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Now I'm having guilt induced nightmares....

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IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 03:18 AM
Original message
Now I'm having guilt induced nightmares....
Lost my two beloved furbabies Anya and Tessa on Wednesday morning. (I explained it all in great, painful detail in GD in hopes other people would learn about the "Safety Snap Hook" thing that would have prevented the whole disaster.) Learned yesterday (Thursday) that you could officially cry so hard you threw up (which I did, all over the frontroom floor because I wasn't expecting it), and now I'm waking up from nightmares where I'm in "The People's Court" explaining how letting my baby girls get run over by a car because I didn't grab their leashes fast enough was all my fault. (It is, which makes the nightmare so much worse!)

Woke up, started throwing up again, came out to the frontroom, and had another crying jag. Trying to do it all quietly because my beloved husband needs to get some sleep before he faces another hell day at work; he's having a rough time, too.

I have dealt with grief and loss before (a sister, my father, a dear aunt, and good friends like Andy), but this is hitting me hard!

I miss my Puppy Girls!!! :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
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AmyDeLune Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 03:30 AM
Response to Original message
1. Awwww....
:hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug:
I am so sorry! :cry: :cry: :cry:
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IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 03:39 AM
Response to Reply #1
3. Thank you!
I'm going back to bed now. Didn't get much sleep Wednesday night, either, and I'm going to get in trouble with the Pregnancy Police if I don't figure out a way to start "coping" better. I'm obviously not the first woman on the planet to be simultaneously dealing with emotional trauma/loss while pregnant with high risk twins; maybe I'll google it in the morning.

Here's hoping the nightmares stay away for the rest of the night (what little is left of it). My girls love(d) me, and I them. I wonder when that is going to start making things easier?

'Night!

:hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug:
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ps1074 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 03:34 AM
Response to Original message
2. I am so sorry for your furbabies
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 03:40 AM
Response to Reply #2
4. Thank you. I miss them so much!
:hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug:
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texanwitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 03:55 AM
Response to Reply #4
5. Try to forgive yourself.
:hug: :cry: :hug:
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miss_american_pie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 06:19 AM
Response to Original message
6. I'm sorry for your loss
:hug:
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 06:35 AM
Response to Original message
7. OMG, I'm so sorry.
I will be thinking lots of positive thoughts about you. Geez, that's rough. I hope you feel better soon.
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ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 08:14 AM
Response to Original message
8. I'm very sorry.
:(

:hug:
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JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 08:18 AM
Response to Original message
9. You are contrite. I absolve you. Go in the peace of sins forgiven...
and go a bit easier on yourself.
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BarenakedLady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 08:30 AM
Response to Original message
10. I'm so sorry...
It is so hard losing a pet, I know :hug:

I blamed myself for my beagle dog Casey death when I was about 17. She got loose from me (we were walking from my grandmother's house to mine next door and I didn't bother to put on the leash) and ran. I was so angry. I kept calling her and she got further and further away. I didn't run to catch up, I just called. It was nighttime and dark. She ran across the main street. I was hollering from the other side to come back. She finally did just as a car came whizzing by. I saw her get run over. I though I would never forgive myself for that. I beat myself up for a long time with if only's....if only I put the leash on her, if only I ran to catch her, if only I crossed the main street to get her...if only...I finally had to learn to forgive myself. There was no way I could change the outcome.

:hug: :hug:
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bleedingheart Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 08:34 AM
Response to Original message
11. I know you feel bad, but you need to calm down
you are pregnant, your hormones are really out of whack and the last thing you need is to obssess over an accident. It was not your fault. Accidents happen and they upset us, but you are in a tender state and the last thing you need to do is get more upset.

I don't know how far along you are but perhaps the OB will okay a glass of wine or something to help you relax.

Do something nice in the names of your pets...donate to a shelter...something...

Just please...know that it was not your fault.

I got myself so worked up over a family fight while pregnant that my husband called the OB because he was so worried about me and the baby...

I wish i was there to give you a hug and comfort you....
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peacefreak Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 09:12 AM
Response to Original message
12. Dear IdaBriggs,
I am so sorry for your pain. Maybe your sweet babies have Fur Angels watching over them now. I hope things get easier for you. Blessings, P.
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China_cat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 09:59 AM
Response to Original message
13. Ida, please check in with your OB/GYN.
Please. This isn't good for you. It was a tragic accident and yes, you feel guilty and awful but you have to get a handle on it or you're going to hurt yourself even worse.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE see about getting some help. And think about YOU for a bit...because you aren't just thinking about you. Your husband may need sleep but I'll bet he needs to know that you're going to be physically ok more.
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IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 10:16 AM
Response to Reply #13
16. I talked to them on Wednesday, and they called yesterday (Thurs)
to see how I am doing. They have offered me Ambien, but I am not comfortable doing something like that while pregnant. (Yes, I am paranoid!) They have expressed sympathy, and support. I am lucky to have so many kind people in my life, but unfortunately, that is not making the pain any less at the moment. Thank you, though, for your suggestion.

:hug:
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LaraMN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 10:10 AM
Response to Original message
14. Oh, how horrible!
I was devastated to lose my guinea pig, Shimmy, (I KNOW, "just" a guinea pig- but I LOVED her) during my first pregnancy, as well. She was the ony pet I ever had, and she lived for six years. My friend's boyfriend said the sweetest thing- that maybe my unborn baby just tugged at Shimmy's soul, until she relented. I didn't really believe it, but the thought was still comforting, somehow. Maybe your puppies went *somewhere* because they were needed to watch over your twins. You never know. Hugs to you, honey.

:hug:
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Hugin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 10:13 AM
Response to Original message
15. :(
:hug:
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MissMillie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 10:19 AM
Response to Original message
17. I'm sorry for your loss
I'm sure they'll miss you too.

You didn't do anything wrong, and have nothing to feel guilty about.





(And please don't think my copycat was meant to make light of your loss.... it's just a lame copycat.)
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Midlodemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 10:24 AM
Response to Original message
18. Ida. You are NOT to blame for what happened.
You loved your pets, you took wonderful care of them. They got excited and ran and you couldn't reach the leash. You tried. You tried your best to do so.

You are NOT to blame. Please forgive yourself. Do it for the babies. Do it in honor of the two you lost the other day.


:hug:
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hedgehog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 11:31 AM
Response to Original message
19. Can you find a grief counselor?
I normally don't like the idea of working through grief like it's a project, but you're especially vulnerable right now and it's not a bad idea to let a trained person help you. Too many things are happening all at once, so it's probably a good time to get some help with this.

For what it's worth, we have to remember that dogs and cats have minds of their own. We had an old cat vanish from the soft bed we made for him when he was dying from old age. He preferred to be outside somewhere. Last week my dog lunged past me to nip the postal carrier. I never would have opened the door if I had ever thought he would do that, but it happened. You'll never know what made your dogs run, but be assured that you couldn't have anticipated this or stopped them once they made up their minds.
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