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L A Woman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 08:10 PM
Original message
My boss threatened to fire me again today - any advice?
Any time my boss pulls one of her power trips and I don't bite, she calls me into her office 10 minutes before I leave on Friday and threatens to fire me. That way I get to spend the whole weekend worried about my job. In short, this is what happened:

She called this morning on her way in, we joked about how our paychecks were already gone. I said I'd spent my last dime on my Christmas plane ticket. (my whole family lives back east)

She wanted to know why I had bought a plane ticket home when she hadn't approved my leave. I replied that my plane ticket was none of her business, but that no one else in the office wanted off those days - I had checked with them and I was the only person who put in a leave slip, so why on earth would she deny it?

She did not say a word to me all day.

Then 10 minutes before I left, she called me in and I explained the above to her again, and I added that every moment I wait to buy a plane ticket, it goes up in price. I even showed her this on Expedia. She replied, "Oh good. I will think about it over the weekend and let you know." I argued that I put in my leave slip three days ago and she said, "well maybe we need to talk about you not working here, anymore."

And here I am. I have e-mailed her supervisor but I don't know what that's going to do. Anyone know if I have any recourse other than just getting another job, which I trying to do!!!???

Thanks for any help. DUers know everything. :-)
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SeattleGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 08:24 PM
Response to Original message
1. How many times has she done this?
Sounds like it standard operating procedure for her. I hate crap like that.

I'm also wondering if you get periodic reviews, where the review is in writing. If so, and if the reviews have been good, that can help if she did terminate you, or even in making your case to her supervisor.

One thing you might want to do, if you haven't already, is to keep a log of when she does thing: incident, date, and time.

I take it you haven't heard back from the supervisor, but when you do, if you get to meet with this person, or if he/she wants a response from you, be prepared. Be calm, rational, logical, etc.

Wish I had more to suggest. I hope things work out for you.
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MichiganVote Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 08:28 PM
Response to Original message
2. I think I would have replied.."Well since you say you're going to fire
me all the time anyway, what's it to you?"
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petronius Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 08:31 PM
Response to Original message
3. Speaking as a drunken amateur psychologist,
your boss sounds extremely insecure. My bet is she took your act as a failure to recognize her authority, in that you were taking the leave approval for granted. It's no consolation, but I think you can be confident that as annoying as she is on the outside, on the inside she is trembling with constant fear and feelings of inadaquacy...
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hickman Donating Member (904 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 08:39 PM
Response to Original message
4. Sounds like your boss has a need to be in total control.
For what ever reason. All things cleared through her. Understand it and work with it, or go shopping for a better job. I grew up with a parent like that and have had bosses like that. Don't get me started.
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Evoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 08:45 PM
Response to Original message
5. She is insecure...try not to threaten her.
Edited on Fri Oct-20-06 08:49 PM by Evoman
Shes a headcase, just like many bosses....she pulling this stuff simply because she thinks your getting to big for your britches.

My advice....cajole her. Instead of fighting here, let her know that you are sorry that you didn't ask her first, and that you would appreciate that she fulfill your request. Tell her you won't do it again....then when you get back from your trip, get her a small gift, and suprise her.

Lol..sound like I'm off my rocker, don't I? You SEE how fast this improves your relationship with her, and your power in the company. If she is sure you are not a threat, then you will get perks for that (and you could be a threat if you want to be...just don't let her catch on). In life, there are many ways to gain power and control, and many ways to lose it. Threatening people more powerful gets you nothing...your satisfaction is temporary, and you will find yourself without a job.

People see it as groveling, or see it as humiliation to be led or bossed around. But its not...what your doing is simply a deception. Lull her into a false sense of security...then when you have enough power (time to suck up to her boss lol), then pile-drive the bitch and take her job.

See how easy it all is?

On edit: Before you get on me for using the word bitch, I would have used BASTARD if the boss was male. Its not a gender thing at all, I simply wanted to make a point...if anybody is still offended by this, just let me know and I will edit my post (if its not too late).
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nytemare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 07:44 PM
Response to Reply #5
35. Subtle and diplomatic.
Very nice.
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L A Woman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 09:13 PM
Response to Original message
6. thanks for the advice, i appreciate it...
i've tried the apology route and it hasn't worked; i don't know what i will do. but i can't let the BITCH (!) ruin another one of my weekends. It's just encourages her to keep doing it.

Thanks again, everyone! :grouphug:
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Joe Chi Minh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-22-06 03:28 PM
Response to Reply #6
38. I'd be inclined to humilate her in front of thhe rest of the staff
by telling her she's power mad. "Enjoy your pathetic weekend with no-one to dominate, but your cat!" But then, I've had a lot of jobs.
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madrchsod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 10:29 PM
Response to Original message
7. find another job
really ya don`t need to put up with this kind of crap..start looking for another job while you are still there and i bet you`ll find a better one
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havocmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 10:40 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. Second that. And if you have good written reviews and she has a boss
I'd seriously consider requesting a consult with her, her boss and a third party witness. If she has no particular complaints about your job preformance, this is harassment and a hostile work environment. Look into the laws in your state. Talk to some pros about the situation and see what they say.

Most states have laws regarding creating hostile environment at work. Look into your situation.

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Joe Chi Minh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-22-06 03:30 PM
Response to Reply #8
39. That sounds great advice.
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hedgehog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 11:03 PM
Response to Original message
9. Good luck whatever happens.
Edited on Fri Oct-20-06 11:06 PM by hedgehog
I am still recovering from working six years in a very sick environment. Assuming you are some kind of exempt employee, your options and protections may be very limited. Whenever I hear someone bitching about unions, I just wish I had had the protection of a union contract and union rep. Keep the documentation for your own protection even if you never use it. It'll help convince you that it was the situation that was off, not you.

I'm guessing by your avatar that some of this harassment may be because you're gay. I went through a lot of shit because I was one of two women in a 40 person supervisory group. I know there are anti-bias laws out there, but I never used them because I didn't want to poison my reputation when I was looking for another job.
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Presidentcokedupfratboy Donating Member (994 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 11:06 PM
Response to Original message
10. As someone who was a union rep
I would document what she says: date, time, place, what was said....do this as soon as you can.

However, do NOT do it on a company computer. Anything you put on that computer, along with any emails you send out or receive, is considered their property. If you want what you write to remain private, use a notepad and and pen.

I now work in a non-union (at-will employment) shop. The same still applies.

Good luck.
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Truthiness Inspector Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 11:14 PM
Response to Original message
11. Why don't you ask her what she is doing for Christmas?
She will probably say, "I'm doing this/that/the other." That is your opening. Tell her you are doing the same, that none of your co-workers have put in for it, and present your slip.
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 11:15 PM
Response to Original message
12. I'm curious...did you use the phrase, "It's none of your business,"
to her? Did you say it just like that? :shrug:
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L A Woman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 03:43 AM
Response to Reply #12
14. well sort of , yes...
I said, "the details of my trip are none of your business." she was asking me questions that were none of her business - the only thing that is her business is the leave slip, which she can approve or deny, but if she denied it, it would be based on nothing.

bitch.

at least i can call her that here. that makes me happy. i love DU. :-)
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 03:50 AM
Response to Reply #14
15. Uh oh
Well, the phrase "none of your business" will really set off some people in positions of power. You have to realize, which you probably do now, that the whole reason some of them give their employees a difficult time is because they have a burning desire to feel superior. They might, technically, try to use that phrase as insubordination. At any rate, I wish you all the luck. It sounds like it might take a lot of patience and teeth grinding if you decide to stay. :hug:
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Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 12:48 PM
Response to Reply #14
24. I wouldn't say that to any supervisor.
To them, it's inflammatory and will bite you in the butt.

When I have nosy people of power ask "Nunya Business"
questions, i just reply " It's personal".

They can't nail you for that response.


Also, get the approval before you buy your plane ticket.
Otherwise it looks like you're going over their heads and doing
it anyway.
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L A Woman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 02:20 PM
Response to Reply #24
28. Yeah, if I could do it over again I would have used a different phrase
but the point is still the same. It really IS none of her business. She has the leave request and she can approve or deny it, but she doesn't need to know what I am doing. I think the reason I said that to her in such a tactless way was because she has a history of putting her nose into my business.

She is so awful, you have no idea. Must. get. out.

I do appreciate all the advice. Thanks.
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Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 04:24 PM
Response to Reply #28
30. It sounds awful.
I hope you do find another job with a decent boss.

:hug:
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Joe Chi Minh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-22-06 03:35 PM
Response to Reply #14
40. If you want to get your own back, write her a letter, telling her that
Edited on Sun Oct-22-06 03:36 PM by KCabotDullesMarxIII
if she want's even the least details to be passed through her she must feel very insecure, her authority under constant threat. If she ever needs a shoulder to cry on, you'll be there for her. Course yu'll probably be told to collect your things there and then...

On the other hand, I somehow don't think it's a letter she'd want to share with her superior.
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Redneck Socialist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-20-06 11:25 PM
Response to Original message
13. Well, she sounds like an ass, but...
why didn't you put in for leave earlier? I mean three days? Why would she have even looked at it yet? Presumably you knew you where going away for christmas some time ago.
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L A Woman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 03:50 AM
Response to Reply #13
16. there are 5 people in the office, including me and her
she asked for holiday leave slips on the 17th. I turned mine in on the 17th. The other three people had no leave slips to turn in because they are going nowhere!
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Redneck Socialist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 02:19 PM
Response to Reply #16
27. Ah, sorry. I didn't realize it was such a small shop
One of my responsibilities is coordinating the schedules and vacations of 20 plus people and it can be a huge PITA. As a result I have some sympathy for your boss. That being said, she didn't handle the situation very well.
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Bake Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 06:26 AM
Response to Original message
17. Beeyotch!!`Tell her to go fuck herself.
Maybe it'll do her good.

Bake
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radwriter0555 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 06:39 AM
Response to Original message
18. Well... here's the thing. Assuming you need the job, for the moment it's
important to play by her rules.. which it appears, you have.

It would be almost impossible for her to deny your vacation request, but you're right, she's pulling a power trip. She doesn't have a reason to fire you, you have followed the rules. You bought your ticket without having any reason to believe that you would be denied the time off. That's not a reason to fire someone.

You must be sure to be as polite and business-like as possible, and to follow every single rule, which you have. You must be sure not to be too sassy with her, and DENY you said "it's none of your business". Rethink how you should have said that it's not her business and if you're ever asked SAY THAT and stick to it and never, ever, EVER change the sentence again. EVER.

And find a new job, unless you have reason to believe she's going to be leaving soon. Nothing will ever change her, she's evil.



Is her name vivian?
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datasuspect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 07:04 AM
Response to Original message
19. have you documented everything that has happened so far?
is this a major corporation?

have you started seeing a "sliding scale fee" therapist to document the damage in your quality in life due to this?

sounds like a "hostile work environment." completely actionable in court.

the better documented everything is, the more compelling your case will be for an employment lawyer.
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Darth_Kitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 10:14 AM
Response to Original message
20. She wants to be in control..........
I wonder if SHE has a reason to be insecure.

She's playing some sad game and she's being totally unprofessional.
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nini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 10:27 AM
Response to Original message
21. Bosses are funny like that.. they expect to be able to run their depts
While she surely sounds like she can be a bit difficult, you probably shouldn't have thrown out the 'it's none of your business' remark to her when it actually is her business if she approves your leave requests.


My first suggestion is to knock off the snarky comments if you want peace at the workplace. Sounds like your attitude is part of the problem too, even though you feel it is justified. If she is truly out to get you for reasons that have nothing to do with your job peformance etc.. you need to start documenting EVERYTHING so you can present evidence to her bosses, your HR dept etc... to get her to back off.

Maybe look for another job too. Sometimes those types of situations are just too negative for us and we need to move on.

Good luck.


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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 11:21 AM
Response to Original message
22. Well, she sounds like a pain in the ass but
The best way to deal with people like that (I've found) is to let them believe they have the authority they seem to think they have in a way that doesn't screw up your personal integrity.

So instead of telling her that your plane ticket was none of her business, I would have shrugged and said, "Well, it was a good price. If I can't get the time off, I'll figure something else out." Period.

It's just a stupid thing to argue about, on both your parts. Yes, she's being a moran about it but by letting her make it an argument, you're not handling it well either. When she asked the initial question, she probably had no intention of denying your leave, she just wanted to feel like she was in charge. So let her - what difference does it make?
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HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 12:40 PM
Response to Original message
23. Fuck, her - don't go in monday unless it's to punch her in the face.
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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 01:55 PM
Response to Reply #23
25. I agree with HEyHEY's advice
this woman has serious power-trip issues and is in dire need of a huge butt-kicking
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L A Woman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 02:12 PM
Response to Reply #23
26. That is the advice I am going to take...
in my fantasy. :-)
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Nikia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
29. Maybe you need to decide conversation boundaries w/ your boss
You voluntarily tell her that you spent money on a plane ticket to be away from day's she hasn't approved yet. When she suggests disapproval, you now tell her that the plane ticket is none of her business. Do you see what I am getting at here?
Of course I think that she overreacted by threatening your job. You need to decide conversational boundaries with her. If you are not comfortable talking about your personal life or certain aspects of that to her, don't bring it up. If necessary, don't talk to her about anything except business.
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wildhorses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 04:27 PM
Response to Original message
31. i think your boss and my boss would make the perfect couple--
Edited on Sat Oct-21-06 04:28 PM by wildhorses
maybe they will bitch slap each other to death and save us the trouble :P


edited cos ain't it a bitch when you mis-spell bitch :eyes:
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enigma000 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 06:05 PM
Response to Original message
32. So let me get this straight
As an aside to your supervisor, you mention that you plan to be away for certain work days. While you submitted "a slip" you did not receive an indication that your boss had accepted the time off or even read the slip by then. So your boss was surprised. Later in the day, you act like she should be concerned for your well-being.

And you e-mailed her supervisor complaining.

Gee, I'd be tempted to sack you on the spot, and I very happy to say I've avoided laying off people my whole management career.

And subordinate coming to me and telling me they signed up on a great travel deal and just have to take it would get my full support. But this......... :wtf:

And I know bad bosses - I've had REAL bad bosses.
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L A Woman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 06:58 PM
Response to Reply #32
33. you didn't get that very straight...
She requested that we put in for our holiday vacations. I handed it to her. I put it IN HER HAND. The only other three remaining people in the office didn't submit leave slips because they aren't taking any leave. Therefore it did not occur to me that she would deny the leave. There would be no reason to do so.

And I e-mailed her supervisor requesting to meet with him about the issue. I didn't "complain" about her.

The point is, she used her power to toy with my family and my money simply because I dared try to make travel arrangements for Christmas. She does this type of thing a lot. It is a very oppressive working environment.

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LA lady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 07:40 PM
Response to Reply #33
34. That isn't how it works!
If you "put in" for a raise, would you start spending it before it was approved?

I am with enigma, I have been a manager; I would have put in papers to terminate you.

You should look for another job but I doubt you will get much of a recommendation.
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L A Woman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-21-06 08:02 PM
Response to Reply #34
36. but i didn't "spend" anything
I was merely going to buy a ticket before the price went up. Had she denied the leave, I would have cancelled the ticket. I would not have skipped work. Now if I had done THAT, that would be grounds for termination.
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Joe Chi Minh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-22-06 03:25 PM
Response to Original message
37. What a pathetic excuse for a woman!
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sendero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Oct-22-06 03:52 PM
Response to Original message
41. The normal function...
.. of a manager in a small operation as yours is, when it comes to vacation, to be sure that no more than 1-2 folks are on vacation simultaneously.

Now, maybe SHE was planning on taking vacation at that time, but the reality is that were that the case she could simply inform you that your request would not be approved because she would be out and blah blah blah.

But going to the realm of "you made a move without going through me", she has proven that she's a power-tripping moron with delusions that the operation would fail without her around. My experience has been that the operation gets better when such low low people aren't around :)

But if I were you, I'd be looking for another job. Folks like her are not rational and she is probably out for blood now.
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