How long does it take to get over an ex?

[Amaya]

I'm in day 6 of a long term relationship break-up.
my emotions are all over the place. i don't eat much (lost about 5 pounds already) and my sleep is horrible.
everything in my house reminds me of him. some of his clothes are here and his stuff. Things he bought me and the kids....
I'm so angry at myself that I can't handle this better.:( :cry:

any support would be appreciated.

[RetroLounge]

1. All I can offer is a hug

:hug:

And it takes as long as it takes...

RL

[Amaya]

9. i know you're right

back at ya :hug:

[SeattleGirl]

2. It's different for everybody. There's no "set" time.

Wish I could tell you that it'll all be okay in a week, but I can't. What I will say is, don't be angry at yourself. Break-ups are tough, and what you're going through is normal (and yes, very painful). Do you have friends or family whose shoulders you can literally cry on? Wish I could offer more, except :hug: :hug: :hug: .

[Amaya]

6. Thank you

yes, i have some good friends near by. I have my mother, she has listen to me cry for 6 days.
hope she doesn't get tired of it.

[SeattleGirl]

27. If your mom is anything like mine, she won't mind at all.

:hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

3. It's an individual thing...

For me, about a day...after a 6 year relationship...My ex, he's still not over it, over a year later...

:hug:

[Amaya]

8. Thank you

for the hug :hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

14. anytime sweetie....

i miss you! :loveya:

[Redstone]

4. Depends.

Can be a long time, I'm afraid, and is worse when the kids ask why or, worse, wonder why but don't ask. A wretched situation for you.

Wish there was something I could do to help, because as you know I like you a lot and have a great deal of respect for you as well.

You deserve to feel better short-term and to be happy long-term as well.

If there's anything I could do, just tell me.

Redstone

[Amaya]

10. you have always been so sweet

yeah, that's tough. my kids have asked where "he" is. he was apart of the family. i tell them the truth. they are sad also.
i should have never gotten involved with him.
how did i know... damn, this one is hard.
i may need a shoulder to cry on.
:hug:

[Redstone]

16. PM me, and I'll give you my phone number. Tonight, I'm a bit too full

of Vikes to be too helpful, but don't forget you can always call during the day if you want to. Since I own the business, I can spend as much time as I damn well please on personal phone calls.

But remember, even for you, only on the RIGHT shoulder, please. (Lame attempt at humor.)

By the way, what do you mean "how did I know?" Of COURSE there was no way for you to know.

We can all of us only follow our hearts, and sometimes our hearts lead us down the wrong road; but we can't know that the road is the wrong one until we travel it and find where it leads, can we?

Dang, that's deep. I should be writing inspirational books. But the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" title has already been used. Maybe I could try "Cheesesteak Hoagie for the Arteries" as a series title?

Redstone

[Name removed]

5. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Amaya]

12. hahaha...

thanks for making me laugh.
ya, i know where he lives and i hope he stays there.

[LostInAnomie]

7. It took me about two months to get over my girlfriend of 3 years.

It took me about a year and a half to forgive women in general.

[Left Is Write]

11. Longer than six days.

I'm so sorry you are hurting. :hug:

[LeftyMom]

13. Bag up his things

Even if you just bag them and stick them in a closet until you feel up to making arrangements for them, it's better than seeing them all the time. Just do it at a time when you can have a good cry, because you probably will, but in the long term it's definitely helpful not to see constant reminders.

[Amaya]

19. I'll do that this weekend

that's gonna be a tough one.

[lost-in-nj]

15. hugs to you

I hope you heal soon......

:grouphug:

lost

[flamingyouth]

17. I'm sorry for you

Don't be angry at yourself. I think you're handling it just fine. :hug:

[Zomby Woof]

18. I am so sorry sweetie

About the only helpful advice I have is well-worn but true: Time will heal you. :hug:

Please know your friends care about you, and will always be here for you, without fail.

[Amaya]

21. it's so good to hear from an old friend

good to know you're here.
missed you
:hug:

[Zomby Woof]

24. I've missed you too!

And you can bend my ear whenever you damn well please. :hug:

[tyedyeto]

20. Took me over a year but we had been married for 25 years.

It's always painful no matter the length of time you've been together.

:hug:

[badgerpup]

22. I don't know you, but I've stood in your shoes earlier this year...

Wish I could tell you better, but you're in for a rough road. :hug:

Your emotions are going to be all over the place for a couple weeks at least, so don't expect too much from yourself.
Knowing about the grieving process, the stages, and what is going on DOES NOT STOP you from grieving, or do anything to halt the pain.
Just go with it, don't fight it. You'll come through. Really.

Don't be afraid to feel angry. You've been hurt.
Acknowledge your anger, and you will know the best way of dealing with it for you.
As long as you aren't taking it out on your kids, you're doing fine.

NOWHERE does it say that when breaking off a long-term relationship, we have to behave gracefully and generously ALL THE TIME.
Don't do anything illegal, however, or that might cause permanent damage or YOU embarrassment or regret down the road. Some stuff is fun to think about doing...just don't act on it.
I do not advocate harm, violence or damage here, OK?

Get rid of his stuff, if you can. If seeing it around just reminds you and hurts you, you don't need it.

The hardest part is that it takes time and meanwhile you feel like hell. All I can tell you is that not all days will be bad. You'll feel gradually better as time passes and you'll get some perspective.

Obligatory BeenThere DoneThat:
I'm four months out from my own breakup...dumped for a picture of blonde pair of tits on the Internet. Over the worst of the hurt and humiliation and actually starting to feel pretty good...
and yeah, he got his 'comeuppance'...the picture was a fishing lure for a cyberhooker.

You'll do fine. Believe in yourself. It just takes time...but chocolate doesn't hurt. :hug:

[Amaya]

28. great post

thank you.
:hug:

[dropkickpa]

23. How fast is your car?

Seriously, I've learned that there just is no set time. Sometimes, it's a matter of days/weeks, sometimes (unfortunately) much longer. I don't really have any great advice other than play with the kids, enjoy the little things, and take all the hugs you can get. :hug::hug::hug:

[sendero]

25. You have more time..

... to grieve. There is no set period, but it would generally be measured in months. That is not to say that you will be as hurt a month from now as you are today, it will get better - but it's not going away overnight. One day a few months from now you will wake up and realize you are over it.

Some folks jump into "transitional" relationships at this time - it might help but be careful - you're really not in your right mind.

The grieving time is a good time to get really honest with yourself about why the relationship ended. It's never the total doing of one or the other parties, and understanding any role you might have played will help you the next time.

In any event, good luck and though it is hard to believe right now - this loss will pave the way for an even better relationship the next time around.

[Amaya]

29. thank you for you words.

it helps a lot.

[crim son]

26. Amaya, I am in the final throes of the recovery

after the man I loved completely left me. Early in the game I remember reading that it would take six months before the pain started to really ease, and one year for full recovery. I am six months and one week into it and am finally doing well. It's been unbelievably painful and my hope for you is that you deal with it with strength and courage, because I did not and it made things worse. When you feel very bad, gather your kids for a long hug. Exercise, write, walk. I lost eighteen pounds in the first month! Don't do that. Get help if you need it, wherever you can, and talk to your friends and family. Most of all, take to heart what people tell you, that it takes time and you WILL stop hurting. It may take more or less time but you WILL heal. I promise you that. :hug: :hug: -Lisa

[u4ic]

30. Please don't be angry with yourself

Anger is fine. Anger at yourself...isn't.

Is it possible for you to just let the feelings happen? They will be all over the place, and it's normal - not fun by any means, but normal. Letting them out is the best way to grieve.

As others said, there is no timetable. Take as long as you need. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. You may be saying "why did I get involved with him?" right now; but if you hadn't, you may be saying "why didn't I get involved with him?"

Btw, it was 3 months after a LTR breakup that I started seeing someone else, and thought I was fine; 2 months later that was down the tubes and I realized I needed time alone. It's been about 9 months since, and finally feel in a good space now.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Evoman]

31. Usually, between 1 and 6 months.

Depends...last time, it took me about a week to get over a two year relationship. I'm a quick healer, though. Here are some stories about people I know...

1)Coworker. Broke up with his gf of 4 years. He was really messed up...told me it would be at least a year before he would date again, and longer before he was over her. I told him he would be better in two months, and dating in four. 3 months later he had a new gf.

2)Friend. She broke up with her bf of 6 years !!! because she didnt want to marry him. She was dating another guy in a month. She felt really bad about him, because he was so in love with her. It took him a year...to get married to another chick!

3)Another coworker/friend. Divorced her husband. Said she never wanted to date again, she was so depressed. 6 months later, she was dating a great guy. 3 years later, she is still with him.

I don't know how long it will take you. I don't know when you will date again. All I know is that it probably won't take as long as you think, and I know that you WILL GET OVER IT. Good luck.

[Guava Jelly]

32. I'm sorry Amaya

Heartbreak is called Heartbreak for a reason
And it will repair itself either by time or a new love.
You are a very stunning woman by the pictures I have seen you post in the past.
And the guy must be nuts for letting you get away!
Well I really have no advice just a few niceties