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Not to straight men: If you're in a gay bar and are hit on,

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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 08:43 AM
Original message
Not to straight men: If you're in a gay bar and are hit on,
don't get uncomfortable. When you're in a gay bar, most people are going to think you're gay.

:D

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billyskank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 08:44 AM
Response to Original message
1. Sage advice
:)

If you're in a gay bar and not gay, is that a breach of ettiquette?
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 08:49 AM
Response to Reply #1
5. Hardly. Those people think nothing of gays, except as a faddish oddity.
You know, like how the Australians were during the late-80s...

But I digress.

That's why The Gay 90s bar is now overrun with hets, and more frequently I'm seeing non-gays in gay bars.

(the talks in the bathroom are the best. No, nobody is chatting anyone up; it's two hetero guys whining about all the 'fags'...)
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tjwmason Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 08:56 AM
Response to Reply #1
8. In some places
It can get very nasty, actually.

There are the "no women" ones, usually they're especially "no lesbians".

There are definitely "no straights" ones as well - which some take to mean that anybody who has an objection to getting groped by 20 men before actually reaching the bar should be kicked out. :eyes:

Thankfully though, there are moderately civilised places which attract a principally gay crowd - but have no problems with others being present. These are the only ones I'd dream of frequenting.
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thefool_wa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 12:45 PM
Response to Reply #1
12. It happens
When I lived in DC my wife and I were looking for a restaurant on 17th (about 4 blocks from the White House, Clinton Era) which is not only the best strip of bars, clubs, and restaurants in the whole district, but also the epicenter of the gay community (I was blown away when I first went there to eat, I thought Seattle was the alternative lifestyle capitol of the US, boy was I wrong)

Not all the bars/clubs are gay there, its about an even split and there is no telling difference on the building exteriors (at least not that I knew of). Well, I had to use the phone so we popped into the bar we were in front of and it turned out to be a gay bar.

I wasn't really hit on, but did draw a few looks as I crossed the bar to use the phone. However, I did not draw nearly as many looks as my wife. Everyone we passed was looking at her like she had an extra arm or something.

In this case, I might have been a little irked if I had been hit on, but only because I was the only guy in the bar who showed up with a girl and I would have taken it as confrontational and rude. Otherwise, gay bar or straight bar, if you get hit on and aren't interested it's no different if the person making the advance is of the same or opposite sex, just let them know you aren't interested.

It's always good to be polite. And, if you don't want to get hit on in a gay bar, don't go to the gay bar :)

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idgiehkt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 12:52 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. And, if you don't want to get hit on in a gay bar, don't go to the gay bar
True, but I can't tell you how many times I've been hit on by straight guys in a gay bar. I've had one grab my leg and start fondling himself..another one kept asking me to dance and when I said I'm gay he'd just say "why"? This is a girl thing, of course...but it seemed to me that in the mid to late 90's gay bars got completely overrun with the hipster straight kids who thought they were doing a cool thing by going to a gay bar. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as they aren't rude or insulting, which they frequently are. These were dance clubs, so maybe it's different at bars that arent' so dance oriented.

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thefool_wa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 01:01 PM
Response to Reply #14
15. I'm sure
From the guy end, the whole metro-sexual trend probably helped feed that. It's like it was trendy to at least appear to be gay for quite some time. They say it is fading, we shall see. I figure one should just be themselves and "fish where the fish are" - if you know what I mean.

The unfortunate side of your experience is that the guys who do things like that are probably at the bar specifically to try and hit on lesbians. Its a machismo thing that even as a straight man myself I don't understand. Why set yourself up for humiliating failure?
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idgiehkt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 01:15 PM
Response to Reply #15
18. because I guess they think if a girl gets drunk enough anything
is possible. And sometimes they are right, lol.
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thefool_wa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 01:31 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. Still...
Its pompous, self ingratiating and rude.

I don't go to gay bars to hit on lesbians, just to watch them kiss :)

(I am soooooo kidding)
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idgiehkt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 03:26 PM
Response to Reply #19
21. it's all good.
some like being watched. trust me.
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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 08:46 AM
Response to Original message
2. I thought a gay bar was where happy people hang out
I mean who wants to go to a grim bar?
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billyskank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 08:47 AM
Response to Reply #2
3. I've been to a few grim bars
Haven't you? :rofl:
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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 08:48 AM
Response to Reply #3
4. oh yeah
not fun at all
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billyskank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 08:51 AM
Response to Reply #4
7. Grim bars serve a purpose
They're where you go to drown your sorrows. :)
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 08:49 AM
Response to Reply #2
6. I agree. Grim bars are gross. That's why I prefer clean ones.
:7

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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 11:16 AM
Response to Original message
9. When in Rome,
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RagingInMiami Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 11:20 AM
Response to Original message
10. Even worse is walking into a gay bar filled with hundreds of horny men
and not getting hit on at least once.

I'm not gay, but I'm not chopped liver either.
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 01:10 PM
Response to Reply #10
16. Well, I thought of saying that, but
I am trying to refrain from making pusillanimous, pointless pity posts! :rofl:

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qnr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 11:35 AM
Response to Original message
11. Some of us are just totally oblivious and wouldn't even recognize we were
being hit on, no matter who it was from.
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ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 04:49 PM
Response to Reply #11
25. Hey, stop talking about me
behind my back... :grr:
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leeroysphitz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 12:52 PM
Response to Original message
13. You're right Hypno but still....
If I'm in a gay bar wearing red sequined short shorts and a tight mesh tank top it doesn't mean I'm looking to get hit on! Who do people think they are making assumptions like that?


:evilgrin: :hide:
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 01:14 PM
Response to Reply #13
17. Who said I was doing the hitting-on?
:rofl:

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nuxvomica Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 02:52 PM
Response to Original message
20. What if you're in Breugger's Bagels
That's where I've gotten hit on in the past. Should I be uncomfortable? More importantly, should I have accepted the free bagels? :D
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 03:40 PM
Response to Reply #20
22. Only if you know what to do with the bagel.
:rofl:
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thefool_wa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 04:19 PM
Response to Reply #20
23. Hey if girls can accept
"no strings attached" gifts from guys who are obviously hitting on them, then the same should go for guys hitting on guys.

You just say, "Thanks, how sweet." and go on about your day.

:)
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sendero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 04:23 PM
Response to Original message
24. Seems.
.... reasonable. I wouldn't go to a gay bar anyway. I have no problem with gays, but that thump, thump, thump music isn't for me :)
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Nickster Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 05:11 PM
Response to Original message
26. LoL. You made me remember the first time I got hit on in a gay bar.
I was so used to my regular "hetero" hang outs where the usual man to man greeting is "Hey" and a nod of the head. Well, I got my first "Heyyy" and I responded with a "Hey" and didn't realize that his "Hey" was much different than my "Hey". LoL. I couldn't understand why he was all of a sudden so interested in talking with me. Didn't he know what "hey" meant? :-)
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HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-20-06 05:12 PM
Response to Original message
27. Had an interesting incident, did we?
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