Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

Young-ish ladies or *really* special men; would you ever consider being a surrogate?

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU
 
LaraMN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 08:52 PM
Original message
Young-ish ladies or *really* special men; would you ever consider being a surrogate?
(referring to pregnancy, of course.)

I think I'd do it for my sister or my best friend, but not just anyone, and I'd have to be in good health, still.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
Nikia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 08:56 PM
Response to Original message
1. Only after having a couple of my own babies
I guess that I have to see what pregnancy is like first though to judge how big of a deal that it is for me.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 08:58 PM
Response to Original message
2. I would but
I have a history of miscarriage so I'm not a good canidate.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:01 PM
Response to Original message
3. I used to think it was something I would be willing to do. But now
that I'm pregnant with twins, my answer is NO -- pregnancy is *NOT* fun! :)

(Please keep in mind that I've got hyperemisis, which means "super can't stop puking a lot" and I tried to lower my meds this week; it didn't work, and I've been throwing up again. Sigh. 24 weeks and STILL puking. Yuck!)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LaraMN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:10 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. Oh, gawd!
I puked until about six months in with my second baby (and then again for the last month). It was downright depressing. I suppose all those lovely symptoms are amplified in a twin pregnancy. Hang in there- healthy baby and momma vibes to you!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:52 PM
Response to Reply #5
12. My mom had that too -- at some level part of me was "convinced"
that I would be done at 24 weeks just like my mom. Sigh. Obviously I was wrong; we ended up INCREASING my medications today instead (after I unexpectedly started vomiting in the shower today -- YUCK!). Fortunately the babies are doing okay; they are KICKY! :) And thank you for the good wishes! :)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:03 PM
Response to Original message
4. I might.
I have a pretty strong body and my pregnancy went very well. A tad bit of that high blood pressure; but nothing big at all.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LaraMN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:12 PM
Response to Reply #4
6. That's my feeling too- I had no major complications with my pregnancies
(except Jack's prenatal diagnosis with Downs- but that was an isolated issue). For someone I really care about, I think I'd consider it.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
blondeatlast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:19 PM
Response to Original message
7. I would if it was a close relative. My beloved 2nd cousin survived bone cancer
after nearly 6 years but the chemo destroyed her ability to have children, so my wonderful cousin acted as a surrogate.

Now this wonderful young woman and her busband have a beautiful child. She's an absolutely terrific mom and so deserving.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SeattleGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:24 PM
Response to Original message
8. I actually offered to be a surrogate mother for one of my sisters.
Edited on Fri Dec-29-06 09:26 PM by SeattleGirl
She thought I was kidding at first, but I was absolutely serious. She and my BIL wanted a baby so badly, and they were not able to conceive. I finally convinced her that I was serious, but in the end, she turned me down, which was her choice. But I absolutely would have done that for her.

Edited to add: I am not "youngish" any more; this took place a number of years ago.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
RevolutionaryActs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:30 PM
Response to Original message
9. No.
I personally can not imagine bringing a child into this world, when there are so many children without homes and families already. So I would sooner adopt, than have my own child. So if I'm not going to have a child of my own, there's no way I'd do it for someone else. I don't know if that's selfish or not?

Plus I think the whole ordeal would just be too weird. Personally. So there ya go.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
QMPMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:38 PM
Response to Original message
10. I don't handle pregnancies very well, so I wouldn't have offered
to be a surrogate. I would donate my eggs if a good friend or sibling needed that. I talked over with my husband the possibility of donating my eggs to my step-sister, who, due to genetic reasons, shouldn't get pregnant with her own bio children. Had her husband at the time been a more stable person, we'd have talked it over with her.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ilsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:45 PM
Response to Original message
11. I have worked with a woman who was a surrogate (twins) for a
Edited on Fri Dec-29-06 09:47 PM by Ilsa
friend she had known for a long time. There was no biological relationship between the surrogate and the babies. She also pumped milk for the babies for several months as if they were her own kids. Huge sacrifice on her part to give her friend children and endure a pregnancy with twins. And the surrogate was married with kids and working. I wonder how her husband felt.

I couldn't do it. Pregnancy and childbirth were wretched experiences, IMO.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Xipe Totec Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:54 PM
Response to Original message
13. I'd have to be really drunk
and even then, I don't think it would work.

wrong plumbing.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 09:59 PM
Response to Original message
14. there is no such thing as a surrogate
sorry the woman who carries the babies is the mother as far as i'm concerned, i suppose one day the rich women won't even carry their own brats, plenty don't now apparently

there are no shortage of children in the world, and i don't really support fertility research in any case, if you can't get pregnant, it is no great tragedy and it is in fact a huge savings of time, money, and energy, but some people are just determined to be miserable in this life

no i wouldn't be a surrogate for my dearest friend and i think she'd be a jerk to even ask that of me or anyone

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LaraMN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:13 PM
Response to Reply #14
22. Really? So an adoptive mother isn't really a "mother," then?
Edited on Fri Dec-29-06 10:19 PM by LaraMN
I think it is very much a tragedy to some women, when they want to and cannot conceive on their own. Whether or not to become a parent, and how one goes about doing so is an issue I wouldn't want to dictate the terms of, for anyone else.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:16 PM
Response to Reply #14
23. You're such a piece of work
do you come with a really good return policy?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
NC_Nurse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:05 PM
Response to Original message
15. No.


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:08 PM
Response to Original message
16. What's it pay?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:10 PM
Response to Reply #16
19. a few thousand dollars for 9 months work
like most "women's work" it pays for shit! or at least it used to, my information is old
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:41 PM
Response to Reply #16
29. I believe its about $35 to $40 thousand, which is really not that much
money for the risks involved. It is something only very special women can do, who put their own health at risk, take time away from their families, and then give an amazing gift to another family. It also comes with a heckuva lot of baggage for some women, especially if complications like post partum depression, etc. kick in. The "pay" is really just basic compensation for the expenses that pop up. For example, if you get put on bedrest, who watches your own kids, and takes care of your household responsibilities? Also, there are some SERIOUS issues that can impact a marriage (like long periods of celibacy!) that have to be discussed with a spouse very carefully.

I know one woman who did it for her sister-in-law; it caused some major problems in the family because the sister-in-law really had some personal demons about the situation, and did not stick to the agreements that were hammered out in advance (including helping with the childcare for the three other children when there were complications, or being supportive about breastfeeding because it was "her" baby -- breastfeed or pumping is good for helping to shrink the uterus). Also, when some serious post partum depression kicked in, the extended "in law" family was NOT supportive. It took several years before everything died down -- and in this particular case, my friend had been doing it FOR FREE because it was family.

I am very supportive of families who make this choice, but it isn't an easy one. The rewards, however, are worth it for the folks I know who traveled this road. My friend was very proud of how she helped bring her niece into the world (even if her sister-in-law ended up being a world class b*tch for a while). She is one of the most amazing people I know.... :)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
leeroysphitz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:08 PM
Response to Original message
17. For me it would really have to be a whole "Big Chill" Kevin kein
sort of thing for a beloved friend with my S.O. completely on board and even then I could foresee weirdness...
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Left Is Write Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:10 PM
Response to Original message
18. No way, no how.
Edited on Fri Dec-29-06 10:12 PM by Left Is Write
Edited to add: most people who are responding "no" are saying so because pregnancy is difficult or unpleasant for them; I actually enjoyed pregnancy and wouldn't mind that part of it - it would be giving up the baby after carrying and birthing it that I would have the problem with.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:10 PM
Response to Original message
20. No (nt)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
JustABozoOnThisBus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:13 PM
Response to Original message
21. Explain the "really" special men option ...
It sounds painful, impossible, or would require vast quantities of EVOO.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LaraMN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:16 PM
Response to Reply #21
24. Just leaving the door wiiide open!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Oeditpus Rex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:17 PM
Response to Original message
25. I'm not that special


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:21 PM
Response to Original message
26. i might for a really close friend
but i'd be a bit concerned about how i would handle it when it came time to give the baby to its family. i can't imagine carrying a baby for nine months and then having to let it go.

that said, pregnancy is one of the things in life i want to experience but i don't know that i really want kids
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Nicole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:36 PM
Response to Original message
27. No
I loved being pregnant so that wouldn't bother me. I just can't imagine handing over the baby I carried & gave birth to.

I would donate my eggs though.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Left Is Write Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:40 PM
Response to Reply #27
28. I couldn't even do that.
It's a moot point now that my eggs are past 40, but I'd still have trouble donating even eggs, knowing that the child wouldn't really be mine.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Nicole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:45 PM
Response to Reply #28
32. It's a moot point for me too
My eggs are older than your's.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LaraMN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:42 PM
Response to Reply #27
31. I'm the exact opposite!
:7

I'd have a hard time donating my eggs!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Nicole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:47 PM
Response to Reply #31
33. Really?
I think it would be easier for me, since I never held the eggs in my arms.

Or at least I would hope to hell I never held them 'cuz that might mean I extracted them myself. :crazy:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LaraMN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 11:08 PM
Response to Reply #33
34. Perhaps I'm sentimental about my DNA?
I don't know. :D
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Nicole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 11:11 PM
Response to Reply #34
35. Perhaps so
I guess I'm not. :)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ganeshji Donating Member (401 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 10:41 PM
Response to Original message
30. Yes.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 11:26 PM
Response to Original message
36. Nope.
Edited on Fri Dec-29-06 11:30 PM by BlueIris
I...don't think I can get into my reasons in great detail for fear of offending, but let's just say that I would hope that people who need to have a baby that badly will all consider raising a family in another way. Or even better, consider that there are many ways to be fulfilled in this world without raising your own biological child, without raising a child from infancy, or without raising children at all. Yes, I know there are many infertile couples for whom there is no other way apart from surrogacy to become parents, and I'm not totally unsympathetic to their pain (I would know more about the pain of infertility than most might assume) but if I were to be a surrogate, I would worry that I would be facilitating a kind of desperate entitlement mentality that I really don't want to encourage others to see as acceptable. Please don't flame me.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
dropkickpa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-29-06 11:59 PM
Response to Original message
37. I would
I loved being pregnant, and love being a mom, so I think, for someone that I loved, I could do it.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kat45 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-30-06 12:12 AM
Response to Original message
38. My friend's brother met his future wife when she was a surrogate.
Edited on Sat Dec-30-06 12:14 AM by notmyprez
She was being a surrogate for someone she knew. But I'd say it's an unusual situation to meet the woman you end up marrying while she's pregnant. He thought quite highly of her because she was doing this for someone.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Tue Oct 21st 2014, 11:10 PM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC