Hey kids! It's time for the first annual Lounge Lizard Talent Show. How will you entertain us?

[ohiosmith]

[matcom]

1. I can juggle

while wearing my assless chaps

[ohiosmith]

3. What will you juggle?

[matcom]

5. scooters

and Anna Nicole

[ohiosmith]

7. Scooters what?

[KitchenWitch]

2. I could do my snarky stand-up routine!

:)

[ohiosmith]

4. I've caught your act. Tried and true. You're in..

[Oeditpus Rex]

6. My sig pic, which is an Austin Lounge Lizard,

shall perform songs about Kafka and Orwell for you.

[ohiosmith]

8. Is there an accordion player? We could use an accordion player.

[Oeditpus Rex]

19. Not as a regular thing, no

The bluegrass essentials — guitar, bass, mandolin, banjo, pedal steel, tuba, glockenspiel.

[ohiosmith]

22. No banjo? People like banjos.

[Oeditpus Rex]

36. Need more coffee?

> guitar, bass, mandolin, banjo, pedal steel, tuba, glockenspiel. <

[ohiosmith]

40. Oh good. There is a banjo. People like banjos. You sure you can't get an accordion?

[Oeditpus Rex]

51. Only if they're on the bill with these guys

[ohiosmith]

52. Sorry. Those guys want to be paid.

[ohiosmith]

53. Sorry. Those guys want to be paid.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

9. I will hang my best pictures on the walls

of the auditorium!

:bounce: :bounce:

[ohiosmith]

10. Nothing too risque, OK?

[LSK]

11. I can tell a certain joke while eating popcorn

Over and over again...

[ohiosmith]

12. Let's hear it.

:popcorn:

[LSK]

17. ok....

This guy from Sao Paulo goes to Lisbon. It's Friday and he wants to buy a book but does not have enough money on him. He asks in the hotel:
" Will the shops close tomorrow?"
" No", he was told.

Next day he goes to three or four bookshops and finds them all closed. Back in the hotel he remonstrates with the receptionist:

" You told me the shops here would not shut on Saturday."

" Of course I did. They shut on Friday evening !"

:popcorn:

[ohiosmith]

21. Could you tell it using a Rabbi, Priest and Baptist Minister?

[LSK]

23. no, but once a duck walked into a bar...

[ohiosmith]

25. uh huh

:popcorn:

[LSK]

31. and says to the bar tender "I'll have a beer".

:popcorn:

[ohiosmith]

33. yeah

:popcorn:

[LSK]

34. The bartender says "Hey! where did you come from?"

:popcorn:

[ohiosmith]

35. OK!

:popcorn:

[LSK]

37. The duck says "I'm working the construction site across the street".

:popcorn:

[ohiosmith]

39. "construction site across the street" go ahead.

:popcorn:

[LSK]

42. And the bartender says,

:popcorn:

[ohiosmith]

43. he says.....

:popcorn:

[LSK]

44. Well why are you working construction when you could be making millions in the circus?

:popcorn:

[ohiosmith]

45. yeah....

:popcorn:

[LSK]

46. And the duck said "What would the circus want with a brick laying duck?"

:popcorn:

[ohiosmith]

47. ...brick laying duck.....

:popcorn:

[LSK]

48. thats it, do you need another one?

:popcorn:

[ohiosmith]

49. Oh! I get it.

Good one. Can you work in a Canadian, Mexican and American.

[LSK]

50. I dont know, let me consult my staff..

:popcorn:

[ohiosmith]

54. Great. If that doesn't work for you, maybe include an Eskimo. People like stuff with Eskimos.

[LSK]

56. well, I dont know, it might be kinda long...

:popcorn:

[ohiosmith]

58. Maybe you can shorten it by taking out the duck and bartender.

[LSK]

61. how many is a brazilian?

:popcorn:

[ohiosmith]

64. A brazillian what? Eskimos, Rabbis, Ducks, what?

[LSK]

67. Yes - its a hoot, isnt it!

:popcorn:

[underpants]

68. I don't get it

:shrug:

[Midlodemocrat]

13. I shall sing for you.

Doing my Cher impersonation. Trust me, it's golden.

[ohiosmith]

14. In costume?

[Midlodemocrat]

15. Um, not that one.

Trust me, even the lounge isn't ready to see moi in that get up.

[Kali]

16. I can flare my nostrils at will.

[ohiosmith]

18. Who's Will?

[Phillycat]

20. I can curl my tongue and play tambourine.

At the same time, even.

[ohiosmith]

24. Sounds like a show stopper. Can you play the tambourine with your tongue?

That would knock em dead.

[Phillycat]

26. Um...I'll work on it!

I know I can play other things with my tongue...

We're getting into a weird area here...

[ohiosmith]

27. Let's limit the weirdness. That's why we have matcom.

[billyskank]

62. At the same time??

I don't believe you. Nobody can do that.

[ohiosmith]

63. What do you think? An audition tape maybe?

[billyskank]

65. Certainly. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

[ohiosmith]

66. Agreed. We need a talent coordinator. Interested?

[billyskank]

69. Certainly. My great lalent lies in

coordinating talent.

[Phillycat]

71. True story!

I'll be submitting my youtube tape any minute now. :D

[ohiosmith]

72. You know of course that your future in the theater career could hinge on your presentation?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

28. i can bellydance.

[ohiosmith]

29. You are definitely in.

[sniffa]

30. i'LL free styLe

and depending on accompanying beat, i may even bust a move.

[ohiosmith]

32. Do you have an accordion?

[sniffa]

38. actuaLLy, i do

i break it out from time to time to punish bi-baby.

[ohiosmith]

41. Excellent. Can you bust a move with it?

[Hugin]

55. Oh! Oh! Can I heckle from the balcony?

That'd be SO cool!

:D

[ohiosmith]

57. You will do so at your own peril. Our security personnel are instructed to forcibly eject

hecklers from the premises, beat them soundly about the head and torso and leave them in the alley behind the Lounge to reflect upon their inappropriate behavior.

[Hugin]

59. Drat... The only other talent I have is eating peas with a fork.

I'm pretty good at that, I've been told.

*kicks at ground*

[ohiosmith]

60. Peas with a fork? You could be the headliner.

[underpants]

70. "Die bitch, why don't you just die."

[ohiosmith]

74. People love dramatic readings. Can you play the accordion?

[underpants]

76. No

but I can do an uncanny Kermit the Frog voice as well as a really spooky Grinch impression.

[ohiosmith]

77. A dramatic reading with the Kermit voice is a sure fire winner.

[SOteric]

73. I can twirl the baton in skimpy little outfits, or I can read poetry in Italian.

Your call.

[ohiosmith]

75. Can you twirl the baton in skimpy little outfits and read poetry in Italian at the same time?

[billyskank]

78. We'll go with the outfits.

[ohiosmith]

79. Our Talent Coordinator has spoken.