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So, I Googled "Olive Garden Sucks"

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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-29-06 11:55 AM
Original message
So, I Googled "Olive Garden Sucks"
:rofl:

and among the 283 THOUSAND hits that came up, this particular rant had me :rofl:

<snip>

Last week, Alex Z. suggested we go to The Olive Garden before checking out The Animal Club at Caroline's. "It would be fun," he said, "In an ironic sort of way."

Now I'm all for irony. What else encourages us to enjoy places normally condemned by the good-taste-having flat-screen-owners of society? However, there's a difference between being ironic and consciously diving headfirst into a pool of feces.

In short, The Olive Garden sucked. In long? The Olive Garden sucked then, still sucks now, and probably will go on sucking forever and ever.

The remainder of this restaurant review of The Olive Garden will be a critical analysis of the children's activity book that I filled out with crayons while I was there.

A Descriptive Journey through Ollie & Friends Italian Adventures, Tour of Venice!

There's no exclamation point at the end of "Venice" in the actual activity book, but I included one to suggest a sense of excitement.

The Tour of Venice issue of Ollie & Friends focuses primarily on the character, Bene Breadstick. Bene is in Venice "to meet up with his pals for some sightseeing." I imagine that Ollie the Olive is usually the main character, so I'm happy that Bene Breadstick finally got his chance to shine. After all, the unlimited breadsticks that accompanied the bottomless salad were perhaps the only redeeming aspect of the entire terrible meal.

Sorry. I promised myself that I would focus solely on The Olive Garden activity book, and not on the terrible terrible Olive Garden food. My apologies.

<snip>

In addition to being a breadstick, Bene always smiles and is constantly looking upwards. This is also true of Ollie the Olive and Bene's other friends, Tonya Tomato, Ricky Ravioli, and Gina Grape. They're always looking up. Do you know those portraits of Jesus that just gaze directly at you, no matter where you go? Well, Bene Breadstick is just like that, except he's always looking just up above your head and a little up to your left. Now I know it doesn't sound bad, but it is. No matter what, it's like he's staring at a large dangerous projectile object that's about to hit you in the back of the head. And his strange gaze is even more disconcerting when you're eating at The Olive Garden, as it makes you feel like there's a waiter constantly hovering right behind you, threatening to serve you more terrible, terrible food.

Oops. Somehow The Olive Garden's massive suckiness managed to sneak its way back into this review again. My bad.

more..... :rofl:

http://www.elephantlarry.com/restaurants_olivegarden.ph...
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-29-06 11:59 AM
Response to Original message
1. Great find! LOL
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-29-06 12:04 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. there is a TON of funny stuff!
one review called it the "Denny's of Italian Food" :rofl:
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grace0418 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-29-06 12:10 PM
Response to Original message
3. That was some hilarious writing.
Even if you don't think Olive Garden sucks, the writing makes it worth reading.
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-29-06 12:56 PM
Response to Original message
4. Yeah but their unlimited salad and breadsticks can't be beat anywhere
I love those breadsticks. Unfortunately I don't eat bread anymore

:cry:

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marzipanni Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-29-06 01:51 PM
Response to Original message
5. This might indicate that Bene Breadstick, et al, are smiling to
Edited on Tue Aug-29-06 01:56 PM by marzipanni
attempt to convince kids that the food will be good, while their eye movements reveal they are actually not being truthful about the desirabilty of the food.
"In addition to being a breadstick, Bene always smiles and is constantly looking upwards. This is also true of Ollie the Olive and Bene's other friends, Tonya Tomato, Ricky Ravioli, and Gina Grape. They're always looking up. Do you know those portraits of Jesus that just gaze directly at you, no matter where you go? Well, Bene Breadstick is just like that, except he's always looking just up above your head and a little up to your left."
<snip>
Neuro-Liguistic Programming
Eye movements can also be used to determine how truthful or congruent a person* is being. If a person is describing an event that he or she has witnessed or participated in, for instance, the person's eyes should move primarily to his or her left (if the person is right handed), indicating memory access. If the person looks up and to the right a lot, however, it is likely that the person is constructing or reconstructing some aspect of the experience he or she is describing. This may indicate that the person is either uncertain or being untruthful about what he or she is saying.

* or breadstick, or * , as the case may be ;)
http://www.nlpu.com/Articles/artic14.htm
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Initech Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-29-06 02:07 PM
Response to Original message
6. "In addition to being a breadstick, Bene always smiles..."
"...and is constantly looking upward."

:spray:

Gee, I wonder if the fact that he smiles is the reason why he is looking upward? Must be a really huge breadstick!
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warrens Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-29-06 02:08 PM
Response to Original message
7. He/she's got it right
Sounds like a she to me, but either way, that's Olive Garden. I have a friend in Fla. and was visiting during her birthday and offered to take her out to dinner anywhere she wanted. You can guess where this is headed...
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Critters2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-29-06 02:16 PM
Response to Original message
8. People here want an Olive Garden
I live in a town of 18,500 90 miles sw of Chicago. Lots of suburban assholes are moving here "to get away from the hassles of the suburbs". So, our (also asshole) mayor sends out a survey to find out what kinds of businesses people would like the city to try to attract. First on the list--with like 500 votes--Olive Garden! Best Buy was number two. Then a whole list of chain stores and restaurants that will make these ex-suburbanites feel at home...by turning this into the suburbs they left. Did I mention they're assholes?

We have two really good Italian restaurants owned and run by two real, live, Italian American families. But what we really need is an Oilve Garden. :eyes:


:banghead:
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