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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:27 PM
Original message
Middle-aged life sucks
I hate being over 40. I hate it when young co-workers call me "Mom." I'm not a Mom, dammit. I hate not having the same opportunities as a 20-something. I hate it when I stand in line at a restaurant and my name is wiped-off the waiting list with a rag, shortly after the young ladies with the short skirts, who weigh 98 lbs soaking wet, are seated...and having to tell the host, "May I please be put back on the list-- I am waiting for a friend-- party of two, non-smoking...I'm the one you just erased." Curses! I am not invisible (or am I?). This was not supposed to happen to me. I was never going to get old. I remember being young like it was last week.

Yes, I know, I could always be older. Yes, I know, I should be glad I am still alive. Yes, I know...this is called a mid-life crises. Yes, I know, I should get counseling and drugs for it, too.

Thank you. End of rant.



:rant:
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ZombieNixon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:29 PM
Response to Original message
1. Why do young co-workers call you "Mom?"
Regardless of your status as *a* mom or not, you still aren't *their* mom.

Jeebus, the only person I call Mom is my mom. :shrug:
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:33 PM
Response to Reply #1
4. I don't know why they call me Mom
And, since it is sometimes the only amount of acceptance I get from them I don't tell them how much it annoys me. Maybe I should. :cry:
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WCGreen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:01 PM
Response to Reply #4
14. Just tell them ....
Take a time out and go to your cubicle....
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miss_american_pie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:30 PM
Response to Original message
2. ...
:hug:
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:34 PM
Response to Reply #2
6. Thanks
That was very much needed at the moment. :)
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RebelOne Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:32 PM
Response to Original message
3. I feel your pain.
But being over 40 beats the alternative. I'm over 60 and my eyesight is going, my blood pressure and cholesterol have jumped up, my hair is getting thinner, and I am eventually going to lose my teeth. The only problem I don't have any more is weight because I became a vegetarian 10 years ago. Old age sucks.
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:37 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. Well, you've got me there, I suppose
I was having a pity party. Still am, I think. It's hard to think rationally when I get like this. Glad you were able to lose weight. Too bad I hate veggies so much (and they give me a reaction...well, let's just say, I can't eat them at work and Beano does not help!).
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RebelOne Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 05:52 PM
Response to Reply #7
26. You don't have to live on just vegetables.
There are a lot of other foods you can eat besides meat-based products. Go to the organic foods department of your supermarket. I am a vegetarian, not a vegan, so I eat dairy products, which includes cheese and egg dishes.
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hyphenate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:34 PM
Response to Original message
5. Been there, done that
Except for the restaurant thing. If your name was intentionally wiped off the waiting list, though, I would phone the manager and tell them. If you feel up to it, I would also suggest that you tell them you will no longer frequent their restaurant if that is how you are going to be treated. AND I would tell them what you saw as well.

As far as the rest, I turned 50 this year. I don't feel it so much mentally, but body wise, I do. I feel worn out, in pain and just fed up. But youth is worshipped in the US, and it's a shame, because youth is dispensable, IMO. It is the experience and the wisdom of those who have already been through trials and tribulations who should be most valued. In many other countries, thankfully, those things ARE valued.
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:49 PM
Response to Reply #5
10. I don't think the restaurant thing was intentional...unfortunately,
I have notice this pattern, for about 5 years now. It doesn't matter if I am first in line, younger and prettier women are helped first. Once, when I waited to talk to a sports star (dare I admit, a soccer star?), every single other woman in the crowd was talked to and then left...I was standing there-- just the player and me-- and it was as if nobody at all was left for him to speak with. I didn't say a word...I was so embarrassed that I just slithered away with my tail between my legs. It was my first introduction to this world of middle-aged life and it was a rude awakening. When I was younger, I got the "special treatment." I remember talking my way out of traffic tickets and getting chosen for the special assignments at work...the little extra tasks that everybody else wanted to do. Well, here I am, nearly invisible. I guess I can hope for better consideration by society when I truly become a little old lady (maybe at 80!)-- maybe I'll look frail and pitiful enough, if I live long enough, to at least be helped at department stores or seated at a restaurant (without having to ask two or three times). I just wasn't fully prepared for this. But, it is what it is...and it seems I better get used to it.

I hope I didn't depress you, hyphenate. As far as your pain (and, granted I don't know the details)...have you tried yoga?
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hyphenate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:35 PM
Response to Reply #10
23. Heck no
I've been depressed for a MUCH longer time! :)

Unfortunately, I can't do yoga, BTW, because of arthritis in my hands and wrists. Regardless, it doesn't matter, because I am not good at exercising!

Even if it weren't intentional, I would suggest you call them on it next time it happens. Can't hurt! When called out, if nothing else, you should get some apologies, and perhaps a free dessert out of it!!

I used to be a lot shyer about things like that myself. As I've gotten older, I've "found my voice" so to speak and have begun to take that kind of stuff into consideration. I recall not that long ago when we were in a restaurant and this large group came in and our waitress ignored us for the rest of the time we were there. I made some comments about it, and didn't give a full tip because of it. They should have had a less busy waitress either take on the rest of her customers, or at the least take on the new group. I tend to see which restaurants cater to young people and which ones cater to those over 30, and find a middin ground in between! (Of course, that doesn't include ice cream places, because I'll go anywhere for good ice cream!!!!)
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MarkDevin Donating Member (529 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:41 PM
Response to Original message
8. I felt the same way when I turned 40.
Then a friend told me, "Look at it this way: when Buddy Holly was your age, he had been dead for 18 years."

That put things into perspective, if you know what I mean! :hi:
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:51 PM
Response to Reply #8
11. Yes, you are right. eom
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CottonBear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:43 PM
Response to Original message
9. Being dead sucks more. n/t
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:52 PM
Response to Reply #9
12. Yes, acknowledged. That is a pretty horse, by the way. eom
Edited on Thu Aug-03-06 02:52 PM by KC2
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CottonBear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:08 PM
Response to Reply #12
16. Thanks! It's my filly's sire! He's a very handsome stallion. n.t
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azmouse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:57 PM
Response to Original message
13. Maybe this will help.
Andy Rooney on Women Over 40 (Not by Andy Rooney. See link.)
snopes.com ^ | Original by Frank Kaiser.

By Andy Rooney - CBS 60 Minutes

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.


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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:10 PM
Response to Reply #13
17. Thank you. That did help, very much.
LOL :)
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azmouse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:18 PM
Response to Reply #17
21. I just turned 45 and I like my age!
:)

I think as we women get a little older we can start focusing more on what we want from life. We have so much to offer the world with our experience of life, our minds and education. I'm not saying we don't care what we look like because certainly we still do but when we are younger we're so much more preoccupied with our looks and appearance and so worried about what men are thinking of us. It's a relief to be able to do things just for ourselves and the community.

Celebrate and don't by any means let anyone intimidate you because you're over 40! Make them show you the respect you have earned and deserve.

:yourock:

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Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:03 PM
Response to Original message
15. Mom, huh?
How 'bout some arsenic cookies?
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:11 PM
Response to Reply #15
18. HA! Well, it doesn't make me THAT angry. lol
Not yet, anyway...(just kidding, of course!). :P
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nini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:12 PM
Response to Original message
19. Doesn't bother me a bit
I wouldn't go back to those younger years and all the crap associated with them for anything.

If you're being wiped off a list - raise hell. Don't take that crap off anyone - for any reason.

I had a coworker that called me mom - reason was I gave him mom type advice when he needed it. We have a great bond and him calling me mom was an honor. Now if someone 10 years older than me did that it would be another story.




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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:18 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. I've always heard if you raise hell in a restaurant, they will...
...spit in the food you've ordered! Do you think that is just a myth? Maybe I will say something on the way out the door, next time. Better yet, I'll pray it doesn't happen again.
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nini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:23 PM
Response to Reply #20
22. I've heard that too, but I would imagine you'd have to piss the chef off
or the waiter.


You can start fresh with the waiter when you get to a table - they'll want the tip of course.


If you choose to leave make sure someone in charge knows why. Ask for a manager, tell them what happened and leave.

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BigMama50 Donating Member (58 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:44 PM
Response to Original message
24. Forty is the hardest
it gets easier and better.
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 05:23 PM
Response to Reply #24
25. Thank you
And, thank you - all of you - for helping me through my hissy fit! :grouphug:
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Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 07:04 PM
Response to Original message
27. I'm with you
>I am not invisible (or am I?).<

I just turned 46 last week. I resent men who are arrogant enough to think I'm flirting with them when I am simply being cordial and polite, and men who think that it lessens their social status to be seen actually conversing in public with a woman that weighs more than 110 pounds.

I could go on about some other things all day, but it would grow tiresome. Quickly.

One of the better things about being this age is the knowledge that if I had the chance to do it over again, I'd want to do it over with the knowledge I have now.

Julie
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 07:29 PM
Response to Reply #27
28. I know exactly what you mean about thinking I am flirting...
there is a woman in the office who gives me the strangest look whenever I talk to young, single, guys...as if I could flirt with them, if I wanted to! I have long forgotten how to do that, plus I love my hubby!
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Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 07:59 PM
Response to Reply #28
31. What, is she worried?
>there is a woman in the office who gives me the strangest look whenever I talk to young, single, guys<

I'm not in an office setting, but I get the same thing.

I went to a seminar last year. There was a much younger man in attendance who glued himself to my hip for the entire weekend, for some unknown reason. I made it VERY clear to him that I am married and not in the market. He did nothing inappropriate. At the same time, he made it clear to me that he found me charming and interesting to talk with at the very least. There were several younger women there who also made it clear they would have been interested in his attention.

I'm with you on the "I've forgotten how to flirt" thing, too. I didn't know how when I was still dating.

Julie
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maveric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 07:33 PM
Response to Original message
29. Middle-aged dating is even worse.
At least in SoCal where women my age go after younger guys or guys with fancy cars and fat wallets.
It sucks being a middle-aged "nice guy", in the dating pool.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 07:34 PM
Response to Original message
30. Mine doesn't. (And I'm over 50.)
And the asshole who wiped you off the waiting list? Slap him. Good and hard, and make sure it's loud.

Then employ the Power Of The Internet to make sure nobody ever goes to that restaurant again. Say you got food poisoning there, and that you know sixteen other people who did as well.

You can't just stand there and beg. It's undignified.

Redstone
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NewWaveChick1981 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 08:07 PM
Response to Original message
32. I'm 43, and it's fine by me.
:) I started going through my "midlife crisis" or "midlife passage" about the time I turned 40. It made me wake up and realize that I was missing a lot and wanted my life to be different. I'm still a work in progress, but I can tell you that what I started at that time has made all the difference in the world. I'm more confident and self-assured than I ever was at age 23 or 33, and I know what I like and what I don't. The term "middle age" can have such negative connotations, and I don't use it.

Ever heard the new adage that 40 is the new 30? It's true. :) I'm having more fun now than ever before. :D

:hug: I know it can be difficult, though. I'm sure your coworkers think they're being endearing by calling you Mom, but you might want to tactfully explain to them that it's not who you are. :D
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ikojo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 08:25 PM
Response to Original message
33. I don't even feel over 40 most of the time
It sucks when you are reminded of it when some clerk at a store asks for your birthdate.
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