So what is Jesus's middle name?

[chknltl]

I know it starts with an "H", any help here? I want to go with Hank. I figure I have met a few Hanks in 53 years and never once have I met one I could not trust. :eyes:



The rest of the story: Did that elicit even a chuckle? Well that WAS my intention.


A friend and I have been debating this. She claims to have never heard the Jesus "H." Christ thing before so she was absolutely at loss when I asked her about this. We have a bet going, she claims I am daft! So far she has asked her hairdresser, (A DEVOUT Christian) and another lady in the chair next to hers...(turns out that she goes to the same church REGULARLY as the hairdresser), and for some strange reason they ain't down with Hank either. I know for a fact that I did not make up the term...as she has suggested:

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_033.html

So help me out here... is the "Jesus H Christ" term uncommon among the younger folks and is it fading into oblivion or is it still a viable source for a bit of humor.

btw: No not asking devout Christians unwilling to lighten up for a response here...if I needed Holy Smoke I would have posted this over in the religious forum instead.

[zanne]

1. I think it's Harry. nt

[Starbucks Anarchist]

2. Hellraiser.

[graywarrior]

3. Hyman

[MonkeyFunk]

4. It's "Harold"

"Our father, who art in heaven, harold be thy name"

[gmoney]

20. This is correct, except it's spelled "Herald"

Tommy Lee Jones' character in "Natural Born Killers" shouts it during the riot scene...

"JESUS HAROLD CHRIST ON A FUCKING RUBBER CRUTCH, IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?"

I was kidding about the "herald" ...but it should be. "Hark the Herald Angels Sing..."

[Courtesy Flush]

55. I thought it was Hallowed -- as in Hallowed be thy name!

[NewWaveChick1981]

5. I thought it was Buddy, but maybe that's short for something that begins with an H.

:shrug: :P

[WhollyHeretic]

6. Herschel

[crim son]

7. Herbert.

Jesus Herbert Christ. He was a German Jew.

[chknltl]

17. So thats who all the fuss is over...

And for the first 18 years of my life I thought I was Jesus H Christ. So what did Jesus Herbert Christ of Germany do to piss off my dad so much?

[SPKrazy]

21. Oh...

that explains the blue eyes and blonde hair in so many pics of him

:shrug:

[chknltl]

27. Of couse... It all makes sense now!

:rofl: I have blond(ish) hair and blue eyes....That German guy must have REALLY ticked off my dad!
The puzzle comes together.

[VenusRising]

8. H??

I always thought his middle name was Fucking. :shrug:

If it's not, it should be.









So going to hell for this.

[chknltl]

12. My friend agrees with you.

That is the way she has heard it as well. Her sister, ( a devout Christian), says it that way often too.

[Coyote_Bandit]

43. Yep, you got it right n/t

[otherlander]

73. Jesus Fucking Christ?

You mean this guy?

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Jesus_Fucking_Christ
Christ spent many years in juvenile correctional facilities but seemed to be beyond reform. Just before his seventeenth birthday, he was caught red-handed pilfering a church. Said the vicar, Jesus Fucking Christ, I cannot believe you could stoop so low.

[AlCzervik]

9. Herbert.

i used to think Jesus Mary and Joseph was one person because of my mother screaming that at me all time "JESUSMARIONJOSEPH! your room looks like the hell hole of Calcutta"

[rurallib]

10. It's an old Middle Eastern name: Hussein

Many folks in that area have that middle name.

[chknltl]

11. .

:rofl:

[SPKrazy]

13. Holy n/t

[zanne]

14. Come to think of it, what was his last name?

"Of Nazareth" isn't much of a surname if you ask me.

[ekelly]

15. I guess it was

his mother's last name... since he didn't have a biological father to be named after..... because his mom never had sex.

[chknltl]

16. Jesus H Christ Of Nazareth

Kinda long, but some'r into long names. My step kid went with Horatio by the way. I informed him that I did not think Jesus was from Japan.

[zanne]

50. Very good.

Horatio it is. But I still wonder what Mary/Joseph's last name was, and if he was a middle child.

[SteppingRazor]

56. bar-Joseph would've been the dude's last name

or rather, the Hebrew equivalent of Joseph. Although Jesus and his family would've spoken Aramaic, their names would've been Hebrew ... sort of like an Italian-American naming their kid Giuseppe.

"bar," meanwhile is Aramaic for "son of" (a bit like the "O" in front of some Irish names). So Jesus Bar-Joseph. Or, in Hebrew, Yehoshua bar-Yosef.

Another fun fact: If you know your Jesus story at all, you know that, when Pontius Pilate asked the crowd who he should release from prison, the crowd chanted "Release Barabbas!" The modern Bible says that Barabbas was a thief and murderer who Pilate then released. But "bar," as I've already mentioned, means "son of." And "abbas" means "father." So, the crowd was actually chanting, "Release the Son of the Father!"

What that means is something smarter people than me will have to explain.

[texanwitch]

18. The H stands for Herbert.

Jesus Herbert Christ.

My rightwing Republican neighbor says this all the time.

[SPKrazy]

22. And they are closer to God than the rest of us ya know

they told me so

:shrug:

[texanwitch]

30. The other day he was working on his old car and he must have said

Jesus Herbert Christ 25 times.

This guy has a big cross in his side window facing us so he must know something.

[zanne]

51. Doesn't that make you want to do something shocking?

Like mow your lawn in the nude? Oh! Oh! If you're so inclined, you could put a Wiccan symbol in the window that faces his house. Let the symbols fight it out!

[texanwitch]

65. I have 38 wind chimes outside,

Some on the front, some in the back.

I am always looking for new ones.

My neighbor hates the wind chimes.

I will get wind chimes with a cross, and put it on the side of the house facing his cross.

[Wetzelbill]

19. it's just "H"

[cloudbase]

71. Just like the "S"

in Harry S Truman didn't stand for anything.

[blitzen]

23. actually, "Christ" is not his last name, its his job title...

"Christ"=the Anointed One

so his name is in fact "Jesus H." Sorta like "Bill W."--the guy who started AA

[yurbud]

59. So it's Jesus Hernandez: the Christ

like George Bush: the Tard

[hyphenate]

24. I think it's got to mean "hell"

personally.

However, by turn, with the followers JC has on the religious right, perhaps it stands for "hypocrite."

Then again, Henry VIII thought he was god himself, so maybe it's Henry.

Hmmmm.....

Since he was born in the middle east, perhaps it's something like Hassan,

It could also be:

heaven
halo
hero
hyped
hippie
handsome
holy
or
hallowed


Regardless, Jesus H Christ is a term even I know, but there are so many terms that have been lost and more created every day. I just hope that we aren't speaking an entirely different language 50 years in the future. But then, I likely won't be here, so I shouldn't really care one way or another. :)

[yewberry]

25. You are mistaken. It's "Jumped-up."

And "In-a-sidecar" is His full last name.

At least, that's what my dad taught me.

[Mad_Dem_X]

47. LOL! n/t

[Shell Beau]

26. I have a dog named Hank, does that help?

[chknltl]

28. Is he trustworthy?

I have never met a Hank I could not trust...that's why I went with it. (Cool name for a dog btw)

[Shell Beau]

31. Honestly he isn't!!!! He is my other doggie's best friend in the

whole world and then all of a sudden one day he will attack him!! I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'!!!! :crazy: And that is the truth!!! Sweet doggie to me though! :P

[SPKrazy]

29. are you dyslexic?

or just shell beau the beautiful beau who needs a hair dryer? :P

[Shell Beau]

32. In my job sometimes I think I may be dyslexic! For real tho!!!

:P

[SPKrazy]

33. sometimes I'm lessdyxic

for real though usually when i get in really cold water... :P

oh wait I forgot what we were talking about :silly:

[madinmaryland]

34. Aitch

:shrug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

35. You're right.

I don't know why people think it begins with an H.

[UrbScotty]

36. Hillary

:evilgrin:

[ronnykmarshall]

39. Bad boy!

:spank:

[chknltl]

40. YES!

I can not wait to tell my stepkid that one. He lives with his mom: A republican precinct comander and a devout Christian. He was almost in tears last time we talked about this topic...(I asked him to ask his mother what the "H" stood for, he said he did not want to get into trouble but he was amused by the notion anyway...maybe he'll ask her now) :rofl:

[ronnykmarshall]

37. H = Helen

Mary and Joe were actually Johnny Cash's inspiration for "A Boy Named Sue".

[NNadir]

38. Heironymus

[chknltl]

42. Heironymus Lex

...a guard Captain in Imperial City was named after Jesus???? I'll never tell him where the Grey Fox has been hiding*



(Geeks with the vidio game "Elder Scrolls: Oblivion" will approve of this...)

[mykpart]

41. I read, years ago, about a man whose

son asked him what the "H" was for when his dad exclaimed, "Jesus H. Christ!" The man told his son, "Hirohito."

[RushIsRot]

44. Harcourt!

[Eagle_Eye]

45. His middle name was Milhouse

[Deep13]

46. Henry

[carly denise pt deux]

48. Herschfeld

Carly

[datasuspect]

49. Pablo

[mainegreen]

52. It's Meh. Jesus Meh Christ.

[aljones]

53. I am 25...a friend of mine wrote a Jesus H Christ song.....

wish i could remember it...it was hilarious

[Pool Hall Ace]

54. Haploid

At least that's what I've heard. :hi:

[bikebloke]

57. Hulahoop

That's what the ring over his head signifies. He and his mates were Nazareth town champs.

[Burma Jones]

58. The movie doesn't say........

[grace0418]

60. There was even a reference in the Simpsons, when Apu needed to swear and

exclaimed "Shiva H. Vishnu!" So clearly it's part of popular culture. I know I've heard it for years and years. And I too always speculated about what the "H" stands for. I had an uncle Henry (who went by Hank) and he was not the most trustworthy guy, just fyi.

I'm going to go with Hamish.

[KitchenWitch]

61. HUGH!!!1111 I'm SERIES!!!11

[IcyPeas]

62. It's HOWARD.... here's proof in The Lord's Prayer...

"Our Father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.....".


etcetera etcetera etcetera

[UrbScotty]

63. No, it's Art

"...who ART in heaven..."

[pitohui]

64. jesus horatio christ, jesus holy christ were two versions i've heard

i'm sure there are others

[Generic Brad]

69. I think you are correct

I always thought it was Haratio as well. At least that's what my father used to always say.

[CharmCity]

66. Jesus Effing Christ

Right?

[ironflange]

67. You mean Jesus H. Effing Christ

Nobody knows what the "H" stands for, but the "F" is pretty common knowledge. So is the "on a bicycle" that I've been known to stick on the end.

[xmas74]

68. I've always thought it was just an H.

Like Harry S. Truman. He didn't have a middle name either-just an initial.


And I've said it for years.

[u4ic]

70. W

or is that the guy who thinks he's Christ?

[wildhorses]

72. Phuking

duh

[zingaro]

74. Hymie.