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I'd like to teach Michael Bolton to sing

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ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 05:11 PM
Original message
I'd like to teach Michael Bolton to sing
Or maybe just gag him.

I mean, it's fair enough...he makes me gag whenever I hear him.
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 05:12 PM
Response to Original message
1. I'd like to teach him how to choke to death.
Edited on Thu Aug-10-06 05:13 PM by Rabrrrrrr
Or how to put a loaded gun in his mouth and pull the trigger.

Or how to set himself on fire in a pool of gasoline.
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ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 05:13 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. Have you ever actually heard him 'sing'?
I think he's got the sound of choking to death, at least, down pat.
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 05:15 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. Sadly, yes, i have heard him "sing". And, sadly, had to *watch* him "sing"
Both are ugly, fake, and devoid of merit.
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ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:31 PM
Response to Reply #3
11. And I bet that Art Garfunkel is PEEVED that he
stole his hair.



See?:


Curse you, Michael Bolton! Curse you!!
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kwassa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 05:31 PM
Response to Original message
4. Explain the passionate hatred of Bolton to me.
I don't get it.

It is a widespread phenomenon. To me, it is simply a white artist singing in a black R&B style. White men, in particular, are very put off by it, though "blue-eyed soul" is an old tradition.

Was it the haircut?

Bolton is neither here-nor-there for me as an artist, but I've heard far, far worse than him. What is it about him that brings about this passionate dislike?


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CrushTheDLC Donating Member (448 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 05:48 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. No, actually he's a white man TRYING to sing in a black R&B style...
..and doing so very BADLY. Not to mention he still uses his old hair metal screams, even though he has made middle of the road wuss music for 20 years.

The haircut certainly didn't help matters, but the voice was the felony, as it was complete artifice. You compare him to soul singers, but Marvin Gaye couldn't have sang that bad (even AFTER his daddy shot him)if he tried.
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kwassa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 05:57 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. Otis Redding's widow loved Bolton's version of "Dock of the Bay"
Only sayin'.

If she wouldn't know, who would?
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ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:26 PM
Response to Reply #5
8. What he said...
I don't like his voice -- I find it grating -- but worse is that his histrionics just don't ring true. I'm not sure I can really quantify or characterize exactly why, but it just seems patently fake, and by saying that I do not mean in any way that it has to do with his color. I certainly don't have a thing against "blue-eyed soul" -- from Elvis and Joe Cocker to Tom Jones and the Righteous Brothers (Michael McDonald, for that matter), many of my favorite performers fall handily into that camp -- but it's just that the 'soul' is exactly what Michael Bolton lacks, in my opinion.

Kind of like Celine Dion, who has a great voice -- technically -- but has never done a thing for me because it just seems somehow empty...devoid of what, for want of a better term, might be called 'soul,' or truth. You've either got it or you don't. Mikey doesn't, and his strident vocal insistence that he does just irritates the hell out of me.
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idgiehkt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:34 PM
Response to Reply #8
13. maybe Nicole Sheridan will smooth him out a bit, lol
If anyone can, she can.

I can't remember who it was that said that Celine Dion looks like a human Pez dispenser. That's all I can think about when I see her now, when she opens her mouth up wide I'm always waiting for the gum to pop out.
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ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:37 PM
Response to Reply #13
16. A human Pez dispenser?
:D

I like it.

And now the virus is passed...I, too, will no longer be able to look at her without thinking the same.
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SOteric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:18 PM
Response to Original message
7. But dude...
If ya teach him to sing, you've kinda gotta hang with him will you're teaching. :P
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ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:27 PM
Response to Reply #7
9. Correspondence course.
That or maybe persuade Tom Waits to go over and give him lessons... :P
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SOteric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:37 PM
Response to Reply #9
15. Tom Waits for no man.
(I had to. It's in my contract.)
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ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:39 PM
Response to Reply #15
17. I should have expected such. I wish I had a cogent response, but
is all I can come up with right now...
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SOteric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:56 PM
Response to Reply #17
19. Well.


Backatchya, Gumpus Maximus.
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ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 07:06 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. Target acquired
:spank:
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RevCheesehead Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:29 PM
Response to Original message
10. Oooh! Can I watch?
Better yet, can I help?
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ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:32 PM
Response to Reply #10
12. You like to watch?
:D

:hi:
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RevCheesehead Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:34 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. Yeah!
Especially if you get to the strangling part. That can be a real turn-on. AND - a gift to humanity, to boot. :bounce: :bounce:
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ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 06:41 PM
Response to Reply #14
18. I might have to call in Mr Rabrrrrr
for that part. He's itching for it.

Oops...missed an 'r.'

"Rabrrrrrr," I mean...
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RevCheesehead Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 07:53 PM
Response to Reply #18
21. I had a suspicion I knew who you meant,
Oooh - a Cheese sandwich!!! :bounce: :bounce:

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