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Is there anything I can do to help/make my ex get over me?

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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:37 PM
Original message
Is there anything I can do to help/make my ex get over me?
For a while, I figured since he's got a new girlfriend (who has since moved in with him) that maybe he'd moved on. Well, this weekend he drove me home when I took my car to the shop and spent the whole ride back talking to me and making no attempt to involve her in the conversation. Everytime he's around me he ignores her, the first time I met her he didn't even bother to introduce her, and after a few mintues I had to introduce myself, because he'd clearly forgotten she was even there. Sunday when I spoke to him on the phone to make arrangements for LeftyKid, he slipped and called me "love." He didn't seem to notice the slip up and I was too shocked to point it out.

Apparently he's still got it pretty bad, though I have made it clear that I am quite happy in my current relationship and have no interest in him. What, if anything, can I do about this?
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leftofthedial Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:40 PM
Response to Original message
1. post nekkid pictures on an Internet forum
:shrug:

:evilgrin:
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Iniquitous Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:42 PM
Response to Original message
2. I have no clue.
I've been dealing with this for a couple of years now. He doesn't do anything now since I'm now engaged, but he used to tell me things like "I'm cold and mean to you because every time I see you I fill up with love and it hurts so bad." Yesterday was one of those days where he was cold and curt, but had tears in his eyes. He has dated, but it's going to take him a long time I'm afraid. I give him zero signals (sounds like you don't either), but it's up to him to deal with I'm afraid. Your ex as well.

:hug:
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:49 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. I feel like I'm almost rudely cold to him.
He does. not. get. the. hint. :( I don't want to see him hurting.
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idgiehkt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:54 PM
Response to Reply #4
9. sometimes they like that sort of thing.
I would say stay away from him. It might not hurt to tell him he's doing a poor job of selling himself as a partner by shitting all over his current girlfriend right in front of you, either.
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Love Bug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:42 PM
Response to Original message
3. I would limit my contact as much as possible
Of course that's harder to do if you have any kids together. Otherwise, I would just pretend to not notice the "little affections" unless they get too much. It might help to have your new SO around when your ex is around, too. Good luck. Not an easy situation.
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:50 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. He has LeftyKid several days a week, so that's impossible.
And I can't have current boyfriend come around, he lives very far away. Not that I'd want to rely on him to solve my problems anyhow.
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calico1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:49 PM
Response to Original message
5. What things about you did he not like?
I would make them more obvious when with him. I would also try to limit any exposure to him (such as having him pick me up from the car shop) and not do anything that would remotely encourage him.
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:53 PM
Response to Reply #5
8. I'll try that.
Thanks.
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:50 PM
Response to Original message
6. No.
You can control only your own behavior.
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:54 PM
Response to Reply #6
10. Hey, just because that's correct doesn't mean I want to hear it.
:P
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 05:29 PM
Response to Reply #10
18. Oops! I meant to say, "Of course he's still got it for you!
Who could get over you! All you can do is watch him suffer."

How's that?

:P
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datasuspect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:54 PM
Response to Original message
11. a restraining order?
move to the other side of the planet?
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ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:56 PM
Response to Original message
12. Unfortunately, there probably isn't anything you can do to change
his behavior except talk to him and tell him directly. If he can't take a hint then maybe he can take direct instructions, as in, "get over it."

This situation has to feel horribly demeaning to his new GF. It's horrible what he's doing to both of you. :(
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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 03:57 PM
Response to Original message
13. Quit being so damn Hot Leftymom
I mean geesh how can you expect a guy to forget all that vegan goodness
:)
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Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 04:03 PM
Response to Original message
14. Yup!
Don't let him drive you home from the shop or anywhere else! ;)

Keep it 'all business'..ie. the kids...ONLY!

My ex pulled this stunt when I brought the kids to him for a visit. (out of state)
He kept making multiple passes at me, in front of the pregnant new girlfriend!

I just told him to 'fuck off!"! What an asshole!

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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 05:05 PM
Response to Original message
15. Have as little to do with him as possible
I know you have to have some contact because you have a child but don't do things like have him drive you home from the shop, etc. That signals there's still a need. Live your life as if he's not a part of it, except for those things involving LeftyKid.

I have this same issue with my ex and we've been divorced for 10 years now. My son, who lives with him, is 18 now and for the past several years, I've only contacted him via his cell phone in order to avoid speaking with his father. I seriously doubt if he's really interested in me per se - I think it's more a case of him needing to feel like I still want him. :scared:

The only way is to distance yourself. That's the only way he'll get the message.
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NewJeffCT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 05:07 PM
Response to Original message
16. How about a shotgun?
I'm sure he's not bulletproof.

just kidding... I'm not a violent person. As somebody said above, you can't control somebody else's behavior.

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sendero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 05:10 PM
Response to Original message
17. That..
... is just so sad.
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