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Zomby Woof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:01 PM
Original message
"A fun and fast-paced environment!"
Post your annoying job-listing cliches here.
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supernova Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:03 PM
Response to Original message
1. Able to work under pressure
and handle multiple deadlines

usually translates to "we don't prioritize so everything is an emergency."
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KurtNYC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:04 PM
Response to Original message
2. "opportunity for advancement" -- not necessarily here but in general
as in 'you could find a better job after that one. Also:

"self starter" -- which cuts out (only) Frankenstein I suppose
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:06 PM
Response to Original message
3. "...work independently and multitask..." and "on the job training"
Translation: not only are we going to give you too much, too soon, too diversified, but you're also on your own to get it/them done. Plus, it's seat of your pants time, here. Wing it 'til you can bring it, or fake it 'til you make it. Either way, you're learning on the fly.
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:06 PM
Response to Original message
4. "Opportunity for rapid advancement" =
This place sux so bad and the turnover is so high we can't even get ID badges done before people are out the door.
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mulsh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:21 PM
Response to Original message
5. "hard work is fun"
used to be part of Working Assets Core Values statement. not really a cliche but asinine nonetheless
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AngryAmish Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:23 PM
Response to Original message
6. Hard work will set you free
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BigMcLargehuge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:25 PM
Response to Original message
7. Self-Motivated and Team-Oriented
WTF, those things are mutually exclusive??!!??
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ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:25 PM
Response to Original message
8. "Looking for motivated individual"
= "This work is so mind-numbing, frustrating and thankless that you have to be crazy to take this shit job."
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Kat45 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 11:25 PM
Response to Original message
9. "works well individually and as part of a team"
What else is there?
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XemaSab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 11:32 PM
Response to Original message
10. Team player
:P
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Arger68 Donating Member (562 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 11:58 PM
Response to Reply #10
13. I always loved that one.
Did you ever notice those that preach teamwork the loudest always practice it the least? x(

Of course, that seems to work for religion as well!!
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Pale Blue Dot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 11:42 PM
Response to Original message
11. "Our learnings are proactive!"
...or some such shit.
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Oeditpus Rex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 11:57 PM
Response to Original message
12. How 'bout if I just dissect an ad?
The hed on this ad is "Storyteller & Watchdog," which should scare away any legitimate journalist all by itself.



The Desert Sun, one of the best mid-sized community dailies in the Southwest (According to whom?), is expanding and looking for talented reporters who aspire to take their skills to the next level. (What, you mean to an actual newspaper?) We're a Gannett newspaper (We suck) in beautiful Palm Springs, a richly diverse market (Our readership base is 100 percent Republican, but some are between 60 and 65 while others are over 65) situated in California's fastest-growing county. (You're in a fucking desert. If a baby is born, it's a boom.) We have an immediate opening at one of our three new weekly editions, a key reporting spot that would be integrated in our Local News operation. (You'll have to write each story three different ways.) We're looking for energetic and talented storytellers and watchdogs (We want a kid just out of college who'll take all the crappy assignments and not complain) who can cover a broad array of stories -- from city government and local classrooms to an explosive small-business market and close-to-home community news. (You'll write five stories a day, but you'll never see a cent of overtime.) We are a multimedia-driven information company (We're a crappy paper with a crappy web site), so we'll teach you useful photo and video skills and how to post to our award-winning Web site. (We don't have any web people, so you'll do that job, too.) We're only seeking (Grammarians?) reporters who offer versatility and passion for the news. (See previous comment re kids just out of college.) We're seeking candidates with at least 18 months of daily newspaper reporting experience or two very successful daily newspaper internships. (We much prefer the latter because interns are used to getting paid squat.) We're situated just 90 minutes from the beach, two hours from San Diego/Los Angeles (Unless you hit any actual traffic; then it's a day and a half) and less than four hours from the Las Vegas strip. (But with the amount we'll work and pay you, you won't have time to go to Vegas even if you had a nickel for a slot machine.) Our valley is home to celebrities (All too old for you to have heard of), fine dining, world-class tennis, golf (more than 125 courses!) (None of which will allow you to play) and an international film festival that is one of the worlds largest. (Remember this, since you'll be writing 11 stories about it.) You also will get the chance to work in a high-energy newsroom (if you kick into the coffee fund) with experienced editors (read: burned-out hacks who can't get jobs outside Gannett) committed to teaching and helping young journalists advance their careers. (If you get coffee for them, they'll grunt at you once in awhile.) Interested? (No, just desperate.) Send resume, cover letter and examples of your work to Managing Editor/News Rick Green at rick.green@thedesertsun.com (No relation to Linda Green, who's editor of one of the few other Gannett papers in California. Really. He isn't. We swear.)

(We don't fiddle much with those "paragraph" things, either.)


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BrewerJohn Donating Member (499 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 12:45 AM
Response to Original message
14. "Excellent communication skills required"
It's in every ad ever posted. So why do none of the people I work with ever have any?
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Kerrytravelers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 12:46 AM
Response to Original message
15. "A no-nonsense and fun environment."
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jus_the_facts Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 05:03 AM
Response to Original message
16. Drug free environment....always means you've gotta pee for 'em first.....
Edited on Tue Oct-31-06 05:13 AM by jus_the_facts
....background checks and credit checks?! :eyes:

You can take as many prescription drugs as you like as long as you've got a doctor's permission...but smoke a joint and you're a criminal drug addict. :grr: It takes havin' a fuckin' JOB to keep your credit IN check...and if you've ever had any *youthful indiscretions* then you're screwed too with the background check...those three things make me furious. :D
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Sugar Smack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 05:11 AM
Response to Original message
17. "Flexible Hours"
Which means you're the one who has to be flexible.
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Auggie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 05:34 AM
Response to Original message
18. "We're like a family"
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 06:15 AM
Response to Original message
19. ^^^^....and then people wonder why I'm a stripper. ^^^^^^^
Hee hee. :silly:
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NMMNG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 06:26 AM
Response to Original message
20. "Exciting job opportunity"
Yeah, if you find being abused for peanuts exciting.
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hyde Donating Member (90 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 07:40 AM
Response to Reply #20
21. Only serious applicants need apply
Because i guess a ton of people apply for jobs just for shits and giggles?
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NMMNG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 04:27 PM
Response to Reply #21
22. I can't tell you how many times I've gone on recreational job interviews
:silly:
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