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Had another potential great night ruined by my shyness ask me anything

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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:07 AM
Original message
Had another potential great night ruined by my shyness ask me anything
Edited on Thu Jan-01-04 07:11 AM by JohnKleeb
My softspokenness helped too. :shrug:
*groan* in 2004 I gotta be more intialitor not shy dude.
I hope you all have a good year. It was ok instead of great.
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BritishHuman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:18 AM
Response to Original message
1. Many of us have been there...
At some point you just ball up the tatters of your self-esteem, throw caution to the wind and tell a <person of appropriate sex> that you think they're something special and were... uh... wondering if... that is, if they're not too busy... they might want to godosomethingsometimelikedinneroramovie?

Surprisingly often, it works.
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:21 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. See dude I've been shy for the longest time, its really hard for me to say
Thanks though, I appreciate but I know I need to intialiate, I need to intiliate, and you see I am a sigh coward, I am afraid. I realized last night though why I am not seeing my friends as much though, because the mocking and shit, and the fact on girls they are puritans and shit.
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BritishHuman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:37 AM
Response to Reply #2
11. just remember, "really hard" is not the same as "impossible"
Don't beat yourself up too much. I was like you for ages - eventually you'll either have a cathartic "ask someone out" moment, or you'll find that slipped into a relationship with some girl simply by being yourself.
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moz4prez Donating Member (591 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:27 AM
Response to Original message
3. forget about romantic pursuit
Edited on Thu Jan-01-04 07:28 AM by moz4prez
it's all a terrible, terrible sham. what is pleasure, anyway, and who can give thought to it when with every breath drawn YOU DIE A LITTLE

but you're sixteen, right? hmm. at sixteen young girls are still excited about the prospects of meeting boys and having sex. after college? I don't know, it's like they're just seeking a provider, or someone to protect from the harsh realities of the meat market.

brush up on your charm. sometimes charm is an adequate substitute for good looks. this piece of advice, however, is only applicable if you are ugly.

come to terms with how pathetic you are, if in fact you are pathetic. take advantage of your failings, and arouse women's sympathies. unlike us, the fairer sex can meet aggression and cynicism with empathy, and compassion. women are infinitely better than men.

best of luck to you!

edit: I forgot! If you are good-looking, it's of the utmost importance that you FEIGN CONFIDENCE
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:30 AM
Response to Reply #3
5. I just felt like had I been less shy and less softspoken (I got a soft voi
ce)
I would have had a better time. I am not exactly looking for a date really more so a person to talk with and I feel I blew it,
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moz4prez Donating Member (591 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:31 AM
Response to Reply #5
8. bah! as the Smiths once sang
Give in to lust, give up to lust!
Oh, Heaven knows we'll soon be dust!
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moz4prez Donating Member (591 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:36 AM
Response to Reply #5
10. you know what you need? a fake ID
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:37 AM
Response to Reply #10
12. to make me over 21 or 18
:shrug:
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moz4prez Donating Member (591 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:40 AM
Response to Reply #12
13. well smoking cigarettes can make you appear more sophisticated
especially at 16!

alcohol will make you devastatingly handsome and intelligent!
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:48 AM
Response to Reply #13
14. Ive smoked and drank in the past
Not good habits, I tell the truth here, I dont wanna smoke but I have done it, same with alcohol but I am more leanant on it personally when it comes to it. I shouldn't do either too much, relatives have died of addictions to this stuff.
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buddhamama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:53 AM
Response to Reply #14
15. glad you're thinking straight, John
don't smoke or drink to appear more sophisticated
it doesn't work.

especially the drinking! if you can't handle the stuff you'll appear sloppy and 'stupid'.

actually you'll appear stupid for smoking too. and what if an interested party hates smoke and wouldn't dream of being with a smoker...?
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:00 AM
Response to Reply #15
16. I try
I had my first cig when I was a freshman, be honest here, I didnt like it that much. Alcohol is a little different for me, its ok. I've been down before, I wanted to start but usually I just listen to music.
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moz4prez Donating Member (591 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:01 AM
Response to Reply #14
17. Meh
at the very least, alcohol will make OTHER people devastatingly handsome, intelligent, and unthreatening!

disclaimer: my advice is categorically HORRIBLE
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:05 AM
Response to Reply #17
19. heh
I see.
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INTELBYTES Donating Member (881 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:20 AM
Response to Reply #17
30. Nahhh!!
I think your advice is excellent! After a read it I sparked up a fatty and chased it down with a Dos Equis. That was before breakfast too! (and I'm feeling much more sophisticated to boot!)
:smoke: :beer:
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ayeshahaqqiqa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:27 AM
Response to Original message
4. I like shy people
I meet them at Dances of Universal Peace meetings. Seems to be a safe venue for them, as we do simple circle dances singing songs in the different world religious traditions, and there doesn't have to be much talking, etc. Something about the Dances tends to relax everyone, and afterward even shy people like to talk. And what I find are that they are very sweet people. You might wish to check out the Dances, as it is a way to mingle with people in a safe and supportive environment.
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:31 AM
Response to Reply #4
7. Well as shown at the school homecoming dance I cant dance
Sad thing is, I think these girls I met there, I sorta know them, and I think they like me, but I don't say the right thing to them. Maybe I should hang with them more at the parties and hangouts. Damned aspergers sigh.
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buddhamama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:30 AM
Response to Original message
6. as a shy female
that may have had an easier time of it than you :shrug:
let me offer one small piece of insight/advice.

if the person is 'right' or cool (and you'll know, believe me! let your intuition guide you) you'll overcome that shyness and let your 'heart' speak.
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 07:31 AM
Response to Reply #6
9. Thanks
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NicoleM Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:03 AM
Response to Original message
18. What worked for a guy I know
who is really shy--find a girl you like. Get her email address. Email her. If she emails you back, email her again. Try to have a conversation about something you have in common. After a few days of that, if you feel like you're getting somewhere, give her your phone number and tell her to call sometime if she feels like it. If she calls you, there you go. If she doesn't, start over with a new girl.

The good thing about this approach is that by the time you're actually talking to her, you're more comfortable with her because of your email conversations. It's usually easier for shy people to communicate electronically because you can think before you hit send--you don't have to worry so much about saying something stupid.

The drawback is that it's hard to tell if she's viewing this as a "just friends" situation until you're in it a ways. But it's something to try.
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:05 AM
Response to Reply #18
20. I see thanks
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mdmc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:05 AM
Response to Original message
21. John, this is going to be easy for you
Either streak through the local mall, or go up to any girl working at the mall and talk to her. Tell she is pretty, and that you are shy. I am not sure what will happen, but you won't die. You will live and have the option to try again. So streak or talk, but posting here, amonst friends, won't help.
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:08 AM
Response to Reply #21
23. Not when you been shy your whole life, it wont be easy
Ahh its ok. I feel 2004 will be my year then again I said the same thing in 2003 ;), I kid, Ive gotten better in social situations.
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NicoleM Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:17 AM
Response to Reply #23
26. It sucks to be sixteen.
But someday you won't be sixteen anymore, and everything about your life will be better (except your metabolism).
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mdmc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:23 AM
Response to Reply #23
31. I've never been shy
but I have always suffered from depression, anxiety, and low self esteem. These things made it almost impossible for me to be successful in any arena in my life, except humor. You deal with it or it deals with you.
My friend Eddie has always been shy, by the way. He enjoys drinking beer and talking loud. He never got over it, but was excellent in sports, and works out every day. Girls come to him for his body.
There are many different ways to deal with shyness.
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mdmc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:14 AM
Response to Reply #21
24. oh, two other things
Get involved in you church and take a public speaking class at school. Drugs are mood altering chemicals; public speaking is a mood altering experience!
Always be truthful. Admit nerves, admit uncertainty; there is nothing more confident than the truth.
Each time it gets easier. The best moment of my life was after giving a speech!
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:15 AM
Response to Reply #24
25. church? my family isnt religious
Not sure if we have those classes.
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mdmc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:26 AM
Response to Reply #25
34. Maybe an English class
where giving an oral presentation is mandatory. Instead of church, is there a local young Dem club? I know that there is NOT a local young dem org active by you, Kleeb. Organizing Dems = defeating shyness!
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:30 AM
Response to Reply #34
39. Funny you should mention that
I though shy, little experienced, disorganized, and a moron plan to run for young dems president next year. I wanted to be in young dems this year but they never met :(.
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LARED Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:07 AM
Response to Original message
22. I was hopelessly shy with girls until about 23.
I got over it, Have been married twice, have three kids and look back and laugh.

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Robb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:17 AM
Response to Reply #22
27. Think about shyness differently...
...Think yourself as "one of the quiet ones".

Believe me, the "quiet ones" thing can be very attractive. ;)
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WillParkinson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:18 AM
Response to Original message
28. Welcome to the club, my friend...
I won't go to a NY party at a friends house because I'm too shy and nervous around people.

I didn't want to go to the People Pleasers of the Year award banquet for the same reason.

I'm GREAT when I'm one-on-one with someone. But get me in a group and I lose it.
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Kamika Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:18 AM
Response to Original message
29. one word
Edited on Thu Jan-01-04 08:26 AM by Kamika
Alcohol!
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WillParkinson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:24 AM
Response to Reply #29
32. No!
Alcohol CAN loosen up some people but in others it merely intensifies the feeling of fear and nervousness.

(Yes, I know from first hand experience.)
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jonnyblitz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:26 AM
Response to Reply #29
35. actually you correct
whether it is good advice or not. that is why I stopped drinking. I would get too bold! :hi:
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moz4prez Donating Member (591 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 10:20 AM
Response to Reply #29
41. see, that's what I said he should do
Fucking goody two-shoes! Why, when IIIIIII was 16, I was . . . throwing the wildest LAN parties.

Damn.
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zeemike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:25 AM
Response to Original message
33. I wish I had you in front of me right now.
I think I would slap you around until you got mad at me and raised your voice. get your emotional juices moving.

Then I would tell you that your goals are all wrong. You are tying to get a girl, and your goal should be to be rejected by the most beautiful girls in the world.
You should get up every morning with the intent to approach, flirt with, come on to, and be rejected by at least one beautiful girl that is way better than you deserve.
And it is kind of dangerous, because the more you do it the more likely it is that one of them will say yes and you will be stuck with learning what love is. That will be a whole new set of problems so come back then and I will slap you around some more.
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:29 AM
Response to Reply #33
37. slap? youre aware that I though normally quiet have a wicked temper
Anyhow, that sounds odd, I dont believe in that theory, I am not trying to get a girlfriend really just trying to be more at ease around girls and yes maybe date.
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zeemike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:42 AM
Response to Reply #37
40. Good that means you are not emotionally dead
And it not a theory it is like playing the piano
You can learn music form all kinds of books but in order to play the piano you must practice. Play the scales over and over until you do it naturally.
You want to talk to girls well practice. But look to be rejected because you will be, that its not a bad thing and does not reflect on you, it is just a fact that not everyone is accessible.
Dont be afraid even if you hear Get away form me dam it Just say OK and smile as you walk away, because it is just a successful practice session.
Do you see what I am saying?
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jonnyblitz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:28 AM
Response to Original message
36. happy new year comrade kleeb!!
perhaps this will be your year!! :hi:
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 08:29 AM
Response to Reply #36
38. I hope so
Edited on Thu Jan-01-04 08:31 AM by JohnKleeb
you too. I hope it will be.
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SheilaT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-04 12:48 PM
Response to Original message
42. John, John, John.
Listen sweetie, you are only 16 years old. A lot of 16 year olds are shy. And having Asperger's means you may never be that comfortable in social situations.

I was always a very shy person (and every time I say that people who know me fall down laughing) and what made me change was getting a job dealing with the public. Specifically, in my case, becoming an airline ticket agent at National Airport in Washington DC. It's impossible to remain shy in a job like that.

So my advice is forget alcohol and tobacco (especially at your age) and if it's possible to get a part time job, consider that. And as long and awful as these years are, they will eventually pass.
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