Ronald McDonald Hummer Sign Fun!

[Sequoia]

This month McDonald's is giving away toy Hummers — 42 million of them, in eight models and colors — with every Happy Meal or Mighty Kids Meal. That's right: The fast-food chain that helped make our kids the fattest on Earth is now selling future car buyers on the fun of driving a supersized, smog-spewing, gas-guzzling SUV originally built for the military. Use the Ronald McHummer Sign-O-Matic™ to tell us what you think of this misguided marriage of two icons of American excess.




http://www.ronaldmchummer.com/index.php

[Solon]

1. Here's Mine...

[flvegan]

2. How nifty. Here's mine:

[Human Torch]

3. Oh. The VEHICLE. My bad.

[jmowreader]

4. Next month's Happy Meal promotion

This month's Happy Meal promotion is "eight different faux Army vehicles--collect them all!"

In this vein, next month's is "eight different Talking Gunnery Sergeant Hartmanns--collect them all!"

Each lifelike Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann action figure says fifteen fun phrases taken from the hit movie "Full Metal Jacket." Every Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann action figure is loaded with a different combination of phrases!

Visit McDonald's again and again to receive dolls saying things like...

"I bet you're the kind of person who'd fuck somebody in the ass and not even have the God-damn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you!"

"Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister."

"If God would have wanted you up there, he would have miracled your ass up there, wouldn't he?"

"Looks like the best part of you ran down your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress. I think you've been cheated!"

"Holy dog shit, Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down."

"Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkletoes cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant?"

"You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck."

"Five foot nine, huh? I didn't know they stacked shit that high."

"Do you suck dicks?"

"Did your parents have any children that lived?"

"I don't like the name Lawrence. Only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence."

"The fuckin' war will be over by the time we get up there."

"I want that head so sanitary and sparkling that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump."

"Because I am hard you will not like me, but the more you hate me the more you will learn."

"You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece."

"I'm gonna rip your balls off so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world."

"If your killer instincts are not clean and strong, you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will be dead marines, and then you will be in a world of shit. Because Marines are not allowed to die without permission!"

"I don't know but I've been told Eskimo pussy is mighty cold."

"God was here before the Marine Corps, so you can give your heart to Jesus. But your ass belongs to the Corps!"

It'll be the most successful Happy Meal promotion in the history of the McDonald's Corporation.

[jmowreader]

5. Oh, and there's one "special" GSH doll

Press down on his Brown Round, and he recites with clarity the introductory speech to marksmanship training, the one where he talks about Charles Whitman and Lee Harvey Oswald, then ends with:

"These individuals showed what one motivated Marine and his rifle can do. And before you ladies leave my Island, you will all be able to do the same thing."

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

6. Here you go...

[MiniMandaRuth]

7. I'm glad I know the self-Heimlic manuver.

I just choked on my scone.