how do you know if you're in love?

[leftofthedial]

how do you know it's not just some sort of temporary biochemical imbalance?

how do you know it's not just some extra hormonal secretions?

how do you know it's not just some pheromone in her perfume (his cologne)?

how do you know?

[Guava Jelly]

1. How do you know if you're not?

Love is confusing and i have never found it to be black and white

Your questions remind me of a number from my favorite musical Guys and Dolls

I'll know

For I've imagined every bit of him
To the strong moral fiber to the wisdom in his head
To the home-y aroma of his pipe
You have wished yourself a Scarsdale Galahad
The breakfast-eating, Brooks-brothers type.
Yes, and I shall meet him when the time is right.

SKY. (spoken) You've got the guy all figured out.
SARAH (spoken) I have.
SKY (spoken) Including what he smokes. All figured out, huh?
SARAH (spoken) All figured out.

I'll know when my love comes along
I won't take a change.
I'll know he'll be just what I need
Not some fly-by-night Broadway romance.
And you'll know at a glance by the two-pair of pants.
I'll know by the calm steady voice
Those feet on the ground.
I'll know as I run to his arms
That at last I've come home safe and sound.
Until then, I shall wait.
Until then, I'll be strong.
Oh, I'll know, when my love comes along.

SKY. (spoken) No, no, no! You are talking about love! You can't dope it like that. What
are you picking, a guy or a horse?
SARAH (spoken) I wouldn't expect a gambler to understand.
SKY (spoken) Would you like to hear how a gambler feels about the big heart throb?
SARAH (spoken) No!
SKY (spoken) Well, I'll tell you.

Mine will come as a surprise to me.
Mine I lead to chance and chemistry.

SARAH (spoken) Chemistry?
SKY (spoken) Yeah, chemistry.

Suddenly I'll know when my love comes along
I'll know then and there
I'll know at the sight of her face
How I care, how I care, how I care
And I'll stop. And I'll stare.

And I'll know long before we can speak
I'll know in my heart.
I'll know and I won't ever ask
Am I right, am I wise, am I smart.
And I'll stop. And I'll stare.
At that face. In the throng.
Yes, I'll know when my love comes along
I'll know
When my love comes along.

I'll know. I won't take a chance.
I know he'll be just what I need
Not some fly-by-night Broadway romance.
Until then, I shall wait.
And till then, I'll be strong.
Oh, I'll know when my love comes along.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

2. Don't ask me.

[MissHoneychurch]

3. Let me know if you have the answer

I am falling in love with a guy right now and I am scared as hell ....

[Guava Jelly]

4. :o)

YAY!
First it is nice to see you and second
I'm happy for you MissH!

[MissHoneychurch]

5. Thanks GoP

Now cross all avaiable fingers and everything else that this guy is not a scumbag as the others were .....

[Guava Jelly]

6. You know I will!

[Callalily]

9. Hi there MissH!

Hope your new love interest becomes more than just an interest.

[necso]

7. Ask yourself this question.

(Visualize this scenario.)

If you were in a sinking boat with her, and there was only one life-preserver, would you give it her without thinking about it? (Provided, of course, that you wouldn't give it to just-about-anybody. -- That's more like a death-wish.)

If so, then probably you're in love with her.

On the other hand, if you'd knock her in the head, toss her over the side (so she wouldn't be crawling all over you in the water, dragging you down), and yell something like "Drown, you ..." -- well then, probably you're not.

{ed: the last meant humorously}

Sometimes it's how you act, not what you (consciously) think -- or even recognizably feel, that reveals what's within you; what drives you.

Affection (attraction) just is; it just exists.

And such things aren't necessarily suitable for scientific decomposition, rational analysis, etc.

...

Feelin' a little frisky.

[TZ]

8. I found out the hard way I was in love with someone...

when they tried to break it off with me (to spare my feelings actually) and I felt the worst pain I have ever had that wouldn't go away. I have since then temporarily patched it up with this person, but he still thinks that because of the situation (which is actually quite a challenge yes) its going to be inevitable that he leaves me..I can't bear to think about it and continue to try to convince him that somehow we can work things out but I don't know if he really believes me...Love is such a rollercoaster sometimes. I sure have hit all the highs and lows in the last couple of months.

[leftofthedial]

84. that's so sad

a broken heart hurts worse than anything

[TZ]

96. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all..

I have never really been in love before and now I have experienced it. I also have a small sliver of hope that things MAY work out..we had some really intense and honest conversations recently but if not I will enjoy what time I have left because just talking to this person makes my day and makes my heart go pitter patter.

[I Have A Dream]

97. ...

[Lilith Velkor]

10. Being in love *is* a temporary biochemical imbalance

Those who pretend it's more than that are just trying to hustle you.

[leftofthedial]

85. Is there some sort of a diet that can prevent the imbalance?

[NashVegas]

100. Why On Earth Would You Want to Do That?

Just enjoy it while it lasts. Even if it's not meant to be, and you crash, it was still worth it.

[leftofthedial]

107. kind of like a sugar buzz

eh?

[NashVegas]

111. Oh No. Way Better

..

[NuttyFluffers]

11. usually the angelic chord harmony tends to be a hint

then there's the parting of the heavens and the shaft of light.

but usually the best indicator is after a nice bender trying to get whoever out of your head, you stumble upon a bit of serendipity that crashes through all your defenses. see, with enough drugs and sensory overload in a bender all those temporary bioichemical imbalances, hormonal secretions, and/or perfume should be so screwed up, counteracted, and subsumed that nothing should retrigger such a state of love. and yet when someone opens that fortune cookie 'cuz of a case of the munchies and suddenly lapses back into full blown helpless love mode you know it is beyond chemistry. why? because you just tried everything chemistry -- well, should have, some of you are lazy and don't really work hard on your benders -- and it failed at stopping love. that is perhaps the surest way to know. and if you are emotionally fragile and shy it usually means you are screwed, too.

[leftofthedial]

16. I like benders

and fortune cookies

does that mean I'm in love?

[NuttyFluffers]

53. it means you are cruisin' for a bruisin'

better keep an eye out, lest love strikes from above!

[dropkickpa]

12. I ignore their bad behavior

Ask them to move in, pay for everything, and, if I'm really lucky , I get knocked up.

[TZ]

13. How romantic of you.....

You are a "Smartass" aren't you....

[dropkickpa]

14. Just a little bit

[leftofthedial]

15. my kind of gal . . .

[patricia92243]

57. lol

[SOteric]

17. My mother always said,

"If you have to ask, it isn't love."

[leftofthedial]

21. how do *you* know you're in love?

I think it's different for different people, but in some ways the same for everyone

[SOteric]

41. Ya just know.

The sunshines more brightly in the much bluer sky, birdsong is more lovely, the stars in the night sky dance instead of twinkling. Air seems fresher to breathe.

[Esra Star]

42. "Durban Poison" had that effect if cured properly. nt

[SOteric]

45. However,

it won't lay around in bed with you on Sunday morning reading the best articles and editorials out loud for a shared giggle.

And it never has a neck rub and a Martini waiting after a hard day at the office.

[NuttyFluffers]

54. that's a big difference. often w/ drugs : hangover, love : afterglow

rarely came across another 'drug' that didn't have some sort of hangover effect. but love left a different feeling. unless you consider the hangover of love to be children and STDs....

[leftofthedial]

67. and broken hearts

[Fleshdancer]

18. all the pheromones and biochemical imbalances are due to lust

Lust is that overwhelming floating feeling you get when you're around that certain someone and you can't stop smiling. Love on the other hand is an action and you know you're in love when you're willing to give emotionally more than you take...in good times and in bad.

Both lust and love are great but be careful not to confuse the two.

[leftofthedial]

22. does "lust" = "in love"?

[Fleshdancer]

23. that's how I would describe it.

Unfortunately too many people confuse lust/"in love" with the act of loving someone.

[leftofthedial]

27. ain't it great when both "love" and "in love" happen at the same time?

[Fleshdancer]

28. Nothing beats that!

After being married for almost 10 years, what I find very interesting is how that "in love" feeling is cyclical. It's as if your pheromones go crazy, then your body gets use to it, then you go through a short period where the other person gets on your nerves and then BOOM...the in love rush comes back and it feels better than the initial rush. I can't count how many times I've experienced this.

This is why I encourage people to separate the love from the "in love". It seems like a lot of people get past that lust rush and suddenly they think the relationship is doomed to fail. As long as you can commit acts of love at the time when the other person drives you crazy, then everything will be ok. Unlike fairytales, real relationships take work at times.

[billyskank]

19. If you get butterflies when they say/post your name

that is a good indicator, I think.

[LeftyMom]

20. It's like labor.

When it's the real thing there isn't any way you could mistake it for any thing else.

[JVS]

24. Just click here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytXzERBnfOA

[Deja Q]

25. Lust is about the corporeal appearance. Love is about the persona from within.

Otherwise known as 'soul'.

[leftofthedial]

69. there is a person in my life who definitely has beauty that radiates from within

it's remarkable and overpowering

[Deep13]

26. That's what it is.

You described the biochemistry of it, not the subjective feeling.

My unsolicited advice, stop second-guessing and follow your instinct.

[leftofthedial]

70. being in the moment is especially important

when it comes to matters of the heart

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

29. My two cents

When all you see in your dreams is this person and when you would do anything in the world to ensure the person's happiness, even if he or she is no longer with you. I've been in love with someone for the past 11 years. I dated him for about a year or so. Then we parted ways. Then we reconnected in 2001 and I forced myself trying not to care for him. Yet, throughout this time, he was what I dreamt about. We have since reconnected once again and my love for him has not diminished; I am very much in love with him as the whole package. Sadly, our present life circumstances make it hard for us to be together all the time. I won't go into any details, but let's just say that we are not exactly complying with societal norms right now... I will leave it at that. We do talk to each other almost everyday; we have seen each other occasionally. Neither one of us has ever fallen out of love with one another.

If we were stuck in a lifeboat and only one of us could survive with a life preserver, I would give it to him, no questions asked.

[leftofthedial]

71. here's to not complying with societal norms

[no name no slogan]

30. a great definition I heard from a college roommate (15 yrs ago)

He said that being in love is like finding out something new about your partner each day, and being thrilled and amazed each time you do.

I've noticed that's true with every love relationship I've had: I keep finding more things about the woman that I find attractive, and it never ceases to amaze me.

[Lautremont]

31. When You Smoke A Cigarette After.

[leftofthedial]

73. ah, but what if you're trying to help her quit smoking

and that's how the whole romance thing got started?


cool graphic though

[crim son]

32. I know I'm in love when I willingly stifle my own desires

and ego if I know that otherwise I will hurt the other person. Very often, whether it's lust or something else, the person in question serves as... a reflection, maybe... of what you want to see in yourself or what you hope for in yourself. With love, it's different. The other person's happiness comes first and that gift in turn becomes your happiness.

I've been there exactly once, when I was twenty-three and it took me ten years to stop dreaming about him once we parted. I still wish for his happiness, wherever he is and with whomever he has chosen.

Love. It scares the hell out of me!

[somewhere_out_there]

56. Absolutely Correct!!! You are connected in time to him and will

be conntected for eternity. That's is REAL LOVE.

[guitar man]

33. when they fart in bed

and it's not a deal-breaker, you're stuck with them

[leftofthedial]

34. ah. the old dutch oven theory of love

[guitar man]

35. yep

if you can put up with that, you can put up with anything

[RetroLounge]

36. When you can't go a day without speaking to her

When you know the midnight phone call will last 3 hours and you won't get much sleep, and you don't care.

When you think about her first thing upon waking and last thing before sleeping.

When you dream about her too.

When you check the mailbox multiple times for her next letter.

When you log into DU just to see if she PM's you today.

When something good happens and she's the first person you want to tell.

When something bad happens and she's the one you need to talk to for comfort.

When her laugh over the phone lines can get you thru a long day.

When you haven't even seen her in 9 months and you can still smell her skin, feel her touch, and taste her lips.

When you find yourself writing poetry about her, to her, and for her.

When you post something like this knowing she will read it and it will make her smile, and making her smile makes you smile too.

and you get all giggly inside, feel half your age, find out you still can blush.

and you miss her every moment of every day...

RL

[Guava Jelly]

37. ..

I hate you!!!!
(not really)

[bicentennial_baby]

39. First of all,

Secondly, Yes! Except insert 'him' or 'he' for me

[RetroLounge]

40. Just don't tell Sniffa I was talking about you...

RL

[somewhere_out_there]

55. Sounds to me like a school boy infatuation....or plain lust ...

true love is not putting the object of your love in harm and caring more about their wellbeing than your own adolescent desires. Easy to live the fantasy, but hard to live the real day to day stuff - that's what real love is.

[RetroLounge]

58. You sure you replied to the right post?

Nothing in my post says anything that would suggest anything you've said.

Perhaps you are projecting your own personal life onto my post?

Oh, and hi and welcome to DU (again).

RL

[somewhere_out_there]

88. check out post #18

[RetroLounge]

91. Why?

and why would it apply to me?

Do you know something you obviously are trying to pretend you don't?

RL

[Guava Jelly]

95. I can tell you with out a doubt Retro is head over heals

If you knew the object of his affection you would understand.
And I can say with confidence that she feels the same for him.

[RetroLounge]

61. Oh, and how is your marriage doing?

RL

[BarenakedLady]

63. .....

[RetroLounge]

64. Too harsh?

RL

[BarenakedLady]

65. Nope

It was asked for.

I just like spanking you.

[RetroLounge]

66. Thank you mistress BNL, may I have another?

RL

[somewhere_out_there]

86. sorry, must be mistaking me for someone else....

I am not married

[RetroLounge]

90. Yes, I know...

RL

[BarenakedLady]

59. What you said

[RetroLounge]

60. ...

RL

[leftofthedial]

72. that's sweet

I don't even mind that you used my thread to write a love letter!

[RetroLounge]

94. Well, apparently, if you believe the stalker here

it's just a school boy infatuation....or plain lust letter...



RL

[Left Is Write]

108. You need one of these.

[RetroLounge]

109. Thank you...

RL

[SPKrazy]

38. When you can feel at peace and trust them

and know that they trust you too

and that there is an unspoken understanding of concern for each other that transcends the words that could ever be spoken.

When you think about them and long for them, but you also know that they are going to be there so there is no angst about it.

When you can't wait to hear from them and are excited about what they have to say.

When you hang on every word they say and every letter they write, and you wish nothing but the best for them always.

[leftofthedial]

68. good list

[siouxsiecreamcheese]

43. when you feel like you want to vomit

whenever the other person is around. That's how I feel anyway.

[leftofthedial]

74. so it's like having the stomach flu

or food poisoning?

[siouxsiecreamcheese]

101. Pretty much, yeah

but the nausea goes away when the other person goes away

[leftofthedial]

105. so you can't wait to not be around them?

I get it!

[siouxsiecreamcheese]

110. nah, not exactly

more like a good kind of pain, always wantin more.

[misanthrope]

44. Romantic love...

...IS temporary biochemical imbalance caused by extra hormonal secretion.

[leftofthedial]

75. just as I thought

so I can cure it by taking some sort of supplement?

[Omphaloskepsis]

46. When you don't have to ask if you are in love.

You just know. If you have to question it != love.

[leftofthedial]

76. but isn't love disorienting?

and overwhelming?

leaving one lost, albeit in a good way?

[Geek_Girl]

47. I believe your in love when

Your heart hurts when your lover is away from you.

you have day dreams of growing old together and doing things old people do, like sitting on a porch swing.

you've been with the person for over a decade and you still feel you love that person with all your heart and soul.

[leftofthedial]

77. but I fI wait a decade,

we WILL be old together, sitting on a porch swing, wondering where we left our false teeth . . .

[conscious evolution]

48. Makes me high as a kite

Better than any drug.
When I fall out of love withdrawal is a bitch.

[leftofthedial]

78. you have to go for it though when it happens,

que no?

[Inchworm]

49. When she gets sick

and you feel so helpless.

When you wish you could have all the pain, misery, distress.

[leftofthedial]

79. I hope I never have to prove it that way

I want her to stay healthy

[Inchworm]

89. Everyone already said what I wanted to say

and I felt the need to chime in. I like Retrolounge's description the best for me.



It is true though. Not much is worse than being helpless when your Love is sick.

[leftofthedial]

98. true

you want them to be happy and healthy always

and you want to make them happy always

but with sickness, you're helpless

[Frank Cannon]

50. When you violate a restraining order for the third time...

and are now going to jail.

That was my first clue.

[leftofthedial]

80. what if she shoots you

under the "make my day" law in your state?

[Frank Cannon]

93. Well, that would be a good sign too n/t

[SarahB]

51. You have a strong emotional connection, can talk for hours, ....

AND you want to rip his or her clothes off much of the time.

[leftofthedial]

81. whoa

I must be in love then

[u4ic]

52. I just know...

[leftofthedial]

82. how do you feel?

[NewJeffCT]

62. When you can't imagine your life without them and

You picture yourself together in 10, 20 or 30 years.

It was either that, or when my wife held a gun to my temple & said "Marry me or I pull the trigger!"

[leftofthedial]

83. how romantic! love and guns go together like

wine and roses

-sigh!-

[crispini]

87. Being in love IS some sort of temporary biochemical imbalance.

That said, I can give you a pretty good take on it:
You think of them and you have a feeling of falling, or a feeling of flying. You enjoy talking to them. You sit there and just stare at each other and smile like idiots. You enjoy touching them. You just enjoy being with them. When you are with them the rest of the world goes away and you feel phenomenal. And if they feel the same way about you, you find that incredibly sexy. And it's like a big ol' feedback loop. The more you see of each other the more wonderful you make each other feel............

[leftofthedial]

92. that sounds like it

alright . . .

[NashVegas]

99. Being In Love Is *All About* Hormones

If you're blissed out and can't keep your hands off of yourself, just thinking about them, or off of the object of desire when they're around, you're in love. Enjoy it while it lasts.

[TrogL]

102. Blood

[geardaddy]

103. Here's one more.

How do you know it isn't something you ate?

[leftofthedial]

104. a bit of undigested beef

or perhaps a surfeit of tomato

[The Inquisitive]

106. Isn't that what love is?

why is it mutually exclusive?

If you don't believe in magic or the supernatural than love likely is chemical.