Life is strange sometimes. A long story with TMI.

[Dave Reynolds]

My first wife and I divorced in 1989. It was a mildly ugly affair with cheating on her part and nasty retaliation on my part. Part of the problem back then was a back injury of mine that made me not so responsive to a girl with a strong drive. We had no contact at all after that.

Suddenly out of the blue about 3 weeks ago I had an e-mail from classmates.com that someone had sent me an e-mail. I did not recognize the name at first. As you may have guessed, it was my ex. We exchanged pleasantries, did some superficial catching up, and I took the opportunity to apologize for my being an asshole way back when.

She then told me she was undergoing treatment for stage 3 melanoma. Strangely, I have not taken this news very well. Being in the pathology business, I would not bet a paycheck on her 5 year survival. She has two daughters now, both very young.

I have no idea why she has looked me up after all this time and I have not brought it up. Our daily correspondence has taken on a flirty nature, very much like the messaging we did before we first met.

I really have no idea where I am going with this, but it has been weirding me out so badly I just needed to get it off my chest. Needless to say, this would make my current wife extremely unhappy, and there is no one I can talk to about it.

Thank you, anonymous internet posters, for your time.

[Nicole]

1. Life is strange indeed.

You didn't ask for advice so I won't give any, well not much anyway. ;)

Just be careful, you could be playing with fire.

[Dave Reynolds]

4. Advice is always fine.

And since we are 3000 miles apart, we will be able to keep it light.

:7

[Fleshdancer]

2. Wow Dave, this must be pretty damn hard

I'm not surprised that she contacted you though. The two of you hopefully have more good memories together than bad and deep down can you ever really stop loving one another?

You could also represent a time in her life when she felt healthy, happy and full of hope. For all we know, flirting with you might be the only time in her day when she isn't dealing with people who are scared for her, worried about her and just constantly reminding her of what is inevitable. I can only imagine how priceless that time would be for me if I were sick and in need of just one person out there to treat me like I wasn't.

:hug:

[Dave Reynolds]

5. It is a little hard, yes.

I spent so many years not thinking about her, and suddenly I find that she still holds a special place in my heart no matter what.

And I really am trying to support her in the way she seems to need it, and that is like I am trying to get together with her. She actually called me at work and said she is smiling more and getting better sleep since she contacted me. Since chemo made her hair fall out, she said her husband does not seem very interested in her, physically speaking.

I told her that I was indeed worried about her, and she just said "you can't kill me, I just will not die."

So at least she has a positive attitude, which is half the battle.

[Haole Girl]

3. You are right about "make my current wife extremely unhappy..."

It is very sad about your ex having melanoma; and I hope she can somehow beat the odds-- especially since she has two very young daughters. I hope this doesn't come between you and your current wife, though. Please take care...and realize what is in the past and what is in the present. Does this make sense?

[Dave Reynolds]

6. It makes sense, and thank you for the advice.

I am taking a cautious course, and nothing will come of it other than supporting someone who needs it.

The main problem is that my current wife and she knew each other, and my current wife was not fond of her at all. Otherwise, I could make full disclosure. But my current wife has a hard time being objective when it comes to my ex.