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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 03:21 AM
Original message
Help me. Please. Please.
Help me to not lose my mind.
I know others here have it bad,and I'm sorry.

My husband was at work with our one and only two-seater car.
It was broken into.
Fortunatley, everything is ok except the winshield wiper (long thingy) switch was broken in an attempt to hotwire the car. Oh, and they stole the face of the cd player.

WE HAVE NO MONEY TO FIX THIS. NO INSURANCE. NOTHING. WE ARE BEHIND ON EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF OUR BILLS. BARELY STAYING AHEAD OF THE LIGHT BILL.

We were going to spend our last $100 tommorrow to pay a bill. Husband has to go back to work at the same place tomorrow.
They don't pay him. He works only on tips.
No, there is not another job in this city, or the one south of here, or the one west of here. What he does is specialized and everywhere else is full. Trust me.
I can go back to work on the two days he's not, I guess,and get naked for about $40. The last time I worked I came home with $3.

I suppose McDonald's pays well?

Our other car was wrecked in April (not my fault). I guess I could get pissed at husband, since he was at fault (April wreck), and this is the second time something has happened to the car (two-seater) on his watch, but I don't have a babysitter or money to take my little one to daycare so I can get a day job. My family lives 2 hours away. My parents are dead. He has lost 3 jobs this year. He has had something happen to both our cars at leat 4 times this year including this one.
I don't know what to do. Every time we see the light, it goes away.

Just........send me some good thoughts.
I think I give up now.
I have money that my mother left me in investments. I get penalized very badly whenever I take it out,and the IRA broker looks at me like I'm the biggest loser in the world. I've taken some out last year. It's all we have for anything-retirement, college for baby, health issues.
I invested in something else that will take another year to see anything from.I can't get to that money at all.
Well, I guess I'm just going to be one of those ppl who uses all their retirement money and inheritance on stuff before they turn 40.
I suck.
Sorry, thanks. Bye.
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OllieLotte Donating Member (495 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 03:42 AM
Response to Original message
1. Ouch. I'm sorry. I made an investment 5 years ago and its
keeping me awake nights/this morning. My wife has been a good sport about it, but we are weary.

IMHO should do everything possible to avoid taking money out of the IRA. I know if you are with an employer you perhaps can borrow against it, to get another car so that you can work full-time? Maybe you can't if you are not employed...but I'm sure you checked into this.
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 04:16 AM
Response to Reply #1
6. It's an inherited IRA.
so basically none of that applies.
I cannot borrow against it.
Thanks anyway .......
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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 03:48 AM
Response to Original message
2. I hope for the best for you
Sometimes it feels like the world is taking a dump on you..And sometimes it is.
Just remember "this to shall pass"
Just do what you can And I wish you luck :)
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ruiner4u Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 03:53 AM
Response to Original message
3. ummm you say you have no insurance?
You dont have car insurance?
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 04:15 AM
Response to Reply #3
5. liability only.
That dosen't cover the break in. Comp would have, in some cases.
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:17 AM
Response to Reply #3
11. Helpful.
Ummmm, are you sure you're on the right board?
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Midlodemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:13 PM
Response to Reply #11
27. My thoughts exactly.
:eyes:
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LostinVA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 09:47 AM
Response to Reply #3
18. She needs helpful advice, not misinformed judgments
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Bucky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 03:54 AM
Response to Original message
4. I'm so sorry.
I know things are sucking right now. Step one is to not panic. You're right to not want to go into your savings since you pay a penalty for it. But realize you pay a penalty for "getting naked" too (strip bar job?), altho probably more of a psychic than a financial penalty.

I'm gonna guess about you, who I don't know, here. So if I'm totally off-base, ignore me. But I'm gonna guess that if you're angry with your husband for the car getting broken into, which is totally not his fault, then probably you're really angry with him about something else instead. Step two is to make sure yall are on the same page and working together rather than working at cross purposes--which a lot of young people do without meaning to. Find someone who can help yall communicate together--preachers often do this sort of thing for free (tho sometimes you gotta pretend to be in their church). The stress level of having a young child and uncertain financial situation is really really high. I've been there and I can tell you that the stress level goes down with the years, even tho the things to worry about never go away. Partly it's just a function of getting older and partly it's knowing that you have taken a few steps in the right direction that counts

So step three is for the two of you to sit down and come up with a financial plan. That will also mean coming up with a job plan. If you're smart enough to be a DUer, you're smart enough to earn better than three bucks at a titty bar. Forgive me if that comment is over the line, but I'd like for you to do better, mostly because then you'll have lots of money to donate to Democratic candidates ;)

I seriously hope yall find a solid plan for your lives together. Often just the planning process can work to bring under control those freaked-out feelings that can just eat you up at three o'clock in the morning.

Peace on you both.
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 04:19 AM
Response to Reply #4
7. Thanks...
I appreciate it.
I am not really angry about the car this time....but he knows that.
It's a long story.
We will talk..I'm just at my wit's end right now. Really.

It's not actually the weeks ahead I'm worried about...it's tommorrow. You know what I mean.
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BelleCarolinaPeridot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 04:28 AM
Response to Original message
8. We live in the same city ...
and I think I know of a place where you could get some work. Go to your phone book and look up PRG Staffing agency. Yes its a temp service but right now there are companies looking for work (especially my company) because of the holiday rush and 99.9% of the temp workers that come to my job get hired permanently , just work hard. I know you might not want to do that but what are your other options . Anything is better than nothing. I have been where you are - but I know my pain was minor because I don't have kids. And go to the Employment Security Commission - the Post Office is also hiring this time of the year. Take it from me , you have to have hope. If you would have told me exactly 2 years ago that I would be where I am now, I would not have believed it. I never gave up because I knew that I was smart and that if someone gave me the opportunity I would run with it and show them how good CarolinaPeridot really is. And I know that you are a dancer but maybe its time to try something else that is bringing in more money. You have a little one to feed. And if you have to go to McDonald's for now go - and the new Walmart in town - they are hiring , all of them are. The Wal-Mart hiring center is on Battleground Ave. Seek and you shall find :hug:
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sbj405 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:04 AM
Response to Original message
9. .
First, here's a hug :hug: Now take a deep breathe.

A few ideas.
1. Many car repairs are easy. Head to the library and get the Chilton's manual and any other car repair books. Start reading when the little one is asleep. You may be able to fix this yourself.
2. Sounds like you are home. Can you barter babysitting services for the car repair or cash? Check craigslist for odd jobs as well. 3. Can you get a job the opposite shift than your husband? At least until you guys get back on your feet.

Good Luck. It will be ok.
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:07 PM
Response to Reply #9
24. Some is on line too. Cars.com has a forum (click and clack from NPR)
It is moderated and kind of slow but lots of good mechanics on there. Auto zone's website has good illustrations and diagrams.

PM me I can probalby walk you through a windshield wiper repair.
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:32 PM
Response to Reply #24
32. Not exactly. They broke it off at the steering column trying to hotwire
the car.
This is a Honda.
It's gonna be a bitch and a half to fix.
Thanks, though..I appreciate the offer to help.
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 11:34 PM
Response to Reply #32
40. Oh you mean the switch?
Not sure what kind of weather you are facing but that shouldn't be too bad of a problem for a while - get some rainguard (a liquid product in a bright yellow squeeze bottle - any auto parts store) and put it on the windshield and stay off of interstates, that will bead the water off good enough to get around if you are carefull. Price out the switch and see if you can handle doing it yourself - if it is more than $50 you can probably get one at a junk yard for that or less.
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:16 AM
Response to Original message
10. OMG, I will send *lots* of good thoughts.
Yikers.

Also, I don't think you're a loser if you have to use money that is available for you to use in order to get through a rough patch. These things happen.
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:33 AM
Response to Original message
12. Kick. Needs more cowbell.
:-)
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BelleCarolinaPeridot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:35 AM
Response to Reply #12
13. I agree.
Kick in hopes she comes back to read this later :)
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REP Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 06:47 AM
Response to Original message
14. First, Take A Deep Breath
The car is driveable, and nothing you described needs to be fixed ASAP. After my car was stolen and I recovered it (a month later), I drove it with a bunch of scrunchies covering the broken steering column I coldn't afford to have fixed right away - and a broken windshield wiper switch doesn't make the car easier to steal, like a naked steering column! Plus, it looks like it's already been plundered, and it says "move on" to theives.

If you need to work, there are other jobs besides stripping if you don't feel like doing that anymore. Plenty of part time jobs. They're not exciting or fulfilling, but you can keep your clothes on if you want to. Plus they come with paychecks! You can think about that later.

The car being broken into isn't yor husband's fault, but maybe could be a little more careful with the cars. Wait a bit to have that talk ... or have a talk about everything that's on your mind. Chnaces are stuff is getting to him, too and a good talk will be good for you both. I'm assuming you have a normally good relationship, of course, and that you're both under a lot of stress now.

Things do get better. Really!
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miss_american_pie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 07:25 AM
Response to Original message
15. Hang in there
:hug:
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anarch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 08:52 AM
Response to Original message
16. sorry to hear you're struggling
I both sympathize and empathize with your situation. I wish I could offer any kind of advice besides "hang in there", but I haven't figured out my own very similar situation. So I'll just send some good vibes...for you, for me, and for everybody else who is having financial trouble. It sucks!
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 08:56 AM
Response to Original message
17. Sending good thoughts...
:hug:
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LostinVA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 09:51 AM
Response to Original message
19. I just sent you a PM
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Sugar Smack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:11 AM
Response to Original message
20. Hi, sweet heart. You DO NOT SUCK.
:hug: Sometimes it feels like it never ends. I'm definitely getting that from your post. Hang in there. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you the very best luck.
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 07:09 PM
Response to Original message
21. Thanks to all...
for your kindness, good advice, and personal messages.

I am just trying to emotionally stay in as positive a place as possible. I think Universe is challenging me to believe.
You will never know how much better you all have made me feel.
I will pay it foreward. :grouphug:
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mongo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 07:28 PM
Response to Original message
22. a Big ole cyber hug to you my friend
Hope things get better for you soon...

This living hand to mouth stuff sucks ass, I know.




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wildhorses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 07:58 PM
Response to Original message
23. sending you some powerful mojo and strong juju--
look for the light, it will be there :hug:
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Jamastiene Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:10 PM
Response to Original message
25. Well, first of all, you do NOT suck.
I will send you all my warmest thoughts and wishes for a real luck turnaround. :hug:
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ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:12 PM
Response to Original message
26. I'm sending you all the good thoughts I have!
:hug:
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:14 PM
Response to Original message
28. It is ALWAYS worse at night.
Make no decisions in the dark. Wait until daytime. You will feel better and think more clearly. At least you have a back-up. That is more than many have. Of course try not to use it but that is a very positive safety to keep in mind.

If you want some advice just on the car repair PM me with exactly what works and does not - I have gotten pretty good at that sort of thing over the years. ;-)

Take a breath and try to get some sleep. It WILL be a little better in the morning. Really.


Oh and fuck that broker! He is just pissed he can't make anything off of what you are taking out. He is working FOR you. What if you moved it all to another company?
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Hosnon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 12:20 AM
Response to Reply #28
44. Ain't that the truth...things will look better in the morning. nt
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:17 PM
Response to Original message
29. Never, EVER give up. Never retreat. Never surrender.
Never.

Redstone
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:37 PM
Response to Reply #29
34. Believe me, I'm trying
..dear Redstone.
Using you as an inspiration.
It just was ..at my limit last night.
Today is a new day; I am feeling better.
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Midlodemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:25 PM
Response to Original message
30. check your PM
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:27 PM
Response to Original message
31. lildreamer,
you are allowed to feel terrible and lost and hopeless, but then you must pick yourself up and be very brave. You can often get a temp job immediately... I was a housewife for sixteen years. I have no skills that I'm aware of, and when I decided I needed work I went to a temp agency. I had a job the next day, and when that job was done, I got another one. It's not ideal but it might keep you on your feet while you figure things out.

I'm sending you my best good vibes. You can get through this. :hug: :hug: :hug:
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:35 PM
Response to Reply #31
33. Thanks, and sorry about the pity party.
I just pretty much hit my wall of tolerance last night. It's been like this all year it seems.
I feel better today. I have several suggestions like you gave me, and as soon as the car is fixed I'm on my way.
Thanks again, much appreciated.
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:42 PM
Response to Reply #33
35. No worries. I host these parties regularly. :(
I'm just really glad you're feeling more positive tonight. :pals:
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bridgit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:45 PM
Response to Original message
36. honey that does suck, we've had two windows broken out cause...
cause some little pricks thought there MUST have been something of value in our little green ford focus :wtf: so go break into some ferrari somewhere ya'chicken-shit...it was some 350 bucks+ between the two windows, yeah we had the money, but in those cycles it dumped us out so i hear you

it's easy for me to say, "just tough it out, hon", but i'd dump some of that money & take the hit if you can find the way to do that; re-reading, how much do you think it will take to make it all right?

:hug:
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:54 PM
Response to Reply #36
38. They broke something off on the steering column...
that's gonna cost us bad I think. They ripped the faceplate off the radio; it's just supposed to flip out, so that has to be replaced (the whole cd player). The cover for the radio (part of the car),and the ashtray cover are also messed up.

Anywhere from $400-$800 probably. It's a Honda, so I'm paying a bit for the parts.
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judaspriestess Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:47 PM
Response to Original message
37. go to www.angeltherapy.com
This is Doreen Virtue's site and she is wonderful. Besides us sending good vibes to you, you need to send good vibes to yourself also. this site is a start. I promise you will love it.


The phoenix will rise from the ashes stronger than ever is my motto
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Floogeldy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 11:00 PM
Response to Original message
39. You and your husband need to get 2 or 3 part-time jobs, each.
Delivering pizzas, newspaper route, cleaning homes, etc.

You can make it. :)

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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 11:47 PM
Response to Reply #39
41. He has 2 jobs...
he's a dj so they both run until 3AM on 5 nights a week. One is paid/no tips,the other is tips/not paid. He's been in Charlotte on and off all year,no luck right now. Already put his apps in Raleigh way. We live in Jamestown, between G'boro and High Point. He canvassed both cities for two weeks. Finally got his two jobs in Winston.
I have no babysitter and no family to watch the 2 year old.If we can get a bit ahead I may be able to find someone,but they have to come to the house because the family car with a backseat was wrecked in April(I was stupid and thought I was saving money by only having liability insurance, no comp. Me a dumbass). The car we are functioning on now is a 2-seater.So, I can't take little one to a daycare or babysitter, 'cause no transport.

I have a part-time job at a tanning salon I might be able to go back to. Again,it's more a matter of transportation and timing than anything else, since he has the potential to make twice what I do, we have to place import on his jobs.My dancing can make money,but right now does not seem to. Not sure what the deal is atm, but I really can't change that. It's a crapshoot--I could make $300, or $3. Sometimes it's not worth the $50 I pay to go in to work.

Thanks for the support.......
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 12:00 AM
Response to Reply #41
42. Since you have a kid already,
have you ever thought about doing a little daycare yourself? If you only took on a couple of kids, you'd be pulling in enough money for groceries.
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 12:14 AM
Response to Reply #42
43. Possibly ..
I'm just worried about liability.
Might be an idea...
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 12:38 AM
Response to Reply #43
47. Look into local requirements
to make sure everything's legal.

Also, maybe your husband should consider DJing on a freelance basis. If he did weddings, school dances, and such, he could charge more money than an entertainment agent pays him, AND the customer could pay less.
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radwriter0555 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 12:20 AM
Response to Original message
45. You're going to be okay.
First, the broken wiper switch doesn't prevent the car from running. You'll get it fixed.. you still have transport; that's REALLY fortunate.

When you fix your car insurance, make sure you add medical into since you're not covered.

You need to start cleaning houses. Yep. Be a maid. There is excellent cash money in it, if you apply really great standards and do a good job, and are on time, polite and concientious, you can really make very good money, $20 an hour. I WOULD KILL for a good housekeeper, and trust me, people want someone who speaks english and understands direction. More importantly, they want someone who does a good job, whom they can trust and someone that shows initiative. You can get yourself bonded for a small fee, which is even better.

You can advertise for free, do mailers, put up posters, print business cards at home, and rely on word of mouth, Since your hubby is working during the day, he can watch your baby. You could quickly build up a good business that can provide a very good income for a couple hours a day.

If you charge $50 to clean someone's small house, do it in 2-3 hours and can do 2 houses per day, you can earn $500 a week, working 5-6 hours per day.

I wish you luck, it can be very, very hard without real skills in the job market, you have to be really inventive and creative to make up for it, for sure.
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Hosnon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 12:24 AM
Response to Original message
46. You don't suck and forget the broker...he has no idea what your situation is.
Good luck...I'll wish you the best.
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Shine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 12:44 AM
Response to Original message
48. I'm sorry things are so rough for you lately.
:hug: I send you all my best wishes for a bright and prosperous future. :hug:
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 03:27 AM
Response to Original message
49. Still more cowbell.
:-)
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 03:30 AM
Response to Reply #49
50. You so funny.....
thanks.......
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NMMNG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 03:52 AM
Response to Original message
51. You do not suck
You're just the victim of myriad crappy circumstances.

McDonald's doesn't pay all that well, but I suppose it depends on what you're comparing it to. It doesn't appear the stripping provides dependable enough money to be a worthwhile risk. You need something with a guaranteed hourly wage so you know what you're getting.

Best wishes.
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In_The_Wind Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 03:55 AM
Response to Original message
52. Good vibes ~~~~~~~~~

You really need them right about now!
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