Well, JC on a pogo stick. She's coming over.

[Robb]

You know, after she has breakfast a makes a few phone calls.

She's actually planning to spend some time (obviously not nearly enough) getting her things the hell out of my house. I expect fireworks -- and not the good kind -- when she sees how much of her stuff I've packed into neatly labeled boxes.

I think I'll wait until she's yelling at me to bring up the promissory note for the cash she still owes me.

[peacefreak]

1. Stay cool

& don't let her push your buttons. Do you have a mutual friend that would be willing to hang around while she does the moveout?

[qnr]

2. That sounds like a good idea. n/t

[Robb]

4. No problem

I'll be so cool, you could store a side of beef in me for a month.

Nope. My plan is to stay above any possible fray. I want to be able to look back and know I behaved well, despite everything.

[Scout1071]

3. Make sure someone is there with you.

Just in case.

[wildhorses]

5. yes, a witness...and don't be surprised if she has a "friend"

with her...just remember this, too shall pass and stay cool

[yewberry]

6. Why would she yell about her stuff being packed?

The only thing I can come up with is guilt. As long as you don't martyr up, that shouldn't be an issue.

It seems to me that you did all that for you, not for her. So the Hell with her.


Is there some part of the house where you can be so that you can be sure that a) she's not doing anything crazy with your stuff and b) you're not available to help with the actual work?

Good luck--I hope that today sees a lot of changes for your living situation!

[Robb]

7. Roger that on the guilt

But also, I think she'll be perturbed because I'm dealing, and she's really not. Because the whole thing was her idea, a way to assert control over her problem -- alcohol -- that controls her.

Ostensibly she speaks of me trying to control her -- specifically, trying to get her to work to stop drinking, something she does quite badly. So at this point, I'm quite certain there are dominance and control issues she's reeling with.

Knowing this, hopefully I can gently ward off any badness today by being collected, matter-of-fact, etc.

[yewberry]

9. It sounds like you've got a good handle on things.

If you can, it might be a good idea to operate from a mental position of being not in control or in a place of more power, but from a place of being finished--outside of or apart from the dynamics of the relationship.

There is a danger that she might find you just implacable (which can be infuriating) but it'd cut off the possibility of indulging in drama or reenacting parts of the relationship.


Good luck. It might not be such a bad idea to have a friend come over and just be there with you.
Take care of yourself!

[Robb]

10. That's pretty much the plan

The time for drama has ended. I'm going to calmly let her know by the time I go to bed tonight, her things will all be out -- whether she's taken them to storage, or I've put it all out in the shed.

The locks change at noon tomorrow on the house, but I can't see a good reason for letting her know that.

[yewberry]

13. Good deal.

Don't bother telling her about the locks.

And have a nice dinner or something--you should reward yourself at the end of this.

[GOPisEvil]

8. She's lucky you're a decent guy.

A lesser man would have chucked her crap out on the lawn, all willy-nilly. But not you, you're FAR above that. I'm sure you just thought it.

[Robb]

11. LOL!

Yeah, well fortunately the one day I was in that space, it was simply gorgeous outside. I decided no point in tossing crap out on the lawn unless there was mud or snow.

[GOPisEvil]

12. True, true. Tossing crap outside must be done for maximum effect.

[Dangerously Amused]

14. Well, good. More progress.

It might not be a joyful day but at least it will be over sooner rather than later.


When the fireworks start up, I'd say, "I really don't understand why you're upset about this; you made a decision to leave and I'm trying to help you achieve your goal." The only thing she can be mad about is that her goal - leaving you - has now become your goal as well. And getting mad for helping her reach her goal simply means it was never reallly her goal in the first place, but rather a play to control and manipulate. So to cover that she'll say that what she's upset about is how easily you're "letting" her go, it means you never really cared in the first place, blah blah blah... Yep, fun and games.

Eh, but you're a clever lad and you already knew all that.


= sigh = I dont envy you today, Robb. Let us know how it turns out.

[Robb]

15. Well, phone call notwithstanding, the morning is dribbling away

I'm just idly packing a box here, a box there. At some point she'll come over, or not, but this train is rolling regardless.

[kwassa]

16. she may never show up.

might stop for a drink someplace, and then ....

[Robb]

17. UPDATE: All bets are off.

She showed up, hair done and dressed up like she was going to a nightclub -- took about three boxes, and said she was taking her daughter to see the Bettie Page movie.

"Well, OK," said Robb. "There's a lot to get done here."

"I always get a lot done," she said. And left.

Sooooo... the 30 or so boxes I had packed and sitting in the living room are now in the shed. I'm taking a little water break, then upstairs for her desk and closet.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

18. She needs to get her stuff and get going.

Why is she holding everything up.

[HEyHEY]

19. Oh, oh, I know! Cause she's scared of it being totally over

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

20. The more she drags it out the worse it is.

[HEyHEY]

21. yuppers

[lildreamer316]

23. Well; then here is the exact plan:

Wait about a day, maybe 2. If no hear from her, one message should be left, stating matter-of-factly that you/Robb has to go out of town/has a busy part of the week coming us; and if she does not get the rest of her stuff/set a date and stick to it, it will be unavailable until you return.
If THIS deadline goes by without comment or result, out on the side of the driveway or the road the neatly packed boxes should go. You have to go on with your life.

Or, just be extremley unavailable whenever she calls. No return calls,no acknowledgement. You are too busy to even be home to get her messages. Oops, were you supposed to be expecting her? Damn.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

22. Oh dear Lord.

What a sad existence she has. Did she forget she dumped you?
Duckie

[JVS]

24. Get a restraining order on her

[SammyWinstonJack]

25. Put her stuff out on the road, change the locks and I agree, get a

restraining order on her. That's what I did when my ex ran off with someone else and wanted to put me through hell because of his selfish decision.

[Robb]

26. Well, that's not what ROs are for

I don't feel particularly threatened. Used, taken advantage of, abandoned, confused, and increasingly bitter, perhaps. But not threatened.

[Fuzz]

27. JC on a pogo stick?

[Robb]

28. Well I'll be

[LostinVA]

29. Remember what I told you to do last week?

DO IT.

Change Locks.

Put all her stuff outside. Take photographs of the stuff.

SEnd her a letter via UPS and TELL her when to get the stuff, if she doesn't tell ger it's being hauled away. THen, DO IT if she doesn't show up.

She bothers you? RESTRAINING ODER.

Do all of this ASAP tomorrow.

She is being controlling on PURPOSE. And, she'll continue doing it forever. Stop her now.

Do not converse with her or anything -- in person, in the phone, etc. Have a witness there when she picks stuff up.

[xchrom]

30. get a storage locker somewhere.

put the stuff in there.

and make her dance to YOUR tune about when you're ready to meet her at the storage place.

[Dangerously Amused]

31. Yikes. Games much?

Sounds like she came over to:


1. Be seen lookin' good so you'll regret "letting her get away" and beg her to stay, and

2. Drive home the point that she will move her things when she is good and ready, and you will stand there holding the bag until she does.



Yep, the shed for a week or two or as long as you feel comfortable with it, then a storage unit. She can get the keys to the storage unit when she reimburses you in full for the rent.


Wench.

[Robb]

32. Taking another break right now

I've re-filled the living room, all that's left now is her desk.

If I don't see her by 5 p.m., which is in 25 minutes, Load #2 heads for the shed.