The Simpsons Quote Throwdown Thread!

[short bus president]

I'm looking for who said it, and in what context. Please feel free to add more as boredom dictates.

"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"

"To pronounce it correctly, I'd have to... pull out your tongue"

"The strong must protect the sweet"

"I trust you all remembered to bring in your implements of destruction?"

"No, no, dig up, stupid!"

"There's very little meat in these gym mats."

"Ah, he's alright, but he's no bowl of Special K!"

"We love him, he loves we, we're the leaders family."

[htuttle]

1. "Hi...Umm ... Let me have some of those porno magazines..."

"...Large box of condoms... A bottle of ol' Harper... A couple of those panty shields and some illegal fireworks and one of those disposable enemas.

Eh, make it two."

[binaryline]

3. "Gee, I don't know what you've got planned for tonight, Homer...

but count me out!" ;-)

[newyawker99]

54. Congrats binaryline!! 200 posts

:toast:

[underpants]

49. "My uncle still has MY nose"-Homer

I want to make this very clear...
I THOUGHT THE COP WAS A PROSTITUTE!
-Homer

Abe Simpson
COOT

Willie Nelson
Musician/Taxpayer

[vi5]

2. "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't -.........

...it's that women should stick to sports they are good at like hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

"Hmmm....I'm against his Bart killing policy but in favor of his Selma killing policy"

(To rancid sandwich that he just threw away after it made him sick)" Ohh.....How could I stay mad at you?"

So many more but I'm drawing a blank right now.

[Dude_CalmDown]

4. "Tastes like burning." - Ralph

Don't remember the context though.

[hotphlash]

32. The kids are stranded on a deserted island and Ralph eats

some poisonous berries.

[slutticus]

33. He was eating...

...some berries they found in the "Lord of the Flies" episode

[dolo amber]

53. Same episode...

The stepford-looking twins Sherri and Terri say "We're so hungry we could eat ARBY'S!"

Another personal fave: When the film festival comes to town and people are auditioning for the part of Mr. Burns in his movie...all the characters do their impression of him wringing his hands menacingly and saying "EX-cellent"....Homer says "ex-ACTLY"...:D:D

[BigMcLargehuge]

5. Stupid sexy Flanders...

For your information, I'm the boy's father...
The drunken gambler?
Why yes, and who might you be?

All I have now is sperm in a cup

And soon they will create a board with a nail so large it will destroy them all!

Three prawns is not a festival

Your crazy friend has never heard of "the food chain" believe me, if that cow had the chance he'd eat you and everyone you love

The goggles... They do nothing!

Colonel Klink! Why have you forsaken me!!!!

I can do this ALL DAY LONG... Bring it on

[short bus president]

8. "I'm a well-wisher

in that I don't wish you any specific harm."

uh, I mean:

"You have the right to remain fabulous!"

[BigMcLargehuge]

21. Nanananananana-nanananan LEADER!!!!

That man ate all our shrimp, and two plastic lobsters...
Arrr, tis not a man tis a remorseless eating machine!

Ooops... My heart stopped... .... .... uh, there it goes!

Let's do it Homer... LET'S ORDER ROOM SERVICE!!!

Oh Mindy you came and you gave without scraping, oh Andy...
Dad?'
Uh.. Lisa?
Why are you singing about a girl named Mindy... or a boy named Andy?
*Think of a convincing lie!
Actually, I have a small part in a Broadway musical, it's not much but it's a start...
*Bravo... clap-clap-clap

Oh fiddle dee dee (shudder), that will require a tetanus shot (shudder) but I am not going to swear. I am going to TEAR THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN!

Look at Flander's house, it's on fire too, and he's a regular Charlie Church... (rain puts out fire only on Flander's roof)

Ok Gordie, strap on your skates, you're going in!

P.S. I'm gay...

Welcome to dumpsville, population you

Thank you giant beer!

[short bus president]

23. "Oh Margie,

you came and you found me a turkey, on my weekend away from work-ee."

[BigMcLargehuge]

24. What's a matter Homer, ain't you never seen a naked chick on a clam before

A solar eclipse, ahh the celestial dance continues...
Anyone wanna sit next to this guy?

Bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors... What's that? You want me to drink you?

Who is this gastropod?
Homer Simpson sir, one of your fork and spoon operators from sector 7G

Disco Stu doesn't advertise!

[short bus president]

25. "Hey, maybe there is no cabin.

Maybe it's one of them metaphorical things."


"Oh yeah, yeah... Like maybe the cabin is the place inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork."


"Ohhh! ... Nah, they said there would be sandwiches."

[BigMcLargehuge]

29. I didn't become the world's richest man by writing a lot of checks

After completing our survey of this plant we regret to announce the following layoffs: Homer Simpson. That is all.

Hello... Don't be alarmed, I just like to review all employee loan applications personally. Are you familiar with this state's rather stringent usury laws?
U-su-ry?
Ha, must be a word I made up... Now then, five thousand dollars... Joining the horsie set eh Simpson?... You're not going to eat it are you?

Time to take out the trash! (throws Patty and Selma to the lawn)

[newyawker99]

55. Congrats short bus president!! 300 posts

:toast:

[tom_paine]

6. WOO-HOO!

"You mocked me when I bought ticketmaster, Smithers. 'Noo one will pay 100% service charge.' you said.

"Yes, Mr. Burns it ensure a good mix of the rich and the ignorant, sir."

===================================================

"Wars, famine, disease...isn't there anything in this world left that's good and pure?"

"Sure there is, Marge."

"Is it Christian Love?"

"pppppppphhhhh...NO! It's CANDY!"

====================================================

"Although I spent 25 years as an elementary school principal, I've always remained a small-time hustler at heart."

====================================================

"Now, Lisa, I know you're frustrated, but look at what would happen if we did as you asked. Then the stupider students would be in here, furrowing their brows in a vane attempt to understand the situation."

[ret5hd]

7. homer, to bart, after learning he shoplifted:

didn't you learn anything from that guy who gives out sermons every week...you know, captain whats-his-name.

[Goldust]

39. Similiar situation

"Why do you think I took you to all those 'Police Academy' movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anyone laughing, did you?"

[ScreamingMeemie]

9. Bosoms....heheeheheehehe....bosoms.

[short bus president]

12. "Seymour! Are you looking at naked ladies?"

"No, mother!"

...


"You sissy!"

[catzies]

10. "Are you the creator of Hi and Lois,"

"because you are making me laugh."

"Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional. I can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go, go, for the good of the city."

[short bus president]

15. "You kidnapped me.

I remember it distinctly with the grabbing and the duct-taping and the tennis ball in the mouth that hurt me."

[catpower2000]

20. Sounds like Professor Frink, but I don't know for sure. nt

[short bus president]

27. you are correct, ma'am.

I flex my love muscle in your honor.

[catpower2000]

34. Um, wow!

Never got that before. :)

Cat

[Doctor Pedantic]

11. Here's a Timely One

"I like my beer cold, my television loud, and my homosexuals fuh-LAMING!"

[newyawker99]

56. Hi Doctor Pedantic!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[JVS]

13. Ok

"The strong must protect the sweet"
That was when a sugar truck crashed and Homer got a shit load of free sugar and debris. He was guarding the sugar in the backyard and as he slipped into a fatigued and paranoid state he said the quote

"I trust you all remembered to bring in your implements of destruction?"
Bart was having a dream about the last day of school. At the end of the day Skinner dismisses school and says the quote. Mass destruction fantasy follows

[short bus president]

16. yup and yup

or "indeedily-doodily, neighborino!"

[Ishoutandscream]

14. I tune in to the Simpson's to watch my favorite news anchor

Kent Brockman. Or as he called himself in the 60's, Kent Brockelstien.

"How can I prove we're live? Penis!"

[short bus president]

18. "I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords."

[4_Legs_Good]

17. "To pronounce it correctly, I'd have to... pull out your tongue"

This was one of the space aliens (ala Kodos & Kang) who was asked what his name was (I think). It was definitely in Treehouse of Terror I, the second story the "How to cook for forty humans" one.

How about

"Well we learned one thing! War doesn't solve anything"
"Except all America's problems!!"

david

[short bus president]

19. Alas

it wasn't Kang or Kodos, but "the Chef" whose name could only be pronounced through de-tongueification. But you're redeemed by stumping me on context with your homerism.

[ScreamingMeemie]

22. It really gives you an appreciation for how precious life is...

(massive synchronized puff on cigarettes)

[Robb]

26. Homer on the Internet

"Ooh! The internet is on computers now!!"

"Internet? Is that thing still around?"

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

28. "Oh, my God!"

"Oh, my God! The dead have risen and they're voting Republican!"

[Boudicea]

30. More Homerisms re Internet

Some emergency prompts Marge to ask Homey, "how are Bart & Lisa going to get home from school?" Homer shrugs, "I don't know, the internet."

[hotphlash]

31. "BUT I DON'T EVEN BELIEVE IN JEEBUS"

n/t

[slutticus]

35. "These are not tears....

We are vomiting from our eyes. "



Kang and Kodos responding to accusations that they are emotionally touched by a video collage about why humanity is beautiful.

[elcondor]

36. "There's very little meat in these gym mats."

This was said by Lunchlady Doris. It was in the PTA Disbands (one of their finer episodes). The situation was Doris and Principal Skinner were grinding up gym mats (a la ground meat) to feed to the students for lunch in an effort to save money. Skinner's penny-pinching ways eventually led to the teachers going on strike. (The infamous "purple monkey diswasher" line was also in this episode.)

I really watch this show too much! :-)

[PunkinPi]

37. Here's one

"Nibbles, now chew through my ball sack."

edit: here's another

"I think I just logged onto my internet."

[bocadem]

38. "Lisa needs braces... Dental Plan.....Lisa needs braces.."

And of course "Doh'eth!"

[David__77]

40. "I'm so mad, I could vote for Lyndon LaRouche!"

Homer said that, in the midst of uncovering a nefarious conspiracy. The Simpsons has a lot of high-brow political commentary in it.

[HEyHEY]

41. I'll throw down kinda

1: Grandpa
2: I'll say Doctor Hibbard
3:?
4: Skinner
5: Wiggum
6: Lunch lady Doris
7:the rest ??

[short bus president]

45. the last one

is actually Barney, the purple dinosaur. ;-)

[Richardo]

42. Todd Flanders: "I'm a torso!"

.

[geniph]

43. Five-day waiting period?! But I'm mad NOW!

my all-time favorite.

[Creamed Corn]

44. Edna Krabapple: "Embiggens?

I never heard that word before I moved to Springfield."

Ms. Hoover: "I don't know why. It's a perfectly cromulent word."

[short bus president]

46. makes me wanna

"wallow in my own crapulence."

[L.A.dweller]

47. Bart and Ralph are at an execution chamber

"Smell that Ralph, that's the smell of justice."

"It smells like hotdogs."

[Zero Gravitas]

48. Homer: I can explain everything!

I thought the COP was a PROSTITUTE!

---------------------------------------

Bart: She put a spell on me! (brainwashed) Must.. drop.. pantaloons.

---------------------------------------

Homer: Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

[short bus president]

57. PORNOGRAPHY!

I was out buying pornography.

[Sean Reynolds]

50. Various quotes from Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington

The episode where Krusty is elected to congress as a Republican.

Ralph: I'll give you a milk and 3 crayons for your house.
Real Estate Lady: It's a good deal. I advise you to take it.
Homer: Make it a chocolate milk and you got a deal.
Ralph: I'm walking away.

================
Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman, with a special live report from the headquarters of Krusty opponent John Armstrong. How can i prove we're live? Penis! Now heres the candidate..

================
Newscaster: Welcome to Fox News, your voice for evil
===============
Fox News Reporter: …And for the Democrats, this guy.
===============
Fox News Ticker:
... Pointless news crawls up 37 percent ... Do Democrats cause cancer? Find out at FOXNEWS.COM ... Rupert Murdoch: Terrific Dancer ... Dow down 5000 points ... Study: 92 percent of Democrats are gay ... JFK Posthumously joins Republican Party ... Oil slicks found to keep seals young, supple ...
Ticker during ending credits:
... Ashcroft declares breast of chicken sandwich "Obscene" ... Hillary Clinton Embarrasses self, nation ... Bible says Jesus favored capital-gains cut ... Only dorks watch CNN ... Jimmy Carter: Old, wrinkly, useless ... Brad Pitt + Albert Einstein = Dick Cheney ...
==============

That was one of the best episodes in a LONG time.

[mac56]

51. My all time favorite:

"Maybe one day someone will call me 'sir' without it being followed by, 'you're causing a scene'."

[AmandaRuth]

52. you'all know this one I am sure

but I enjoyed it when Lisa said

prayer: the last refuge of a scoundrel

[underpants]

58. Homer's t-shirt in mugshot" "Haig in '88"

Clasic.

[short bus president]

59. That, and the

"Ayatollah Assa-hola!" shirt were great.

[underpants]

60. and his pennants "Sports Television" and "Mental"

Those kill me.

The one NASCAR race that I went to I made a "Racin'" pennant and taped it to my antennnae.

[thehonesttruth]

61. some of my faves

please excuse the one's i have to paraphrase


"open face sandwich"
"sweet drunk talk"
"the painter's moved your desk, sir"
"what was i laughing about? oh yes, the mexican"
"thank you, steal again"
"what's the matter WITH you"
"save me jeebus"
"stop butlering yourself"
"snakes, natures quitters"
"do you want to know the horrible truth, or watch me hit some dingers?"

answers later

[tom_paine]

62. "You'll never find anything good about New York..."

"...if you only focus on the pimps and the CHUDs."
--Marge

[Catshrink]

63. Scripts here:

Check this out.... scripts from Simpsons episodes:

http://www.snpp.com/episodes.html