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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 01:35 AM
Original message
A very close friend betrayed my trust
I was recently appointed to a state-level secretary/treasurer position in my professional organization.

Today I learned that someone had concerns about my 'financial irresponsibility' and 'failure to complete tasks', and intended to air out those concerns in front of our whole organization at our meeting.

These people wished to remain anonymous (they didn't want ME to know who they were)

Later I found out it was a very close friend with whom I had trusted personal details of my life.

This person questions MY responsibility when they can't even fucking say something to my FACE?!??

I have stuck up for this person and their lifestyle choices time and time again.

Here's to anyone who's ever been stabbed right the fuck in the back. Let's commiserate.

:toast:
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Writer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 01:43 AM
Response to Original message
1. I've been there many times, Choral...
:toast:
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:08 AM
Response to Reply #1
4. Thanks buddy. EOM
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MoseyWalker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 01:52 AM
Response to Original message
2. Not knowing you
I hope you are indeed financially responsible, and can learn to complete tasks!

Sounds like someone is playing the typical bullshit brown nose kiss ass game with you.

I don't play those games, and inevitably lose.

there are those and there are them in this world. And they ain't me - words of twainish twisted wisdom.
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:04 AM
Response to Reply #2
3. This all stemmed
from my participation in a professional choir. I drive two hours each way to the rehearsal site, twice a week during concert season.

About three rehearsals out from the concert, I had a terrible happening in my finances. I deposited 6000 dollars, and was not notified of any hold to be placed. I wrote a 3000 dollar check (which was honored) to pay off a credit card. This was followed by the checks from my normal spending, which were not honored by the bank. I suddenly had NO money to buy gas to make the last three rehearsals and the concert. What little cash I had was spent keeping my 2-year old in milk and diapers. (This was resolved 10 days later when the check was un-held.)

I called the conductor, and told him I had a family emergency and would not be able to attend. This was the first performance I have EVER missed in my career. The conductor was completely fine with it, and invited me back unconditionally for the next season.

I confided in this 'friend' the details of my situation.

Fast forward to today - Now this person has told others, and is spreading tales of my 'financial irresponsibility' and 'inability to complete tasks'.

My heart sank when I was approached by the President and President-Elect this morning and told of the situation. They expressed their utmost confidence in me, and explicitly said I should NOT step down. I told them I would stay as long as it was not brought into the open in the general meeting.

The situation is fine, except that I am minus one friend, and rather pessimistic about trusting anyone else right now.

Fucking politics.
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MoseyWalker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:18 AM
Response to Reply #3
5. thanks for explaining
and don't back down.

It sounds as though those that really matter understand, and that is all that truly matters.

We have all been through situations where someone we considered, if not a friend, at least someone "on our side", betrayed us.

Keep practicing, playing, and loving what you're doing, and you will not have to ever think about small minded people. They really are everywhere.

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Crazy Dave Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:14 PM
Response to Reply #5
10. "thanks for explaining"
Agreed.

There's a lot of folks out there who think the whole world is out to get them and use that as an excuse not to look at themselves or to fix any problems for which they are at fault. Then they post only their side on a message board without any details and get a bunch of people to stroke them and agree that they're the victim and further justify to them that it's the whole world that's screwed up, not them.

In this case I agree with the OP and without planning any revenge or any other things to get back at their so-called friend, they should just be glad that to be rid of the offender and be glad that they now know not to go to that person if they really have anything serious that they may need help with.
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Wilhelm Klink Reich Donating Member (59 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:09 PM
Response to Reply #3
23. What motivation would your friend have for this?
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:12 PM
Response to Reply #23
25. He's rather snooty and elitist,
a trait which I share to some degree. However, he chose to come after me. I don't really know why.

Others seem to think that he is angry about being overlooked for the position I hold.
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Wilhelm Klink Reich Donating Member (59 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:13 PM
Response to Reply #25
27. You mentioned downthread
that you were normally good at playing the politics game yourself so I was just curious if you'd discerned his ulterior motive in all this

My bet would be on the latter of your explanations
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:16 PM
Response to Reply #27
29. I haven't talked to enough people yet
Edited on Thu Aug-03-06 10:16 PM by ChoralScholar
to discern his motivations, so it's just a guess.

In general, he doesn't usually have much better things to do than sit around and talk about people, so maybe he was just bored.

I'm still making phone calls expressing my appreciation to all who stood up for me.
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JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:23 AM
Response to Original message
6. There is a need for vengeance!
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Bassic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 08:06 AM
Response to Original message
7. So, how bad did you kick their ass?
Cause people like that deserve no better.
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:17 PM
Response to Reply #7
30. It wouldn't be much of a fight.
Hardly even any satisfaction.
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Dangerously Amused Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 01:59 PM
Response to Original message
8. Wow, what an asshole!



Sorry you had to deal with that. But, the good things in this situation are:


You found out your "friend's" true nature and can terminate the relationship before any more damage is done.

Even if word of your situation gets out, it is nothing of which to be ashamed. EVERYONE had had a check bounce for reasons beyond their control. It happens. People will understand.

But what they won't understand is why a person who is supposed to be your "friend" is being such a dick about it. He will be the one who suffers for his actions; no one wants to hang out with a "friend" who spreads malicious gossip, and their opinion of him will take a nosedive.

Your friend will regret his actions when he realizes what a good friend he lost via his own malicious nature.


Hang in there!


:hi:


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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 09:53 PM
Response to Reply #8
13. What bothers me the most is the fact
that I have stuck up for him many times.

I said in my original post:

"I have stuck up for this person and their lifestyle choices time and time again."

This person is homosexual, and I defend his right to be so. However, as a teacher in Arkansas, his choice of lifestyle is not looked upon favorably by all. Other choir directors in the state have said some unsavory things about him, and I defended him and his professionalism. Not just once, but several times, I have sung his praises when people say bad things about him being gay.

I will continue to do so, because it's the right thing to do. I'm just disappointed that the karma didn't come back around in this case.

Thanks again for everyone's support.
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Midlodemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:02 PM
Response to Original message
9. Sorry that happened to you.
Your 'friend' sounds like a major asshole. And, your bank should have honored those checks or informed you about the hold. I don't think a 10 day hold is even legal.

:hug:
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 09:46 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. They told me it had to do with the 'Patriot Act'
I told them:

"Do you REALLY think Osama Bin Laden is laundering money through US Student Aid Checks?"

Anyway, the bank was BoA, which has numerous websites dedicated to people who got screwed.
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RiffRandell Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 09:51 PM
Response to Original message
12. Yeah, it sucks.
I'm really sorry that happened to you. People can be very mean and vicious.
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 09:54 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. There are really poisonous politics
among choral directors in Arkansas, believe it or not. This is common, it's just never happened to me before.
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 09:54 PM
Response to Original message
15. Been there, ChoralScholar...
It sucks, especially when you thought someone was a friend. :hug:
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:05 PM
Response to Reply #15
20. Imagine how I felt
before I found out who it was. I was suspicious of ALL my friends.

I probably wasn't very much fun that day.
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Floogeldy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 09:55 PM
Response to Original message
16. Um . . .
. . . How can someone air out those concerns in front of the whole organization and, at the same time, remain anonymous?

:smoke:
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 09:58 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. They can't
The point was, I would have been blindsided and embarrassed at the general meeting. They didn't want me to know beforehand, I guess.
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bridgit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:02 PM
Response to Original message
18. pft, boy do i ever hear you talking; it is too often in the end all too...
so very predictable & petty politics = i hate shit like that...here's to you, friend :toast:
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:04 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. Thanks.
I play politics fairly well. It has played in to my success in my career. This is the downside however.

Thanks again!
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Blaze Diem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:06 PM
Response to Original message
21. Ya, some of my fellow DUers, whom I've stood on the same side of..
Edited on Thu Aug-03-06 10:15 PM by Blaze Diem
arguments with here on DU, quite recently mocked my postings because they failed to read the original post to which I responded.

Something like that. They attacked me for basically saying exactly what the original poster said.

Go figure...So dear, some people see with the emotion of their own personal vendetta.
Have you confronted your "friend"?
I would just to let him know you're aware of what he has done.
End the friendship..sorry, but could you ever trust him as you did while you were close friends? After this, I'd be always doubting my decisions to trust him again.
So be it. It was not your lack of loyalty nor your ability to be a loyal friend. You still own that great quality.
Move forward and be proud of your accomplishments.
Best of Luck.



(edit to change gender of "friend" from her to him. my apologies)
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:11 PM
Response to Reply #21
24. I confronted him via text message
which said this:

I appreciate the professionalism and honesty of my 'friends' who can't even speak their concerns to my face. You obviously don't care enough about ACDA to even attend the meeting, so why did you bother starting something? I enjoy being stabbed in the back. It feels great.

Here's hoping you can continue YOUR perfect life.

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Blaze Diem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:18 PM
Response to Reply #24
31. A fair & balanced answer to an unfair and imbalanced "friend.
Very well put...move on.
You're on the way up, your ex friend is NOT.
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Road Scholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:08 PM
Response to Original message
22. Here's the good in this: A lesson in loyality. I guess it's the best
lesson.
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ChoralScholar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:13 PM
Response to Reply #22
26. There was a rather influential contingent of choir directors
who stood up for me in all this, and apparently called him to the carpet over it. (this was before I knew about it)

You really find out who your friends are.
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Wilhelm Klink Reich Donating Member (59 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:14 PM
Response to Reply #26
28. So then maybe the karma did work out
since things seem to have backfired on him :)
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