Sigh. After almost 23 years of marriage......

[XNASA]

My MIL still hasn't warmed up to me.

I don't know what the fuck her problem is. :(

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear XNASA...

Some people just aren't capable of warming up.......

I'd write her off!

I'm sorry.......:hug:

[XNASA]

5. I can't write her off.

She's loaded. ;)

[Zavulon]

11. Not my business, but

it doesn't sound worth any amount of money.

Just my two cents. The pun was unintentional, albeit avoidable.

[Left Is Write]

2. Maybe she needs to get to know you better.

;)

[XNASA]

3. I think maybe that's the problem.

She knows me too well.

[nickgutierrez]

4. Have you tried the "at least I'm not Hedges" argument?

I mean, it could be worse. :hi:

[XNASA]

7. Actually.....

She respects hedges more than she respects me. But at least I don't go running off to Florida just because I got a little slush on my sneakers.

:hi:

[nickgutierrez]

8. Oh. Wow.

It's just a lost cause, then. Nothing you can do about bad taste. :P

[Bassic]

6. That really sucks.

Some people are just assholes. It sucks when one of those people is someone that has to be close to us, though.

[johnnie]

9. Just remember what they say "It's her loss"

Of course that is bullshit in this case, but it sounded good.

[asthmaticeog]

10. Have you thought about stabbing her?

[XNASA]

13. Sometimes. nt

[GenDem]

12. I had a tough go with mine for about 15 years.

My MIL never really approved of my independent spirit. She was repressed by my FIL. She felt that a womans primary job was to keep a meticulously clean home, spend every bit of energy caring for the husband and children, and God forbid don't have any friends or have a life outside said family. Well, I never lived up to those expectations. I always wanted to work, I've never been a great housekeeper, and I didn't get up and make coffee for MrGen at 4 am when he got up for work.

After the kids started growing up, there was a subtle and slow change. She actually likes my quirkiness now. My FIL has passed and with that I see MIL embracing her own independence. We have a genuine love for each other, now. We hug and kiss each and every time we are in each others company. It's nice -- it didn't used to be.

Do you want a relationship with her? I always did with mine, even when I felt her disapproval.

[raccoon]

14. I heard someone say once, "Some people wouldn't warm up to you

if you were cremated together."

[Critters2]

15. My ex-MIL never did warm up to me.

But then, I only put up with her son for 4 years. Maybe I should have given her more time.

Sorry to hear yours isn't coming around. I always think it's disrespectful of her child when a parent is unkind to a son or daughter in law. Their child loves someone, they ought to care that person too...or STFU.

[Roon]

17. Hear! Hear! EOM

[Roon]

16. Kill her with kindness eom

[Skittles]

18. YOU WANT I SHOULD KICK SOME MIL ASS, XNASA ???

JUST SAY THE WORD MY SWEET

[XNASA]

20. That would be very nice of you, Skittles.

Just be sure that she's only barely conscious enough to sign the new will I've drawn up listing me as benefactor #1!

After that, you may do what you will.

And thanks again for your kind and gracious offer. :hi:

[HEyHEY]

19. Maybe you should read through some old posts

Get to know yourself, then' you'll know why.

[QMPMom]

21. You have my sympathies.

I had a MIL like that. Up until the day she died - 17 1/2 years into our marriage and 2 kids later - she was giving my husband literature on how to become a priest.

We will celebrate our 22nd anniversary this summer and his family in Germany still addresses letters to "Georg and Wife".

I am nameless and replacable, it seems.

My husband once said about his mother and me: "Just remember, others took her on and lost. You won. YOU'RE still around. They aren't."

Edit: I can't type today.

[Rosie1223]

22. your story sounds familiar

From another board....

Your MIL *was* a royal bitch. Glad to hear you are getting along ok.

Rosie

[QMPMom]

24. Hello Rosie! Yes, I know the Board you are speaking of. She was

a bitch and I can't say that I have cried any tears over her. I know my DH misses his mother but I am glad she is not trying to ruin my life any more.

How are you?

[Rosie1223]

26. Doing Great

Cutting off contact with MIL was the best move I ever made. DH still talks to her occasionally but not me. Sanity at last.

[hedgehog]

38. My MIL has never been that bad, but she's German, too

I don't think she approved of her son marrying ANYONE. My two brother-in-law are still home and have never even dated. I'm curious to see if they marry after the old folks pass on. Visiting is very painful becausae of the family dynamics. My poor FIL gets nagged to death by everyone else in the house. If he takes aspirin for his arthritis, it means he's addicted! The worst thing? Now that she's agging and could use some help, there's no way for me to even broach the subject.

[RetroLounge]

23. Have you tried hitting on her?

:shrug:

RL

[XNASA]

27. That's so crazy, it could work.

I'm indebted to you for your sage advice.

[RetroLounge]

30. Just the voice of experience...

glad to help...

:hi:

RL

[EFerrari]

34. Now, that's just pure genius. n/t

[Beer Snob-50]

25. Is it possible she caught you and her child

having unnatural relations? Well it is possible.

[XNASA]

28. I'm not sure how to classify "unnatural".

Perhaps, therein lies the root of the problem.

[idgiehkt]

29. it's what you said it is

"her problem"

Sorry you are having to go through that, I know it's rough. But the kind of people who fix other people's psychological problems go to school for a really long time and then when they are doing it they get to send them an invoice. Like someone recently said to me, if you can't hit them with an invoice for billable hours, it ain't your problem.

[caty]

32. "if you can't hit them with an invoice for billable hours,

it ain't your problem."

I love that! Got to remember that phrase.

[idgiehkt]

36. it's a great one, isn't it

came straight from the brilliant mind of one of my most favorite DU-ers...

[caty]

31. Don't dwell on it.

Some people in this world will like you and some won't. Just like you like or dislike certain people---sometimes for reasons you can't quite figure out. Let it go. Just show her repect for your wife's sake and enjoy you life.

[Sock Puppet]

33. I think the problem is with you.

Your MIL is the sweetest lady in southern Illinois.

:D

[azmouse]

35. I've never warmed up to my MIL

and I'll be married 20 yrs on April 25. And let me add, I never will warm up to her. She's said some nasty things to me.

Don't let it bother you. If your marriage has lasted this long you're doing something right!

[Maineiac]

37. My MIL & I got along well

She couldn't cook and I do so I got her out of the kitchen during all the holidays.

[SKKY]

39. My only question is this...

...After 23 years, why do you still care? If you've been married for that long, it obviously hasn't caused any serious problems between you and your spouse. Just my opinion, but I don't know why it still bothers you.

[mentalsolstice]

42. I can't answer for the OP

In my case, I feel guilty because I know my spouse loves his dad and sister, and I feel bad b/c family gatherings are tense. He's caught between people he loves. Yes, initially it's his family that has the problem, but that doesn't stop me from giving him an earful about them when they've been especially snarky.

[mentalsolstice]

40. My MiL never warmed up to me

But it could be because she was pushing up daisies by the time I met her son. My FiL and SiL aren't too keen on me...they hate people they perceive to be smart or educated (they love rich people though, can't get enough of them). I never push it to others that I'm better than anyone, I'm just simply fortunate. And it's not just me, they don't like my nephew's wife for the same reason. I can't go back and undo years of my life, or tear up diplomas...so it's their problem.

Now whenever I'm around them I carry my Ipod, and tune them out if it gets too intense.

[GOPisEvil]

41. You're married to your mother in law?

:yoiks:

[Ilsa]

43. My MIL and I are doing better these days.

She gave me shit because I called her to tell her hat her brother was in the hospital. IT wasn't my fault. I thought she wanted to know. And she did. She was just pissed off that she was too stupid to stay in touch with him whereas my husband and I are always in touch.

But last week I found some money for her on that missing money website (escheated property), so I am in her good graces right now.

[WilliamPitt]

44. Teabag her head.

It'll be a laff-riot.

:)

[av8rdave]

45. Just remember....you married your wife, not your MIL....

At some point, she should be happy that her daughter is happy with you. If she can't see that, perhaps she is too consumed with issues of her own.

I know my MIL was very, very worried for her daughter when I married her. After all, I was a single dad with kids and an ex-wife, and she was wise enough to realize that those things could weigh heavily on a marriage. However, much to her credit, she trusted her daughter's heart and judgement, and appreciates that she is happy. That and she has worked very hard to treat my kids exactly like any of her other grandchildren. I'm very thankful for that. I am so sorry your situation is different.