Anyone want to guess why the hell my ex still calls me?

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

Over a year ago, she went halfway across the country to cheat on me, which is when we broke up. Since then, she's moved to be with this guy, gotten pregnant with his kid (and had a miscarriage), and yet she still feels the need to call me. On my part, since we've moved out of our apartment, here are the exact statistics on my actions:

Number of phone calls placed to her: Zero
Number of text messages sent to her: Zero
Number of emails sent to her: Zero
Number of letters sent to her: Zero
Number of phone numbers I've changed and not given her: Two, soon to be three (and final, thank god)
Times moved and not told her: One
------------------------------------------
Total amount of correspondence initiated by me: Zero

I don't respond to emails, I don't answer my cell phone when she calls, and since I've switched jobs, she thankfully can't reach me at work without me having the chance to screen it. Yet she still leaves messages on my cell phone's voice mail. I have said, explicitly, I do not care - do not call. I did so in a very businesslike and calm fashion. My life is much simpler without her in it and I choose to keep it that way.

Anyone want to take a stab at why the fuck she won't get the hint? I'm changing my cell phone number next month when I change contracts, but seriously, I don't put it past her to hunt down my new work number (fortunately, there's a receptionist here, so I can screen those now, but still). I just don't want to put up with it anymore, and I don't want to fuel her by making a scene and giving her attention either. Why won't she just go the fuck away!?!?!?

[Midlodemocrat]

1. Because she still loves you.

I'm so sorry you went through all that. I hadn't read about that previously.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. She obviously still loves you.

It sounds as though you have moved on, yet she hasn't. I hope she does for your sake.

[plcdude]

2. I agree

she may not even know that she does but she has a connection to you within herself that is strong. Good luck.

[_testify_]

3. Um...while I don't know the depths of the situation

I would say love is not a factor here. Infatuation, regret, lack of sense - maybe. But not love.

Just my opinion...

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

7. I've assuredly moved on.

I've been with a wonderful woman for 8 months now and we have plans of moving in together next year. Never once have I seen that phone ring and say "Hey, maybe I will talk to her this time." My reaction is

I don't know about her. She's got a LOT of mental illness issues (and I'm not being mean), and part of me did feel like she didn't fall out of love with me and this was just her spiraling out of control. I dunno. It doesn't really matter... it's just one of those "what the hell!?" situations that piques your curiosity.

[Midlodemocrat]

9. Is she involved with someone else also?

Because from a distance, it seems that she hasn't moved on and is maybe a tad upset that you have. But, as you said, she made her bed and now she has to lie in it.

It's great that you found someone else. I wish you the best.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

15. She's still with the guy she cheated on me with.

[TrogL]

4. Money

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

5. She's never asked for any.

But I wouldn't be surprised if she kept the line open to try in the future. Still, I don't think that's it. I'm not rich.

[pitohui]

6. either it's a booty call or she wants money

women often like to have a "fallback plan" and now that you are the ex, perhaps in her mind you now have fallback status

considering she now lives "halfway across the country," i will presume she is contacting you not for "ex sex" but because she hopes she can hit you up for $$$

i would continue to ignore all attempts made to get back in contact

sooner or later she will latch onto someone more conveniently located to be the "fallback"

i don't mean this to be sexist, as i am a woman too, and we also all know men who also can't really be happy unless they have two women in their lives, it is something about human nature that we sometimes can't be secure w. just one partner, it seems too fragile

no reason for you to get involved in it tho

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

8. Though I don't REALLY wish her any harm,

she can "fallback" into a cactus for all I care. She made her bed, and now she's going to sleep in it.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

10. Guilt, maybe? A need for closure?

I think you should talk with her once, and only once. Ask her why she continues to hound you when you want to be left alone. Then consider telling her that if she continues to call, you'll file harassment charges.

[pitohui]

12. no no no no no not even once!

"just once" opens a door that don't need to be opened

trust me

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

16. No way.

That'll give her the attention she's apparently seeking. No f'ing way I'm doing that. I'm changing my last phone number next month and that's THAT!

[Orrex]

11. My guess

She doesn't really exist--she's a psychotic hallucination you've been having for some time, and now that you've "broken up," your hallucinations have changed so that she seems to be trying to contact you again.


Or maybe you just have a prodigious instrument...

[Whoa_Nelly]

13. My guess: She doesn't know how to let go

and possibly feels insecure about herself if she believes there is no one there for her (because she hasn't learned yet how to be there for herself.)

Good luck and best wishes on the path you are taking in your life!

[ZombieNixon]

14. Because she's "sorry"

She "really (is) sorry" and she "wants to do something to show you she's 'really sorry.'"

In other words, she's on the rebound, needs someone to cling to, and it's all bullshit. At least, that's why I figure my ex kept calling me. Haven't heard from her in a month, though.

[Dangerously Amused]

17. Maybe you were too "nice" during the break-up

... by telling her "I don't care"; maybe she thinks that you don't care NOW, but if she tries hard enough she can make you care again.

I think you should take the next call and f'ing go to town on her and make it VERY clear EXACTLY how you feel about her and about her calling you. Just have your say, tell you you are logging all her calls/contact for a potential harassment action and that if she calls again you WILL file a police complaint, and then hang up. Don't listen to what she has to say, don't give her that "reward." Don't devolve into name-calling of course and don't give her anything she can argue with - use only "I" statements: "I feel," "I think," "I (whatever)" - but yeah, bare your teeth, let your genuine anger and frustration show and then hang up. She will be upset to be sure, but that is not your responsibility. I know that sounds mean given that she has mental health issues and all, BUT... she apparently has not been able to fully comprehend your position yet, and it's just as unhealthy for her to keep holding out hope...a "cruel to be kind" sort of thing. And if she contacts you again, make good on your promise and call the police. They may not actually charge her with anything, but even just a stern phone call from a cop may get the message across.

I know it's a bitch, an ex-bf and I had to get a restraining order against his ex-gf and when she violated it by showing up at his house we had her arrested. She ended up not getting charged, but spending the night in jail seemed to do the trick.

Anyway, just a thought. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Gold Metal Flake]

18. Why ask why?

She is irrelevent. Do what you have been doing, continue to ignore her. Thinking about her only hurts you.

Whatever you do, do NOT take the advice to communicate with her. That would be about the worst thing you could do. Let the lack of access to you do the talking.

Never let an asshole have a second chance to fuck you over.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

19. It isn't hurting me.

I just am annoyed and curious by her persistence despite my lack of acknowledging her existence. And I agree with you - there's no chance in hell I'm going to talk to her. It's not worth it and only fuels the fire.

[Gold Metal Flake]

25. I am using abroad interpretation of "hurt".

Any thought you give to this intruder is thought time taken from other things, knowhutImean? At this point, her damage to you has been restricted (by your own excellent efforts) to just being a minor energy thief. This is good, keep it up. Your reply tells me you have the right attitude about this, but even being curious about what drives her is more thought than you should be giving. Why do I say this? Brother, one day in the future you will think about her. At that time you will realize that you had not thought about her for several years. When that happens, you will feel a great sense of relief. Trust me, I know of what I speak.

Party on, Wayne.

[Ohio Joe]

20. I don't know

My last girlfriend still haunts me as well. It will be three years this Thanksgiving since I caught her cheating on me and I still can't seem to get rid of her.

[NNadir]

21. Maybe she wants to ask you if she mistakenly left part of her

comic book collection in your apartment.

[Wcross]

22. Maybe she is trying to tell you about an STD?

Just saying.......
I had a bad breakup, girl cheating on me and I called her once. I told her she might want to take care of her crab problem. I know I shouldn't have because she would know sooner or later.

[raccoon]

23. Keep doing what you're doing, don't answer her calls, etc.

If you do, she learns that she has to call you umpteen times and then you'll answer. You will be reinforcing her persistence.

Read THE GIFT OF FEAR; there's info about this kind of thing.

[insane_cratic_gal]

24. Regret

that's why she calls.. your the one who got away.

[Avalux]

26. Narcissistic?

If she is - it has nothing to do with you at all; it's all about her and she probably can't even imagine you have moved on. She thinks she can call and suck you back in eventually. She probably thinks you still love her.

Keep doing what you're doing; she'll give up eventually.