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emmajane67 Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 03:48 AM
Original message
Lounge HUGS and advice needed.
Hugs because my 6 and half year relationship has just ended and I am devestated. Wasn't my decision but one I have to accept.

Advice because I simply don't know how to deal with this. I've had all the no contact, you'll feel better in time, get out and do things, don't mope etc by the book advice, but was wondering if anyone had any odd little things that helped them in a similar situation that they could share with me.

Thanks guys.
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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 03:56 AM
Response to Original message
1. I'm sorry
:hug:

The only thing I can offer is to just surround yourself with friends.
Love hurt you love can heal you!
And don't blame yourself or think you are unworthy of love..You are and will find it again
Keep your chin up!
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emmajane67 Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:00 AM
Response to Reply #1
3. Thanks.
You touched on lots of the things one inevitably thinks. Hopefully I can keep reminding myself they are not true.

I have some good friends, one called early this morning to make sure I'd got out of bed and gone to work.

:pals:
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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:28 AM
Response to Reply #3
10. I had a little practice
Not fun at all.
But I learned you have to love yourself if not who will?
This to shall pass.
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emmajane67 Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:31 AM
Response to Reply #10
11. I'm sorry you have felt like this.
It sux and I would never wish it on anyone.

Glad you're out the other side.
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Pushed To The Left Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 03:59 AM
Response to Original message
2. My fiance broke up with me after 7 years last August
In my case, the relationship had become very unhealthy, and though I wasn't the one doing the breaking up, deep down I realized it was for the best. I'm sorry to hear that you're in pain, but you will feel better. :hug: You just have to realize that the person you were with wasn't the right person for you, but there is somebody out there who is! I was in some pain for a while, even showing a lot of emotion in public, which is unusual for me. It's been 6 months since the breakup, and I'm starting to feel pretty good again. It's perfectly normal to feel some pain, but you also have to realize that the end of this relationship will allow you the opportunity to find somebody that you are more compatible with and who will appreciate you. It will get better! :hug:
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emmajane67 Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:02 AM
Response to Reply #2
4. Thanks.
I am sorry you felt this way so recently too. :pals: I'm glad you're starting to feel better.

Unfortunately I'm still at the stage where I think this person was perfect for me and the love of my life and I'll never find anyone who makes me so happy. The anger stage can't come fast enough.
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spiderpig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 06:09 AM
Response to Reply #4
20. It will
Amazing how "soulmates" can turn out to be "buttholes". It's hard to accept, but life goes on.
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SeattleGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:03 AM
Response to Original message
5. Here's a suggestion:
If you can afford it, go to the thrift store and buy some cheap dishes. When you feel the anger that inevitably comes with such break-ups (along with the pain), take the dishes to a safe place and throw them! Hurl them! Scream and curse and cry and yell and let it all out.

I've done this before, and while it may sound crazy, it really CAN help. Just make sure the place you break the dishes isn't in a place where someone could step on broken crockery!

And here: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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emmajane67 Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:05 AM
Response to Reply #5
6. Thanks
That sounds like quite a plan. Perhaps a trip to IKEA is in order (I got a whole dinner set for 3.50 the other day).

I'm still waiting for the anger stage to kick in, but when it does I'll be sure to take your advice. It's just the sort of practical idea I was looking for.

:pals:
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SeattleGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:07 AM
Response to Reply #6
7. Much better to break cheap dishes than something you value.
And it's a good way to let the anger out. :hug:
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Heidi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:20 AM
Response to Original message
8. Invest in yourself, emmajane.
This is your chance to be good to and gentle with yourself, whether that means finding a counselor who can listen to and support you, or having a long, warm bath and a long, hard cry. You can move past this. :hug: :hug: :hug:
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emmajane67 Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:24 AM
Response to Reply #8
9. Thanks
Good advice, I've done most of it already.

Trying not to get all self-destructive but to deal with this as positively as I can, if that's possible.

Thanks for the hugs.

:pals:
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MissHoneychurch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:32 AM
Response to Original message
12. Aww that sucks emmajane. I am sorry
:hug:

Can't give you any advice though. I would say go out with friends and try not to think about him too often. And if you have a really good friend, talk about how you feel. If it is a really good friend, that person will listen without complaining.

:hug: :hug: :hug:
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emmajane67 Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:37 AM
Response to Reply #12
13. Thanks MissHoneyChurch
I have been going out with anyone who calls to get out and not dwell, distraction is good.

Still thinking of him every second of every minute of every hour of every day, I hope that doesn't last.

:pals:
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MissHoneychurch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:41 AM
Response to Reply #13
14. Of course you do
you've been together for 6 years!!!

What I normally do is hiding at home, underneath my covers and sleep. That way at least I don't have to think of him. Of course the second I wake up it hits me twice as hard. I believe going out is a better solution.

:pals:
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:55 AM
Response to Original message
15. here's what i can offer
a few years back, my SO of seven years left me. he was going to another country, so it was not sudden, but it was still more painful than i had prepared myself for.

like you, it was a situation that was not of my choosing and one i had to accept.

i took a year off. i did not touch a man for that year. instead, i took that time to take care of myself. i rebuilt relationships that had fallen by the wayside and i made new friends. but to do that, you first must be good to yourself.

mope if you need to. cry, scream, rage at the world if that is what you need. take many hot baths, drink many good bottles of wine, buy nice things for yourself. whatever makes you feel better.

it is one step at a time. it sounds trite, but it does get easier.
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emmajane67 Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 04:59 AM
Response to Reply #15
16. Thanks
I am sorry you felt like this too.

Your advice sounds good. I had thought it would be a long time before I even looked at anyone else. Kind of helped by the fact the idea terrifies/disgusts me. But I think it would be wrong to jump into anything.

I have been with him my whole adult life, I need to find out who I am again.
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 05:18 AM
Response to Reply #16
17. i dont think it's not wrong to be involved with anyone else
it's a matter of what is good for you. but finding yourself before getting involved with anyone else is a good idea. my SO and i got together in high school, so i know how you're feeling.
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spiderpig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 06:12 AM
Response to Reply #16
21. I reconnected with a guy after nearly 20 years
We corresponded for months, and he constantly told me how much he longed for me, and how he always thought of me - blah blah blah.

I met him for lunch and found out instantly why I dumped his sorry ass 19 years ago.

Arrogant asshole!
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Robeson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 05:23 AM
Response to Original message
18. I hope things get better soon...
... :hug:
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WritingIsMyReligion Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 05:44 AM
Response to Original message
19. I've never loved, let alone loved and lost, but that really sucks.
Edited on Mon Mar-05-07 05:45 AM by WritingIsMyReligion
:hug:
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emmajane67 Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 08:13 AM
Response to Reply #19
24. Thanks
Your hugs help.
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Callalily Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 06:19 AM
Response to Original message
22. So sorry to hear
of your breakup emmajane67, and so sorry that you are hurting. I've been through a similar situation, and really, only time and distance helps. I'm afraid your heart will be heavy for a long time.

Moping is good, but only allow yourself five minutes a day. Then do something to distract yourself. It seems that you've gotten all the typical advice, so I won't repeat.

Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Feel the strength and support from the Lounge, and vent anytime you feel like it.

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emmajane67 Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 08:13 AM
Response to Reply #22
25. Thanks
Your hugs and advice help.

I'm not looking forward to the next few months.
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NC_Nurse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 06:21 AM
Response to Original message
23. I'm sorry.
I like Seattlegirl's suggestion. Make sure you give yourself room to vent and get out the grief and anger so it doesn't
fester.

Therapy can be a great help is you would like to avoid repeating the problems/issues of this relationship in the next one.

hang out with friends and get lots of support! :hug:
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emmajane67 Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-05-07 08:27 AM
Response to Reply #23
26. Thanks
Your response helps.

I like the plate smashing plan!
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