallen into holding patterns and are the same every time I see them. I am more alone, certainly, than I was before. Surviving financially is a lone and time-consuming struggle. What used to be commonplace, an afternoon drinking gin and laughing with true friends, has become a cherished event that comes together only a few times a year. Yet I remain my casual attitude to social life--I can't get into the grownup thing of planning events months in advance. I have my girl and my family, whom I'm in touch with all the time, but the day-to-day sociability that I engaged in not long ago has vanished. But maybe it will come back when I move? Who knows? My postdoc ends today, and the future is wide open.

[otherlander]

64. Yeah.

But when I look at how people around me treat each other, I have no real desire to "connect" with most of them. Just looking at the way they treat their so-called friends- backstabbing, vicious, superficial, competitive- makes me want to keep to myself. Some of them will probably grow out of it as they get older. Some of them definitley won't.

I know there are some people who aren't like that. The people I'm friends with aren't like that. Even then, though, I like to spend most of my time alone, and once and a while spend time with someone else. Which is fun and everything, but even when I'm with my friends, I feel like I can't talk about anything serious. Like if I bring up something serious they won't want to hear about it. And I know this probably isn't true, considering that my friends are considerate people, but it's still what I think. So I'm not really alone, but my thoughts still are.

[snailly]

65. I am very lonely

I just can't connect with people like I used to, I don't know if I ever did. I have my kids and my pets but in the dark of the night, much pain seeps through. The silence makes it worse.

[Wetzelbill]

82. yes it can be tough

Have you tried any medication? I was told that anti-depressants and things like that helps that pain.

[bikebloke]

67. I used to be.

Then I adapted. maybe too much. I find myself shunning company. Part of it was from living in an unfriendly city. Rather than be miserable, I found ways to keep myself occupied. Now I'm so content with those activities, I'm reluctant to give them up for company.

Funny, at work we had an intern, who I thought may have fancied be a bit. But she was also dating another colleague. She's about to go back to another city in another country. We were emailing this week, and she practically said she fancied, hoping I'd come over to the other office for some reason. Fear not. I then made a bad joke, which hopefully changed her mind.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

68. Yes, but I've become used to it.

[TK421]

71. I've become used to being lonely...and I think I'm beginning to like it, actually

fuck everyone else

[texanwitch]

72. I enjoy being alone sometimes.

Living in a house with four other people alone time is nice.

I am never lonely.

[wildhorses]

73. i have always been on the outside looking in.

i have taken a road less traveled. very few journeymen do i meet.

[RevolutionaryActs]

76. Sometimes, but for the most part, no.

:)

[IChing]

77. Loneliness and lonely are really two different things

I maintain that Truth is a pathless land, and you cannot approach it
by any path whatsoever, by any religion, by any sect.

The path is lonely but not suffered by loneliness

[u4ic]

78. No,

but I have been terribly lonely in the past. Very lonely and isolated - not fun.


I feel very blessed. :)


And to all those who do feel lonely...:hug: :pals: :grouphug: :hug: :pals: :grouphug: :hug: :pals: :grouphug: :hug: :pals: :grouphug:

[Digit]

79. I grew up on my own/latchkey child

I don't come from "needing" someone, I am more at "wanting" another to be around me. I am complete with me alone.
If I were to find a mate, tt would have to be someone compatible, and hopefully they would have friends they could interact with outside of our relationship.

[idgiehkt]

80. I don't think so.

I feel most 'lonely' around other humans with whom I can't connect. Then it becomes obvious to me that I am very different, this is mostly around family. I connect best with animals and am happiest with them and outdoors.

[mentalsolstice]

81. I'm only lonely because others tell me I am.

My family (parents) freaks out about my "hermitic" habits. Yet, I'm usually happy with my pets, books, movies and DU. Yet, I'm clueless about how o start real-life relationships. It seems most women my age are either 1) married with children of varying ages, and real committed to that, or 2)single, desperate to marry, and uncomfortable with my marital status.

I'm at a real crossroads for making friends!

[SarahB]

84. Hardly

I have so many people in my life that I feel like my time is crunched. I don't have a ton of friends, but it's hard to get to spend time with the ones I have because as a professional, working (outside the home) mom and wife, my time just isn't there. Fortunately, my husband is my best friend. I didn't always have that in my life and it makes those days a lot nicer. :)

[Blue_Tires]

85. yes....yes i am

and i am lost in trying to fight it

[ForrestGump]

86. Nope

Have been, at times very keenly (I do well alone, but there's a big difference between being alone and being lonely). I certainly am not lonely now.

[bridgit]

87. no...