Permit me to mope a little?

[LaraMN]

I had a meeting with Jack's therapists (Physical, occupaional, speech, special-ed, and school psychologist) today, for his bi-yearly evaluation report. I'm used to these things; we've been doing them since he was a baby, and I know they're full of positive and negative information. I'm usually fine through them, and I was today, as well.
I got home and started reading through the paperwork, and it stung a bit. I agree with most of their assessments of Jack's present capabilities and deficiencies, but it was really hard to read phrases like, "severely delayed," and to see, for the first time, some assessment of his IQ.

I am well aware of his disabilities; I live with them every day, but I'm used to seeing past them, not focusing on them, and reading the assessments made me cry (for the first in a very long time) about it all. Sometimes I forget that he's really that "different," because in the ways that matter most to me, he isn't.

I'll have a little, bitty, pity party, and move along. I always do.

[LeftyMom]

1. .

:hug:

[LaraMN]

9. ..

:hug:
Thank-you.

[Midlodemocrat]

2. I'm sorry. But, I must disagree.

No one with such a beautiful smile or gorgeous little face could be said to be 'severely delayed'.

He's seeing things differently. That's all. And, I'll bet you a million dollars, he sees Heaven when he sleeps.


:hug:

[LaraMN]

7. Thanks, sweetie.

I also don't really see how they can assess the IQ of a not-yet four year old, who can't/won't really speak much, and is incredibly prone to NOT indicate what he knows, when tested. I know I shouldn't let it get to me. :hug:

[LouisianaLiberal]

43. I don't know if this will help

At three years old, my brother said nothing. My mother had him tested, and she was told that the tests couldn't identify his problem. Just before he turned four, he started singing "Little ducky donald" and wouldn't stop. Ever (or so it seemed at the time). At six, his IQ was tested at 143(and like you, I wondered how one properly tests a six year old's IQ) He's now one of the smartest people I know.

Again, I have no idea if my brother's situation in any way mirrors your son's. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[KitchenWitch]

3. Oh honey!

:hug:

[LaraMN]

10. Thanks, hon.

:hug:
I'll get over it; I just needed to vent a little.

[Redbear]

4. Thank you for (in your sadness) reminding us about what is truly important.

This is such a touching line:

"Sometimes I forget that he's really that "different," because in the ways that matter most to me, he isn't."

[LaraMN]

11. You're welcome.

He's a sweet, crazy, and whether the report says so or not, clever little guy.

[Hugin]

5. :hug:

My folks went through that with my Brother.

No explanations needed for me.

:hug:

[LaraMN]

13. I hear ya.

:hug:
Thanks. :)

[NewWaveChick1981]

6. Here's a hug, Lara...

:hug: :hug: :hug: That sucks. I do have to tell you, though, that doctors can be wrong. You've seen what Jack's capable of, and I know there is no other person more qualified to assess him than you. :)

I've seen your pics of Jack, and he's anything but "severely delayed." :grr: He's a bright, sweet kid. :)

[LaraMN]

14. The "severe" delay refers to his expressive language skills,

which, I know, have been VERY slow to develop. He'll get there, though. I will MAKE HIM!:rofl:
Really, I believe he'll be able to speak a fair amount, it's just going to take alot of effort for him to get there.

[NewWaveChick1981]

My niece has Asperger's Syndrome, and her language skills

were delayed until she was about five. However, she's smart as a whip and (I think) just wasn't ready to verbalize to the rest of the world. :P She could read before she could walk, but she wouldn't talk.

He WILL get there! :)

[Spider Jerusalem]

23. That's not Asperger's Syndrome, then.

One of the diagnostic criteria for Asperger's Syndrome is that there's no language delay (that's one of the things that makes it a separate diagnostic category from autism and other pervasive developmental disorders; the validity of the differentiation is questionable, though). That's either autism or "Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified". Psychologists will sometimes tell parents "Asperger's Syndrome" instead of "autism" because it's perceived as easier to take.

(I've Asperger's myself, and have read quite extensively on AS, autism, and related subjects, so I know what I'm talking about here.)

[JVS]

8. .

:hug:

[LaraMN]

15. Thanks.

:hug: <-- There's no such thing as "too many" of those. :)

[kmla]

12. Hugs to ya, Lara.

:hug:

And here's an extra one for Jack!

:hug:

[LaraMN]

16. Aw, thanks!

I'll give Jack's to him when he wakes up from his nap. :)

[redwitch]

17. you are a great mom.

:hug:

[LaraMN]

18. I fed my kids chicken nuggets for lunch for the third day in a row.

They might beg to differ with you.
:rofl:

[Midlodemocrat]

28. Oh, yeah? I can SO top that.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6160988


At least yours are young enough to have a chance. Mine? No hope at all.

[redwitch]

42. i could top that.

kraft macaroni and cheese anyone? When my kids were little that was my standby! you are STILL a great mom even if you are not June Cleaver!

[Midlodemocrat]

19. She sure is. An incredibly devoted mom.

The MN kids are very lucky.







Unlike the poor, unsuccessful Midlos.

[Oeditpus Rex]

20. Evaluations: cold, clinical, heartless

That kid's got more love in him than all those therapists combined could ever hope to have.

Tell them, "Evaluate this."

:hug:

[LaraMN]

21. Aw, I'm not mad at them.

They love him, too. They have to fill out requisite forms and conduct necessary screenings and tests, in order to maintain his qualification for early intervention and services. The system just isn't terribly user-friendly or empathetic in nature.

[Midlodemocrat]

24. As someone who once performed those evaluations, you are absolutely right.

They are designed to give you the worst case.

I remember when I was a child study meeting and everyone was going on and on about this one child's 'deficiencies" :eyes: his mom and dad were just devastated. She was almost in tears.

From that point on, I started out my evalution-finding meetings with the good stuff and tempered the bad.

People with a disabled child aren't stupid. They know what the child can and can't do. What's wrong with infusing a little optimism and hope into the setting?

[Oeditpus Rex]

33. I had a bunch of 'evaluations' in kindergarten and fifth grade

Not a damned one of 'em revealed anything about me.

All they did was reinforce my mom's belief that there was something "wasn't right" with me. :eyes:

[VenusRising]

48. Wasn't right?

or Isn't right?

:rofl:

[LaraMN]

52. Thanks to everyone for all the hugs and sweetness!

I feel much better.
I read a section of the report that claimed that Jack doesn't imitate physical postures demonstrated to him, and then I watched him mirror every movement of a character in a scene from a favorite movie (Monsters, Inc), as though he had the "choreography" of it memorized.

I'm just going to stick with the tactics I've employed thus far; I'll have reasonable expectations for him, but I'll try not to assume limits to his capabilities/potential that I just can't know for certain.
More than once, I've guessed that he didn't know, or wasn't capable of something, and then he proved to me otherwise.

I thought about it, and realized that what I've always praised my other kids most profoundly for are aspects of character, humanity, and kindness. Those are the things I want them all to develop most, and Jack is doing just fine with those things. We'll just work on the other elements until they fall into place as much as there is room for them to do so.

:)

[Burma Jones]

22. Oh Jeez, My wife and I have been through this with our now 9 year old son

So often all I wanted to do was to just chuck all that away and sit down and play with him. The services and evaluations were worthwhile......but depressing.

Well, anyway, he's in third grade and he's doing exceptionally well, despite being "severely delayed" in his speech development, and he used to be REALLY different, now he's just odd..... To me the most important thing was to be patient and make sure I wasn't neglecting his little sister.....We started when he was booted out of Montessori school at 2 1/2 years of age. Fortunately, we lived in a place with very good services (Westchester County, NY)....Just keep giving him your love and it'll be OK..

[LaraMN]

26. Your son sounds like he's doing great!

That's awesome!

There are lots of comments about all the things that Jack has improved on, in the report, but it's the *bad* stuff that gets me, naturally. I think part of my discontent stems from the fact that I know *real* school is not that far off, and I AM scared about that.

[Burma Jones]

35. Don't be scared

Easy to say......


We were scared too, but Jake handled it well. I think he responded well to his Kindergarten teacher because she was authoritative and set firm behavior rules that were easy to understand and follow. Jake had speech and occupational therapy until last December. So far, so good.....

What I am most thankful for is that, instead of seeing bad behavior, I saw a child that deserved some extra attention and patience..I have respect and affection for anyone that goes through this with such obvious dedication, you rule in my book.

[Sanity Claws]

25. I don't know what to say

so let me give you a hug. :hug:

[LaraMN]

27. I'll take it.

Thank you!
:)

[Starbucks Anarchist]

29. For you and Jack:

:hug:

[mainegreen]

30. What is IQ? Is he nice? Is he kind? Do you love each other?

Then what else is there? :shrug:
Life is about being able to enjoy it. If you both can do that, then you're both lucky.
:hug:

[TheBaldyMan]

31. I think you said it all in the phrase...

"I'm used to seeing past them, ... Sometimes I forget that he's really that "different,"

You know him better than any therapist so I'd put more store on what you say about your son than a report.

btw you want to have a bit of a wallow in self-pity go ahead. You will always have a shoulder to cry on here in the lounge.

[zanne]

32. With a mom like you, he'll do just fine.

I'm sure it hurts to see negative things on paper about someone you love more than anything. If it's any consolation, he's already better off than alot of kids because of you.:hug:

[huskerlaw]

34. Awww, Lara

:hug:

That can't be easy to hear or to read, but what Jack "lacks" (for lack of a better word), he more than makes up for in that amazing personality of his.

I've obviously never met him, but I can tell just from his pictures that he lights up an entire room just by walking into it. He seems compassionate and caring. And really, that means a hell of a lot more than a speech delay.

A :hug: for you. And one for Jack... :hug:

[skygazer]

36. Ah, that scientific clinical phrasing

It has its uses, or course, but it only sees so much. As for "different" - well, hell, we're all different in our own little ways. Some of those ways are more obvious than others but the world is a richer place for our diversity. :hug:

[NC_Nurse]

37. I remember those evals...

I've read many about my son. They do break your heart when you know they've got so much in them that others can't see.
Even when you KNOW it's truly how they function...

Take heart, the traits you see in Jack will eventually flower. My son has Asperger's. He has really matured and finally figured out the social codes that other people
intuitively grasp. He's in college, he has friends and a girlfriend, and he seems to be happy *fingers crossed*.

I remember crying over a few of those meetings/reports where they said he was "socially isolated" and "slow to process" and all the other issues that he had.

What matters is that your son is a great kid and YOU know it. It may take the rest of the world a while to see it. You're a great mom! :hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

38. You're a great mom...

And I'd be willing to bet that, while elements of his IQ are being assessed as "severely delayed", there are other areas of Jack's development that are actually quite advanced. the only problem is that those who are paid to assess such things only focus on the most common milestones.

What do they know anyway? Bunch o' weenies!

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[SOteric]

39. Is there anyone on Earth whose hugs are sweeter than Jack's?

No.

Do they have a test to measure for that and a formulary to assess it? No.


Obviously, they're not focused on what's important.

:hug:

[wildhorses]

40. you wanna know what is really different about jack?

he has the best momma in the whole wide world...what a lucky, special kid!!!:hug:

[DainBramaged]

41. Know that they are playing cover their asses

And know, just by your posting here, you are the best Mom you can be. Love will overcome the "deficiencies" they proclaim. It always does.:hug:

[Kali]

44. I have a strange take on this.

Please don't take this wrong...I extend a hug for the emotional toll those evaluations inflict on you, but they are what gets the needed services provided.

I am raising a niece who is slightly delayed. She needs extra help. I had to fight to get those "negative" evaluations so that the school would do its job. She now is almost through high school looking forward to graduating an going on to college (with continued services) - none of which would have happend without those "negative" documantationse.

View them as a passport to services and assitance to enable others to help him reach the potential you know he is capable of. The most remarkable change happened right after 5th grade when she suddenly became a READER! We worked and struggled for years, then all of a sudden she was getting in trouble for reading too much!

[reyd reid reed]

45. Y'know what....

when it comes right down to it, you know him better than anyone else on earth and it's what *you* know that counts. All the numbers and the scores and the assessments in the world won't change what you know -- everything about that boy that makes him unique and loving and special and HIM.

Give him a hug and a kiss for me.

And one for you, too.

:hug::hug:

[China_cat]

46. Try thinking about it this way

Those 'bad' things on Jack's report are the things that are going to get you and him the extra help needed to overcome them...the 'good' things aren't. So, in a way, the bad stuff is good.

I hope that maybe that will help take the sting out of some of their words.

[Omphaloskepsis]

47. I just thought I should relay my story.

I'm lazy and need a smoke. Prepare for horrific spelling and grammar. I couldn't talk until I was four. No doctor could find the problem. My grandma called me retarded to my mom. That didn't go over well with my mother. After years of looking for the problem they found a tumor in my larynx. After they took it out I started speaking in a few weeks. I'm not sure how that applies to you (I was going somewhere, I lost track)? But it was a lot of work and I will submit the comment anyways.... I need a smoke.

[VenusRising]

49. Hugs to you and Jack, LauraMN.

:hug::hug:

Don't let it get you too down. It's your view and Jack's view that matter most.

[AllegroRondo]

50. I just read this little story, and thought you might like it

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x161638

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

51. Permission always granted.

:hug: :hug: :hug: