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Hosnon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:09 AM
Original message
Vacation FUBAR Moment - Advice?
I've been studying in Paris for 5 weeks now and I'm leaving August 6th.

My dad was supposed to come out today (Saturday) and leave Wednesday. My girlfriend is flying in on Wednesday at the same time Dad is leaving.

So Dad's flight gets canceled and now he booked a flight to arrive Monday and leave Friday morning.

I live in a VERY SMALL apartment. Cramped for two people and certainly three can't stay. So Dad agreed to get a hotel after Wednesday so I can spend time with my girlfriend.

And grand finale guys: The GF is pissed because she thinks this is ruining our trip because Dad will be in the same place and she says I'll feel obligated to hang out with him - even though I've told her three times that Dad made it explicitly clear that he was getting out of our business once she got there.

Now all I am getting are short "It's fine" emails from her.

Can she be any more of a selfish, irrational b****? Her negative attitude of a non-crisis is going to, itself, ruin our trip.

Advice?
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lizziegrace Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:11 AM
Response to Original message
1. You have no control over flight schedules
I'd hate to think she'd allow the time you do have together without dad to be compromised because of circumstances beyond your control. :(
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:15 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
lizziegrace Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:54 AM
Response to Reply #2
10. I'm female too
but I guess it's either age or my temperment, but I save getting bent out of shape for things the other *has* control over.

:hug: I know this is tough.
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pagerbear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:20 AM
Response to Original message
3. There's a lot of stuff you can't control
...that it sounds like she thinks you can. Maybe, upon further reflection, she will see things a little more clearly.

And what's wrong with hanging out with your dad--does she not like him?
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Hosnon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:22 AM
Response to Reply #3
4. I hope so. And there's nothing wrong, per se, with hanging out with Dad.
Edited on Sat Jul-29-06 08:22 AM by MJDuncan1982
But this is a romantic vacation in Paris for us and he was supposed to be gone. I definitely wouldn't want her mom hangin' around with us.
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zanne Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:33 AM
Response to Reply #4
7. That hits the nail on the head.
Going to Paris to be with her boyfriend is probably the most romantic thing your girlfriend will do in her life. It's big; really big. I can understand her disappointment. I don't know what you could possibly do about it, but now her big romantic trip must look a lot less special to her.
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Hosnon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:35 AM
Response to Reply #7
8. Yeah I get that but I really don't appreciate her taking it out on me. nt
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Kire Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 02:01 PM
Response to Reply #8
14. Sounds like your attitude is going to ruin it too. nt
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:25 AM
Response to Original message
5. Of course I can't tell you what to do,
but if she believes that anything is "ruined" because it won't be 100% what she expected... and especially because you might - god forbid -spend time with your **father** for Christ's sake...

well, personally speaking, I'd be considering the next in line and saying to myself, "Thank God I found out what a narccistic self-absorbed bitch she is before we got married".

it's one thing to be disappointed and to express it - that's fine. But to say things are "ruined", and to continue to be bitchy after the initial expression of disappointment is just selfish, rude, childish, immature, and not any behavior I would accept.
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Hosnon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:28 AM
Response to Reply #5
6. Yes - I'm getting more and more steamed the longer I sit here. The
freakin' world doesn't revolve around her.

Unfortunately my laptop battery is dying...
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pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 02:13 PM
Response to Reply #6
17. it doesn't revolve around you either EOM
/
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havocmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 10:07 AM
Response to Reply #5
11. Second that wisdom
Have noticed a correlation between bridzilla/I AM A PRINCESS type behavior and short duration of marriages. Seems the fancier (and tenser) the wedding plans, the shorter the marriage. People who have to always have it 100% their way seem to be a poor risk (male or female)

I won't make wedding gowns nor brides maids' dresses, no matter what amount of money is offered. Bride, mom, a maid or two usually make things so difficult that NO amount of money is worth getting involved.

Life is improvisational art. Control freaks are not the best partners for such adventure. Reality bites. If someone can't roll with that most of the time, bail out and count your blessings ;)

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SlavesandBulldozers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:36 AM
Response to Original message
9. get a French girlfriend.
sometimes the simple answer has been right in front of you all along.



. . . and your welcome ;)
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Lars39 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 10:18 AM
Response to Original message
12. You're ready to move on
when you call your girlfriend a bitch on a public forum.
Girlfriends come and go, fathers(good ones) are forever.
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Kire Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 02:02 PM
Response to Reply #12
15. yup
I hope she doesn't go.
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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 01:49 PM
Response to Original message
13. My advice? Send her another email -
I'm so sorry that my father's airline difficulties have intruded on your life to such an extent that you feel this has ruined your trip. Being that is the case, perhaps you need to cancel the trip and spend some time with someone who doesn't have so many insurmountable issues. I, in the meantime, will spend some time with my dad who has proven to be more understanding and generous than you are.

Sorry, I don't have much patience with petulant, selfish people.
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pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 02:11 PM
Response to Original message
16. it won't be very romantic with dad there, will it?
Edited on Sat Jul-29-06 02:15 PM by pitohui
she is probably terribly disappointed, what was to be something special as a couple in paris has become not very special because you know damn well that dad will be there to share those would have been romantic dinners for two in little bistros

it just won't be the same

she had something really special built up in her mind, give her time to get over the disappointment

my only advice is to respect the fact that trip you originally offered is NOT the trip she's getting, and stop calling her a bitch for being crushed, your attitude of pretending not to know what she's talking about is pure-dee gas-lighting

any reasonable person would understand why she's so disappointed

honestly! if she WASN'T disappointed and was perfectly happy to make it a threeway, i'd say your romance was dead frankly

most of the advice you're getting in this thread is EXTREMELY bad, not just for this relationship but for any future relationship, i pity your girlfriend and any future women involved with you if you take it seriously
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Kat45 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 04:30 PM
Response to Reply #16
23. I agree with pitohui.
Most of the advice you're getting here is bad, and somewhat hateful. I can certainly understand your girlfriend's being disappointed: the romantic time in Paris she'd dreamed of, and may never get a chance to have again, won't quite be the same. Of course her initial reaction was what it was. Perhaps when she has some time to think about it more, she will be able to put it in perspective more and realize that the two of you can still have some quality couple time. Unless of course you do tend to put her last in other situations, and she's afraid that will happen again.
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LuckyTheDog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 02:20 PM
Response to Original message
18. You have trouble
Any woman so dead-set against spending time with your father is, indeed selfish and irrational. Dump her and hang with your dad.
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pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 02:29 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. on your romantic honeymoon in paris be sure to bring your mother-in-law
you're wrong, luckydog, every man who responded to this question got it wrong

no wonder so many men are so unhappy, they treat their women like crap, like she's the least important thing in their lives and then wonder why they have issues

my husband did not invite his DAD along for OUR romantic vacation in paris or anywhere else and this is probably why we're still together after all these years and beers

you people just don't know how to treat a woman and make her feel special!

there has to be time for a couple to be a couple and it can't ONLY be in bed
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dropkickpa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 03:02 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. I disagree
I am a woman and I think the girl is being an irrational twit. For one, it's not like it's a vacation where they left the states together and planned on being all romantic-like and Dad hopped on board like Mr. Third Wheel. MJDuncan is LIVING in Paris, studying, and she is coming to visit him. Same as Dad. Travel plans got messed up. It happens. It's 2 days ferchrissakes!

And I think Dad has made it clear that he is getting out of the way so that they CAN be together (hence the moving to a hotel). What harm would going to lunch, or spending an hour or two with Dad do? What, can't she stand the thought of being in the same city as him? It's a bad omen of things to come if that is the case.

And MJ, you're right, if she keeps up the attitude, it will ruin your time together. She needs to grow up and learn to accept the curveballs life tosses our way. She'd be a much happier person if she did. She may be surprised to find that spending just a little time with your dad could be a wonderful chance to get to know him on "neutral" territory.

Hell, I'll come to Paris to visit and would gladly spend time with your dad! ;)
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LuckyTheDog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 09:57 PM
Response to Reply #19
26. OK, first off...
You don't know me... so, you have no basis for saying whether or not I "know how to treat a woman and make her feel special."

Second... having the guy's dad in the same city doesn't mean the dad will insist on being a third wheel when they go out for a romantic dinner. The dad is going to a hotel, for crissakes. She should be a grow up and be adult about, say, having lunch with the dad a couple times or going to a museum with him -- while having the boyfriend to herself most of the day and in the evenings. If the relationship works, the dad could be her father-in-law. So, why not just be nice? And the dad does not deserve hostility because he wants to see his son.
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uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 03:12 PM
Response to Original message
21. dump her, send me the ticket.
good luck with whatever happens. Vacations can be eye opening.
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WolverineDG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 04:13 PM
Response to Original message
22. Well, it's not "fine"
Edited on Sat Jul-29-06 04:14 PM by WolverineDG
since "it's fine" is code for "I'm so unbelieveably pissed off it's not even funny."

From this woman's perspective, it appears that your girlfriend had some romantic ideas that unfortunately are clashing with reality. She's upset & disappointed, which is understandable, but she should get over it. If not, well, you've got a problem. I don't see where you or your dad are "treating her like crap" as another poster suggested. Dad has already offered to get a hotel once she arrives so you can spend time alone & I'm sure Dad (being a big boy) can take care of himself alone in Paris, meeting up with you two for lunch or dinner.

Is she more upset at her plans being "ruined" (ie, changed but not completely trashed) or that you might want to spend some time with dad? (Jealousy? So not a good sign.) I honestly don't understand people who think that their SO should just dump all family obligations because he or she is now in the picture. Does she or has she ever changed plans with you because something happened in her family? If she has & is getting hacked over this, then yes, it's good that you found this out now. Does she have something against your dad that spending a small amount of time with him (say, a meal or a trip to the museum) is offensive to her? If not, what's the problem in getting to know him?

Besides, she's going to be absolutely dead from jet lag on Wednesday anyway, so what's the problem with you hanging with dad until she feels human again?

Just my 2 cents. YMMV.

dg
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rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 08:00 PM
Response to Original message
24. Bug out to Amsterdam till they both leave.
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OhioBlue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-29-06 09:10 PM
Response to Original message
25. just relax and take it one day at a time
don't hold anything against her b/c she was upset about the plans being changed. Look forward to seeing your dad, have fun. and look forward to seeing your girlfriend and when she gets there, make sure she knows how happy you are to see her. Worrying about all of this is only setting you up for the entire thing to be a bigger episode than it is.

Hint: When she says "I'm fine" - she is really saying, it sucks that things didn't work out like you both had planned and there are probably a mountain of things that are going through her mind that she can't explain to you. Is she paying for the trip, she could be stressed about the money, she could be very nervous about the flight, she's probably even worried about what outfit she will wear and how she will look after the flight b/c she's excited to see you. Trust me, she probably had this all planned in her mind, she's probably been dieting for the last few weeks, bought new outfits, had her nails done, etc..

She could just be a ball of anxiety right now and that is why a deviation from the plans you both made are probably stressing her out. It isn't the end of the world that she is upset and she will probably calm down. Just kill her with kindness and make her laugh and you will end up having a beautiful time together in Paris.
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Hosnon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-30-06 02:44 PM
Response to Original message
27. UPDATE: She calmed down and understands now. She wants to have
lunch with him and go to the Louvre with him.

Thank God she saw she was being a little bit unreasonable.

Thanks for the posts though - odd advice. Don't appreciate those that made assumptions about us and our relationships though. The best advice was the last post - time :)
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