Question for the gay men of DU:

[WindRavenX]

My best male friend in the world is a openly gay. We're the best of friend (I'm a straight chick FYI) and he's a totally great guy, but one of the thing that disturbs me is that he has some pretty mean things he says about lesbians. He says that many of his gay friends also openly dislike lebsians. This really bothers me- why would gays dislike other gays? Is it the female thing? Or something else?
Apparently, my other girlfriends who have gay friends report the same thing.
This makes no sense to me and I hope the wonderful gay men of DU can tell me this disliking is totally not common because...it really upsets me.

[Newsjock]

1. Gay idiots occur ...

... in approximately the same overall percentage as do straight idiots. Drudge *cough* Sullivan *cough*

[WindRavenX]

3. Yeah, I figured

It's just kind sad to hear it from my best friend though...*sigh*

[countmyvote4real]

6. Brilliant response

Original poster please take note that gay or straight does not equal idiot. Enlightenment is an individual thang.

[WindRavenX]

13. This is realize but

My point was that I've seen a disturbing trend of gay men being not so kind towards lesbians and I do not know why.

[newyawker99]

15. Hi countmyvote4real!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[Dookus]

2. Sadly, it is more common than it should be

and I've never known why.

In the early years of the AIDS epidemic, it was quite often lesbians who pitched in to help - many of the volunteers helping the sick and dying were lesbians, and it wasn't their battle. They chose to help out of kindness, and I'm ashamed that so many gay men don't recognize that.

[Rowdyboy]

4. I've experienced what you're talking about but rarely...

Gay men and lesbians usually give each other hell for the fun of it! But there is nothing serious there...

[La_Serpiente]

5. I have no clue as to why your friend dislikes lesbians

Does your gay friend find the sexual acts of lesbians 'offensive'? Or does he think the demeanor of all lesbians is 'cruel' or 'intolerable'?

I do not know why your gay friend would dislike lesbians.

If I were you, I would confront him about it.

Do you know why he would not like lesbians as friends?

[Momof1]

7. I know what you mean.... I don't understand it

My neice is a lesbian, and she is one of the reasons I deeply care about gay marriage. When her partner of 5 yrs had a series of strokes, her family bared her from the room for over 2 weeks. Until her partner was able to nod her head up & down, asked by a hospital administrator, if she wanted my neice in the room. Thankfully she got to see her one more time, before she had another stroke & died.


Well I went to the bar with her. Years before all of this happened, and it was a non-stop fight between the men & women. I don't understand. They can't stand each other. Its almost like they don't want the gender in the same bar sometimes.

I don't know, that was the atmosphere one night, how many years ago.

[Must_B_Free]

8. Because lesbians can be men haters

if you meet some of the harder core gender political lesbians in Santa Fe, you can figure out that there is almost a small cult of man hatred, probably from victimed women sharing similar experiences.

[Eloriel]

18. Like there aren't gay woman-haters? n/t

[Must_B_Free]

21. and gay-woman-hater haters?

and gay-woman-hater haters?

[Honesthumanbeing]

9. I'm not going to make a moral judgment of anyone gay

of course, but I think male homosexuals and female homosexuals just as distinguishable as either type of homosexual from heterosexuals. So when you say "why would gays dislike other gays?" you are really asking the same sort of question as why heterosexuals dislike gays. There's no reason the two groups should have sympathy for each other besides the fact that you have equated them. To make an analogy, it's like asking, why would a black person dislike a jewish person--they are both historically oppressed people? Of course, but that doesn't tell the whole story.

[booley]

10. the same reason menand women get on each others nerves

..becuase we think differently. But unlike straight people..lesbians and gay men are not required to get togther for sex and so can ignore each other. Straight men and women have to accomadate each otehr at least at some point. Gays don't and some don't want to bother.

This ignorance means that it's easier to for the prejudiced idiots in both groups to really show how stupid they can get and give into thier xenophobia.

personally it's always bothered me. One of my best friends is a lesbian and I have a hell lot more in common with here then with a lot of gay men. But stupidity is evenly distributed across the species.

Cynical? Moi! Never!!! ;-)

[TexasMexican]

11. Well if its any consolation...

Most straight guys (myself included) have a more favorable view of lesbians than of gay men.

Makes no sense to me why gay guys would dislike lesbians though, maybe its just because they prefer men.

[Cronus Protagonist]

12. Walking into a gay event, I always think...

...that the best looking guys there are the lesbians. They're HOT!

"Lick Bush" Buttons, Stickers & "Lick Bush" Buttons, Stickers & Magnets[/center>

[arcos]

14. I'm not in the US so the context is a little different...

but that has not been my general experience.

I've never been to gay bar or activity in the US, but I know that in several regions of the world there are very few mixed places where both males and females hang out. Do they actually know any lesbian? Straights sometimes think that being gay is what they see in the movies and tv shows, until a friend or a family come out. The same can happen with gays and lesbians if they don't have much contact. Old stereotypes are reproduced by the gay community too.

[Cleita]

16. In my wilder days many of us heteros used to hang around a neighborhood

beach bar that was known as a gay bar. I don't know why because there were as many straight people that were regulars as there were gays. Maybe it was because gays could be openly gay, especially the transvestites. I never noticed any open hostility between male gays and female gays, but I did notice that the transvestites were often openly hostile and critical of the straight females, especially the ones that were full of themselves. Go figure.

[greekspeak]

17. The most outspoken mocker of lesbians I know

is a lesbian herself. She scoffs at "softball lesbians," she titters at mullets. She cracks off-color lesbian jokes involving quiche and beer. In fact, the gay men I know are more polite about lesbians than this lesbian is.

[IronLionZion]

19. as a straight guy

I think it may be from the masculine stereotype of lesbians vs. the more feminine sterotype of gay men. Almost as in some lesbians may seem more manly than gay men. No offense to either.

I'll shut up now.

[Deja Q]

20. There are lesbians who hate gay men...

Some people need to find somebody to hate. Oh well, they're human.

[twistedliberal]

22. Could it be that lesbians tend to be more "acceptable" in

mainstream society, and some gay men feel resentful over the double standard?

[Cannikin]

23. As a gay man....

I dont have anything against lesbians...nor have I ever perceived myself to be any more or less accepted in the mainstream than lesbians.:pals:

[private_ryan]

24. a lot of gays I knwo hate the gay guys

who change their voice. I never understood why they do it either.

[mlawson]

27. Who change their voice?? What is that??

I happen to be homosexual, but I don't know exactly what you are referring to.

But then, I'm not much in with the community, either.

[private_ryan]

28. you know how some gay guys talk differently from the straight ones

their voice is kinda feminine.

[mlawson]

30. Oh, that. If it's deliberate, I don't like it.

I have never understood that aspect, anyway. Any of it. No, that really, really gets on my nerves.

But I have known gay *and straight* guys whose voices are naturally effiminent, and that is a different thing. Remember, homosexuality and transgender are very different things, but many people get them confused, and popular culture helps do this.

[joeybee12]

25. How old is he? When I was younger, I think I was pretty rude towards

lesbians. It has a lot to do with not knowing many of them. Also, how long has he been out? This could be somewhat of a reaction to coming to grips with his sexuality, if it hasn't been a long time since he came out.

[citizen snips]

26. Convert him.

If you convert him he will start to like lebsians.

[SlainteMhath]

29. I like them all

I can be comfortable and cosy with any of the mono sexes and still have fun. Why limit yourself?

I have yet to meet an open minded person that didn't enjoy their private time with me.

[aQuArius]

31. He probably has an ex-wife

My dad is mostly openly gay, but he has a lot of discrimination against any woman because he was cheated on in his marriage. Even though he is gay himself, he kind-of resents women (in any form). I don't know if he'll get over it, but at least he's comfotable with who he is inside.