Is Gaydar real?

[Philosoraptor]

Gaydar is I guess 'gay radar' the ability to tell when someone is gay or not, there was even a little gag device made called gaydar that beeped. People refer to gaydar in daily conversation now as the word is in the lexicon. Its even spawning other new words, I heard a Jewish lady refer to her 'Jewdar". But is it real, and how effective is it? What about gaydar's accuracy rate? Does a person have to be homosexual to have gaydar?

Some people are obviously gay and lesbian, but others you'd never know by judging the book by it's cover. And others will throw your gaydar off, you suspect they are, but they aren't.

Did anyone's gaydar beep when the mark foley scandal was in full swing? Does it beep when you see ken mehlman on t.v.? Has your gaydar been tested for accuracy?

Did anyone's gaydar go off when they saw reverend ted haggard speak on t.v.? How does gaydar work? Is it simply a joke/myth, or is it real? Could gaydar be used as a weapon? Point it at certain blowhard hypocritical members of congress and see if it registers maybe?

[Bucky]

1. "a little gag device"

I think the gag device was actual radar, a pocket device that simply beeped when it was in proxity to someone else who had purchased the same device. I imagine many people who sell similar devices, like Jewdar, Open-to-anal-dar, and Likes-romantic-sunset-walks-on-the-beach-dar, are also applying similar technology. My only concern is that with too many such products on the market, what's to prevent a Jewish, romantic gal who just so happens to be open to anal from hitting on a gay man when all their little pocket beepers go off? For that matter, what happens if somebody's pocket gaydar device starts setting off car alarms and remote garage door openers? Talk about a gay menace!!

[Philosoraptor]

3. oh yeah-- it beeped when close to another device

I remember, thanks for the reminder.

[krispos42]

2. And if the homophobes get a gaydar receiver?

I'd bet they'd love to run down a homo with a radio beacon on him.

Use with caution is my caveat.

[Bluebear]

4. 'Some people are obviously gay and lesbian'

Do tell?

And do you really think this thread will turn out positive?

[Philosoraptor]

5. Truman Capote for instance

[Bluebear]

8. Exhibit A

[Philosoraptor]

12. my phony cowboydar is going totally crazy

[bigtree]

26. those are girl boots

[spillthebeans]

30. it's á bisexual and I don't know what a gaydar does then

[hedgehog]

34. LOL

When I first glanced at the picture,I thought that was Truamn Capote!

[Matariki]

41. ORANGE SHOES!! This man obviously can't make responsible decisions!

[NewRisingSun]

6. No.

"Gaydar", at least the way it's commonly understood, is either:

1) Wishful thinking, if the object is attractive (i.e. not Ken Mehlman).
2) Stereotypes, if applicable ("obviously" gay).

Also, it's not gaydar of X's homosexuality becomes public and someone claims "I knew it all along", that's just self-important BS. :)

In other words, it's a myth, perpetuated by a tendency of the human brain to forget instances of unconfirmed stereotypes while remembering instances of stereotypes confirmed. See "Gordon W. Allport: The Nature of Prejudice" for details.

And also keep in mind that gay people have a legitimate interest in "detecting" other gay people, so it's understandable that they would LIKE to think they can, even though they're just fooling themselves.


What you CAN detect of course is if someone's attracted to you. But that's not what is usually meant by "gaydar".

[donheld]

13. Welcome to DU NewRisingSun

:hi: gaydar is very real.

[jpwhite]

7. this is riduculous

This is one of the dumbest things that I have ever heard of in my life. "Gaydar" is just an excuse for insecure heterosexuals to make fun of homosexuals. It is a learned behavior. You can see if someone is not as "masculine" acting.

When are Americans going to learn that until we accept everyone as they are we will not be a healthy country. No bigotry should be allowed and that is exactly what this is.

James
[email protected]

[Bluebear]

10. Thank you and welcome to DU

[donheld]

15. Seems some wish they had it and don't

Now they're upset some of us do have it. :nopity:

[SmokingJacket]

50. I first heard the term from my gay friend.

It was very important for him to figure out whether a guy was gay if he was interested in him. So he'd say things like "My gaydar reads positive," or whatever -- obviously it wasn't real, just a cute way of describing his instincts and guessing.

It's only bigotry if you use it to be a bigot.

[MannyGoldstein]

9. Evidence Says....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaydar

[NewRisingSun]

11. Hardly.

Small population size and no control for selection bias => junk science.

[donheld]

14. Gaydar is indeed real

I'm sorry some of you are without it. It's not ment for everyone. Mine comes in very handy, and I use is all the time whether I mean to or not. It's just automatic.

[Bucky]

17. Let's subsitute the word "Santa Claus" for gaydar in the statements from this thread...

People refer to Santa Claus in daily conversation now as the word is in the lexicon.

Has your Santa Claus been tested for accuracy?

How does Santa Claus work? Is it simply a joke/myth, or is it real? Could Santa Claus be used as a weapon?

"Santa Claus", at least the way it's commonly understood, is either: 1) Wishful thinking, if the object is attractive (i.e. not Ken Mehlman)... In other words, it's a myth, perpetuated by a tendency of the human brain to forget instances of unconfirmed stereotypes while remembering instances of stereotypes confirmed... What you CAN detect of course is if someone's attracted to you. But that's not what is usually meant by "Santa Claus".

Santa Claus is very real.

This is one of the dumbest things that I have ever heard of in my life. "Santa Claus" is just an excuse for insecure heterosexuals to make fun of homosexuals. It is a learned behavior.

Santa Claus is indeed real... I'm sorry some of you are without it. It's not ment (sic) for everyone. Mine comes in very handy, and I use is all the time whether I mean to or not. It's just automatic.

[donheld]

18. What the hell are you saying?

I really don't follow.

[Bucky]

19. Those are all quotes from this thread, only with one change in nouns.

The larger point is that either you believe in it or you don't. If you believe in it, it's real and you get presents. If you don't believe in it, you have to work to pay for your toys. Does that clarify?

[Catherine Vincent]

47. So if I believe in Santa Clause, I will get presents?

Cool!

[triguy46]

54. Blip. n/t

[Kelly Rupert]

27. That's hilarious.

[hsher]

55. It is real... but:

Why do some of us heterosexual women have gaydar? I mean, what's the point? Mine's never been wrong - not a brag, but more of a ":wtf:"

Why would a straight woman be given gaydar?

PS... I do not want to upset anybody here, but... when I look at or watch Stephen Colbert? My gaydar goes off!

[everythingsxen]

73. You are probably...

just a perceptive person. As I say in my reply below, it is simply about noticing subtle body language and other nearly invisible things. You simply notice them and interpret them as "gaydar".

[xchrom]

16. i can go anywhere in the world -- and with the smallest

of glances or body language find another gay man.

i don't care how ''straight'' he might seem -- we can find each other of the sensors are ''on''.

[bullimiami]

20. there is a club 'gaydar' on south beach.

in the back there is a purple sign with and arrow pointing down that says

GAYDAR
REAR ENTRANCE

[sui generis]

48. I got a FABULOUS blue velvet disco muscle shirt at Gaymart

in Southbeach.

:blush:

crap I probably set off Mother Theresa's gaydar with that one and she's . . . daid.

[sniffa]

21. no but fLamebait-dar is

when i see fLame bait i get a tingLing sensation in my nethers, and i know, "this thread is obviousLy fLame bait"

[bicentennial_baby]

22. ....

your 'nethers'?! :rofl:

:loveya:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

39. You've found yourself a funny boy! That one's a keeper!

:rofl:

'nethers...

:spray:

[bicentennial_baby]

42. He's a non-stop laugh riot....

Seriously, I never laughed so much in my life before I met him... :D

[Annces]

23. I recently had a gaydar experience

I went to a volunteer job, and a couple of men came through. I didn't know who they were. It turns out one of them was the director, but I didn't know that. He was very unassuming, and low key. I immediately had the thought or knowledge that he was gay. He made a lot of eye contact, or maybe speaking with his eyes? I figured we were sympatico on some level, though I didn't know why. I thought maybe he could tell I had city blood in me. Anyway sometime later, he came in again and this time I found out he was the director and that he participated in the gay rodeos.

I think we speak to each other on subconscious level at times. Sometimes I will guess someone is gay, but in this case I found out my guess was true.

[Joanne98]

74. " I thought maybe he could tell I had city blood in me."

That's sounds like a stupid line from a romance novel.

[bigtree]

24. wait . . . I'm picking up something . . .

no . . . it was just gas.

[semillama]

25. Metrosexuals jam my gaydar. N/t

[baby_mouse]

66. !

:rofl:

Nominated for "Best Potential Onion Headline"

[Chipper Chat]

28. Bob Jones University has "Gaydar sensors" on campus.

Also in the dorms. If a male student touches another male (even accidentally) the sensors erupt with a loud piercing klaxon. Hugh spotlights come on and pinpoint the guilty parties. Repeat offenders are required to spend two weeks in the "exodus program for those students deemed yellow/curious." Admitted homosexuals are of course sent straight to hell. A visiting Jerry Falwell remarked "I'm amazed at how well your gaydar program works." And Pat Robertson congratulated the school president on his moral rigidness. Even Alan Keyes was positive: "Bob Jones U is to be commended for it's gaydar program. A leader in our republic's desire to rid the country of homoseggzual disease."
:silly: :evilgrin: :silly: :evilgrin: :silly:

[Philosoraptor]

29. yikes!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

31. No, it's not real. Stupid straight people like to think they have it though.

Of course, they're really just relying on stupid stereotypes.

[sniffa]

37. how their gaydar works.

dumb guy: hey, wouLd you Like to go out with me?

haruka: um, thanks, but no thanks.

dumb guy: oh, she's gay.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

38. Yeah, pretty much.

:rofl:

[Sapphocrat]

68. Bingo! n/t

[Last Stand]

56. So don't "stupid" gay people.

I learned about this term from a gay friend when he said he was romantically interested in an aquaintance. I've since heard the term used by other gays and straights. It's only meant as a general vibe and not a hard-fast predictor.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

59. "So don't 'stupid' gay people?" This lesbian has no clue what that means.

I am aware of the term and who it is used by. When straight people claim to have it, what they really mean is they are relying on stereotypes. Don't pretend that's not true. That's why masculine straight women or feminine straight men "mess up" people's gaydar. It relies on stereotyping.

[Last Stand]

60. I guess we'd agree that we don't have to call people stupid to make a point.

Do we agree: Some people may be able to sense (use "gaydar") beyond what could statistically be guesswork whether someone is G/L/B?

Do we also agree: G/L/B people are probably better at it, because they have more first-hand experience at it, than straight people?

There are obviously exceptions to both of the statements above, but in general, I believe they are true. That would mean "gaydar" exists.

[Dorian Gray]

32. Most people I know got their gaydar at

Brookstone. They sell a new and improved version there that isn't available anywhere else. Not even Hammacher Schlemmer.

[sui generis]

33. heh - my gaydar went out when I was eight.

and I'm queer as the proverbial three dollar coin.

I just think it makes things more interesting. Whether someone is "gay" or not rarely keeps them from being curious, so who cares.

Now, a much more useful tool in my opinion would be a hygiene-dar. . .

[Jed Dilligan]

35. I had a roommate

who triggered everyone's gaydar. He was "gayer" than any gay person I've known. If you'd ever seen him in his peacock-patterned silk pajama pants, with a gold post through his nipple, and his hair dyed in leopard spots, dancing around to techno music, you probably would have thought he was a gay dude from central casting. "Bruno" is nowhere near as flamboyant as this guy was.

The thing is, he was totally straight. In fact, he used his apparent gayness as a way to pick up girls. For a week or so he would act like their New Gay Friend--shopping and listening to their problems, doing all the stereotypical stuff that a gay male friend is supposed to do for straight women. Then, after they had bonded, he would spring it on them that he was straight. This was a much more successful technique than any "pick-up" protocol that I ever tried to use.

I guess the point is that the world is full of all kinds of people and you can't necessarily guess whom they are attracted to from the way they dress and act. For every gay-acting straight like my roommate there are probably ten very straight-acting people who, in private, like the company of their own sex. Does any of this matter? Not really.

[NashVegas]

36. Yes. So What?

I find it pretty necessary to be able to tell if a man is gay or not, especially closeted. Who wants the heartbreak?

[Hell Hath No Fury]

44. I was born and raised in SF...

and grew up with a gay man as my surrogate dad.

Dating for a straight gal in SF requires the development of Gaydar! :)

I think that there are subtle and not so subtle messages/sign posts given out all the time by both straights and gays, and "gaydar" is nothing but the observation of those signals. Here in SF, in the 70s, if you were a man who wore Levi 501s, a plaid shirt, and a moustache, you were making a not so subtle statement about your sexuality. One of today's statements seems to be baseball caps, convertibles, and small dogs.

Then there is the TRULY subtle vibe that I cannot put my finger on. There is a 23 year old young man who I have known since he was 8 years old. From the first time I met him I knew he was going to grow up to be gay -- I couldn't tell you how, but I knew. He belongs to a evangelical Christian church that is anti-gay, so there was never any instance of him being open about his personal life. Last year he came out to me -- a moment I had been waiting for for a very long time.

With that said, there have been gays and lesbians over the years who have completely flown under my "gaydar". And then there are Englishmen -- my 'dar is almost useless on them. :D

[NashVegas]

65. Aye

I've been watching a friend's boy grow up, and his parents and I both are waiting for him to figure it out.

Englishmen, I just automatically assume are bi at the very least.

[LWolf]

40. Yes, in a limited way.

I'll try to explain:

A (hetero) female growing up surrounded by abusive men, I've always had an ambivalent relationship with men. I was a tomboy, and could throw, haul, tackle, fight, climb, ride, and cuss with the best of the boys. I learned that while I appreciated who they were, they didn't appreciate who I was at all; I was a "piece" of something to achieve. I learned to be on my guard at all times. While I was attracted to men, I learned not to offer my trust. The hard way. More than once. My platonic friendships with men were great, and I finally quit having any other kind of relationship with them. Burned too often.

Gaydar? Before giving up relationships entirely, I began to notice that the men I felt most comfortable with, the men I could be myself with, the men I would most consider a potential date, always turned out to be gay. Every damned time. I think it's because I didn't feel that threat that I'd learned to associate with sexual tension.

That's my experience with gaydar. If I feel attraction, but don't really want to let a man close to who I am, he's hetero. If I feel safe and comfortable, he's gay.

Is that what you mean?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

43. no, at best you can assume someone who is gender deviant or genderqueer is gay.

besides that there is no such thing as gaydar.

people often mistake genderconformance with being straight

and gendervariance/deviance/queerness to be gay

[Javaman]

45. I have pretty good gaydar...

When someone asks if so and so is gay, my first response is: who cares?

Then if they press me, you need to ask them 3 questions.

1)is he trendy in dress and are always neat as a pin as well as his surroundings? aka clean freak. (Very much the metro-sexual)

2)how was his home life? Did he have an overbearing father or very quiet mother who never stuck up for herself? Or the opposite? (Sometimes the dad is ex-military)

3) (the biggy) does he brag about having beautiful girlfriends, yet said girl friend is never seen? No pictures exist and does he inflate the attractiveness of said girlfriend aka he only dates model types...

If the answer to all three is yes, it's a good bet he's gay

If it's two out of three, it's a good bet he's gay and in the closet or doesn't know he's gay.

if the answer is 1 out of three, he could be normal with anal retentive issues (neat issue), emotional issues (weird home life) or very very shy (talks big but never dates).

[swimboy]

46. Ha Ha!

That's really clever sarcasm!

Uh, right?

[LeftCoast]

49. You definitely forgot the :sarcasm: icon

:(

[Javaman]

52. Sadly, no sarcasm. It actually this system has worked many times.

However, I will put a disclaimer. I have a few gay friends that don't fall into any of these catagories, that's where my gaydar breaks down.

[comsymp]

70. Yeah, sux when they pass for "normal", huh?

Duuuuude....

/neither trendy nor neat as a pin
//standard home life, assuming such a thing exists
///out

ON EDIT: and yes, gaydar is real, and it really has very little, if anything to do with appearances or deportment - HHNF's post #44 is spot on.

[Javaman]

Duuuuuuuuuuuuude.....nt

[Javaman]

81. Duuuuuuuuuuuuude.....nt

[comsymp]

85. Not a Jeff Stilson fan, eh?

[Javaman]

86. Who's that? I'm kind of in the dark these days as far as comedians go. nt

[Left Is Write]

77. Hmmm...

And for women? If they don't shave their legs, wear Birkenstocks, like the outdoors, have short hair, and eschew makeup, they're lesbians - right? That's how you can tell, right?

[warrens]

51. No.

I had friends for years who I had no idea were gay. Sure, there are some who are obvious, but there are also men and women who do some stereotypically gay things that aren't gay in the slightest.

[hsher]

53. YES

I've got gaydar and Jewdar. Neither's ever been wrong! However, nothing compares to the Republican conservative Gay-O-Meter, seen in action below.

[sui generis]

57. please not every nelly guy with a jew-'fro is gay and jewish

except for Richard Simmons.

:hide:

:rofl:

[hsher]

58. "Girl, you better --"

(Sung) "You better STOP!"
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Allan Dershowitz, for example :7

[Gwerlain]

61. IIRC, The Daily Show did a segment on it...

in the distant past. It was a Colbert, of course, and he did his usual and predictable bit on it. I don't know if the inventor was serious or not, but the idea was that gays would carry a transceiver around, and that way they could tell if another person was gay without outing themselves.

According to Wikipedia, it is an intuitive ability, whose existence is disputed.

[mondo joe]

62. Yes Virginia, there is a Gaydar.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Gaydar. It exists certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Gaydar! It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Gaydar! You might as well not believe in fairies! The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest man that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. No Gaydar! Thank GOD! It exists, and exists forever. A thousand years from now, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, it will continue to make glad the heart of gayhood.

[WernhamHogg]

63. I don't think it's real

I don't think it's real. For a long time I suspected that my boss was gay and I found out recently that I was correct: he is gay. The reason why I suspected that he was gay had nothing to do with his looks, mannerism, appearance or anything like that. I suspected he was gay because he always talks like he is in a relationship (which he is), but he would never use the person's name or words like him/her/he/she/my boyfriend/my girlfriend/etc. to describe the person he was in a relationship with. Instead he would use words like "we" or "us" and sometimes even "my roommate".

For the record, I'm a straight woman.

[sui generis]

64. the lingering glance sho nuff is, at least between guys.

who needs gaydar when eye contact between males a thousandth of a second too long will suffice; when a mild trigeminal flush or voice pitched a half note higher than a normal relaxed diaphram will suffice; when a pupil dilates fractionally in your direction with no other change in light. Who needs micro-second timers when the involuntary twitch of an ocularis or the tiniest flare of a nostril betrays a more prurient acknowledgement of your physical presence then any flimsy gaydar could.

I just don't know any more these days about "instant readings". There is of course undeniably flame-on-johnny-boy gay, but there are much subtler dynamics that taken in total give you a very high probability of someone being if not gay, at least a player. Now I don't have a gaydar, but I can read some people like an open book in large type, and reading them, speak their language.

Are there indicators that someone is going to drop everything and run out and buy the latest line of Armani silk boxers and bathroom towels and cook a gourmet meal for eight between his manicure and facial appointments? Definitely, but that's pretty gay even if the guy never puts out and never would for a guy. :P

And too easy.

Also, it depends where you shop for your groceries. Some guys just know they're beautiful, and get as much of a kick out of triggering desire as others get out of pursuing it. Is that gay or just a less well-understood sexual dynamic? Right, control.

Finally, the most important sexual dynamic of all: men have a natural desire to control the sex of other men. It's an alpha monkey thing, not a gay thing, and you can get people to do amazing things if you understand how to use that dynamic.

- incubusui generis

[baby_mouse]

67. Ain't you guys ever heard of "stroking the beard"?

Feh! Straights leading gay guys on. Gaydar Shmaydar! MINE doesn't work, if I have one, and that's no joke.


</sulks>

[xchrom]

78. you don't need gay dar.

men would find you on deserted island.

now there's a survivor episode i'd like to see on the telly.

who makes sui the best salmon tartar accompanied by seaweed ragout, served with an insouciant little sparkling coconut wine.

[Sapphocrat]

69. Here's how to test your gaydar.

1. Go to a gay bar. If you see two women or two men kissing during a slow dance, that's probably a pretty good indication they're gay, or bi.

2. If the gay couple next door invites you to their big gay wedding, and/or asks you to be godparent to their child, then it's a sure thing.

3. If one of your loved ones stands up at the Thanksgiving table, bangs on a wine glass with his or her spoon, and says, "I have something I want to share with the whole family..." followed by "...I'm gay," then there's no question.

If, however, you fail to miss any of these subtle hints, then yes, you have no gaydar.

Re "Some people are obviously gay and lesbian" -- Really? How? If you're not relying on stereotyping, that is.

I must admit that your comparison with "Jewdar" is apt; it's on the same level as saying, "Funny, you don't look Jewish!" and thinking you're not being offensive... as if it were some sort of compliment, like, "That Sidney Poitier sure is a credit to his race."

Re Mark Foley: Who needed "gaydar" for that? He was OUTED, years ago. Apparently nobody paid attention to that little fact until this whole page-scandal thing broke.

Now, do you have enough edit-time left to go back and slap that :sarcasm: tag all over your OP? It's the only thing that would make sense.

[cwydro]

71. I do believe in gaydar.

It works for me and always has.

[everythingsxen]

72. I think it's "real"

I think "gaydar" is real, but I don't think it's any sort of magical thing. It is simply picking up on subtle bits of body language and inflection etc. and making yourself conciously aware of it.

For the record, I am a straight man and I have pretty good "gaydar" and I don't just mean going "Hey look, 2 guys in assless chaps kissing, I think they are gay!!111"

I mean like in actual cases where someone is very closeted and/or tries to "disguise" themselves as being straight.

I think the subtlty of whatever pings gaydar occurs on such a small scale that it seems pseudo-psychic when you can "detect" gay people.

[Joanne98]

76. I think it's chemistry. Pheromones or whatever......

It's happened to me and I'm not even gay.

[Nikia]

80. My husband is good at detecting sexuality

Meaning not only whether someone is gay or straight but whether people's relationship is Platonic or sexual. He always knew befoer I did who was gay, who was dating, and who was having an affair. He said that it was by being observant.
For example, someone who is gay might look at a member of the same sex with sexual attraction and not an attractive member of the opposite sex that way. If they are very closeted, they might purposely avoid looking at someone who is attractive of the same sex or do so nervously.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

83. your husband is relying on real cues

and not the bs gender non conformism that others do

[Neoma]

75. No.

A person can tell when a guy is feminine but not gay.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

79. exactly...gender deviance is not always correlated with sexual orientation

[sui generis]

82. genderdeviantdar

just doesn't roll off the tongue as swimmingly

:P

[XemaSab]

84. I can often (but not always) tell when a man is gay

I think it's subtle body language or slightly odd inflections when speaking.

Women, they have to be a REALLY flaming stereotype in order for me to pick up on it.

[Dastard Stepchild]

87. I don't know if it's gaydar as much as it is...

being sensitive to certain cues. If someone is alone, it is more difficult, but I can usually detect when 2 people of the same sex are dating or on a date, even if they are trying to be very discrete. It's a matter of personal space, eye contact, touch, laughter, etc. If I see the knees of two women bump and linger, I know I'm looking at a date. :)

Other than that, I think I can sense it more in single women as well because I am
A) open and willing to be hit on by other women AND
B) our flirting or interest cues are designed for women... I know what to look for