Voice mail systems - can they be any more idiotic?

[skygazer]

So I called the Disability Department today to check on my payment. They have the strangest voicemail system.

"Hello. You have reached the Department of Disability. To hear this recording in English, press 1."

So I press 1.

"We have a toll-free number for our Spanish-speaking customers. It is 800-blah,blah,blah-blah,blah,blah,blah. Again, that number is...."

:wtf:

Why, when I choose to hear the recording in English, do I get a (long) explanation (in English) for Spanish-speaking customers? Wouldn't it make more sense to say at the beginning, "To hear this recording in English, press 1. To hear our toll-free number for our Spanish-speaking customers, press 2."

Or am I too damn logical for my own good? :banghead:

[Zavulon]

1. Try calling any extension of the DC government.

A friend of mine told me this one: they hand out a voicemail script that everyone is supposed to leave on their voice mail. You're supposed to fill in the blanks - as in what office you're from, the "if this is an emergency, please contact ... at 202-xxx-xxyz..., etc.

Towards the bottom you're supposed to select your choice between these -

I will get back to you within (24 hours) (1 business day). You're given the option based on what sort of job you have, I'm told.

Everyone she knows took that as an instruction that you're supposed to use both, so voicemail sounds like "Hi, I'm John Smith of the Whatever Department, Office of Whatever, Government of the District of Columbia. I'm sorry I can't take your call right now. If this is an emergency please call Jane Doe at 202-555-0157. Please leave your name, number, time of call and the reason you're calling and I will get back to you in 24 hours or one business day."

Why not just have "one business day" for everyone and be done with it?

[skygazer]

2. My union's benefits department hasn't changed theirs for over a year

So you get the message, "Sick leave checks were mailed out on March 15th, 2006. If you have not received your check by April 1, 2006, speak to a Union representative."

[Zavulon]

3. You should call a union rep and demand that check. It's seriously overdue.

:rofl:

[Shakespeare]

4. I thought they couldn't get any worse than the "if you want x, press y" idiocy. I was so wrong.

Now a lot of them have a pre-recorded voice attempt to INTERACT with you via voice recognition software, and it is beyond annoying. The UPS automated dingbat is the worst, because their freaking software doesn't work right. She'll ask you to repeat your tracking number three or four times, and then VERY condescendingly tell you "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that."

I've almost killed a phone (or two) with her. :banghead:

[Left Is Write]

5. I do NOT like those.

I yelled at one recently.

We have our primary mortgage and our HELOC with the same company. A couple of months ago, I mixed up the payments - sent the HELOC payment for our primary and vice versa. I received a call from a computerized woman who attempted to find out what payment amount had been sent to one of the accounts. The problem was, she wouldn't tell me which account. I tried to find out. She kept saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't get that." I tried zero for an operator, but that was a no-go. I pressed 1, 2, then 3. It only confused her. "Did you say you sent one dollar on February 3rd?" No, you dumbass machine! "I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Let's start over."

Finally, I lost it.

"I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I SENT TO THE ACCOUNT UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHICH ACCOUNT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that."


:banghead:

[Shakespeare]

7. I KNOW! It's like somebody hired the Stepford wives as customer service reps!

It is satisfying, sometimes, to yell at them, though.

[alarimer]

6. There's a reason they call it "voice jail" n/t