Do some people bruise emotionally more easily than others?

[RevCheesehead]

This is more than a simple copycat. Yvr's thread got me thinking about all the people who post here, and how some people have come to rely on the compassion and sympathy of others.

In my darkest times, your posts of support kept me going. I know I'm not the only one to experience your kindness and compassion.

But here's my real question: As Dems, don't we believe that we have a responsibility to help care for those who, for whatever reason, cannot care for themselves alone? And doesn't that include emotional support?

Rodney King once asked "why can't we all get along?" And I want to ask all of us the same question. Can we please, PLEASE make a real effort to support one another - or at the very least, be polite? And if you can't do that much, would you at least leave other people alone and stop the snark? You may go for the easy laugh, but ultimately, this behavior is destroying a lovely community.

Flame away. I can take it.

[Ptah]

1. But here's my real question:

"As Dems, don't we believe that we have a responsibility to help care for those who, for whatever reason, cannot care for themselves alone? And doesn't that include emotional support?"



I would agree. I hope I have expressed that.

[StrongBad]

3. Democrats have a greater capacity for empathy than Republicans

Thus, it would then follow that we feel deeper and can become emotionally wounded much easier as well.

Comes with the territory I guess. You're right, we should all try and support each other since we're working towards the same goals.

[Ptah]

10. All we are saying,

[ZombieNixon]

2. That bothers me as well.

I've begun to more highly value and protect the close relationships with people I know here as a result.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

4. OMG what the fuck r u---some stoopid DLCer?

Get along with one another? I ain't gettin' along with no Lieberman-lovin', Bush-kowtowin' moderates, no way! It's ppl like u who r losing elections for the Dems!



Sounds good to me, Rev.

[ZombieNixon]

5. j00 |2 4 n00b.

Teh suxx0rz.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

8. Whatever. I don't speak "1337."

[ScreamingMeemie]

6. I guess so...

Last week, I lost one of my dearest DU friends over something that doesn't really involve either of us. This year, I have lost the acquaintance of several DUers over something that really didn't involve either of us. I tell myself it's just the internets... but, sometimes, that isn't enough.

[RevCheesehead]

9. I know that disagreements are inevitable.

But isn't there a gentler way to disagree? Do we all have to be Zell Miller?

I'm sorry you've had a rough week. I think many of us understand, and feel awful about the whole damned thing.

[ScreamingMeemie]

13. The sad part is, I didn't have a disagreement with any of the people

who now no longer seem to be able to keep up the friendship. I'm trying not to be Zell on Earth.

[Ptah]

11. Hey you:

[ScreamingMeemie]

12. Hey...

Thanks!

[hfojvt]

70. you lost them as a friend, or as a DUer?

Is it that friends expect their friends to be on the same side they are even if they do not have a dog in the hunt? Many times people can care alot about issues that don't really involve them. If it involves my homies, then it involves me.

[ScreamingMeemie]

77. As a friend.

I love my friends, and will listen to their troubles and feel sorry for them, but I gave up the major "taking sides and going into battle" in junior high.

[IChing]

7. Your post just bruised my id

The part of my mind in which my innate instinctive impulses and primary processes are manifest.
But I got over it. LIVING KINDNESS is a sensible and wise guide in this troubled world.


I try not to attack unless it is a freeper, however I do it with kindness.

[Arkham House]

14. Speaking as a bruisee--

--I've had nothing but support here...though to be sure, I have consciously avoided flame bait threads, here and on GD, for the most part. Maybe that speaks of something lacking in me--that I avoid unpleasantness, but am avoiding life in all its aspects, too...but the people here are terrific, and the love and support I've seen when someone has a crisis in their life has materially helped me keep a grip on my sanity and balance when it's seemed as if the world is beyond redemption... to all of you, just 'cause I feel like it...

[reyd reid reed]

16. ...

[mad-mommy]

15. I like the way you think n/t

[Jamastiene]

17. I know there are times when I am needy for the compassion

that you give.

I am probably guilty of going for the jugular over in GD a few times this week. There are just certain keywords that trigger this rabid beast in me though.

I agree in principle that we should try to be a little less abrasive to each other. If I can just master that calming effect and compassion like you have, if we all could, the world would be a better place.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

18. My dear Rev.......

Thank you for this thread.......

It is a topic that I think we are overdue for discussing....

I know that I've had the Lounge's support many times for big and small problems......

And I also know that without said support, my recovery would not have been nearly so sure, or as swift......

Ralph Waldo Emerson said: Life is short but there is always time for courtesy.

I couldn't agree more.....

[Missy Vixen]

19. GD's brutal today

>And if you can't do that much, would you at least leave other people alone and stop the snark?<

I commented to someone else in PM today that my ignore list has more people on it right now than it's ever had since I arrived at DU five years ago. I have my hot button issues, too (don't criticize Patrick Fitzgerald, for instance, ) but some of it, I think, is because the writers sit behind a computer screen and don't interface IRL. It's easy to act that way towards someone else if they're not someone you deal with face to face daily.

Of course, IMHO, YMMV.

Julie

[datasuspect]

69. it is brutal, but there needs to be some perspective

DU as a whole is a HEAVILY moderated site.

i remember i used to post in ******** groups way back when and it would get FOR REAL nasty, with people swearing at each other, promising to kill each other, etc.

it would even spill over into real life too, with character assasination stuff to get people fired (i have seen freepers do that to at least one DUer though), stalking, property damage, and physical violence.

the world of discussion groups is like a psycho factory sometimes.

[GalleryGod]

72. As a boomer, let me say, "Right On, Julie"

My Ignore list is huge (once more) but NO IRL contact is the true cause of this incivility.


NYC's First Couple !

[bridgit]

20. that's a big question, Rev, a proper one but big; it lays bare this...

cyber world where we sit and give and with the greatest of ease...people have heard the story, my little tale of woe at least some have, but i have never been what could be referred to as 'popular', and i think that has perpared me fo DU

[ScreamingMeemie]

45. Don't ever underestimate yourself and what you bring to the lives

of others bridgit.

[SeattleGirl]

21. Great thread, Rev. I quite agree with you. What really bothers

me on DU (and it happens on other boards too), is that some people who enjoy flaming appear to me to be pretty much the same as freepers, except with better grammar. The drive-by snarks and insults are a particular pet peeve of mine; I rarely snark or insult back. What I do instead is ask the person to explain what they said, or back it up with facts and information. On occasion, it has lead to some amazingly cool "conversations" with a person; unfortunately, more often than not, the person doesn't respond to me, or hits me with another insult.

It is easy sometimes to marginalize a person, or seem them as somehow not real, when the relationship exists through a piece of technology. But, so many DUers are very real to me, are my friends, but even with those who are not or to whom I rarely talk, I tend to treat them with respect, the same as I do with people on a face-to-face basis.

[mad-mommy]

22. great points

[SeattleGirl]

23. Thank you, mm

[fujiyama]

36. It's one of the first things I realized

when I began to read forums on the internet many years ago - no matter how trivial the subject, people find a way to have a flame war over it. The anonymity of the internet gave people the ability to vent whatever frustrations they had on everyone else...and be a complete ass hole.

[Lethe]

24. i think it is irony

people always kick you and curse you when you are at your most vulnerable and need of support

and when you are at the top of the world and nothing can affect you, people trample over each other to be near you

[Haole Girl]

61. Oh, how true you are, ikhor...

I have never heard it described like this, but it is so true! That is a very astute observation. And, I've noticed it in my own life.

When I'm happy, and when I'm terribly busy, people are always calling and inviting me over for whatever...and I can't understand why it all comes in a wave. It's almost as if people think happiness and success are contagious. Could that be it?

As you so aptly described, about the most vulnerable times...in my darkest moments in life, I have found myself sad and isolated. Granted, some of it by choice. But, I remember some very lonely times in my 20's, when I called every number I could find in my "little black book," to no avail. There wasn't a single person I knew, who wanted to talk to me. Not a family member, friend, or casual acquaintance, would even give me "the time of day." Those experiences, what I called at the time "the ultimate rejections" made me stronger...but it was a painful lesson. Often, what kept me going was the simple phrase, "We are born into this world alone, and we leave it alone." I don't even know who said it, or how badly I mangled the quote, but it got me through...somehow.

[Beausoir]

25. Besides that..the constant nastiness is getting really boring.

Almost any thread is now potential flamebait.

People are reaching to pick a fight. Just last night, I was shamed, called ignorant, cursed out and accused of living under a rock, all because I don't listen to the correct AM radio program. I chose not to respond to the personal attack because it just gets so tedious.

I've been here for quite awhile and there have always been nasty people. I've been nasty myself, much to my chagrin. But something is DEFINITELY different here lately. This is becoming a vicious place. Express an opinion and you are almost guaranteed of someone coming along with a personal attack.

I've never used DU as a support group. I am a very private person. But I at least used to be able to read and engage in reasonable discussion with people. Now, even in the Lounge, even about the most benign issues, it seems that we all post at our own peril. I saw some woman get torn apart today over the something that was completely innocent.

I'm getting tired of trying to post here and automatically bracing for the onslaught of personal attacks.

I spend less and less time here because of the nastiness. I can't really imagine hanging around for the election season.

[Missy Vixen]

50. Beausoir, thinking of you

>Express an opinion and you are almost guaranteed of someone coming along with a personal attack.<

We were lucky enough to have SeattleGirl visit our home a couple of weeks ago. (She is as beautiful, charming and delightful as she is on DU!) We talked about this a bit -- posting something relatively innocuous and being landed on by the Excruciatingly Correct. I wonder to myself who these people are: Do they act this way in real life?

Beausoir, I've been lucky enough to chat with you on the boards. The radio program you're referencing comes on in the evening. I know you have kids, so your evenings are probably spent doing things with your children. I can completely understand this. I'm not able to listen to the program referenced with much regularity, either. Does this make us bad people, lesser than Democrats, etcetera? No.

Julie

[Beausoir]

59. No, indeedy! Plus..we have excellent taste in men!

[GalleryGod]

71. How about the Anger & Angst Towards Cities.

Some of this crap would never go on if we were all face to face.

I like to call it "Cyber Muscles" or "Cyber Tuff Guys"


(Go see "Invincible")

[Haole Girl]

26. I don't know what to say

I just know DU has not been the same lately, and it makes me sad.

If I was snarky to anybody, I apologize. I think I was snarky in a baseball thread, but I tried not to be...I swear!

[ContraBass Black]

27. "Can we...be polite?"

Whether or not we can, we won't.

[RevCheesehead]

29. perhaps - but shouldn't we at least try?

Sadly, common courtesy is no longer common.

[crim son]

28. I wouldn't flame you on that one.

I am one of those who rely very much on DU support, because I have few people upon whom I can lean in real life. But the reason for that is that, in my life, I am considered She who Supports, and certainly not She Whose Life is Crumbling. I make it my daily business to bring happiness into somebody's life, and I take this very seriously. It's not a Democratic thing; it's a human thing. And I love, love LOVE doing it. Even if I myself am a bit messed up these days.

[Redstone]

30. People are jumping ugly? That's un-Lounge-like.

Redstone

[WolverineDG]

31. No flames for you from me, Rev

(but you knew that already)

I am getting so tired of seeing attack after attack after attack here in the Lounge & in GD, especially the recent dramas. That sort of thing defeats the purpose of DU, IMO. YMMV of course.

dg

[auntAgonist]

32. to be honest ...

Do some people bruise emotionally more easily than others? yes, me for one.


aA

[RevCheesehead]

33. And you are a valued member of our community!

It would disturb me greatly to see anyone snark on you, or mock something you posted!

[auntAgonist]

34. thank you Rev. I do appreciate that.

I hope you're doing well tonight. I saw your photo in the latest photo thread. I believe that's the first time I've ever seen one of you. You are lovely. You look so at peace with yourself



I think I'm off to bed.

goodnight.

aA
kesha

[CC]

35. Yes some people feel it more than others just as

some can empathize more than others. Some also use the snark or whatever to make themselves feel better even if they look worse in the end. There will be bad apples in every barrel and DU like everything else draws from the general population and will get some of those. That is before you add in those that come by just to make trouble. You can fight it and refuse to be a part of it. Also you can show people a different way by example, which you do wonderfully. The behavior will only destroy the community if we allow it to and I don't plan on being one of those that allows it to.

[Guava Jelly]

37. A s someone who has needed and received compassion

From so many beautiful people on this board.Many whom I love dearly.
People can be assholes I was hammered for a Typo and even had a thread created about me saying "So I goggled GoPsUx" By a Duer I never ever even talked to.Either for a cheap laugh or because he had nothing better to do.It was nasty and mean spirited and it really bothered me to see it.Thankfully it only received one response.Before the mods so graciously removed it.
I am a good man and a nice person and I try to be kind to everyone I meet here.I almost left this board!!
A lot of people Including Me are here not only for political reasons.
But for compassion of understanding Like minds.
I haven't been posting much lately because Du has sort of left me feeling hollow as of late.

I really wasn't planning on posting at all today but your question i felt was so on the target with what i was actually feeling i just had to.
Thank you for bringing it up!

[lizziegrace]

38. If you hadn't surfaced today

Lelapin and I were going to fill your PM box. You are missed very much!

[Guava Jelly]

41. I just love you guys!!

thanks for being so Sweet!
They are going to have to tombstone me to me out of here next time! And i down plan on giving them a reason for that!

[lizziegrace]

42. A tombstone by your screenname

would make many

[Guava Jelly]

84. edited for typo's

Thanks for being so Sweet!
They are going to have to tombstone me to get me out of here next time! And i don't plan on giving them a reason for that!



Someone please take my keyboard!!

[miss_american_pie]

39. Hi dollface

[Guava Jelly]

43. I Missed you miss_american_pie...

Of course you know that! or I wouldn't be stalking you via PM's
You never fail to put a smile on my face..I am smiling right now!

[lizziegrace]

44. So, ya gonna flirt?

You both do it so well.

[Guava Jelly]

48. Map can flirt me under the table..

She's good!! And knowing how beautiful she is inside and definately outside doesnt hurt either

[lizziegrace]

49. Check your PM n/t

[miss_american_pie]

53. I missed you too

A girl can never have too many stalkers.

[Guava Jelly]

58. You can always count on me for the stalking part!

And the friend part!!

[Haole Girl]

62. Hi GoPsUx !

[Guava Jelly]

63. Hi KC2

Thank you for the shout out!!
Aren't you my homey

[reyd reid reed]

73. You have no idea how happy I am to see you

back and sassy and posting again.

Place has been quiet without you.

[Guava Jelly]

76. Hey How could i stay away from The Beautiful Triple R

Specially since you were so dang sweet to me during the last week!

[buddhamama]

40. i feel it is my responsibility

to try my best everyday to give of myself. "we" often assume that giving means the tangible material giving.

i give of myself; i am a fair, empathetic person. i try to understand my fellow man.

if someone is having a bad day, a hug or sympathetic ear can mean the world to them.

when i am out and about, i am kind and friendly.

i am conscious that a simple act such as a "hello" and a smile could change someone's day from bad to good.

peace and love are not hollow empty words that i regurgitate because they sound nice,

they are my philosophy for life.

[ScreamingMeemie]

46. 1. I am glad to have seen you on the boards more often again lately.

2. I think you are one of the most genuine people here. You know my reasoning for that.

I think people still ultimately care about each other and, if this were real life, there would be far less intrigue.

[lildreamer316]

47. Sadly,

You are posting this in the wrong forum, methinks.
Have you been wandering over to GD and etc?

[RevCheesehead]

57. I just saved the mods some trouble.

They probably would've just moved this post over here, anyways.

[NashVegas]

51. Emotional Support Can Be Hard to Come By

First you have various regional differences. There's a reason why Northeasternors are famous for stoicism. And, in these times, famously Dem.

But really, it's not something you can stick a political label on. Giving Dems don't mind having $$ taken out of our taxes for social programs, Repubs would rather keep their paycheck and donate to causes of their choosing (seek out charitable-giving maps by state).

There are several DUers who can always be counted on to be supportive. Someday maybe I'll be able to count myself in that group. but I'm nowhere near there.

[nosillies]

52. Some people definitely bruise easily

And therein lies the problem with message boards. In "real life," we are more easily able to notice the visual cues that say "easy bruiser ahead!" I admittedly have a hard time noticing this in others, as I just don't bruise -- I am a very not-sensitive person. I also have a very dry sense of humor, which can easily be misinterpreted by someone who can't read my own visual cues. So I always try to be super careful.

That said, I and many others simply have bad days sometimes, and we just act out and act ugly. It is much easier for us to accept these foibles and bad behaviors from someone with whom we have a good relationship. I've not been here long, but there are already people here who, if they lashed out at me, I wouldn't get upset with, because I know from their posts that they are typically rational, intelligent, and caring people. I'd chalk it up to their bad day.

There are posters, however, who are nasty and irrational and attacking on a regular basis. They deal in emotion and conjecture, not facts. They use internet message boards as a place to claim their superiority and boost sagging self-esteems. So be it. That's their business. But because of their posting patterns, they move up pretty high on people's "I just don't give a shit" list. Though they may linger like the proverbial smell of you-know-what, I truly believe that they, like all bad apples, eventually fall off the tree and rot. I just pray for the patience to deal with them while nature takes it course, rather than doing what I'd like and shaking the tree till they fall and I can stomp them into applesauce.

I truly believe in the idea that people deserve our love and support the most when they are at their worst. However, everyone has the right to protect their own sanity by saving this love and support for those who will accept it, absorb it, appreciate it, and grow from it. After a good try, we all have the right to withdraw, hit that ignore button, whatever.

But you are absolutely right as always, Rev. A little common courtesy goes a long way. It does everyone good when we all step back, do a little self-examination, and realize that if we can't be loving and courteous at times, perhaps it's best if we go slowly and be quiet for the day. It's hard, I know, I struggle! Thank God we're all works in progress.

edit to add: A big thanks to everyone at DU. A recent change in lifestyle changed me from a long-time lurker to a frequent poster. In the short amount of time I've posted here, I've learned so much. I've already met people in person who are great folks, and I look forward to meeting more of you. Whether there are nasties out there are not, I would definitely say my life is better for the conversations and people here, so it's all worth it. I hope I can always keep that feeling.

[Darth_Kitten]

54. Some people are just wired differently....

than others, so are more "sensitive" than others......they are more in tune with all the stimuli around them and can get overwhelmed at times.

I speak of this from experience. I like to think of myself as generally a compassionate person BUT I feel I just get so overwhelmed by things in this world that I feel I have to look after myself more than others. Maybe I'm selfish, so be it, but I'm a sensitive person and can have my feelings/nerves rubbed raw at times.

Probably others rather than me are much better at giving support to those who are emotionally vulnerable. Too busy being vulnerable myself I guess.

[philosophie_en_rose]

55. People are entitled to be who they are, snarks included.

We're all here for different reasons; we are all different people. Some people are here to develop relationships and to seek emotional support; and there are many big-hearted people here. But there are also people that are here to debate; others are adversaries. Some people are here for the humor, and snark it up without understanding how anyone can take a message board so seriously. Others are hurt that strangers would 'snark' at them. Some are hurt that others would point out a flaw in their reasoning or values. (Freeper Post #4444 - "Librulz banned me cuz me like Bush. Intallerance!).

No one is the same all of the time. We all have our moods and life events. While I don't think that it's fair to be extremely unkind, the mods exist to weed out true freepers and 'abusers.' It's important to have some perspective about the impact of an internet disagreement.

If someone isn't nice, there's always the 'ignore' button.

[GalleryGod]

56. "RELY" is the key word Rev.

I often quote the Late,Great "Birdman"'s description of DU/Lounge to the fury of many, I'm sure. I do,because it's accurate most of the time AND to keep his memory alive. A great classmate, I found again, on DU.

Mine is very simple: DU/Lounge is "an amusement park at night" and the individual threads are much like the different thrill rides, haunted houses,etc. Why do I go away from time to time?

Because the unresolved old anger and sadness is palpable sometimes,and permeates the whole Lounge. (sometimes ending in Tomb-Stoning)
Need I say "High School" ? Need I say "Proms"? Dare I say "High School Reunions"?

I guess it's more than "2 cents" more like 2 bits. Over and out.

[datasuspect]

68. i like the "grudges"

i'm sure there are people i've pissed off or people who pissed me off in the past here.

i forget about it very soon, but it's always interesting to see someone reply to me with some kind of nonsense and then i remember "oh, NOW i remember."

goes hand in hand with stalking too.

[hedgehog]

60. I'm very careful to avoid personal comments but sometimes I hit

a sore spot. It's the same as in real life. For example, in my household the phrase "you're lying!" is an exuberant appreciation of premier story telling. For some people, the phrase " you're lying!" is an arch insult! Some people get enraged if they think you are pointing at them. As someone who talks with her hands a lot, I have to be careful. What one person says with dry humor is perceived as fighting words by another. My point is that we should all be careful that an off-hand comment does not end up insulting someone unintentionally. I always try to look back over my posts to make certain I haven't ticked someone off. I also think it's proper to apologize if you have obviously offended someone unintentionally.


On the other hand, if you're trying to insult someone......

[Haole Girl]

64. Interesting you mentioned accusing someone of lying...

..because I once accused an Uncle of mine of cheating, while playing cards, and he tried to strangle me! I was only 13, too. I never, ever, again, told anybody they were cheating to their face!

[hedgehog]

85. I bet you were joking at the time, too!

We only think we all speak the same language!

[hfojvt]

65. some of it is the "freeper hunt mentality"

because, it is given, that if somebody is a freeper (and 'freeper' comes to mean 'anybody who ever deviates from 100% devotion to liberal dogma' and can often be assumed simply because somebody goes to church or drives a car with a flag sticker on it) that they are thereby sub-human and the physical embodiment of everything detestable, and therefore one has permission from God to be nasty to them.

[datasuspect]

67. yes, but many freeperish types don't even try to hide anymore

the transparency of reactionaries is getting very odious.

[Mutley]

66. Speaking only for myself

I tend to bruise easily when it concerns people I care about. People I don't know, or don't care about, can't hurt me much.

[kdpeters]

74. Support yes. And respect.

Admittedly, I carry with me a tender spot deep down from losing my older brother when I was 13. It's hard to over state how much I relied on him, but that experience at that age is the single most significant factor in who I am even 20 years later. Car accidents, vehicular recklessness, and disrespecting bereaved families can sometimes prompt irrational, explosive reaction I may later regret.

But I don't think I'm unique. Most of us have experienced something that brings back strong emotions. For the most part DUers are respectful, I've found. But most of us can slip on occasion. There isn't a one of us who's never needed the benefit of the doubt. But for some reason, when it comes to ridiculing Ann Coulter, a handful of non-trans DUers challenge, or worse, dismiss experiences they can't understand rather than forgo gratuitous, sometimes lame, insults Ann Coulter will never read, but our trans friends on DU will. As a gay person, I'm used to being insulted by clueless, but otherwise well-intentioned straights telling me what I should feel and how I should act only to dismiss the impact of such a profound insult as if the intention, and not the impact, is the only factor to consider. It makes me want to throttle someone when I know they know better.

[Random_Australian]

75. Aye. On all counts.

Except the responsibility to care thing which I need time to think over (because my overly literal brain means that I have to take limits and statistics, but I think the answer is yes).

[Guava Jelly]

78. I found the coolest book

[buddhamama]

79. you're too funny

and very cool!

[Guava Jelly]

80. Well so are you

I been playing with generators (book ,signs,card ) all morning

[buddhamama]

81. thanks for the hug, sweetie.

and the compliment. you're a man of many talents.

[Guava Jelly]

82. I just noticed I spelled received wrong oops

I'll have to fix that

[RevCheesehead]

89. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!!

[Deja Q]

83. Because some of us have been hurt more, that's why.

now unlike Rodney King, I don't have a drug problem (or any drugs not prescribed by any of my shrinks), but chances are he had a nasty past and turned to drugs for relief.

[dropkickpa]

86. To answer the question

Yes, some people are definitely more easily bruised in the emotional sense. I am not. I am a pretty tough chick and can be a bit harsh for some at times (often more like a "guy", maybe a product of growing up with 5 brothers). BUT, I know that there are people who are not like me, so I try my hardest to rein it in. I NEVER want to hurt anyone, but sometimes I do say something that is hurtful. I would hope that the person offended could respond and TELL me that what I said was harsh/hurtful, so I could at least apologize.

[In_The_Wind]

87. I know that my feelings can be hurt easily.

So, I try to be considerate of the feelings of others.

[GirlinContempt]

88. I'm not entirely with you on this.

First of all, while I generally don't say anything, or attempt to say something supportive, people who rely on DU (& the internet in general) for their emotional problems need to stop. It's nice to get that extra support from this place, but if it's a reliance, that's a huge problem. My membership to a political forum does not endow me with a doctorate, telepathy, or an obligation to provide support for everyone I run across because we all share membership. That doesn't mean I won't, but the idea that I *should* based on someone i've never mets *reliance* sits wrong with me.

I have a hard time with the idea that 'as dems' anyone believes anything in unison. Whether you mean it or not, it comes across as another one of those 'dem credentials' things which winds up being more divisive than unifying often.

Frankly, we can't all get along, and we can't for the same reasons people can't OFF the internet. I generally find these pleas to be a little disingenuous if only because nearly everyone engages in this behavior at some time or another. We're humans. Being members of the same message board doesn't somehow trump our humanity and robotize our reactions. Should we in all aspects of our lives try to treat people with at least common respect and courtesy? Sure, probably. Are there ALWAYS going to be situations in which you personally feel someone isn't worth that, in which you're upset with someone and are discourteous or snarky? Also a probably. Because that's humanity. And that's what happens when people interact with each other. ESPECIALLY on a large scale. ESPECIALLY in a place where heated discussions about divisive topics are the point of the communication. It's easy for people to look back on something and raise the hue and cry to stop the snarking and the meanness, well beyond whatever they've personally engaged in. Or, often people think what THEY did was justified but the rest isn't. I know I can be guilty of that in spades.

I think, instead of blaming humanity for destroying a lovely community, people should learn to utilize the tools available to them to help shield them from others humanity, and attempt to find working solutions to their own issues in dealing with others. And if that can't be done, neither can everyone 'just getting along' or pretending to like each other.

[RevCheesehead]

91. So, are you saying you refuse to be polite?

Help me understand what you're saying, because it sounds like you're saying, "hey, the whole world's fucked up; deal with it."

I also don't think I was blaming humanity, whatever that means. The argument you propose ("people should learn to utilize the tools available to them to help shield them from others humanity") sounds an awful lot like arming both sides for war. I'm asking "why are we at war with one another??"

Ultimately, I asked if we couldn't make an effort to be polite, or at the very least, cut back on the snarking. I still stand by that. Disagree with the argument, focus on the issues, but stop with the creepy personal attacks. There's far too much of that in this world. It's gotten worse since Bush took (and I do mean "Took") office. And I refuse to believe that that's just the way the world is. Even if that were true, I work EVERY DAY to change that attitude.

[GirlinContempt]

93. That is certainly not what I'm saying.

If I was refusing to be polite, my reply would have been "fuck you" If that's really what you're reading, that I refuse to be polite, I don't know what to say.

I don't consider it arming any 'side' for war. I don't usually find snarkyness or insults to be a tactic of 'war' because, personally, I assume that when dealing with people, these things happen. It doesn't have to be war, it's reality. As I stated, I think people should try to be courteous to one another, but I also recognize that it just isn't always going to happen. Especially on a fairly anonymous message board on the internet with a huge diversity of individuals. Using the tools available means not 'arming for war' but learning to cope with the people you don't get along with, or who're rude. Because that's something people deal with both off an on the internet.

That IS the way the world is, and sometimes it's worse, sometimes it's better. I've seen you be snarky or less than polite to people, and I don't blame you for it. It happens, we're humans, we don't always like each other, we get upset, whatever it is that makes us react that way, nearly ALL of us do it. Trying to limit or cope with that behavior in yourself is commendable, and hoping to help adjust the way people relate to each other as a whole is also commendable. I don't think that expecting people to relate to each other (in a forum devoted to hot button issues and topics people feel passionately about) with nothing but polite consideration to be realistic.

I suppose to a certain extent I am saying 'deal with it', because that's what most people have to do. And I don't know how much understanding can emerge, or how much change can be effected, if blinders are put on. Some people think that a disagreement is an attack. Some people think that saying "fuck you, asshole" is perfectly reasonable in debate. Where do we draw lines and address these things if there is no understanding and coping with what already exists?

(Most of my use of 'you' 'yourself' etc are generalized)

[RevCheesehead]

95. I appreciate your clarifying your response.

Thank you.

[datasuspect]

92. hey GIC, i'm feeling needy

howsabout a hug?

for support?

[GirlinContempt]

94. Eat shit

[datasuspect]

96. hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

[trof]

90. Some come here pre-bruised.

I'm just sayin'.